This article is being written in response to one of my reader questions. They are having trouble figuring out if they are an INFJ or INFP. It is common for people to be confused between these two types, and most of this confusion is caused by the convention of the Myers-Briggs type indicator for assigning Judgment vs. Perception in introverted types. Confusingly, an INFJ is a dominant Perceiving type, even though they have J (indicating Judging) in their type code, and an INFP is a dominant Judging type, even though they have P (indicating Perception) in their type code. The reason for this is because the J or P in the type code of an introvert is referring to their auxiliary function, which is always extraverted in an introvert dominant type. In my opinion, this way of assigning Judgment or Perception is stupid, and has led to more confusion and mistyping than anything else I can think of.
In practice, it is quite easy to tell the difference between an INFJ and an INFP if you know the tell-tale signs of each type in their essence. You will not be able to figure out this difference from looking at the four letter type code of each. You have to have some experience with the characteristic manifestations of each type.
The Romantic Class
Both these types are similar in that they belong to the romantic class of temperaments. Astrologically, this class is ruled by the planet Neptune. In addition to the INFJ and the INFP, the ENFP and the ENFJ belong to the romantic class. These are the Intuitive Feeling types.
Now, INFP and INFJ seem very similar on inspection of their type codes. They are both dominant introverts. They both prefer intuition over sensation. They both prefer feeling over thinking. It is just the J vs. P thing at the end that makes them different types in this four letter type code convention. That is why this convention is misleading. We need to learn to see these types as a whole rather than as an amalgam of either/or preferences.
Hard vs. Soft Romanticism
The first major difference that I can think of comes in the category of hard vs. soft. INFJs are hard romantics while INFPs are soft romantics. Soft romanticism equates somewhat to sentimentality, being maudlin, puppy-dog eyes, gazing at your lover over candlelight, hallmark cards, sweetness, baby talk, cuddliness, cute talk and so on.
The INFJ brand of romanticism is quite different and to many it might appear they are not romantic in the typical sense at all. They are hard romantics. Hard romanticism equates to putting your life on the line, living on the edge of death, intensifying experience to the utmost to feel alive, tempting death, tempting love, spitting in the face of love.
INFJs will tend to fantasize about things that they could do in the world, whereas INFPs fantasize about going to a secret paradise totally away from this world. INFJs have dreams of glory where they fantasize about taking action in the world. INFJs often fantasize about being a great artist that has a monumental impact on society. Their dreams usually involve a more selfish component where they are the ones who are basking in all this glory and everyone praises them for what a singular individual they are.
INFPs, on the other hand, are much more selfless. Their dreams are likely to involve the ideal relationship, the dream relationship, having a home that reflects their soft and cuddly nature, where they have all the things they want in easy reach. If they have dreams of social change, they don’t want to be the figure heads of a movement and they shun the limelight. They simply want the world to be more compassionate, easy-going, sensitive, and colorful.
INFPs abhor violence. If you want to get an INFP to never talk to you again, act in a violent and upsetting manner around them and see how quickly they will quietly close their emotional door on you (which, if they don’t know you that well, is not likely to be that far open to begin with). INFPs physically cannot stomach violence. Their systems simply cannot handle it. In line with this, they tend to favor foods that are bland in taste.
INFJs tend to be fascinated with violence, and at the very least, are somewhat receptive to it. While they are usually not the enactors of violence, they often like to be surrounded by people that hold some prospect of violence in their nature. This secretly excites them.
INFJs are much more ready to fling open their doors and let others come in right away. That is one of the ways to tell an INFJ from an INFP. They are nowhere near as cautious as INFPs in new associations or relationships. An INFJ will get right down to it. They say, “Let’s find out what we are all made of.” However, this is only true if the INFJ has some facility with their extraverted feeling auxiliary function. Otherwise, INFJs are the hardest of all types to know and will let no one in and be very wary of other’s motivations and intentions. Either way, they are much more intense about it.
INFPs quietly test the waters of new relationships. It can take them a long time to warm up to a person, whereas, an INFJ will have figured out a new person in the first five minutes of interaction and have made a decision about whether they wish to have anything further to do with that person. INFPs are nowhere near as judgmental of people as INFJs. They may wish to have nothing to do with a new person out of an instinctive reserve and protectiveness but it is not necessarily because they have formed a negative judgment about them. With most people that they do not know, INFPs are likely to be uncertain and leave it at that until they can gain further impressions of that person through repeated contacts.
INFPs often like bright and happy things. If they are basking in sadness, then they like things that are rather maudlin, mopey, and sulky. An INFJ in sadness will be stonier, if in a silent mode, and more violent if in a verbose mode.
Ideas for their own sake vs. the usefulness of those ideas
Another major difference between the INFJ and INFP is that INFJs are much more inclined to be intellectuals or philosophers and to think deeply about matters. INFPs are often pretty wooly-minded and find thinking in this manner very arduous. INFPs tend to find purely theoretical discussions taxing and dehumanizing. They also find them rather pointless. INFPs are more concerned with what the application of a given idea might be. How is it useful to them? What will it effect in their life? INFJs don’t care one hoot about that. They very much enjoy ideas for their own sake.
Styles of Love
The styles of love are a good example for contrast. INFPs are much more conventional in their approach to love. They want all the traditional and time-tested hallmarks of love. They seek deep merger with the beloved where both lovers are in a wordless womb of content. They seek quiet contentment rather than passionate intensity in their relationships.
INFJs, on the other hand, like passionate intensity and often engage in dramatic relationships in which there is a lot of ups and downs and the prospect of the loss of the beloved. INFJs love is often aroused when the lover threatens to leave or actually does leave. That is when they feel the thrill of love. An INFP is too sensitive for this kind of drama and prefers a constant drip of love rather than sharp spikes and dips. INFPs love increases the longer they are with their partner. They put down roots and slowly unfold themselves in the presence of their partner. INFPs are much more liable to being deeply hurt if their relationship breaks up than an INFJ would be. An INFJ may be more intensely affected if the relationship breaks up but they will get over it quicker and be on to the next thrill of love with their hearts more intact and ready to love again.
If an INFP has one long-term relationship that ends in heartbreak, it may take them a very long time to trust and open their heart again. They take love very seriously. It is much harder for them to open up in a new relationship. It takes them a considerable amount of time to get into the rhythm of a new love. By the time they are hitting their stride in a relationship, the INFJ will often already have ended theirs in one way or another.
Fantasists vs. Realists (Relatively)
INFPs are more into new-age stuff, fantastical fairy tale kind of things, like dream catchers, crystals, fantasy creatures, and colorful little tokens. All this stuff has the feeling of softness and a respite from the hardness of reality.
INFJs, however, can be very into the real world. They generally don’t go in for all that hippy-type stuff. They are the type of romantic who is interested in seeing what reality consists of in its deeper aspects. They want to know if they have what it takes for them to survive in that harsh world of action. Ironically, though they can see reality clearer than an INFP, they will often be less able to act in the real world. This is because of their inferior function, which consists of extraverted sensation. The inferior function is a process that you can see very clearly but cannot directly participate in. The INFJ way of participating in reality is by understanding the forces that are behind it and sublimating the direct action of their will into works of art that “hold a mirror up to nature” as it were. INFJs may dream of being great men or women of action, but the likelihood of this happening is not great for someone of their particular temperament setup.
INFPs are more likely to be steadily and stably employed than an INFJ. An INFP is able to stay in a steady groove for a long amount of time and to kind of quietly go about their business and get things done. Because their dreams often involve a respite from reality rather than actively understanding and changing that reality, they are often more resolved to be a member of the real-world as long as they can come home and have their respite. Many INFPs, when behind closed doors are quite different than they act when in conventional society. You might have no idea at all the fantasies that are going on inside these meek and mild-mannered folks.
Genuinely Nice vs. Superficially Nice
INFPs are genuinely nice people, probably the nicest people of all the 16 types. They are guileless, sincere, attentive to those they love, truly innocent and are like children.
INFJs, on the other hand, can be some of the biggest and most selfish assholes that you will ever meet. INFJs often seem nice and attentive on the surface, but that is just their Fe auxiliary, which is a show function. Deeper inside, they are quite amoral, and will do and consider things that would make an INFP cringe in agony. That is also one of the strengths of an INFJ; they will mercilessly consider many different things and possibilities, even if these are damaging to their own emotional nature, which is considerable, but totally different in structure than an INFPs.
An INFP will be very reticent about looking at realities that are threatening to their own security and comfort. An INFJ will look at realities that are threatening to their own comfort and security. In this truism, we can see one of the fundamental differences between the two types, the attitude towards self-preservation. INFJ often tempts fate by their actions in effect saying, “C’mon death, see if you can take me.” To an INFP this attitude would seem dangerous and unnecessary.
An INFJ is essentially very sensitive to their status in the world. They are very concerned with attainment of certain objectives and power, or at least they are very fascinated with the mechanisms underlying it.
An INFP seeks to keep a low-profile for the most part and has the least amount of taste for power of all the 16 types. They are always talking about peace and comfort and soft cushiony type things. There whole demeanor gives off this soft quality. They like ease and can’t understand all the fusses made over wars and struggling for territory or power.
Mahatma Gandhi presented a very striking example of an INFP who was somewhat successful in manifesting their ideal, the principle of non-violent opposition.
By contrast, an INFJ is not opposed to violence on principle, or at least, they are going to be a lot more uncertain of whether violence is condonable or not in certain circumstances. In general, INFJs have a lot more moral uncertainty than INFPs. INFPs possess introverted feeling as their dominant function, which translates to them forming fixed emotional judgments independent of any objective reality. INFJs usually grow to distrust this way of arriving at moral judgments, though they may do it very much in their youth. You could say much of the dynamic of an INFJs life becomes something of this struggle over what is permissible in moral terms. But, at least they will tend to question it, whereas an INFP generally won’t.
INFPs form very fixed principles early on in their life, which they will not budge from, and it would take an overwhelming amount of pressure exerted from the outside world for them to even consider that there may be something amiss in their guiding assumptions.
Next Articles in Series:
INFJ vs. INFP Revisited
INFJ vs. INFP Revisited: Part 2
Related Articles:
INFJ: Least Likely to be Who You Think They Are
INFJ vs. ENFJ: Got Introverted Intuition?
INFJ vs. INTJ
Tertiary Temptation in INFJ
Fi in INFJs
These descriptions are totally putting infp in a better light than infjs and doesn’t seem accurate too.
Well, it may seem that way, but INFJs simply aren’t as nice as INFPs. Whether this is viewed as better of worse is a matter of subjectivity. Sometimes being nice equates to spinelessness. So, if you prefer, INFPs are spineless and INFJs are brave revealers of emotional truth, even if this involves not being nice. The reason I was perhaps a little harsh in my description of INFJ is because I feel they are usually painted in too angelic a tone. They can be just as much a devil as they can an angel, and this is another way to tell INFJs and INFPs apart, this quality of extremes in INFJs. INFJs are more extreme and more intense than INFPs. Is that putting them in a worse light? I hardly think so. It depends on what you value in human nature.
Hi Cheryl, I was thinking that this article makes infjs way more INTERESTING than infps, so not in a worse light. I am an infp and consider myself kinda boring to others. However other people are very unboring to me. So even though I don’t have the psychological prowess of some infjs, my endless fascination with people is resulting in some kind of accumulation of knowledge via impressions because these impressions are unboring to me. I will never appear that insightful about others, but in two seconds, I can say this person gives off the same vibe as this other person, etc. And often I know their type in a very short time, some kind of essence of the type or the actual type. This is in REAL LIFE. Not in the internet world.
actually, it’s putting INFP in a negative (and wrong) light. i am an INFP and identify with some of both of the descriptions on here. these are simply too stereotyped.
Oh, no I’m a VERY nice INFJ…. when I need to be one! 😀
But really it’s not so much that I’m nice or not nice, I prefer to be nice, but some situations call for being direct, or you’re past the point, or something needs to be done and you just don’t have time to make everyone happy. I don’t like to come across as an ass, but hey I’ll deal with the consequences if I feel like I made the right “overall” decision.
I’m an INFP and this is all so inaccurate I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know who or what you used as you model for the type but I’m willing to consider the possibility it probably wasn’t even human! INFPs aren’t anything like the unintelligent fluffy rabbits you seem to think they are. They are just as deep and intelligent as INFJs are, its quite possible they are even more so.
1) Inferior Te has unseen effects on the INFP. Within INFPs there are deep dark sides where the themes of power hunger, conflict and control play over and over. Some may suppress these as it paints quite the wretched picture of horror but others (including myself) love them to the point of near obsession.
2) Likewise Inferior Te creates a desire to measure oneself by a real world empirical standard (mental reference of known empirical data and known real world situations is a process which operates continuously) and thus many INFPs do develop a desire on some level to make a difference in this world so that this inferior function need is met. When healthy then you’re correct, they withdraw to an inner world or thoughts, ideas and feelings but when something triggers it the desire to have more in reality occurs – “I wish I had more friends!” “I wish I could get better grades!” “I wish I was on more money!”
3) INFPs have no problem brainstorming for its own sake. Please learn what Ne is. Thanks.
4) I don’t want the world to be compassionate or sensitive. I would rather it learn and understand everything there is to know about everything with a sufficient degree of self-determination so all the avenues can be explored without risk of closure and sufficient technology so the unimaginable can eventually be realised. A world where everyone is nice and nobody is tested is a world stagnant and decayed.
5) INFPs are plenty selfish. My needs are just more important than those around me.
6) INFPs see reality fine. They may overlook parts of reality (because they just haven’t come into contact with the specifics of that area) and decide to bridge it across with a touch of unbridled fantasy for the hell of it but knowing what is (especially who or what you really are) is critical to function in the world. Ne has no time for subjective abstractions.
7) Meek and mild mannered? All the vulgarity, intensity and gravitas is internal and just not expressed.
8) I have no problem with violence. If two people want to fight they can. Whilst the prospect of being beaten up can make me feel sensitive I ultimately avoid fighting because there just isn’t a known way to resolve the conflict? At which point do you walk away? What if you can’t due to circumstance or cowardice and you keep fighting until one person is injured or killed?
9) Wars and struggles over territory and power is easy to understand. Whether its sensible or wise is the question.
10) Introverted feeling is not “fixed emotional judgements”. This assertion is refuted over and over. Whilst emotions are in the initial biases which constitute a sense of self which Fi measures (which aspect of human thought doesn’t use emotion in its base framework?) Fi is emotion free as it needs to operate an observation and determination system without having its measurements clouded or distorted. What is wanted and desired needs to be examined so precise information comes back. Saying and doing things need to be assessed exactly to see how close to the true self they are. Same as the level of enjoyment, same as current interests and same as what the INFP wants and needs in one life. It results in a dynamic system where the wheel keeps turning so what is aimed for is what you as an individual actually want. There are no “fixed principles” but what the INFP wants to keep or discard.
First off, thanks for your long and detailed response. The reason I created this website was to encourage discourse about the subject of Myers-Briggs type. Since you have created numbers for each of your points, I will respond with the same numbers to address each of these points you have made.
On the pre-numbered point of what I used for my model of INFP is probably the most salient point of the whole response. Basically, you are disagreeing that INFPs are anything like the “unintelligent fluffy rabbits” I supposedly think they are. This point touches the heart of the problem of this whole Myers-Briggs business. You are saying that you are an INFP and you are rebutting much of what I am saying based on your self-perception and self-identification as an INFP. Unfortunately, this can’t be too helpful because I don’t know who you are, therefore it becomes a very subjective discussion. You may have a completely different picture of what an INFP type is and we may be talking about two different things.
Yes, I will agree with you that INFPs do come off in this article as being less intelligent and fluffier than INFJs. The question of intelligence and what it is and the different types of intelligence and the broad implications of the word “intelligence” makes it difficult to discuss objectively. Plus, I don’t want to say anything about the amount of intelligence that an INFP has or doesn’t. By intelligence, I don’t mean “educated, bookish, or studious”. All intuitive types are more intelligent than their sensing counterparts in the traditional sense of that term. This basically amounts to a superior ability to think abstractly vs. concretely. If we are looking at intelligence outside the traditional/academic definition, then sensing types definitely have some edges over intuitive types in other forms of intelligence such as kinesthetic intelligence. In my experience of INFPs and INFJs, and in my opinion, I consider INFJs to be more insightful and able to get to the heart of a matter than an INFP. But, that is obviously heavily colored by subjectivity in a similar manner to your response to what I wrote. An INFP might be better at saying a lot of abstract stuff but there might not be that much meat behind it. I actually see this sort of language in much of what you have just written. It is academic- sounding but essentially hollow in terms of an actual point. It is not saying anything clear, though it seems to be by using impressive sounding rhetoric. I will quote examples of this as I move through your points.
1. To your first point I can only say, “Yeah, and so what?” To simplify this point, I will sum my understanding of it up as such: You love the INFP’s inferior extraverted thinking because it is worldly and not just cuddly. It is serious shit.
2. Yes, you are right, INFPs are interested in worldly things and much of this is motivated by their inferior extraverted thinking. They tend to pay regard to external standards and feel like they should live up to them. For example, they are likely to regard getting a college education as something they should do in order to be socio-economically viable and to please their family and milieu. INFPs often attempt to accommodate and placate others in the major decisions they make in their lives. They’re nice.
3. “INFPs have no problem brainstorming for its own sake.” Yes, they often do unless one of their values is at stake or open for discussion. An INFJ, by contrast, will often be able to discuss an idea that they have no personal affinity for, an idea that they might personally find abhorrent, but nonetheless, they find important to consider as an exercise in inquiry.
4. Here I am going to quote you at length:
My interlineated response: “I would rather it learn and understand everything there is to know about everything # You want the world to learn everything there is to know about everything? A bit idealistic and unrealistic, wouldn’t you say? # with a sufficient degree of self-determination #What is a sufficient degree of self-determination? # so all the avenues can be explored without risk of closure # Why is closure a risk?# and sufficient technology # What is sufficient technology? # so the unimaginable can eventually be realised # # Why should the unimaginable be realized and moreover, what is it? In short, what the hell are you talking about? It is hard to respond to what you just said because it is extremely unclear what you are talking about.#
5. “INFPs are plenty selfish.” Not compared to an INFJ, they aren’t. And keep in mind, that this whole article was a relative comparison between these two types. The INFP and the INFJ are probably the two nicest types in the whole Myers-Briggs system, though the INFJ is debatable on this point.
6.
My response: Yes, but Ne is not responsible for why the INFP is less of a realist than an INFJ. I agree that Ne that is serving no other agenda can see reality very well. However, INFPs often use Ne to serve Fi judgments, which amounts to something they arrived at independent of outside perception. I would say INFPs are very aware of external standards and much of their Fi is a response to this.
7.
My Response: Okay, but that still is how INFPs appear relative to an INFJ. Look, I’m sorry if you are offended, but INFPs are simply not as intense as INFJs. I’m sure INFPs do feel strongly inside, very strongly, but that doesn’t change the fact that externally, and for identification purposes, that they come across as mild in comparison to an INFJ. This is not to say that they are less sensitive.
8. “I have no problem with violence #That’s debatable from your following comments and your general tone #. If two people want to fight they can # True #. Whilst the prospect of being beaten up can make me feel sensitive I ultimately avoid fighting because there just isn’t a known way to resolve the conflict? # In physical fighting, the known way to resolve the conflict is the one who wins the fight, either by submission of the other party, or by injuring them so badly that they can no longer fight, even if they want to # At which point do you walk away? # You walk away when you are too much in violation of your principles, pain tolerance, or courage # What if you can’t due to circumstance or cowardice and you keep fighting until one person is injured or killed? # Then that is what happens and you will have to accept the consequences of those actions but all this is beside the point. The point is that an INFP can hardly stomach violence, morally or physically. By your words, you have seemed to prove that point since you self-identify as an INFP #”
9.
My response: It is an assumption that wars and struggles over territory are easy to understand. In my view, the drive to power and how it should be handled politically is one of the most difficult questions on the face of the earth. Whether it is sensible or wise is of a secondary nature. It simply is. That’s the reality I was talking about in my article. INFJs seem to show a greater capability to handle the “is-ness” of things without going into a moral stance or “whether it should be so”, than an INFP.
10. Introverted feeling is not “fixed emotional judgements”. This assertion is refuted over and over # By who? #. Whilst emotions are in the initial biases which constitute a sense of self which Fi measures # HUH? # (which aspect of human thought doesn’t use emotion in its base framework? # You tell me # ) Fi is emotion free as it needs to operate an observation and determination system # What is an observation and determination system and why do you assume that this system has to be emotion-free? # without having its measurements clouded or distorted. What is wanted and desired needs to be examined so precise information comes back # Why does examination ensure that precise information comes back and what are you saying anyway? #. Saying and doing things need to be assessed exactly to see how close to the true self they are. Same as the level of enjoyment, same as current interests and same as what the INFP wants and needs in one life. It results in a dynamic system where the wheel keeps turning so what is aimed for is what you as an individual actually want. There are no “fixed principles” but what the INFP wants to keep or discard.”
My further response: So, it sounds like you are saying that Fi continuously checks to make sure that what the INFP has in his life is conforming to the inner wants and needs. Yes, and I think it is a difficult process to explain, this Fi way of running the ship, so to speak.
Nonetheless, I always get a feeling from INFPs whom have Fi as a dominant function that they have strongly-formed fixed judgments that they have accumulated when they were younger. It is relatively harder for them to consider things which fall outside the range of these values, beliefs, idealisms, then it is for an INFJ (Yes, even with their Ne auxiliary). An INFJ is more likely to subject their beliefs, values, moral formulations, no matter how strongly felt, to a strict and unsentimental examination at some point in their lives, and often periodically thereafter once they discover the capacity to do so, which for them, is via their tertiary function of Ti. An INFP does not have this impetus and is more often interested in validating and exploring and expanding the moral systems they have carefully built over the years. They are like gardeners, carefully watering and pruning here and there so that there garden may slowly grow more fruitful and useful.
An INFJ, in one act of rashness, may destroy their whole garden in a few minutes. And it can all be because of one idea that has got to them in their cold inquiries. An INFJ has the ability to go against their emotional nature if it would be truthful or honest to do so. They have Fi in the id position, which I describe in another article. So, INFJs have strong Fi but it acts in more the way the id acts in psychoanalytic definition and for an INFP Fi acts more as an ego-orientation so they are building a reference point for all else around it. To threaten this ego-orientation basically amounts to threatening your entire existence as you know it and will not be done unless under extreme duress. So, INFPs tend to cling to their relatively fixed judgments, for good or ill, for right or wrong, as a way of navigating and understanding their existence as beings, and as members of the world.
Well, thanks for taking the time to comment and encouraging a discourse about Myers-Briggs. We need more people like you.
“An INFJ, in one act of rashness, may destroy their whole garden in a few minutes.”
YES. This aspect of the infj is fascinating to me. They can transform. And somehow make it visible and meaningful to others (what the hell??!!!!).
Infps don’t do this or if they did I’d be really worried. Infps constantly try to improve themselves bit by bit. Way less drastic. And I doubt anybody notices:( Sigh. I can say as an infp that it is frustrating that my effort is invisible. Because Fi does need some kind of feedback. We are resilient but have no proper self-image without feedback. We feel insecure, are we just imagining that we are producing acts of love? Can nobody see it? Is it empty? Are we just fluff? This plagues me. I take in other people constantly, but this is not a product. This is nothing but reception. It’s exhausting and other-centered, yet not seen or thanked.
I don’t really understand the infj ability to be seen by others…… what do they DO that accomplishes this visibility.
1. Yes. I call that “You all sucks, I am going to do this better than you..except that I’m going to be inefficient about it.”
2. Yes.
3. Yes.
4. Neither you nor the author are 100% right.
5. NO, NO, NO, NO and NO. I can’t be happy if those I love aren’t happy.
6. I see it as pure pain. I add my own touch to it, some kind of an alternate reality that makes me happy.
7. You’re right.
8. NO.
9. My area of the world has been in way too many wars over the last 100 years and I find wars UNACCEPTABLE. UGH, the Anglophone view of the world annoys me so much.
10. NO. While the judgements can evolve, they’re subjective.
>which aspect of human thought doesn’t use emotion in its base framework?
Hi INFP, says the INTP.
Hello! I like this article and some of the others on this side. Thank you for sharing! What the authors type?
The author declines to state their type. I’m glad you’re enjoying the site.
Author seems INFJ to me.
Takes one to know one.
😉
Um, I’m a ninja. For starters.
ISTP?
Who, what, when, where, why?
Hi Blake,
Indeed, it seems that INFJ type is not as nice as the INFP type.
I was just searching all these websites looking for differences between INFJs and INFPs. A few days ago somebody sent me a link to one of these free tests. At first, I got the type INFJ, on two different free personality tests even, but then I got one that labelled me INFP. And then another one.. And then I got INFJ to one that actually tested if you are INFJ or INFP.
I’m not knowledgeable in all this theory about psychological functions and I skip when different authors go too deep in their explanations and notations:) I simply know I am INFJ. I’m simply not nice enough to be an INFP, and that INFPs are nicer than INFJs can be noticed in any description of these two types, not only the one that you provided here. And Hitler was an INFJ..
I was just curious to clarify if indeed in INFJ is less equipped to be a healer than an INFP.. And starting from here I searched and I searched and although for the most part I find that the INFJ are truer for me it’s not true for all.
For example on one website they say that an INFP loves animals and nature and an INFJ loves people and the universe.. Well, I love better the nature and the animals.
In your description I found the selfishness as a new point for INFJ and I’m afraid it’s true in my case.
The point on violence is a big part of why I decided to write in fact. I do not like violence. I wouldn’t say at all that I do not have a problem with it like Turnip (?). I do not appreciate it at an intellectual level, and many times, seeing it or thinking of it can affect me on an emotional level quite badly. The idea that I can be ever fascinated with it seems quite strange really. However, I will say that I may manifest it when very angry. In your debate with Turnip you were talking about physical fighting – in a physical fight I would respond with violence and it’s my belief that I would never stop and flee. But I might be wrong. However, this doesn’t mean that I can be fascinated with it or like it even for a bit.
Yes, that is a common problem on Myers-Briggs test, testing as an INFJ on one test or occasion and then testing as an INFP on another test or occasion. Besides, the tests rely too much on self-reporting to be very accurate. At any rate, if you perceive that you are not nice enough to be an INFP from the various descriptions you read, then you may indeed be an INFJ. I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you without talking with you for awhile or seeing a picture of you or hearing a case history of your life. There is a lot of inescapable subjectivity bound up into the descriptions of types and the person’s interpretation of said descriptions relative to their self-perception of their own nature.
INFJ is not less equipped to be a healer than an INFP. INFJs can more easily get to the bottom-line of an affliction than an INFP. An INFP will have a more consistent soothing presence than an INFJ. It is more the difference between “hard” and “soft” again. INFJs, being hard romantics, will be hard healers too. INFPs, being soft romantics, will be soft healers. They both have a predisposition towards healing and in helping people. An INFJ would be more likely to be “cruel in order to be kind” than an INFP. INFPs, all in all, are the most kind-hearted type that you could encounter. They are kind both inside and out, whereas INFJs are often deeply kind but not on the surface.
An INFP loves animals and nature and an INFJ loves people and the universe? That is too broad a statement to necessarily take as a differentiating factor between an INFP and an INFJ. I can see where that statement is going and I think there is some truth in it from how I understand it, which I will paraphrase as INFPs are more rustic and might enjoy a simpler farm life, whereas an INFJ likes to be more in the university environment interacting with all walks of people and getting into cosmic discussions about the nature of life and the whole of everything. I think that is true.
However, it is not that INFJs can’t like animals or nature and that INFPs won’t like people. I think that INFJs like to brush up against different sorts of people from all walks of life just out of sheer curiosity. In that sense, they like to be around people, in a kind of superficial sense. INFJs are more curious about what makes people tick then INFPs. INFPs don’t question people that much. They are more inclined to accept them as they are and feel it is little of their business to probe into others depths in a questioning fashion. INFJs can use people in this fashion similar to research material. They don’t do it out of malice or ill-intent, they are just genuinely fascinated with the human condition. INFJs are natural-born psychologists. INFPs aren’t. They aren’t obtrusive enough or curious enough or cutting enough to have a true psychological talent. An INFP doesn’t really want to see the darker side of human nature. They might like a little taste of it once in a while but compared to an INFJ they are dilettantes in this regard. INFPs prefer to live in a bubble and not see things too sharply. INFPs have a gentle presence. It may be slightly happy or slightly down-key. It is rare for them to be exuberantly happy but in their more goofier moods they can bounce around like shiny, happy people. INFPs are often nerdy, quirky, alternative, and offbeat. INFJs are more cool, strange, alienated, and intense. INFPs are milder people than an INFJ. An INFP is meek and mild. An INFJ is meek and wild. The INFJ wildness is usually inside them and not displayed overtly until you get to know them better. But, INFJs are deeply wild people. You can sense this from them if you are at all insightful into people. If INFPs are wild at all, it will be more on the surface and comes out in the quirkiness and off-beatness I mentioned above. There may be a bounciness if they are in a real good mood. All in all there wildness is more silly and goofy and upbeat and happy. There is nothing dangerous or threatening about it. Not so with INFJs. From INFJs you should be able to feel some sense of deep subversiveness and danger in their nature. It is a totally different thing energetically and vibe-wise than an INFP’s surface show of momentary upbeatness and colorfulness.
Regarding your comments on not liking violence I didn’t mean to imply that INFJs love violence, but more that relative to an INFP they will. I don’t think INFJs, as a rule, like violence. However, they are likely to be less against it or ambivalent about it’s use in situations that might call for it. They are not likely to be the habitual dispensers of physical violence. But, there is also emotional violence, and INFJs are very good at dispensing that should they think it just or necessary. Not so with an INFP. An INFP will try to blow something off if they are upset or talk themselves into maybe why they deserved the ill treatment, or just ignore the person. An INFJ will emit unpleasant emotional vibes that you will feel if you have upset them. It will feel hard and stony and intense. They may not say anything but you will know. An INFP will be more likely to cry and just genuinely experience the emotion or to withdraw into a silent pout. You will feel really bad that you hurt someone that was so innocent and guileless. They won’t even necessarily try to make you feel this way, it is just how you will feel if you have any feelings. If you don’t you are likely to not even notice that they are hurt or offended. In other words, if you fuck with an INFJ, they will not just blow it off. It doesn’t mean they will erupt in violence at the slightest provocation. But, an INFJ would be more likely, after repeated abuses, to react with physical violence. It is by no means their first recourse though. An INFP will be very unlikely to react in physical violence, no matter how many times they are fucked with. If they do react in physical violence, it is likely to be ineffective and more of a spazzing out and wild thrashing about that has no power behind it. An INFJ in the same circumstances and at the same threshold might all of a sudden just pick up a stick and beat the living shit out of you in a fit of rage if you push them beyond the limit, and there will be real power and violence and instinctive know-how there.
Another thing is that INFJs generally have an instinctive understanding of their physicality, that is, they are often naturally good at physical activities and using and manipulating their bodies physically. Not to say they are jocks or anything but they have good hand-eye coordination and can traverse physical space well. INFPs, on the other hand, are often markedly the opposite in this respect, having a kind of goofiness and clumsiness with their bodies.
I enjoy your writing too! Although I know some of it is your opinion or done for affect (or effect? I dunno), it’s to accurate to be mere speculation, but you say it in such a funny way I can’t help but laugh.
Well, by all means, laugh.
Too late. I already did ^_^
” whereas INFJs are often deeply kind but not on the surface ”
I find this speaks true.
“An INFP is meek and mild. An INFJ is meek and wild. The INFJ wildness is usually inside them and not displayed overtly until you get to know them better. But, INFJs are deeply wild people. You can sense this from them if you are at all insightful into people … Not so with INFJs. From INFJs you should be able to feel some sense of deep subversiveness and danger in their nature. It is a totally different thing energetically and vibe-wise than an INFP’s surface show of momentary upbeatness and colorfulness.”
This is what I haven’t read on other articles elsewhere and deeply relate.
Does it correlate with what you refer to as the wolf side ?
Spot on with the physicality aspects, too.
It does correlate to the wolf side. INFJs are Steppenwolves.
Thank you. You make a lot of sense and I enjoy your writing quite a lot.
You’re right about self reporting and perception. Also, people often identify themselves with what seems desirable rather than what is. I think, in some of the tests, some questions may have triggered this kind of behaviour in me.
This was helpful and fun to read, I appreciate your taking the time to answer me.
Yeah, no problem. I enjoy talking with people that are sincerely interested in the Myers-Briggs system and attempting to aid in type identification.
Wow. I was unsure whether I was an INFJ or INFP, but this made it so clear. I’m for sure an INFJ. Some people may think the description of the INFJ is harsh, but who cares? It’s the truth. One annoying thing about MBTI is how it focuses so much on the positives that it overlooks the underlying causes of all that. I personally care more about WHY people act the way they do. I want to know their motivations. How they act is so superficial it’s ridiculous.
Like when it comes to Fe and acting nice to people and being accommodating and blah blah. I do all that, but I know that it is not coming from a genuine place a lot of the time (this is not always the case). It’s because I want people to view me a certain way. But I get why some INFJs would get mad at being called out like this. I once had a friend who pointed out my “fakeness”, and that pissed me off. I want to come across as genuine and if someone sees through that it sucks. Needless to say, he was “door-slammed” haha.
The hard romantic thing is so true. I hate being smothered. It’s cool when you do cutesy things once in a while, but too much is unattractive. And I believe INFJs secretly like drama so there is a thrill in the ups and downs of a relationship.
And duuude. Stop reading my mind. Most of my fantasies are of me gaining glory/recognition in some area or another. I would never tell anyone that in real life, though. But being an INFJ I am too lazy to actually put myself out there and make those fantasies a reality.
Oh and a big yes to the part about INFJs being uncertain in our moral principles. I mean, sometimes it all just depends on the situation. I can’t just say, for example, war is good or war is bad. It just depends.
So thank you, dear author! INFJs aren’t perfect even though we would love everyone to think we are. And I like how you typed Ghandi as an INFP. He’s always typed as an INFJ but I never bought that.
I think the take home message from me is that you may think that an INFJ cares more about you than they really do. We act like we deeply care for pretty much everyone we don’t hate, but we really only truly care about a select few. Sorry.
Indeed, it appears that you are definitely not an INFP since you resonate so much with a majority of points in the INFJ side of the description.
Thanks for taking the time to leave a detailed and personal comment. I appreciate it.
I have to say…. I am a female INFJ and I felt pretty awful reading the picture painted of the true asshole of the INFJ! I agree with a lot of the points though. Reaching for glory in some form, having a fake facade that is incredibly genuine on the outside (so much so you actually feel it yourself until you leave the scene), and the intellectual conversations we thrive on.
However, I can’t stand confrontation and I avoid it, to a point where I shut down and refuse to speak. I hate violence, though I get violent when angry and hate myself after. I have been married for 6 years and have no desire to ever leave or open myself to anyone else. The ‘thrill’ of a threat to leave or arousal upon it?? That’s a very strong speculation. I think it’s safe to say not every INFJ is a selfish, evil asshole who loves violence and drama and fakes their way through relationships just to be aroused by them leaving to scope out their next victim to open up to. That’s a psychopath if I ever knew one. My dad is a psychopath and I have zero desire to jerk people around like that. Rant over.
I relate so much to the author’s description of INFJs and to almost everything you just commented.
Wow, you seem to have developed some really off-kilter and personalized ideas about INFJs vs INFPs! I have been researching the two types because like many others I have come up as both on Myers-Briggs tests. I used to identify strongly with INFP – then spent years not thinking about it, and now have come back to it as I face a career dead-end and am rethinking not just career but my approach to work/life in general.
One thing that has been hard for me to wrap my head around is how I have gone from being very open and accepting with people to being very angry and judgmental. My basic idealism has been challenged – not because I am only now seeing the evil in the world, but because I have come to see as much evil in the vulnerable and oppressed I once strove to serve and defend as in the oppressors. There’s entitled shit-destroyers to be found in all walks of life, and I sometimes soothe myself with fantasies of their destruction. This usually doesn’t come in the form of physical violence, but not because I’m squeamish about it – just because it’s a weak instrument when truth is what matters. As for violence, I am fascinated with it — with true crime, predators in nature documentaries, and in video games. One area of reckoning I’ve had is that I find where I once blithely spoke in defense of abolition of the death penalty, I now find myself happy to hear at the end of a particularly heinous true crime story that the murderer got the death penalty.
According to your analysis, this should all make me an INFJ. But where it seems to me you’ve most missed the mark about INFPs is what most confirms for me I am one – which is the HUGE importance of morality to INFPs, which is deeply felt and not the same as the rational ethics of the INFJ. Internal feelers don’t just feel the “happy stuff” intensely – we feel the “dark side” too. A monstrous anger with a violent intensity can arise when one’s internal moral system is constantly being violated by the actions of others. Per my understanding of the analysis of INFJs, ethics take precedence over morals which means less intensity of feeling over others seen as committing “wrongs.” Hence it seeming so strange INFJs would be seen as the dark, “not nice” variant and INFPs light, shiny, happy. Wrestling with the moral sins of the world does not a light-hearted person make – and nearly all analyses of these types point out that the “J” and “P” can be misleading – that the functional analysis shows the INFPs to be far more morally judgmental in this way. Yes, we want people to let their freak flag fly and be themselves – until they are in violation of our inner sense of right and wrong – and then watch out!
It would seem to me that any type can be “mean” or “nice” – and that while NFs in general seek harmony and are more likely to seem nice, are also capable of great intensity when their ideals are violated, that is certainly not experienced as “nice” by the recipient.
Part of the difficulty I’ve had in understanding myself as an INFP is that most others observe me as being a cerebral type. I spend a lot of time in thought. INFJs are more cerebral/detached/analytical than INFPs and here is where I get stuck thinking I’m maybe an INFJ. But the INFJ functions are all wrong. I very much relate to the INFP need to work ideas out externally and use dialogue as a way to develop intuitions. I often chew on ideas with others or in my journal before they are fully formed.
But it all comes back to that intensity of feeling, how it relates to a strong moral sense that can be overwhelming emotionally to experience, and how that is the fundamental way I navigate the world. I believe any NF can be drawn to dark themes, intensity, conflict, edge states, especially as they are defined by their quest for truth and the realization of ideals. I think the difference is how this is experienced and how this comes out. I read an interesting analysis that the fourth function is a sort of “shadow” and that as extroverted thinking for INFPs it emerges as a capacity for withering critical assaults when stressed to the breaking point – something I DEFINITELY experience and which is the opposite of nice – while for INFJs the extroverted sensing function emerges as a shadow compulsion to physical dominance and fighting which is in keeping with what you say here. Though it strikes me as odd that any introvert would express shadow through physical violence, making me wonder if it could be expressed via Machiavellian social manipulation too.
I’m going to state this as simply as possible. INFJ HAS VERY STRONG INTROVERTED FEELING. Yes, I know this is not in line with the Myers-Briggs convention that states the INFJ uses extraverted feeling over introverted feeling. This is NOT TRUE. It leads to this very problem of INFPs thinking they’re INFJs and vice-versa. INFJs have very strong introverted feeling, probaly stronger than INFP as far as just sheer strength of a function goes. Yes, I am aware that no extant literature states this, which is pretty much exactly the reason I wrote this article and others. See this article I wrote to help clarify my position on this matter: Fi in INFJs
You sound like an INFJ to me but definitely don’t take my word for it. You basically said the INFJ description fits you and now I’ll quote you:
I haven’t missed the mark. Morality is extremely important to INFJs and is felt as a very deep struggle of the kind you described in the earlier part of your comment, which is the “coming to see evil in the oppressed as well as the oppressors”, for example. This is the moral ambiguity I mentioned that INFJs have in this article I wrote. INFP will be more certain in this regard. Also, I don’t know what “rational ethics” are, but I’ll assume you mean that INFJ prefers to form judgments based on thinking over feeling. Yes, I think they would prefer to.
You also said “A monstrous anger with a violent intensity can arise when one’s internal moral system is constantly being violated by the actions of others.” Yes, because INFJs have introverted feeling IN THE ID POSITION (see Fi in INFJ article) a monstrous anger with a violent intensity builds up to the point of insanity at times. This is MUCH, MUCH more true for INFJ than INFP. INFPs have a more low-key experience of introverted feeling. It is more temperate and stable in them.
Take away from all this: INFJ can have VERY STRONG introverted feeling.
I like this post, Stephanie. I need to soak it in and ruminate on it, but I do relate as an INFP to that depth of intensity that is not always seen on the outside, sometimes to one’s frustration. When our values are crossed by someone we let in or someone who consistently believes to be right, sometimes I’m surprised myself at how ruthless I can become, although not so much in direct action toward the object of the anger (perhaps other than verbal action but still restrained) but in thought and intensity of feeling. (Like Edward Scissorhands when misunderstood.)That usually does not last long though, and I would soon be either inclined to make peace with that person or try to detach myself emotionally and close off.
you sound like an infj no?
Whoever wrote this is completely biased and misinformed about the infj personality. Couldn’t be further off the mark. In fact…so far..it’s almost nauseating…lol.
Grow up.
Coarsely put jester but I’m somewhat inclined to agree . I’m an INFP to a T and my girlfriend an INFJ, who’s equally on type. Throughout this article I had to keep checking to make sure I was reading the types the right way around. Based on my (admittedly limited) experience, the description of an INFP reads more like and INFJ in many places, and visa versa.
nah, everything he wrote is true. i’m an infj and i’m a big fucking nasty whore! we all are! take it or leave it, bitch.
I agree completely
with jester
Wonderfully written, a highly intelligent mind wrote this. I love that the extreme states of the INFJ are elucidated, people tend to focus on our positives too often. Some folks may despise you for the honestly, but I believe it brilliantly captures reality. We must understand our darkness too. – Kataqua
Well said Kataqua. And my sentiments exactly.
infj superiority complex very self absorbed
You description about INFJ is quite refreshing to others whereas this type have been always painted almost like gods and saints
I am an INFJ myself, that many statements here come across as pretty accurate while some seemed to be much more of harsh words (which you also agree that it is). Overall, this is likely part of a comparison which explains how darker an INFJ can reach, but not an INFP. Somehow, I agree that an unhealthy INFJ could make a terrific villain.
The most interesting realization is that I something think and feel way of INFPs do in this post.
Yes, an INFJ can make a terrific villain. Check out the character of Hans Gruber in the movie, Die Hard. That character was played by Alan Rickman, who is probaly an INFJ himself. I loved that movie for this exquisite villain of a man: tasteful, educated, and self-aware, yet deadly.
I often find that villains in movies are more interesting psychologically than the good guys. And like I said, Alan Rickman in the role of Hans Gruber is one of my favorite villain characters in all of cinema.
That is why I prefer the villain Loki’s character in the movie Thor: The Dark World, to Thor’s character. He’s charming, calculating, and always a step ahead.
I’m not trying to sound rude; but this article was pretty biased. I get that you’re trying to show that INFJs have dark qualities to them, but don’t compare it with the light qualities of INFPs. It would have been better and more intelligent if you didn’t let your emotions write for you. You could have written about both dark and light qualities in both INFJ/INFP types. That would have made an impressive and thoughtful article. Some things I do agree on, but most of it was just emotional writing. Hopefully this comment will let you understand some of the mistakes you made in writing this article.
PS: Gandhi was an INFJ not INFP.
What’s wrong with writing emotionally?
Anyway, I have said this in previous comments on this and some of the other INFJ articles. I am not Wikipedia. I am not giving you a fair and balanced and neutral point-of-view. I am giving you my point-of-view. Also, many of the articles that are written on Myers-Briggs types are so abstract and bloodless that one could just as well be an INFJ as be an INFP. And if a great deal of the purpose of having these different types in the first place is to identify yourself uniquely as one of them, then these abstract and bloodless articles must be regarded as a failure in this regard (which is a big regard).
So, this is my way of correcting that. If you don’t feel it is completely balanced tit-for-tat, you are probaly right. You may regard it as the punk-rock take on Myers-Briggs: Three chords and the truth.
“INFJs are more intense than INFPs. This is an aid to identification. INFJs are more individualistic than INFPs. They do not conform more in groups. Yes, I know they are a J type but this is misleading for introverts.”
These are not correct. Fe leads to conformity whilst FiNe does not. The only connection an INFP has with the outside world (and the greater social forum) is Te which approaches the world logically e.g. the only feeling of connection to society and the world is the intellectual determination that one exists in the same town, shares the same house or the same planet. Fi seeks personal bonds with a few people it can relate. It is a deeply personal form of individualism which surpasses Ni (which is wholly impersonal) and Fe (which excels at emotional breadth).
Don’t create articles like this if you don’t understand what you are talking about.
“These are not correct. Fe leads to conformity whilst FiNe does not.”
Fe doesn’t lead to conformity. Fe will create the social vibe to which others will conform. Fe blends in a group without conforming to it – because it has no hidden & cherished ‘inner feeling’ to sacrifice in order to ‘conform’ (ie, fall into a form): this whole suffering dichotomy between outer ‘form’ and inner ‘content’ in emotional matters is an entirely Fi thing, it seems to me. Fe IS the form. it’s the (co)creator of social forms
Fe is like this great tool for navigating through the world of human relations, and it can do anything that it pleases in that realm (usually pleasing to create comfortable environments, but occasionally pleasing to create hell on earth).
from what I observe, Fi doesn’t have that capacity: that’s why, I guess, it tends to resolve these matters through Te, which inevitably creates a contradiction that just isn’t there in Ti-Fe dynamics
did I get that right, jedi master? 😉
anyway, I have no clue about the Fi-Ne dynamics, so I’m eagerly awaiting the master’s response 😉
OK, here is the thing. If this were an Fe vs. Fi argument, then yes, I would say that Fi is more individualistic and less conformist than Fe. However, if this is an Fi vs. Ni argument, then I would definitely say that Ni is more individualistic than Fi.
Fi, even though it is deeply individualistic, needs other people (even if they are a few close connections) and they also need to feel like they are a part of a clan of some sort. I have written about this aspect of Fi in my article on introverted feeling, which is in the Introverted Feeling section of my website.
By comparison, Ni can stand completely alone, holding on to who they are and what they believe, whether any other person in the world validates that or not. Though, this is not necessarily a strength. Or a weakness. Fi cannot do that. So, by this criteria of what constitutes individuality vs. conformism, Fi is more conformist and less individualistic than Ni.
Also, when you cite Ni as being more impersonal than Fi, you are absolutely correct, but I don’t see how that has a bearing on whether Ni is more conformist than Fi or not. If anything, that would seem to make it less conformist than Fi. Conformism is generally caused by the need to belong to a group of some sort. Seeking the protection of the herd. Safety in numbers.
I think that INFPs can be absolutely individualistic deep inside. But, they tend to conform to the Te work-a-day world and to like the structure it provides to them. When they get home from work (or wherever) they can be complete lunatics. But, very rarely will they show this side of themselves in public or in a general social sense.
So, basically, what I said in the article is what I meant and I stand by it as an aid to identification between these two types.
You sound like such a bitch. This is whats wrong with the world, feminine imperatives everywhere
“Don’t create articles like this if you don’t understand what you are talking about.” – whoa
I don’t know enough INFPs to speak for them – I can only speak for my INFJ self, but I am super independent and individualistic. Yes, in a group (the minority of how I spend my time), I want to be in emotional harmony and often modify my affect for how I best think I might achieve it. (Even to the point of unconsciously mimicking accents and vocabulary – it’s completely unconscious and I feel like an idiot when I do it. In fact, the first time I started writing a comment on this blog I said “fuck” and “fucking” three times. Oh my God, I’m mirroring written speech, too? Delete. Delete!) I won’t modify my views or say anything inauthentic or untrue. But I might modify how much of my ideas I actually convey.
My Fe is about how I try to get my Ni across – I am almost always (unless I have my head so far up my ass, Ni-style, which can happen) aware of my audience. I want to meet them where they are. But if someone says something I don’t agree with, rue the day. That judgment, though, of right/wrong is based more on an assessment of reality that feels objective (the construct of which I think emerges from an Ni process) than on how I feel about something (Fi). Often times there’s not a strong feeling attached, more a sense of standing up for what is right. It is MUCH easier for me to do this and break Fe harmony if I feel that I am doing it on behalf of someone else. (Which can lead to some pretty hairy situations if said person didn’t ask for help…will never make that mistake again.)
Testify sister.
Thanks for the kind description of INFPs. However, although being one, I do identify with several points you made about INFJs and, at times, I feel you were describing ISFPs, not INFPs. We do value compassion and kindness above all, but from the several INFP friends I have, including myself, we are often quite intense and far from docile inside (although it does not appear so on the outside unless INFPs are clearly upset unlike INFJs’ usual modus operandi; but maybe less intense overall than INFJ, I don’t know because INFJs clearly appear so on the outside but I don’t know the depth on the inside) as well and often engage in theoretical, abstract conversations, although perhaps with a more personal touch to them. Moreover, I feel INFPs also may see the bigger picture and an idea in itself more clearly because they are not as bound by structure or organization or application I have sometimes observed in INFJs; we can entertain ideas in themselves. INFPs I know are clearly bright, although without the same methodical discipline to work on something consistently rather than in bursts of intensity. Also, INFPs are more individualist than INFJs – we like to contribute something unique with an individual touch if we have to work in groups, whereas INFJs are more conforming to the team organization/spirit and care more about “procedural” things (worry more) where INFPs care almost exclusively about substance and the quality of the underlying work and would rather view team assignments as consisting of individual units, independent of one another. Another observation I’ve made is that INFPs seem more able to think more creatively on the spot, perhaps because of Ne that always explores possibilities, and able to make an impassioned, almost artistic speech when publicly speaking, where an INFJ lectures in a more even-tempered, emotionless tone but still with that air of gravity or heaviness (however, this particular observation is based only on one INFJ). One quality that I don’t quite relate/appreciate with INFJs, especially when directed toward me, is their sense that they can read another person and then make firm conclusions and assumptions based on such perceptions, believing they know more about that person than he/she does himself/herself, without letting the latter explain themselves. Those perceptions sometimes are quite inaccurate (INFPs via Fi have exploring the depths of their soul as the primary function) and do not always allow reality to play out first and to confirm/disprove their assumptions. However, I think INFPs are capable of taking similar assumptions (especially with ISFPs), but INFPs are more likely to question and doubt themselves overall, I think.
INFJs are more intense than INFPs. This is an aid to identification. INFJs are more individualistic than INFPs. They do not conform more in groups. Yes, I know they are a J type but this is misleading for introverts. An INFJ has dominant introverted intuition, a perceptive function, which is the one they are pulling from most. An INFP has domninant introverted feeling, a judging function, which is individualistic too.
Hey look, I don’t know what to tell you. I just wrote this article based on my gut-feelings based on observations of the two types over many years. It is meant to be a quick and honest take on the two types in comparison, a gist, a thrust.
To get involved in an extended foray about a tit-for-tat thing with INFJ and INFP, I don’t know. It seems rather silly. And pointless.
The point is that what I wrote is how I feel about the matter. I stand by it. If it helps, great. If you disagree, there is nothing that I can really say to change that.
What people tend to overlook is that this business is very subjective. It all goes back to Jung officially. Unofficially, it extends back past the beginnings of recorded history. My goal in writing is to capture what I feel is my honest observation on the types. I am not going for some abstract and bloodless and impartial analysis. Moreover, I don’t feel those type of analyses help to understand human types.
It is much like characters in novels. Some you like and some you don’t and some you are puzzled by and so on. It is like that when I write.
Some people resonate strongly with what I wrote here and others don’t. It’s all fine. It’s really just food for thought.
Firstly I want to say that I really appreciate what you are doing – putting out the side of INFJs that is more often than not, neglected in the MBTI community, and also not babying the INFJs who believe themselves to be as “pure” as they are painted by others to be.
As an INFJ, I have also really enjoyed reading your articles, and they bring in a “brutally honest” side to MBTI that I have been looking for ever since I embarked on this MBTI journey. After all, it’s no fun if everything is just nice and rainbows and focuses on the positives. 😉
The thing I did want to leave here however, is that I believe this specific article may be misleading and not achieve what I believe you’re striving to do too. It exaggerates the difference between INFJs and INFPs significantly, essentially to an inaccurate degree for most. Yes, I am well aware that this may help to distinguish between the two types, however I find it distorts things a bit too much. I won’t go into detail as I believe others have gone into this plenty before me, but the thing that stood out to me the most would be the overly noce portrayal of INFPs. While they indeed tend to be nice people who mean no harm, they are still Fi-dom, and in the end are about their own feelings first, and I have found many INFPs to be “selfish” in this regard.
All I want to say is that exaggerating or overly focusing on either INFJs’ negatives or INFPs’ positives may just end up being inaccurate portrayals, rather than what was meant to be an insightful critical and honest portrayal.
That being said, if all of what you wrote was completely honest and not exaggerated for the bigger picture, then I respect your perspective and can only thank you again for your wonderful contributions. <3
I don’t know what to say to this that I haven’t already said before. Yes, INFPs can be selfish. Sure. Anyone can be. I accentuated the differences to give a sharper and less watered down picture than prevails in many other places, which I feel and have heard from others, leads to a confusion between these two types. It is a very common mistyping. So, I was just being honest with what I see the two types essentially embodying from my perspective. My perspective is the only one I have. Of course there are other perspectives and I suggest that people check out all the perspectives. That is the only way you are going to get a complete picture of any type, function, etc. I am not suggesting that I am the final word on this. I trust people to use their discrimination and not believe everything they read just because it is printed somewhere. I am happy if some of the stuff I wrote causes people to think and question. I have no need to be accepted as an authority on this matter. I am merely interested in this subject and have quite a bit of experience and knowledge regarding it.
I can’t cater to everyone’s needs. For every person that agrees and sees something in what I wrote there will be others that don’t. Can’t please everyone. And I have no intention to do so. Nor do I believe I have a responsibility to. I treat people like free agents and consenting adults.
Thanks for your balanced comment.
You’re an ENTP, aren’t you?
I know you are but what am I.
cool 🙂 yeah, I’ve always sensed there’s something sassy about INFJs, they always give me the impression that they know much more than they’re prepared to say, of a depth that wants to live in the world, that knows how to keep a dignified posture even in time of distress …
love them!
so, was Hitler an INFJ, just like Jesus? 🙂 … that would be great news for a system of archetypes, wouldn’t it? the Christ and the ‘Antichrist’ belonging to the same type 🙂
that would also mean that the Church, as the perfect bride of Christ, would have to be an ENTP, which is exactly how G K Chesterton describes her in Orthodoxy 🙂
Well, they were both visionaries, right? Introverted intuition has nothing to say about the moral nature of those visions.
sure, that’s what I’m saying … Hitler makes perfect sense as an INFJ
“The reason for this is because the J or P in the type code of an introvert is referring to their auxiliary function, which is always extraverted in an introvert dominant type. In my opinion, this way of assigning Judgment or Perception is stupid, and has led to more confusion and mistyping than anything else I can think of.”
however, it makes sense, right: if you’re a P type, it means that you don’t have any extroverted judging functions in either dominant or auxiliary positions, and this does come across as a clear preference for perception rather than deliberation (except with SP types, because of the nature of Se)
Yeah, there is no extraverted judgment in a P type, but the dominant is a judging function in introverted P types. Thus, they are pulling from a place of judgment. Whether it is introverted or extraverted judgment seems less relevant, it’s still J that is their dominant orientation. It’s just confusing. Trying to explain it to people that are new to Myers-Briggs is very taxing.
I don’t think it’s that confusing: J vs P is determined by the nature of the 1st extroverted function. for the Es, that happens to be dominant one (obviously, that’s why they’re called extroverts), for the Is, it’s the auxiliary.
I’m new to Myers-Briggs, and I get it 🙂
What an interesting article. The amorality bit in particular I found so interesting as a counter-point to alot of what is said about INFJs.
I want to make sure I understand it – I guess my take on the (a)morality bit is that the criticality to an INFJ’s personhood in understanding reality and how reality works can take them outside of the bounds of any morality which after all, is just a human-created notion. I suspect the INFJ will throw harmony and morality down the toilet in a flash if they sense a purpose or intention behind it as inauthentic. To me that’s not just morally different, it’s amoral. Humans can be driven and have a will to act other than for moral purposes. As a result INFJs can be very utilitarian disadvantaging others to fit what they think is the reality of some purpose or other.
The deep desire of INFJs to see the incontrovertible authenticity in existence I actually think is a deep desire to commune with everything that is amoral – nature and instinct. People often talk about morality as the base foundation for how we act. It’s not I don’t think, it’s a mid-layer of value that we, as humans, construct and insert into our world views but that we convince ourselves is everything for the purpose, probably, of trying to make societies work. For any Nietzsche fans out there I *think* that is what underlies the Superman concept, at least that’s how I understood it.
Is that kinda what you are saying?
Love your articles btw.
Chris
You said, “I suspect the INFJ will throw harmony and morality down the toilet in a flash if they sense a purpose or intention behind it as inauthentic.”
I don’t know that an INFJ would do this in a flash (though they could), but they have a tendency to err on the side of the preservation of their truth, whatever that may be for them.
Also, INFJ has the exploration and questioning of morality as one of their primary life questions. This quest causes them a great amount of uneasiness and internal strife because INFJ are built on a base of deep morality (Fi id function), however, they are scheduled to overcome this orientation throughout the course of their lives. You can see this theme of an INFJ very clearly illustrated in the novel, Crime and Punishment, by Fyodor Dostoevsky. It is the story of an INFJ who has a single question. “Can he commit murder with the same moral impunity as the great conquerors of history?” This is the move from the INFJ id (Fi) to their superego (Te).
It is much much more common for an INFJ to seriously inquire into and feel a struggle to resolve the conflict they experience regarding their inherited morality, than it is for an INFP, who will accept their inherited morality and simply operate on the basis of whatever the contents of it are. It is very hard to question a dominant function. It is tantamount to questioning the grounds upon which one exists. First of all, it is hard to see the contents of the dominant function clearly because they are so bound up with our way of existence, and secondly, we need it for our survival as a self.
So, an INFP is not really in a position to question the entire basis of morality. INFJs, on the other hand, must question morality. It is a sort of crisis they are set up to experience and it demands some kind of attempt at resolution.
As for Nietzsche and the Superman concept, Nietzsche was saying that a superman must overcome pity for the suffering of others or self because it is an invitation to the weakening of the will. And to Nietzsche, the weakening of the will is a sort of sickness of modern man in the wake of the ascendancy of Christian morality.
I read what you write on INFJs with so much delight! I’m a young INFJ (F21), and the keen psychological insight with which you write about me and my type really excites me! I never knew till now that there were characters out there as contrary and dissembling as mine.
From a young age I recognised my character seemed under-developed or anomalous. But even as my character evaded even my OWN understanding, that didn’t affect my sense of self – which i felt was so great and boundless and broad and all-encompassing and UN-deniable and irrepressible and life-affirming.
This I now recognise to be my Introverted Intuition, and I don’t know how to describe it other than infinitely life-affirming :)))) – of my own life at least.
You’re a wise fellow and i hope you keep doing what you’re doing. Sending my heartiest compliments and my warmest admiration.
My sister typed herself as an INFJ (which I am) but I sometimes wonder if she is really an INFP. To me she is soooo emotional and sensitive. Hates logic and conflict (always walks out of the room if things get heated). How she feels is much more important than what is right. I think she judges everything through her own feelings but ultimately cares much less than I do about the feelings of others. It’s not that she doesn’t care, they just come second. So if she is angry, all that matters is what she feels, the entire room is filled with her emotions. What matters isn’t what you did or even why you did it, it’s how it made her feel.
I judge through logic and I care more about how my feelings affect others (although I might be less attuned to how my actions affect others!). So if I’m angry at you, I’m more likely to feel the anger but then take a step back from it: I’m angry, let’s talk about why and figure each other out. I’m definitely not going to throw dishes or otherwise embody that anger. I will never storm out of the room. The more I think about it, there is no way we are the same type.
She’s super spiritual, new-agey person as is her mom, who is an ISFP.
However she’s definitely had her share of relationship drama and has had a hard time keeping down a job. Whereas my romantic relationships have always been fairly down to earth (well, except that one…) she’s kind of volatile, actually, but is now finally mellowing out. She’s also much messier than I am and definitely more head in the clouds and has never once followed through on a plan or scheme. Yeah, I’m voting INFP. Thanks, that explains a lot!!
Weird!!!! I also have a sister who strongly believes to be an INFJ and I am trying to decide if Im INFJ or INFP. (Almost sure infj) … and I feel exactly the same about her! She is so much more moody and dramatic, making me feel kind of stronger or more stable, i dont know…i mean, she likes to show when she is sad or something, while i hide it totally. It is so contraditory, because we understand each other very automatically, but i dont know if thats because of our common life experiences or because we both really are INFJs………..at the same time, i have the impression that im more open minded and weird inside, while she is more sociable and normal.
I guess somethings relate to the fact the she is a girl and stuff, and we must consider that inside the INFJ box, we can have different degrees of different aspects. …Its funny, cause Im sure that i am more aware of how people react to what Im doing or saying, but she often comes to me to say that i was rude with someone and Im like, what??? And she is messy and lazy sometimes, making me look like a systematic person. But, deeper, i care less about things than her…
I also feel that sometimes i want to start an intense talk about something abstract and she gets me but doesnt want to continue….
Im certainly more calm and reasonable than her in conflicts, and it feels like i have to calm her and think of something…
Anyway, thats a crazy topic, cause Im not convinced of anything…me and her could still be INFP or INFJ..I think the aspects that really define it are so deep that i can only try to read myself, and if Im lucky i will figure out who i am ; )
You don’t sound like an INFP to me. You are all over the place and kind of irreverent. I see Fe in your expression and even some Ne. So, probaly an INFJ or something else.
It would be typical for a male to hide their emotions more whether they were INFJ or INFP or something else. It tends to be culturally acceptable for woman to express their feelings and moods more.
It is also more likely that a male would be more interested in an abstract discussion than a female, types aside.
I hear you saying that sometimes you are more calm and stable than her and other times the opposite is true.
I wouldn’t know about your sister from your description of her but you seem to not to be an INFP. I see intuition of some sort, Fe and perception over judgment. So, INFJ, ENTP, ENFP are the most likely from what you have expressed here. I don’t see Fe as a dominant function. More likely auxiliary, tertiary, or id, which covers the three types I just listed.
What is your astrology looking like?
This article is simply awesome!
Two very important persons in my life are INFP, and I’m an INFJ. I somehow feel super evil and judgemental when I’m with them. Actually, everytime I hurt their feelings somehow, or criticize something linked to their Fi, I feel a deep bad feeling inside me! It’s very strong and I always regret after. It’s as something was telling me: “man, look what you have done, you have hurt this INFP and now the consequence is that the amount of pure love in the world just decreased!”
Conversely, when I’m dealing with less sensitive persons, I’m usually the one who’s hurt all the time. I feel like INFPs are the only type more sensitive than the INFJ.
That’s it, from now on, I’m officially a huge fan of INFPs! I think we should all try to “hug an INFP every day”!
Yeah, INFPs put INFJs to shame in the love department. INFPs are the type that can most approach truly unconditional love. When they love someone they are absolutely dedicated to them. And they are extremely easy to hurt and take advantage of by those they love.
It’s pretty fucked up. Because they can’t help but get hurt by the normal protocols of human desire and relationship. Oy, those INFPs. They are truly like angels in their purity and innocence.
Nonetheless, to an INFJ all this angelhood will grow rather tiresome over long periods of time. And when you say you feel this deep feeling of badness, that would be your Fi id position. INFJs have Fi very deep in them but it is something that is generally experienced as deeply overwhelming and negative. So, don’t feel too bad for INFPs. The way you are experiencing Fi is actually more intense and hurtful than the way they experience it, which is in a more neutral sense. Dominant functions are strong and neutral. Id functions are strong and discordant.
Net result is that INFJs are perhaps the most deeply sensitive of all types but they experience that deep sensitivity as something that they need to reign in and rise above. An INFP will experience their sensitivity as something they need to let permeate and control all aspects of their existence. The problem more arises in the way these two types experience Fi. Yes, an INFJ will often feel that they are hurting an INFP, but this is more because of their dominant Ni, which is the INFP’s id function, and so they experience Ni as deeply painful. They also experience Ti as an unpleasant thing, whereas INFJs experience Ti as a thrilling and exciting activity.
Yet, Si is something an INFP revels in while an INFJ generally hates it. So, there are all kinds of ways for these two to grate on each other. And the infuriating thing is that is seems like they should get along because they are both introverted, intuitive, and feeling types.
However if you look at the preferred functions of the two you will see that they are all different. INFJs prefer Ni, Fe, Ti, and Se. INFP’s pretty much loathe three out of the four of those with Fe being an exception in the preference for the ESFJ type and the Se being less of an exception in their looking up to the ESFP type.
They might unite over each other’s auxiliary functions, but, that is about it. But, nonetheless, that is still quite a big deal because most people need to use their auxiliary function more and if you want any harmony in an INFJ/INFP relationship, the use of both their auxiliary functions will be mandatory. You can forget about the dominant and tertiary loop in these kind of relationships. That will drive the other crazy.
So, INFJs should counteract with a lot of Fe in the presence of an INFP and the INFP should show off their Ne when in the presence of an INFJ. This will be the most positive interaction between the two.
Yet, it will probaly be inevitable that the INFJ is going to hurt the INFPs sensitivities on a pretty regular basis just by being themselves. And the INFJ will probaly then feel bad about it due to their Fi id being activated, which means the INFJ will feel very bad all out of proportion to the INFP reaction to it, and then…suffice to say there is a lot of sensitiveness going on in these relationships. INFPs will probaly get their bubbles burst and INFJs will feel like murderers of purity in some way.
So, turn on the extraversion! That is all I can say about that.
Before I start, I have to warn you that I’m not from English-speaking country, so I hope everything I’ve written will be understandable.
When it comes to INFPs, I have a lot of experience because I believe that both my mum and dad are the representatives of this type. And I have to admit that sometimes it’s really difficult for us to communicate (I’m an INFJ). My parents love books, good music and animals (and they are not interested in taking any risky actions). They are very sensitive to suffering of other people to the point when my mum cries when she sees a homeless person. While many parents demand from their children to be confident and have lots of achievements, my mum and dad since my childhood have been telling me to be kind, sensitive and not afraid to show my individuality. They probably hoped that one day I will become a person very similar to them, but somehow things didn’t work out…
First of all, we have a completely different approach to vulnerabilty. I am VERY vulnerable, sometimes I feel that even more than my parents, but I HATE showing it. Especially to them (this is probably my rebellious side: if they want me to show sensitivity, there’s no way I could do that). Once my mum told me: “Me and your father wonder how it comes that you’re such a good person and at the same time you are so egocentric and egoistic”. I don’t know how it comes, but I really am both kind and egoistic. Going back to sensitivity, the main problem I have to face is that for my parents openly showing the fact that they are sensitive is something perfectly normal. For example, once my mum had read in a newspaper that somewhere in Africa lesbians are being imprisoned and raped as a “treatment” to their homosexuality. Then she started talking to my dad about how terrible it is and they also wanted to engage me in this conversation. But I couldn’t stand it. My parents feel better when they talk loudly about this kind of things, they want to share their pain and sadness with each other. I can’t do this kind of things. I feel a burning pain and anger deep inside me, I feel misanthropic and I want to die. Or kill those who made me feel this way (I’m not referring to my parents but to rapists in this case). I am completely overtaken by pain or I imagine bloody scenarios. But I never talk. It’s too painful for me to talk, so in order to protect myself I start to act like an insensitive robot and isolate myself, leaving my parents in confusion.
The next thing is our approach to love. My mum loves talking about feelings and being in love and living together happily ever after (even if her love life was’t that perfect, she still believes that it can be for others). I can’t relate to that at all. I am confused about what kind of relationship I need and I fantsize a lot about romantic partners created in my head, but I can’t stand talking about it in real life. I don’t need that. I only hope that I’ll meet many interesting people in my life. I’m not into calm, stable and sweet relationships at all.
The last thing is our style of talking. When we have a conversation about a specific topic, I like to speak about abstract ideas and I theorise everything as much as possible (it’s my Ni and Ti perhaps?), while my mum ALWAYS talks about her personal experiences. She explaind it to me that she has to imagine how things are/were for her to be able to relate to our converstion topic (is it Fi and Si?).
I am very curious if the situations I presented are really typical for INFPs and INFJs or is it just me and my family.
Thanks in advance for your reply.
Hi Sara,
Yes, from the way you are describing each of the issues, it sounds like an INFJ/INFP dichotomy. So, as you mentioned, in communication, INFJs and INFPs tend to be at odds with each other. The way they each communicate tends to causes misunderstanding and mistrust in the other party. INFJs basically communicate abstractly, theoretically, and conceptually, while INFPs are more concrete, experiential, and tangible in their communication. INFPs distrust too much theorizing and it tends to bring them down. INFJs find INFP’s matter-of-fact way of communicating quite boring and uninspiring. Yes, it is a Fi and Si thing for INFP in their communication. And these are both functions that an INFJ finds mighty painful and/or boring. But, overall, taken all the functions that both types use and the way they use them, there is likely to be an indifference to each other. Not necessarily a great antipathy or a great like, but, a middle of the road kind of feeling between these two types. Like, “Yeah, I kind of like you. You are kinda of cool. But, I don’t know, there is something about you that is just off in some way.” It’s that kind of feeling. It’s subtle. And I think these are relationships of great subtlety and sensitivity.
But, they deal with their sensitivities quite differently. And as you said, INFPs like to talk about it more and INFJs would rather not get too caught up in an atmosphere of suffering of all the world, and the reason for this is not because INFJs are insensitive. Far from it. It is more that they are too sensitive and feel this empathy and outrage too acutely for them too handle it.
However, the strange thing is that it can be the other way around too. Where INFJs will want to get into something intensely, the INFP will be squeamish about it. So, I think it is more a matter of timing between these two types. Their timing is off in regards to the other. But, overall, INFJs are much more intense and wild than INFPs. Especially, in the particular sense. They have the same general background of romanticism. But, INFJs are harder, intenser, stonier while INFPs are softer, blander, and cuddly. So, that might be why your parents say you are kind yet egotistical. Nothing wrong with being that way.
Some of your reserve about talking about things might also have something to do with your astrology. Not every INFJ will have a problem talking about issues and such. Could have some Mercury squares or the like.
But yeah, overall the picture you painted is definitely typical for INFJ/INFP relating.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
This is HANDS DOWN, the most true / detailed description of an INFP, from the perspective of an INFP. ( And believe me, I have scoured and read so many descriptions already) It’s almost frightening how you know all this, because you have touched points on areas even I myself never really took the time to consciously think about.
As for the INFJ description, as someone who as recently ended a relationship with an INFJ I found the post exceptionally enlightening as to the ways the two types differ- fascinating is an understatement. I see now that our relationship would never have worked in the way I hoped, despite the surface similarities, underneath there is a lot we probably would not have seen eye to eye on. On top of that- I had this inclination that although we connected on many areas regarding values and backgrounds, ideas and outlooks- there was still a disconnect of some sort that I could never quite put my finger on..
I still greatly admire the INFJ personality type but I think romantically speaking- the INFP and INFJ types are like oil and water. I’m curious as to your views on this, and while we’re at it, do you think the INFP INFJ duo would have good friendship compatibility?
I’d love to see more INFP posts as well if it isn’t too much trouble 🙂
Thank you so much again for such an insightful post.
Hi Chloe,
Regarding your question about romantic relationships between INFJ and INFP I will just quote what I responded to another person who asked about this a while back:
“Now, as for relationships between an INFP and an INFJ, I wouldn’t recommend them overall. This may seem like a very appropriate relationship and I think in a general sense, and at the outset, that these two will feel a sort of commiseration and acceptance and recognition of each other, but, that over time, as the two move closer to each other, they will be in for all kinds of misunderstandings. And it will be confusing because at the outset it seemed so perfect and like a homecoming of sorts.
The problem is that these two types do not share the same interests at all. This will become more apparent as they deepen their relationship.
And like I said, it will seem confusing because on first meeting they will seem to share a lot in some way and be very alike. But, the closer they move together there will be this subtle and dissatisfying failure of their gears to catch and mesh with each other. And it is almost like it seems they can. It is like these subtle and fractional teeth slippage of gears.”
So, that is basically what I have to say about INFJ/INFP romantic relationships. I think the main keyword that could sum up their relationship is “indifference”. There is not a strong attraction and there is not a strong antipathy either. As a matter of fact, I think they would make good friends who see each other once in a while. But, in romantic relationships, where there is a deepening of intimacy and a pulling closer over long periods of time, these two are not likely to blend well the deeper they go into the relationship. And like I said above in the quote, there are likely to be many “misunderstandings” between these two because it seemed like they understood each other fairly well at the outset. It is a subtle thing too. Not catastrophic fights or anything but a subtle sense of dissatisfaction that is hard to pinpoint.
INFPs will be expecting a merger with the beloved and INFJs will not deliver on this front. Yet it probaly seemed as if they would at the beginning. INFJs seem very promising in this way. Anyway, that is pretty much how I see that relationship. A subtle failure to blend and mesh well over long periods of time.
You want to see more INFP posts? Well, time and money. Those are the two things. But, yes, I fully intend to write more about INFPs in the future. It’s just there is so much to cover.
Thanks for your comment.
Interesting article. I remember taking the MBTI test in my late teens and testing as an INFJ then. I also remember being somewhat envious of my boyfriend at the time being an ISFP. It seemed “cooler” somehow. Well, I’d forgotten all about that (really I only recently remembered that). Several years ago I took a four question test where you choose between the 8 categories (I or E, N or S, F or T, J or P) and came out INFP. I joined an INFP online group and something seemed to feel amiss after a while. Since then, I’ve taken dozens of online tests and also purchased another MBTI. These always came out INFJ. I read about both types to determine because I could relate so well to the descriptions of both. There is a lot of crap out there on the subject. Anyway, the main thing that stood out is that INFPs tend to be a lot nicer than me. I will say, they do get awfully riled up and “triggered” (they often put up trigger warnings on their posts) over some small things or perceived slight. Still, there is a softness and sensitivity to them that I know I don’t possess to that degree. However, I must do a pretty good job of posing as one it seems, because people always say, “you don’t have a mean bone in your body” or “you’re so sweet.” I am not so sure that our “romantic hardness” (great term) always shows unless people are insightful. It is nice to know there are people such as you with such insight. Thanks again!
Thanks Rita.
I would prefer the truth to happy shiney people everywhere
I would do anything for anyone.
my great infp friend will be nice but do nothing for anyone,unless she gets something out of it.
Give me so called mean any day of the week
We do what is right,not just right for us.
Would you prefer a nice friend who is sweet acting in your time of need, but never lifts a finger to help?
or a grumpy infj who comes to your aid rain or shine?
Sometimes steller intuition is not pretty laid out for rose colored glass wearing infp’s
Grow a pair
Yeah, no.
Thank you for the amazing article! I’m finally convinced that I’m an INFJ, phew, finally. The first time I test myself, I got an INFJ personality and I read about the descriptions and only go like, “Oh, yeah, that’s me! Cool! Finally somebody knows it.” and I leave it at that. But then, I test myself again and started getting a mix of INFP and INFJ after every tests, which is frustrating because I really want to be certain and yes, I want a closure. So anyways, I joined forums and tried sooo many tests, only to realize that I’m not answering questionnaires and website tests faithfully. The more I watch videos, read articles about these personalities, the more I know, which is awesome. I was almost convinced that I’m an INFP, and there are so many people saying that I’m an INFP. But I didn’t stop at that, of course. INFPs are always described as sweet, kind, innocent unicorns, and I don’t see myself in one? They’re also known for fantasizing things, which I do, but I don’t fantasize things to that extent and I find it very unfitting for me. That’s when I finally get myself to my core values and after so many research, certain that I’m an INFJ. I always think myself of a mix of INFP and INTJ, which results in INFJ, but I’m sorry if I’m wrong, that’s just what I think and learn from all my research.
I do have an INFP friend, apparently, who is indeed kind and really is a softy person. She tried to be a strong, mean person but really, it just doesn’t fit her and she can’t do it. I find that even though we share a lot and talk about ourselves a lot, I often hold grudges when talking to her and I know this won’t gonna last very long or our friendship won’t ever become stronger whatsoever, because I don’t feel like it. I’ve always felt this way, but I don’t think she notices it, since she has that Si, I guess? I don’t know for sure. She doesn’t care about her physical appearance most of the time, which makes me feel even certain that if I’m not an INFJ, I can’t be an INFP because I do care about my appearance, my vibes, and how other people perceive me.
Great article. I’m very helped, thanks a lot for this one.
Just wanted to dispel the stereotype about INFP not caring about physical appearance because as an INFP, I do care about my appearance, my vibes and how people perceive me. The same goes for my INFP sister. My INFP mom also holds grudges so I don’t think it’s specific to type.
And @ SeetheElephant, exactly, yes! And part of the problem is that the words I want are not coming and I’ve had to use the best I could find at the time, which can feel inaccurate if not a prickly a lie. I don’t want to lie. But I ommit with regularity. Part of me calls that tact, but part of me calls that ingenuine.
Dang it, wrong reply place, sorry.
Then, can you repost it to the appropriate thread?
This really differentiates INFJ and INFJ, and I don’t really care if it’s harsh or biased, as long as it helps me to type myself and be sure about it, I don’t give a damn. Anyways, thanks for this because now I’m finally sure I’m an INFJ, after a painfully long research!
I also patiently read the comments and I agree on so many INFJs’ experiences. Yes, I often feel guilty when I feel like I hurt INFP’s feeling. Yes, I’m a bit manipulative but I don’t want someone to find it out. So many yes-es, honestly. And oh loooord, that’s why I’ve been mistyping myself as an INFP, I guess. I kinda feel like I’m a mix of both Fi and Fe and I feel both very strongly at certain times. I almost feel like I might even be another type, but thanks for your Fi in INFJs article, I’m now pretty much sure of my INFJ type.
Well, actually, I have a friend who typed herself as INFP and I’ve been friends with her for almost 3-4 years now. She considers me as her best friend, but I don’t think I do. Now I sound very mean but that’s just how I am. Our friendship always has lots of ups and downs. When we’re younger, she once cried in public because she did something very wrong and I literally stopped talking to her. I feel so bad after that, so I just start to accept her and just keep my anger to myself.
Well, being friends with an INFP for a quite long time, I can see her in your explanation a lot. She can cry in public and she talks about her feelings and stuffs, while I don’t. I do feel strong, emotional feelings at times but I don’t talk about them. I’ve always feel like INFJs have barrriers to what they really are? Sometimes I wonder if anyone’s ever gonna be my friend if they knew how mean I could be. Well, yes, some of my friends are violent and mean, and I know that my INFP friend has always tried to keep herself away from that. But in terms of mean, I can be the meanest person ever, honestly. I mean, my friends would only be mean to people as how you are mean to your close friends. But honestly, if someone’s challenging me and testing my patience, even if it’s my best friend, I can literally smack down his/her face onto the floor and pushed it down so hard until s/he asked for forgiveness. That’s really mean, but I seriously can go that far if someone goes very far beyond my limit. (Might sound insane but yes, sometimes violence seems interesting at some point to me. Maybe that’s my rebellious side, but yes.)
The thing about a lot of the articles I read during my research is that they’re just always very difficult to differ. It’s almost tiring how they always start off with, “Although blablabla, they are very different,” but still ends up in writing their functions and personalities similarly, also with lots of complicated words and sentences. I’m an impatient person, to be honest, so I’ve always felt like yelling when that happens.
And in terms of relationships, I don’t think they can work out that well? Although yes, they share many similarities, I do think INFJs are better off with ENTJs, or even ESTJs. I do have an ESTJ friend whom I surprisingly talk to the most at some point. I am an individualist and really like being alone, but sometimes I need fun and thrill in my life, which my ESTJ friend can always give. She can also talk about deep things, although not as deep as I’m capable of. I think INTJs work well with INFJs too? I hope to find an INTJ somewhere along my life to hang out with!
It’s quite insane how this MBTI world literally preaches over INFJ and describes it as “angels” with truly kind hearts. Well, I’m sure I’m not like that. I’m kind, but I’m mean and always judging everything in my mind. I appropriate myself with people, but I often go quietly mad at them inside my mind. It’s not that I’m fake, but it’s just that I don’t want to give people the right to dislike me. After all, it works. I’ve spent years being friends with lots of people and when honesty hour comes and they’re asked the things they dislike about me, they can’t really pinpoint out what. They can’t dislike me so much, because after I realized I was being mean, I can replace that memory by being the kindest person to ever exist in this world. I can’t really tell if being manipulative and very convincing at lying is a good or bad thing. Well, it depends, but as far as I know, it sometimes has its own gifts.
Well, that’s a really long comment, but I just really wanna spat out my thoughts somewhere since I can’t tell that to anyone 😉 Thanks in advance for the post!
Thanks for the comment. Yes, as I said it is quite common for INFJs to be mean inside but not let on that it is so. INFPs, on the other hand, tend not to be mean at all. The least of all types probaly. INFPs are genuinely nice people. INFJs are not, though they tend to cover it with Fe platitudes. INFJs are very good at expressing niceness such that you feel like heaven has just descended on your for a time. But, they can just as equally bring hell too – usually when their id takes over the auxiliary. INFPs usually opt for blaming themselves in a self-pitying manner. INFJs are very capable of blaming and condemning others, and in some cases, making it their mission to make the accused pay. They usually do this with every brand of inference and insinuation under the sun. Artistically and in stealth mode. INFPs don’t do this. They are pretty incapable of maintaining ill thoughts about others. It is just not worth their while.
You mentioned that INFJs are equally capable of making the accused pay and condemning others.
I notice that within me though I do my best to let that feeling subside and move on. Because I feel repulsed by myself. And also remorse for wishing ill on others when they are braving torment and hardships behind their public mask and the grieving person behind it is only lashing out, silently hoping to seek solace and help.
That’s why I hold such admiration of INFPs. They are genuinely nice, they are absorbed within themselves but hold others with such sincere sensitive regard. I aspire to be like them. I despised identifying as INFJ at first, to be honest I still do, but they said this is only a starting point and there’s always room to grow beyond.
Do you have advice for INFJs who hope to change this aspect of themselves?
INFJs can change this resentful and vengeful aspect by expressing the feeling to someone or in some medium (artistic, for example) and transforming it into a positive emotional action and energy. The key is to not sit on those feelings and let them build up and poison you. It really hurts the INFJ more than anyone else. When INFJs learn to do this emotional expressing of poisonous feelings as a regular habit, they will see that it is a gift of insight into human nature, rather than a burden.
As for aspiring to be like “genuinely nice” INFPs, my suggestion would be to aspire to be like an INFJ. It’s OK that INFJs experience mean and poisonous impulses. It is completely part of human nature. INFJs can reach that much higher to the higher sentiments because they have experienced the darkest and lowest. Also, stop condemning yourself for having feelings. Honor them. Recognize them for what they are. And express them in some way. INFJs have a lot to offer precisely for these dark feelings they have. It’s not having the feelings, but, what you do with them.
This last post here is probably my favorite thing on this website. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to be like some of my INFP or ENFP friends–softer, nicer, whatever-it-is-er I was defining as “wrong” or “missing” in me. When I told my INFP friend I was having trouble being happy, she wisely said, stop trying to be happy–you are so much more than spiritual people who are “happy”–you are resilient, eloquent, creative, smart, funny, etc. (Here, of course, is the paradox–if you can start to make peace with the hard side of yourself that people told you was “wrong,” you will soften and become happier also.) I think many INFJ-type personalities were raised to learn to always make themselves wrong and seek someone else “right” to model in order to “fix” themselves. It’s great to start to pause the habit of trying to fix the parts that aren’t actually even broken.
And yes on channeling the venomous feelings into creative expression. Big yes. Thank you.
Meghan, it is very strange for me to think an infj aspires to be an infp. To be an infp is to struggle to put form on experience. It is all so formless and aimless. To make form you have to go to all the inferior functions…..
Also…. I am not sure infps even realize they are nice. It is like they might learn it from stellar maze. If people really appreciated nice infps would notice they are nice?
The terrible angel would burn the morning pages to twists of wispy ashe! falling, floating, sinking into the absolving sea.
The viscous, seething, storming daemon Fi no longer revealed in madly spat venom, shaken with the horrible hurling, near daily.
Near daily, unable even in this tiny task of brutal revelation, to follow dearlings directives…
to glide all the way down, to be fragile, be soft, stripped now of raring flight, cringingly vulnerable!
Born stumbling, to be humbled, haunted by the knowing.
Memories of godliness fading.
So smile lest you are wrecked on the rock.
Be brave and bathe ye in the reckoning fire.
Now step out, and fear not, but weep with joy, little human.
And if you still fear you cannot, then let Dark Wolf wreak your havoc.
Hmmm I think infps can be mean on the inside. Some. I am mean on the inside. If someone is hurt by something I said “out of hurt” that they first caused, and then they want me to pay for it I get really annoyed that someone is gonna decide chicken and egg. I get enraged and really hurt inside that it is me who apologized. It is like the most mute feeling. I would LOVE to take revenge it is just that I cannot. I think it is important to know that the desire for revenge is there just no skill to be taken seriously doing it.
Like honestly I have a lot of thought about people or let’s say judgements. Lots is seething stuff. Especially with auxiliary Fe users because I have been recipient of Fi id stuff where they decide the chicken or egg thing as to whose hurt or reaction to hurt or to perceived hurt is more valid and Their Fe “Manages” the situation in their favor and then I am left mute. So point 1) infps can be mean inside or at least harbor resentment once they were muted and point 2) infjs and isfjs are not THAT good at covering stuff up it is just that a lot of people choose not to see it as they are not as much into masking. I do see through a lot of those veils. Honestly it could be less confusing for others with less veiling. For ex, intjs don’t put on a pleasing mask all the time so you sort of know what you are getting. Personally I still like them even without the oiling of interaction. Actually isfjs don’t strike me as doing as deep of veilsas infjs. I see them doing flagrantly wrong s tiff then act like nothing happened just as long as they got what they wanted. You see? Bad thoughts. I think bad stuff about people all the time and am really annoyed inside but just don’t have skill to go silence someone. I would like that though I think.
infjs and isfjs are not THAT good at covering stuff up
Wrong. IxFJs are some of the best at covering stuff up so that NO ONE knows what is really going on. This is due to Fi id combined with Fe auxiliary. Not to mention Ti tertiary which is adept at talking over and past someone, throwing a barrage of language and articulateness at someone in the name of logic and all that.
In short, IxFJs are masters of disguise. Perhaps, the most of any types.
INFPs? Eh, not so much. Much more guileless if you ask me. And if they aren’t being this way, it is pretty easy to detect. It comes across as a withholding or a prevarication that is pretty easy to see through.
I’d actually say INFPs are one of the least capable types of putting up a true ruse.
Unless, they are really fucked up or something.
I’d say for an INFP to enact vengeance they would have to do it in a psychologically unaware way, like, it is not really them doing vengeance, but…
Um, perhaps the best way I could illustrate this dynamic is by an appeal to cinematic portrayals.
Check out the movie In The Line of Fire with Clint Eastwood and John Malkovich. In short, I think Malkovich plays an INFP character in that movie that is profoundly psychologically wounded and is bent of vengeance.
But, it is as if he is not himself anymore and this daimon has stepped in and over him to enact vengeance. He is no longer conscious. He is not longer a contained ego.
IxFJs can do a similar thing in full ego containment. It is as if the id is acting and they are semi-aware that this is what they are doing, but, then…
O, I don’t know, you get the picture, right?
Basically, an IxFJ can prevaricate with less damage to their ego-containment (which is not moral in nature because Ni/Si are not in the sphere of morality). Consciously, they have no implicit belief in being true or authentic to others, at least coming from their dominant function, which is the ego-containing function.
An INFJ will have more belief in it due to being an NF type. They do desire to be open and honest, but, if they feel they can’t for some reason, they might very well not be.
Anyway, you are pretty wrong when you say that INFJs and ISFJs are not that good at covering stuff up. They can be some of the best in the business at just this very thing.
Then, they can alternate between both poles of their Fe/Ti axis to throw you way off the scent. That axis, in the order that both of those types have it (auxiliary, tertiary) is probaly the most trickiest thing around.
I want a potion that levels the playing field. I wouldn’t use it all the time. But I’d so delight in it knowing it is ready for use if I will break. The thing is and this may be an infp thing, I do work out those feelings and so I don’t end up breaking. However it is a horrible process and sometimes I have to go back and redo all the bandages because my cuts start to bleed again. It is like a full time job. So that is negative. My focus is on the positive in the sense that I am motivated to work out all the dreaded thoughts about others and neutralize them but the thoughts WERE there. If people can’t see this about infps I am so relieved in a way. Because it means the work pays off.
It is the difference between
1) not having power so having to work out the feelings…or else risk a hugely vulnerable freak show where validity is further lost.
2) having discovered the ability to wield power when push comes to shove so that if feelings build up the transgressors can be put in their place while retaining validity.
I think in both cases you can be mean inside. But in 1) there is less payoff to stewing because you have lost from the outset.
Hi Blake, I agree with you that ifjs are apt to do the veiling. What I wanted to say was that it goes detected a lot of the time so as a superpower it isn’t quite. Perhaps when you first meet them and are a relative stranger you don’t notice. But once it has happened once to you that you saw through one of these veils you are aware that the veiling is part of the personality and it is much easier to detect. I am not very perceptive and I can sense ifj veiling pretty well. Perhaps the details confuse me (mostly with the infjs) but I can piece them together with time. With the isfj it is usually faster because their version is more like let’s pretend this really obvious thing I am doing is not happening and that you can’t see it let’s. Let’s pretend this weird motive I am broadcasting is my actual motive when it is so very obviously not etc. lets pretend I am looking out for you when I am actually looking out for my special interest .
“It comes across as a withholding or a prevarication that is pretty easy to see through.”
Very good. I 100% agree. And I like the particular way you put it. It looks like something is up when infps try to dissemble, and like they are definitely upset to be attempting it.
I think my point was more that when infjs dissemble, even if to them it isn’t even so much lying (lie or truth what is it), you can still tell (it would be a true super power if you couldn’t tell). Isfjs even more easy to tell, because their particular way of doing it seems to rely more on smoothness and tactical thinking and ugh guilt tripping/gas lighting than playing with truth. They way you can tell with ifjs is some time passes and you’re like wait a minute… no. Or, you feel messed with and can’t put your finger on it. That’s how you know it happened. So even if they are clever my point is that it does not go unnoticed except on the most unobservant unreflecting.
Um, a good literary example of this dissembling of INFJ would be Hamlet and his supposed madness. Was he truly mad or was he masquerading for an objective? Perhaps both?
The point is that with an INFJ (or ISFJ) it can be hard for them to even tell what is genuine or true within them, much less anyone else.
INFPs tend to draw sharp lines on authenticity and “resist and insist” as a popular description says of them when these values are transgressed. Part of the problem with INFJ is their moral ambiguity. They do not know what is “good” or “bad” in this sense and constantly question it.
Take the protagonist Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment (another INFJ character). He does not know if it is “right” or “wrong” to murder.
And I think a high instance of INFJ makes you question these things yourself.
This is why INFJs can be good at covering stuff up. They do not know if they are guilty or not. Are they doing something wrong? Or, are they doing something that may be considered “conventionally” wrong, but, they know deep inside it’s not (for them). There is also the issue of INFJ exemption – they often feel exempt from the normal rules of society, or at least, are fascinated with the prospect of such (Raskolnikov).
INFJs have a problem of identity. They do not know who they are. They want to find out what they are capable of. It is often no one’s business but their own.
An INFJ as a rule does not want to lie to other people. They prefer to tell the truth. INFJ’s natural mode for doing this is via art. Art tells the truth by lying. That’s one definition of it.
INFP is much more limited this way. It is a more cut and dry thing with them. There is “right” and “wrong” and it is pretty clear. Fi dominance. They need to know this information in order to operate as an entity.
INFJ doesn’t. INFJ has dominant Ni, which generates perspectives until infinity. They can slip in and out of perspectives.
And then, use their Fe to throw up smokescreens if they wish. This is a defensive use of Fe, to be sure, but, nonetheless, observable.
Or not observable. INFJ is hard to observe. If they don’t want to be seen, they have many powers of invisibility to cloak themselves if they wish. Or not even if they wish, just as a general instinct.
I’m not suggesting that INFJ is this master manipulator who does this consciously and in full control of themselves, but, rather as an innate instinct that they are likely not to understand either.
Which is one of the reasons that an INFJ can have such a problem finding out who they are. They have created all these different selves. Which one is the real them?
It’s hard to tell. For all parties. Except the most penetrating and insightful psychologists, which is to say to the few and far between.
As I read this comment thread about how INFJs might dissemble, I thought – hmm, I very, very rarely think of myself as telling an untruth on purpose, but I quite often have some interaction with someone where then afterward I dramatically second-guess myself. Did I really think that thing I told them I think? Did I really feel the way I felt at that time? Was I making it up? Did I do the right thing? It seemed like the right thing at the time, but then the more I thought about the situation and the perspectives of the other people in it, hmmm, maybe I’m a horrible person. Until I genuinely don’t know and just move around in a small cloud of guilt.
What a dumb way to be. If anyone develops a functions transplant system, please do let me know!
“Or not observable. INFJ is hard to observe. If they don’t want to be seen, they have many powers of invisibility to cloak themselves if they wish. Or not even if they wish, just as a general instinct.”
And
“I’m not suggesting that INFJ is this master manipulator who does this consciously and in full control of themselves, but, rather as an innate instinct that they are likely not to understand either.”
This is what you wrote Blake. And this below is what I wrote yesterday on Youtube in a comment. Uncanny but serendipitous.
–“This has been rolling around in my mind of late and it has come to me that I am reluctant. That at the same time as I am feeling invisible, I have cloaked myself. I do it reflexively even as I want to be seen and chosen in such instances, too. I do and I don’t. I am interested and yet timid.”–
And @ SeetheElephant, exactly, yes! And part of the problem is that the words I want are not coming and I’ve had to use the best I could find at the time, which can feel inaccurate if not a prickly a lie. I don’t want to lie. But I ommit with regularity. Part of me calls that tact, but part of me calls that ingenuine.
This is I hope the right place. I hope. I do try to be careful. Ugh.
I am having an clumsy writing day. Not, a prickly a — rather, a particular…
I’m not offended, merely, trying to point out that I sense a blaming and victim mentality in what you wrote. I don’t think you were joking. But, I’ll take you at your word.
Not 🙂
@ Michelle, my boundaries are vast and yes moveable and the lines people think I have are just that, their not knowing me. They can be better seen to be wide, if I feel I can open up. Though often I realize I was mistaken after the fact and think I ought to go hide now.
Obviously I don’t always see the lines drawn in the sand either.
I am not tech savvy, and am confused by the comments and replies. It seems others are able to reply directly under where they want and I go all the way back up to the reply button after the first relevant post, not seeing any reply buttons under the comment I want to answer. Can someone tell me how to set my comments in the right place?
Hi Blake!
Could you explain how you type writers through their work? I’ve seen Fitzgerald typed as both an INFJ and an ISFP. I’ve read arguments about how his affinity for description makes him a sensor, but everything about his intent kind of spells out INFJ. Or maybe even INFP, because Gatsby is portrayed as a victim of classism- though Fitzgerald’s lifestyle seems a bit too flamboyant for him to be a fierce supporter of the underdog.
Typically, Shakespeare is typed as an INFP, yet that profile confuses me because his works are fervently analyzed. Shakespeare’s work is cited as Freud’s inspiration. Frankly, all that sing praises of his work point out that the psychology of his most revered tragedies are insightful. Perhaps his works are over-analyzed, and Shakespeare was probably nothing but entertainment in his day, but if we presume that his writing lives up to its reputation, wouldn’t it make sense to assume that he had some form of Ni?
And for the record, what is George R.R. Martin’s type? Albeit, he is frequently referred to as some sort of broody INFP, but doesn’t his previous work in science fiction suggest that he might be an INTP of some sort?
If you could answer, that would be great! And please include your process for typing writing, if you will. Thanks!
I cannot explain here how I type writers. But, regarding Fitzgerald, he is not an ISFP. One clue is that I consider Fi to be the “mute” function and as such it is probaly the least verbal placement possible. Fe, on the other hand is the descriptive in all it’s full glory, especially in the auxiliary position. So, generally, when you run across a writer that seems to have been sent from heaven in their ability to describe in multifaceted ways the human condition with that compact and elegant economy of style, that is an INFJ. That is the work of the Fe-Ti axis backed by Ni (and Fi via id function). So, Fitzgerald and Shakespeare were INFJs. So were JD Salinger, DH Lawrence, Dostoevsky, and Hermann Hesse to give other examples. Anytime someone is or has been an epic novelist of some sort, suspect INFJ, especially, if these novels regard the human condition via dramas, tragedies, and poetics. Dylan Thomas was an INFJ. INFJs are all over the literary world. It is one area where they are not rare at all. And especially among renowned and enduring writers, INFJs become more and more common. Using the written word in an artistic manner is the INFJ domain par excellence. No type bests them in this regard. So, you will tend to see many INFJs among the novelists and poet population. They are all over the place there. And yes, the best novelist, playwrights, and poets that have ever existed tend to be INFJs. Not all, mind you, but, a hell of a lot.
Now, regarding George R.R. Martin, my first impression is that he is an ENTJ. Definitely not an INTP. For one thing, creating actual worlds is an extravert trait and referencing point. ENTPs are usually good at doing this (Issac Asimov)but I don’t thing Martin is an ENTP. Also, in the science-fiction and horror genres you are going to be seeing more xNxJs. Admittedly, I do not know much about Martin or The Game of Thrones series of books and adapted TV series, however it strikes me as having a lot of Te hierarchical element to it and also a lot of serious type business. It is also has historical component. It seems to me there are a lot of intricate timeline type relationships and sequences and such. I think some ENTJs are particularly good at and interested in coming up with these kind of conquest stories that never happened. Martin comes up with entire maps of the territory of the world. So, this implies extraversion as a dominant reference point and probaly a lot of Te, Se, and some form of intuition to invoke these worlds. So, that’s my take on it.
I will be writing more about typing via linguistic analysis in the future. Like so many other things.
May I join this comment and ask if Aldous Huxley was an INTP?
Why do you think he was an INTP? What stands out in him as an INTP? Who are others you consider as INTPs? Why does Huxley belong on this continuum?
OK, so here are my ideas!
I only read one book from him, which I liked a lot: The Doors of Perception (+ Heaven and Hell). The book is very personal, though, it’s Aldous’ quest to understand the topic that amazes him so much: drugs-perception-spirituality. So, I think it’s valid as a base for typing him. I also know a few things about his history and about his other works.
Overall, to me he seems an intuitive thinker. He plays all the time with ideas, ideals and concepts, and connects everything together using a logical reasoning. He’s a mix of journalist and philosopher.
His intuition corresponds well to Ne: he pulls ideas from a thousand different fields and sources, talking about religion, chemistry, psychology and philosophy, linking all of them without effort. It’s broad and fluid, like extraverted functions. He also cites a lot of names (names-dropping), and in general, gives the impression that he’s borrowing the ideas from the outside, as an observer, as a journalist would do. Because of this, I think he’s a NP.
Concerning his T side, he’s talking about drugs, culture, religion, and so on, all themes that are highly appealing to a F type, but his approach is always rational, logical and somehow cold. I find it hard to imagine a F type talking about these topics with such an approach (except maybe an INFJ, but then I think he has Ne, not Ni). Considering he’s a NTP, his T must be Ti. This fits quite well, in turn, because of his logical nature. He looks like a classic philosopher, asking questions and trying to answer them all along the book. He’s all the time trying to decode things, to discover how things work. To me, this seems more Ti than Te, leading to NTP, so far.
The tricky point to me is his introversion or extraversion. It’s difficult to guess just by reading the text. But then, my guess is he’s an introvert. He seems very self-centered, distant from the world. He’s an observer, rather than a player. Thinking now about the dominant function as the base function and the auxiliar as the communication, production or tool function, it makes sense. He’s using Ne ideas as tools to support and build his Ti system of how perception works, which is his goal. It seems to fit him more than the alternative that he’s using Ti as a tool to analyze the Ne ideas he deals with.
Having said this, I would even risk to say that his interest, or even obsession, with perception and spirituality could be a form of Fe-inferior. He’s trying to understand people, what moves people, how people see the world, and how the world affect them.
In the end, I think the “geeky philosopher” INTP stereotype fits Huxley well. It all seems consistent. I know another INTP, my oncle. He’s a theatre teacher, a kind of “theatre philosopher”. He’s very intellectual, in general. He’s also a bit unsatisfied, in my view due to the strong link between theatre and teaching and his inferior Fe. I also have a close friend INTP. I type them as INTPs becuase they are both clearly introverts, intellectually restless, inquisitive and bookworms (pointing to Ne), logical, and without any traces of Te (pointing to Ti).
Nice thoughts. However, I think Huxley very clearly fits into the INTJ classical mold. He is not really geeky in the INTP way and more of a serious, severe, and erudite thinker. I don’t see the Ne preference. I see Ni more. And INTJs can be very bookish, literate, and encyclopedic in their knowledge. Often, the difference is that INTPs come across childishly and innocently and with less tolerance for abstraction in a free-ranging sense. ENTPs have that, but, I don’t think Huxley is an ENTP at all. He fits the mold of a very serious and formidable thinker who was open to considering and fantasizing about dystopic futures, heavens and hells, psychedelic experience, but all in a very rigorous and straight line manner.
For an INTP thinker, I cite Eckhart Tolle. His writing is more characteristic of INTPs when they write about spiritual and mystical experience.
Blake,
Thank you so much for your insights into these personality types. I have read your articles numerous times and each time I learn something new.
I am an INFP. You describe me perfectly in INFJ vs INFP. I was wondering is there any type who would love and care in a soft romantic way and with the same authenticity and intensity as an INFP?
I recently had an experience with an INFJ very closely photocopying the article you wrote. At first it felt like heaven but very quickly became hell. I am just not equipped or interested in dealing with hard romanticism. I’m sure I would annoy the hell out of most INFJ’s. I would love to hear your insight on my question. Thank you.
I think the primary difference between INFJ and INFP in relationships is that whereas INFJs tend to be attracted to extraverted perceiving types, INFPs tend to be attracted to extraverted judging types. I think INFPs look for some measure of security from a partner. This implies Si. I think the perfect type for an INFP would be an ESFJ. At least in theory. I know of no actual pairing like this, but, then again, I don’t know of many INFPs personal lives either. It seems that INFPs expect a lot from a partner. They are idealists in the realm of relationship. I think they dream of a soul merger with one other special person, especially if they are a enneatype 9 INFP, which is where the vast majority of INFPs are. Because INFPs expect so much from a relationship, it will of course be hard to fulfill, similar to other NF temps. But, for them, perhaps the most difficult. It is as if INFPs need that deep relationship with another simply to function normally. I don’t know if this is always true. And perhaps it can be sublimated by having a number of deep friendships. But, that will probaly not be satisfying enough. INFPs needs someone that is deep but dependable or sensitive but dependable. That is why I said ESFJs as the ideal match for INFPs. Also, the extraverted feeling complements their introverted feeling, drawing them out of themselves, which they often need a partner to do. It is as if they are waiting for someone to come unlock them and discover who they are deep inside. And INFPs have everything to give to the right person. This is likely to be lost on the average INFJ who like Fiona Apple (an INFJ) in one of her songs has some guy saying to her, “love is a hell that I can’t bear.” It’s something like that for the INFJ male in particular, though unlikely to be known by them on a conscious level and without much experience of the vicissitudes of love.
But, INFPs are often sadly taken for granted and not fully unlocked in their full potential to love, which puts to shame all other types in their selflessness and devotion to the beloved. Hard for INFPs to find the one. And they don’t want to settle for any less than true love. They expect to be treated well. They can’t abide people that are violent or hurtful towards themselves or others and they are looking for someone who has something going on in their life beyond mere existence. They want to be with someone who has something special going on, not necessarily a person who is going to make a lot of money, but, a person who believes in something and is trying to better themselves and their circumstances. INFPs also want to love someone whom may be slightly unfortunate or marginalized, someone whom activates their sympathy and empathizing faculties.
But, many people might not appreciate their high-quality light of love and go shrinking and slinking back into the shadows. Or some people might not be interested in purity, devotion, kindness, and all those non-dramatic qualities of INFP love. It’s just not what a lot of people think is cool. Many people want drama, heartbreak, damage, or detachment in relationships. To get involved with an INFP, assuming they think you’re anything approaching soul mate material, is a daunting prospect indeed. You’re getting into the full deal of love when you get with them. And some people, like many INFJs, find that “love is a hell that they can’t bear.”
INFJs want drama and intensity from their relationships. They also want true love, but, their version of what that may be is more likely to resemble something like the movie Dracula. It is kind of gothic and medieval. Full of high drama and passion. Blood on the snow rather than quietly mended dove’s wings. INFPs are quiet and content in love. At peace. INFJs…restless and out for blood on some level.
So, that’s some of that.
Blake It’s SO interesting that you recommend ESFJ as the ideal match for INFP.
I am a female INFP and have dealt closely with two ESFJs; one male and one female. The male ESFJ – he and I would probably be together if he wasn’t one of my ex’s best friends. Unfortunately, he is no longer in my life, of my choice, for reasons that are directly related to our diametrically opposite dom functions.
The female ESFJ is a coworker who I work with very closely. Our relationship has been very complicated to say the least. We connect/disconnect in very different ways. I recognize the ways that she has tried to build Fe rapport with me – through inviting me to lunch, giving me gifts etc. And I also give her Fi support – through always patiently listening to her problems, letting her vent and confide in me, sometimes for HOURS. At work. But ultimately, at least from my perspective, we don’t really “connect”. And I think it’s because we just can’t reciprocate what the other really needs.
Because I let her vent, I hear so much of her actual feelings and can’t help but think she’s really judgmental. She’s cried in front of me many times and told me many personal issues that she goes through, but I just can’t bring myself to trust her enough for me to return the self-disclosure. I just instinctively know she wouldn’t understand my problems. I’m guessing she finds me hard to understand and cold because I often have to withdraw. And admittedly I haven’t always been that great at reciprocating her Fe efforts, but it’s really not by conscious choice.
I totally get what you mean by INFP’s desiring a soul merger with the beloved. I have had that before and it was with an ENFP. So personally I cannot endorse matches with FJ’s for INFP’s. Fi users are a better bet for getting our needs met 🙂
Interesting. Well, it is just a theory after all. I don’t have enough raw data to substantiate how often an INFP and an ESFJ would actually consider each other heavenly mates. I think there is something to it despite your two experiences. I do think it is somewhat of a challenging and possibly counter-intuitive relationship but one that in the long-term has the best prospects. It would probaly depend on the level of development of the people in question. I look at this type of relationship as the sort of thing one comes to when all other avenues have been exhausted. In a sense, it’s not what you think you want. And this thinking has a lot to do with being bound to id dynamics.
I have seen many people that seek the opposite attitude of the dominant function. And the switching of the auxiliary and the tertiary. There is something magical in this type of rapport.
Hi!
I am an infj with an infp boyfriend. We have been in a relationship for many many years and so I have experience of both infj and infp behavior. In contrast to a lot of infj:s in here, I can’t relate so much to the dark sides. Sure, I know about peoples dark sides and can analyze and see through a lot, and of course I have them too in my head, but when I feel someone is treating me in a bad way or something, generally I don’t use dark sides in me and use on them. As for my intp friend who hurt me, I just distanced me a little from her. I don’t feel the same absolute love for her anymore, but this is to protect myself from getting hurt, but I still like her as a friend and I care for her. As for my ex entp narcissistic boyfriend, I just doorslammed him before he took all my energy. I didn’t trashtalk him or anything, I just let him go. I feel lucky to have known him because I learnt so much from our relationship. I don’t feel like using dark sides against people, cause that would give me so much guilt and I would be unhappy constantly. And yes, I am an infj for sure. There are so many ways you can be an infj or any other type. Sometimes I get tired of mbti. My boyfriend who is an infp, he is the most caring man I know. He has a natural affinity, almost everybody likes him, my niece is liking him so much. There is a social lightness aura around him, and I have a much harder time with connecting and smalltalk. I feel totally safe with him. But yes, he also has his Fi and he is more egoistic. I tend to take care of him more in everyday life, with practical things like when he is sick, stressed at work etc, and he doesn’t have that in him so much. I read somewhere that infp is egoistic and they tend to want to create their own garden with a group of people who has the same values, and I can feel that sometimes. We are in his garden, but I love to be there and I can totally do everything I want to do. I feel totally free with him, and totally connected and safe too. I can feel he as an infp has more dark sides, he has an ego that he has a high intelligence (which he has) and is more competitive in accomplishing things in life. He sees things with a lot of different perspectives, and he opens up my mind.
Also I can’t relate to infj being fake and only caring about a few. I take in misery in the world so much I cry when I watch children and women hurt on the news. And even though I don’t meet some of my boyfriends friends that much, it is only cause I don’t have the energy to meet so much. I love all his friends and will always be there for them if they will be sick or in trouble. To take an example of how I feel as an infj for people I am not so close with. I still feel love and affection strongly for a lot of people.
I don’t know, I just wanted to comment on this thread. Sorry for bad english, not my native language…
Lisa, I am also with an INFP, or so we think. He does not fall very well within the shallow parameters I’ve often seen set for them, but having spent much time investigating type, there is still a very good chance he is. I can see that he is softer than I am. And more capable day to day, a strength I admire. And so devoted.
However, I wanted to address the dark side of an infj. I think you may have misunderstood the application. I don’t USE mine on people and I doubt most do. I go out of my way that no one perceives my dark side and have done a decent, if not perfect job of it. One of my friends even went so far as to confide in me about someone else’s darkness and I realized then that she knew me not at all.
No, my dark side is deep within. I am very gentle with people, to their face. If I am frustrated by people, I vent to myself or my husband. He is my best friend and confidant and he doesn’t even know the extent of my darkness. But he does know that people piss me off and make me crazy at times.
INFJ’s care deeply. They hurt deeply and would spare others the pain they know so well. I don’t consider myself fake. In the moment, I am very sincere, but my moments with people are when I am with them. When I go to be alone, I am like another person, for sure, mostly I just want to write, or learn. I don’t want to shoot the shit on the phone. I did that when I saw you last, I put all my energy into you and this is my time. Interruptions make me growl. If that is fickle or fake, then whatever. I don’t stop caring when I’m alone, but I am overwhelmed with this world and I can’t fix things for you, nor do I think I should.
Blake,
Thanks for your response to my comment about which type would be best for an INFP.
What do you mean when you say that in love INFJ’s are out for blood? A Dracula type experience? Are they predatory or users? Just wanting to understand what you mean.
Wow, these infj descriptions!!
As an infj in relationship with an infp I can only say that at least our relationship is working well, I really hate “drama and blood” and I love security, “soft romanticism” and deep connections which I get from my boyfriend.
Hi Amanda,
I missed Blake’s response to your question about which MB type is the best match for an INFP. Is it ESFJ?
Thanks!
Paul
Should probably ask Blake. I don’t remember what he said.
well this appears to have certainly confirmed that i’m an infj.
i feel very unknown, in the sense that many of my niceties seem artificial- meaning i feel rather manipulative. it can’t be helped, i guess, as i’d rather be charming than cause another person any drama. when i mistyped as an infp i always felt out of place and not soft enough in my feelings. i could really connect to what you were saying about the favouring of ‘hard love’, though i’m still rather young, i’m much more into dramatic acts of self sacrifice, than a candlelit dinner. also, my lowkey interest in gore now seems marginally less insane. so, thank you, i guess.
Interesting article. At first I wasn’t so pleased with it, but the author does make some salient points which seem to be fair enough after re-reading the piece. My major concern is that the points come off as a little too black and white for my taste, and the psychological types then become overgeneralized, or unhelpful stereotypes. After reading this, one is tempted to think that INFJs are intelligent badasses, and INFPs are naive, cuddly teddy bears. Any type has the potential to be super nice or cruel and selfish; John Lennon (supposedly an INFP and musician who wrote “Imagine”) was also a woman beater, and not at all your typical INFP in this regard. I personally know an incredibly selfish INFP, and one INFJ whose primary cognitive distortion is emotional reasoning.
I understand Myer’s Briggs makes generalizations, and that they can be very helpful and useful in understanding people, but making statements like INFPs abhor violence, or INFJs enjoy ideas for what they are can hamper the understanding of type theory…there is some potential harm in that one could tempted to take a short cut in determining their type or someone else’s by simply noticing individual preferences, instead of grasping the whole or larger picture of what each type really is. (And of course to achieve this great task, one must understand the cognitive functions.)
Still, cool article.
Best,
Fred
“INFJs, on the other hand, can be some of the biggest and most selfish assholes that you will ever meet. INFJs often seem nice and attentive on the surface, but that is just their Fe auxiliary, which is a show function. Deeper inside, they are quite amoral”
Weird that I am an INFJ and am very selfless- I always put others needs above my own. I care about how I make people feel. I pain deeply if I hurt (or potentially) another human being even if that human being has wronged me. So I question where you get your facts from. INFJ’s are misunderstood often and clearly this is the case in your “facts”. Also it is from my understanding that Gandhi was an INFJ not an INFP. But guess we would not know unless he himself told us so.
After I read this article (which btw I thought wow beautiful at the beginning) I was deeply pained. It weighed heavily on my heart. And it is from my studies and observations that INFJ’s tend to look like assholes on the outside but on the inside a profound love to give exists.
I also do not like violence of any sort. I do not like drama or conflict in my relationships.
There is much in this article about the INFJ that is further from truth (for myself anyhow). Typologies have much variance according to development of self. Just sad that such inaccurate information is put out there. Began feeling like I was reading a tabloid.
What is sad is that you are taking all this so seriously when there is really no grounds for doing so. For one thing, how do you know this information is inaccurate?
Yes, let’s talk about “facts”. The fact is that it isn’t a fact that Gandhi was an INFJ. That is not a fact. It is a majority opinion perhaps. But, what is this majority opinion based on? Well, you know how it is in this community. One person some time ago came up with the attribution of the type of INFJ to Gandhi. Then, another person read that, then another, and so forth, until it established itself as a “fact”. But, it isn’t a fact. I actually remember way back in the day (year 2000 or thereabouts) that Gandhi used to be typed as an INFP. Not that I’m basing my typing of him as an INFP off of this because I don’t even remember who said it or what their reasoning was.
Here is an interesting fact: A lot of people that are into this Myers-Briggs stuff get awfully upset when they lose a member who they thought was their type to some other type. This I have actually observed over and over again. Or if they hear less than perfect things about their type.
Myers-Briggs is not a sacrosanct religion. Nor is it a science. Appeals to authority on either one of those grounds are laughable. As are many of the comments on this site that purport to tell me I have my “facts” wrong.
No, the fact is that many INFJs (and other types) have gotten so attached to the majority opinion on what their type is like, that they have entered a bubble of sorts that has hitherto protected them from certain harsh realities, such as that INFJs might be -gasp- self-centered. In my opinion, INFJs are some of the most self-centered people in the economy of types. What other type pays such an inordinate amount of attention to what their type is, and read and rereads description after description on the lovely verities of their type? There is no doubt in my mind that INFJs are pretty self-centered types.
But, what you are missing dear Stacy, is that I do not condemn them for this. It is you who are inordinately hypersensitive to this supposed slight you think I have made against INFJs. Maybe I was utilizing a bit of hyperbole to make a point. It is interesting that so many INFJs who supposedly can read between the lines and not take everything merely literally and at face value, have such a problem with that statement you quoted.
Plus, if you aren’t like this, then, why are you taking such offense with it. Do you really think every INFJ is just like you? Some INFJs (or so they tell me) feel vindicated by this statement. They know what it means. So, what say you to those reports? Some people find my style of writing funny and refreshing. Some of them are INFJs. Maybe there is more to INFJs than is dreamt of in your (self-centered) philosophy.
Also, I never said that INFJs don’t feel deeply. A person can feel deeply and still be a selfish asshole. Revelation!
Blake, reading your response here it seems that you are taking things quite seriously yourself. I don’t quite understand the point of the first half of your response to this person. Enlighten me? I believe all of us know there are no concrete facts in this realm. It’s pretty implicit. It’s only natural then, that when the word “fact” is used in the context of Myers Briggs it’s not used in the usual manner because we are not in the usual context.
Anyways, more importantly, I want to touch on your response to this person whom you responded to pretty harshly for no apparent reason. You accuse her of being hypersensitive when her post shows nothing of the sort. It is your misinterpretation and bias towards INFJ’s being hypersensitive to this type of criticism that colored the way you read her comment.
On the one hand you say, “Myers-Briggs is not a sacrosanct religion. Nor is it a science”, and then a few sentences later you say, “**There is no doubt in my mind** that INFJs are pretty self-centered types.” If MBTI is not a sacrosanct religion, and if it’s not a science, that means it is pretty impossible to pin anything down to the point of having “no doubt”. Unless, of course, Fi says so regardless of the context, a fairly self-centered kind of thing to do.
As far as INFJ’s reading about their own type again and again. Rather than jumping to the conclusion they must be self-centered, have you considered INFJs may do this because that material is possibly the only thing that looks back and says, “I see you, you’re not alone, you make sense, and remember that you are valid.” There are very few things in Se reality which look back at Ni-Fe and say, “you’re okay”. You label this as self-centered. You really just don’t understand.
Your material in this post is painful because it is difficult to imagine people that already misunderstand you walking around with this kind of information in their minds and the emotional assault that would come from being around people harboring that sort of perspective towards oneself.
Listen, I get it, from your end, none of this is serious and it doesn’t matter and shouldn’t cause offense, but if you knew anything about how an INFJ truly ticks, you would know infinitely better than to say that. The fact you do write on this blog, this is material you are putting out into the world, it does make a difference, and for that reason, it is purposeful in nature. Because it is purposeful, it deserves respect, and if this blog deserves respect, then your words automatically take on the power to actually be offensive or painful or whatever else. As a side note, it’s clear to me stacy was not offended, she was pained by your response, but you assumed offense because that is how Fi guided you.
A person can feel deeply and still be a selfish asshole… especially true if we’re talking about Fi. Less true when we’re talking about Fe.
“I believe all of us know there are no concrete facts in this realm.”
Well, just because you believe that, don’t make it true. I have encountered many people that think because someone has been typed a certain way by someone somewhere along the line, that this is now an irrefutable fact somehow. So, no, not everyone understands that.
“Anyways, more importantly, I want to touch on your response to this person whom you responded to pretty harshly for no apparent reason.”
The primary reason I responded to her in the manner I did was because of her closing statement that stated that it is sad that I am putting so much inaccurate information out there and that the article was beginning to read like a tabloid.
How the fuck does she know if the information is inaccurate or not? She is one person who identifies as an INFJ. That’s what I mean by self-centeredness. If it’s not true for her, then, it must not be true for any other INFJ.
“It is your misinterpretation and bias towards INFJ’s being hypersensitive to this type of criticism that colored the way you read her comment.”
Perhaps. I am not exempt from bias and misinterpreting things. But, I stand by my own observation, experience, and perception of INFJs. This article was written from my point-of-view. I wouldn’t have responded to Stacy this way if she had left out her last statement. That is what pissed me off and why I responded in the manner I did. The arrogance of that statement is upsetting to me. Also, INFJs have a habit of writing in an apparently fair and balanced mode to finally conclude in an Fi manner of personal upset and anger. Basically, that is what Stacy wanted to say and that is how I perceived it. She was saying “its sad that there is a website like this putting such trash out into the world.”
However, none of that is backed up by anything but her own subjectivity and opinion into the matter. So, her statement is pretty much trash to me. When someone calls what I’m doing trash and accuses me of putting out misinformation I get upset. And I will express that upset if I want to in the manner of responding to that person however I please. If you have a problem with that, then, you might want to look into why.
“On the one hand you say, “Myers-Briggs is not a sacrosanct religion. Nor is it a science”, and then a few sentences later you say, “**There is no doubt in my mind** that INFJs are pretty self-centered types.” If MBTI is not a sacrosanct religion, and if it’s not a science, that means it is pretty impossible to pin anything down to the point of having “no doubt”. Unless, of course, Fi says so regardless of the context, a fairly self-centered kind of thing to do.”
Me saying that there is no doubt in my mind is a personal opinion that can be taken however you want to take it. I didn’t say my opinion was a religion or a science. It is a personal statement based on who I am and how I see this issue of self-centeredness.
You are making your own assumptions about the Fi thing. Again, its an opinion. Maybe you have a need to defend the wounded and those you think can’t take care of themselves. Stacy is a big girl. She can take care of herself. I treat everyone here as consenting adults.
“As far as INFJ’s reading about their own type again and again. Rather than jumping to the conclusion they must be self-centered, have you considered INFJs may do this because that material is possibly the only thing that looks back and says, “I see you, you’re not alone, you make sense, and remember that you are valid.” There are very few things in Se reality which look back at Ni-Fe and say, “you’re okay”. You label this as self-centered. You really just don’t understand.”
I didn’t “jump” to this conclusion. You are now doing the same thing you accuse me of. Who the fuck is jumping to a conclusion? That’s an assumption you are making.
Of course I have considered the “INFJ-validation” motive you mention. It’s only too obvious that INFJs read and reread descriptions of themselves to validate who they are. The only problem I have with this is when it goes too far and becomes an excuse to not participate in the world because the world is too Se etc. Well, it has gone too far in my opinion. Thus, what I wrote. If it doesn’t resonate with any given INFJ, then, they are free to disregard it and move on to something else. It’s just when any given INFJ says that the information is inaccurate for all INFJs that I get rankled. Insularity and self-centeredness that is not helpful. Taking refuge in a bubble of your own self-importance, rarity, specialness, etherealness is not healthy.
Whether or not you think I understand is your opinion. I maintain that I do understand. I simply do not support it.
“Your material in this post is painful because it is difficult to imagine people that already misunderstand you walking around with this kind of information in their minds and the emotional assault that would come from being around people harboring that sort of perspective towards oneself.”
Well, you are simply taking the same assumptive stance as Stacy – that I don’t understand, that I’m wrong, and on top of that I’m not being nice about it. Basically, you are doing the same thing you accuse me of – assuming some certainty where there is none. Your interpretation could be flawed as well. But, I’m not hearing any doubt about that. I agree that there are no facts in this field. What I don’t like is when people assume there are in the same spirit that they accuse me of. INFJs do this all the time. There is a word for this. It’s called “hypocrisy”. Often, INFJs will deliver this message in a “mock outrage” manner. “O, I’m just protecting Stacy.” That’s not what I see. You just want to get on the indignance train.
You could have just said that you thought I was being harsh to Stacy, but, no, you are basically trying to say a similar thing to her couched in a feeling argument. But, still, no facts, no evidence. Yes, perhaps I was being hypersensitive. So what? Am I not allowed to be human or something. You could start a blog and be biased, hypersensitive, cruel, demeaning, truthful etc. I don’t see myself as having any particular responsibility to be unemotional, unbiased, objective etc. I have never stated this anywhere. It should be obvious from my tone across this website that I am writing subjectively and this is my take on MB. And I can do that. If someone doesn’t like my tone, then, that is tough shit. Some people like it, some don’t. If Stacy was offended she can go away. Or comment back saying she was offended. I post all comments unless they are totally useless. If Stacy wants to reply, she is fully capable of doing so. She doesn’t need you to pity her and defend her. She’s a big enough girl to have an opinion and post it on my site. Talk about assumptions being made. Jesus.
“Listen, I get it, from your end, none of this is serious and it doesn’t matter and shouldn’t cause offense, but if you knew anything about how an INFJ truly ticks, you would know infinitely better than to say that.”
If you get that, then, what’s your problem? However, that is another assumption you are making so I will address it. You assume that I don’t take any of this seriously, but, that is not true. It’s not black or white to me. Its all mixed up. The blackness, the humor, the hyperbole, the truth. Anyway, I don’t take it that seriously. As I said, its not a sacrosanct religion or a hard science. Many people treat it that way. I ain’t one of them. I actually go out of my way to point out that neither is the case.
You are again assuming that I don’t know how an INFJ ticks and that you somehow implicitly do. Also, that if I did understand how an INFJ ticks, I wouldn’t have said what I said. So, an assumption on top of another assumption.
“The fact you do write on this blog, this is material you are putting out into the world, it does make a difference, and for that reason, it is purposeful in nature. Because it is purposeful, it deserves respect, and if this blog deserves respect, then your words automatically take on the power to actually be offensive or painful or whatever else.”
Yes, it is a fact that I do write on this blog and that it does go out into the larger world. Here we have hit upon the first fact in this whole missive.
You then revert back to making a few assumptions. Or opinions. That it does make a difference is a vague kind of concept. But, lets assume that it does make some kind of difference what I write, which I believe it does. This means that what I write has the power to affect other people.
It is purposeful. Yes and no. I might just be expressing what I see for my own fun. It doesn’t necessarily have a serious and weighty purpose as you are implying. I don’t look at it exclusively like that.
It deserves respect because it is purposeful. Assumption.
It is up to each individual to decide how they will take/interpret the information on this site. I’m not a spoonfeeder. If people don’t want to eat this stuff, then, they don’t have to. I don’t care that much. I’m not a guru. I do consider myself as having a certain amount of authority in this field. But, beyond my estimation of that authority, that authority is ultimately vested, or not, by my readers. Many people seem to trust me for exactly the reason that I am honest and call things as I see them. Other people perceive that as being harsh. Some people accuse me of being a sociopath. Whatever. Doesn’t change anything. I will still say what I see. I have the freedom to do so and you have the freedom to disagree, not be here, etc.
“As a side note, it’s clear to me stacy was not offended, she was pained by your response, but you assumed offense because that is how Fi guided you.”
I’m glad that is clear to you.
It is clear to me that you are trying to stand up for Stacy to prove that INFJs are not self-centered and care about others pain or mistreatment.
Which leads me to your final statement in which you quote me.
“A person can feel deeply and still be a selfish asshole… especially true if we’re talking about Fi. Less true when we’re talking about Fe.”
How perfect. Exactly. INFJs can care for others deeply (often to their own detriment) and still be self-centered. Yes, they are not mutually exclusive.
And I am talking about Fi. INFJs have Fi very deep in their nature, in the form of an id function. I allude to this all the time on the site. It causes them to feel deeply for others, try to protect and save others often to their self-undoing, and that is what I am alluding to in this article. Yet, INFJs are very self-centered as a rule (Ni dominance). It all fits together to me. It seems something in the nature of a psychological fact or truism (as much as there can be facts in such an inescapably subjective field): A person can feel deeply, be deeply empathetic with others and be a selfish asshole. Sure, why not? Happens all the time. Just check out the personal biographies of some of the greatest artists that have ever existed, many of who are/were (mostly were) INFJs in my estimation. Total self-centered assholes that were incredibly sensitive and caring and aware of the suffering of the human condition. That’s more a rule rather than an exception.
At any rate, thanks for commenting even though I think you are making many assumptions yourself.
And I love you.
Better?
OK, I love Stacy too.
You present perfectly as an INFJ. Broad knowledge delivered with incisiveness as opposed to technicality. Concerned, teaching but with irreverence and a detachment that keeps the conversation flowing around your emotions. They’re there, but *over* there. Under the surface. Personable cutthroat. Approachable but not knowable. Kind but not nice. Polite but not friendly. Concerned but detached as I said. Infj.
^ Dude! You are so on point. Which is probably why I thought he was an ENTP at first. INFJs who’ve found their mojo can look like just like them, with that caring but not caring if they look like they’re caring. And then his disdain for empiricism. And the championing of feeling values through thinking processes. Ha! You’ve been outed Blake. Wacha gone do?
I agree that Blake is INFJ! No other type can write so brilliantly without giving a fuck!
Really? Blake is an INFJ? I’m not sure, i think he’s an ENTP. Let’s debate! Here are my arguments:
– I doubt an INFJ would be so concerned with putting people in a category (except when it comes to define what an INFJ is or how this type relate to INFJs).
– I find Blake’s reasonning really technical and deep in general, especially when it comes to the different functions of each type.
– Then there’s his love for Nietzsche…
– ButI don’t think he has a “broad” knowledge per se, because he seems to not want to pay attention to some stuff. For example, newest music, or new technologies. He doesn’t care. And I think to have a “broad” knowledge you have to be interested in lots of stuff, but (as a result) in a superficial manner.
– The fact that he’s doing marketing on his site…
– He’s definitely funny. Probably one of the funniest blogger I read.
– Also, sometimes I think he’s tryin’ to covert the fact that he’s an ENTP by asking other ENTPs to answer questions about ENTPs:” Friendly ENTP commentator Luka might answer this one.”
So what do you guys think?
http://strawpoll.me/6112311
I always want to avoid these “What type is Blake?” discussions because it’s another Ti rabbit hole for me. AND on top of that he’ll never tell so we’ll never know for sure but here I go.
If Blake is an INFJ, he is a disgustingly highly-functioning one. And I would have to ask who his Mr. Miyagi is, because the level of self-training would be insane. I think Blake is way too confident about how INFJs can find happiness for he himself to be an INFJ. Also to be an INFJ and have that much insight into how they operate and be one himself…again, would be insane, to be able to write without more bias. INFJs are obsessed with the question of WHO AM I AND WHERE DO I BELONG, and also obsessed with the inability to grab the answer when it is being shoved down their throat. We have a very strong habit and addiction to looking for ourselves and also not being able to find ourselves. It’s our own reliable little drama. Blake consistently extinguishes this INFJ habit, touting Fe as “the solution” – no more, no less. Or perhaps Blake was an unhappy INFJ once upon a time…but one fateful day he found his Fe skeleton key and never looked back? And now he’s created this blog to tell the INFJs all that he has learned, self-help style? THE END HAPPY STORY? Hmm…I highly doubt it…hmm…
If Blake is an INFJ, I would be concerned that we are all fucked. Lol.
I agree with Julie. if I had to pick, I would say ENTP. This would sorta be cute because I do sorta see Blake as a candidate for “INFJ Whisperer” and he lists the ENTP as the “perfect” match for the INFJ. It would sorta make sense in this way, Blake as an ENTP. And his appreciation for Luka the commenter, yes.
But Julie, even though we agree, your reasoning feels a bit off to me.
You say: “I doubt an INFJ would be so concerned with putting people in a category (except when it comes to define what an INFJ is or how this type relate to INFJs).”
I say: No. I was going to ramble but see Blake’s comment on his “Why Type People?” article. Quote –>
“For example, I think there is considerably more to INFJs than is commonly known about, but, as soon as I start to voice my views, I run into opposition from people that have so identified with the former accepted label and definition of what an INFJ is, they essentially don’t want any new perceptions or speculations about this type. It is “finished”. They just want to hear further reiterations and reaffirmations of what has come before. Like a dictionary definition. INFJs in particular, as a temperament, have this particular Ti bias in a unique way. No other type reacts so vehemently against a destabilizing of a definition as they do. Why? Because of a unique psychological need of the INFJ type for an ultimate and static definition of this thing called “self”.
In short, an INFJs search for Self-definition doesn’t just apply to them, but to others as well.
You say: “I find Blake’s reasonning really technical and deep in general, especially when it comes to the different functions of each type.”
I say: I think I know what you’re trying to say here…maybe, hehe. But what I took away from it, and what I agree with, is that Blake is a Ti-master, he can keep going and going like an Energizer Bunny…and I think that speaks to both breadth of ideas (Ne) AND depth/precision of word choice (Ti). Speaking of breadth…
You say: “I don’t think he has a “broad” knowledge per se, because he seems to not want to pay attention to some stuff.”
I say: I actually get the impression that Blake DOES have a broad knowledge – music, films, books, history, astrology, psychology, sociology etc etc. “Broad” means “wide-ranging,” no? That’s a lot of topics right there! Just because someone chooses not to dive into certain things doesn’t mean they don’t have a broad knowledge. It speaks to a preference. It seems to me that Blake likes to focus on “what works” and he is of the opinion that new technologies, for example, often cause more distraction and life-sucking than good. Again, I would say ignoring certain genres or decades of music or technologies would simply be a matter of preference and nothing more. There is just too much information out there. Where does the “narrow” end and the “broad” begin? Also, why does broad have to automatically yield surface-level? There are many intelligent well-informed people I know who just have really absorbent brains on what seems to be every damn topic. And they can talk for hours on any one. Where does the “surface” end, and the “depth” begin? Broad and deep knowledge, sighted! So this is why your comment on the knowledge confuses me.
The marketing comment! Good catch. Though I think that could be learned. Who knows, maybe Blake loathes marketing down to his soul. Maybe Blake throws up in a bucket every time he mentions contributing monies on this site. We don’t know. THIS WHOLE SITE COULD BE AN EXERCISE IS ROLE-PLAY FOR BLAKE. OMG
Again, while I am leaning toward ENTP, he could have just had good business training. Plus, we’re going strictly off Blake’s writing and maybe voice. Has anyone seen Blake on video so we can see his eyes and hand movements and stuff? But ooh, voice…if someone was skilled in typing by listening to the way people talk, hmm…HMMM Jesus that’s another conversation. But that might help with this mystery, listening to Blake’s audio posts. How much Fe is there? Ne? Ti? Anyhoo, one more…
You say: “He’s definitely funny. Probably one of the funniest blogger I read.”
I say: Definitely? I know other people who read this site who can’t stand Blake’s writing. And don’t find him funny. What was your point here? Also, are you saying INFJs aren’t funny? RUDE…
Okay, I think that’s it for my response to Julie!
As for Lene…you sound like you are describing an ENTP to me. Not an INFJ. Most of what you described feels (yes, I go by “feeling” when I form opinions) like Fe tertiary to me. I suppose it could be Fe aux, but honestly the way Blake writes doesn’t feel emotionally unrestrained enough for me. It feels icing-like, not cake-like, like an INFJ on a Fe bender would sound. Plus, many INFJs actually care what people think of them, have shitty boundaries, etc…you don’t sound like you are describing an INFJ.
But then again, INFJs look like all sorts of types, so will we ever fucking know WHO BLAKE REALLY IS WAHH
p.s. if you want to see a bunch of INFJ writings, go look at cacofony.com wrote too much i don’t like it bye
After a few days on this site, I thought ENFP, seems very Ne to me. But then I started thinking maybe ENTP.
So my vote, at the risk of being wrong, is ENTP.
Honestly, it kind of irritates me to read this description of INFPs. How do we stop other people from taking us for granted?
Elaborate.
Looks like I was actually replying to your comment in which you said “INFPs are sadly taken for granted”. If you mean by people in general, I can attest to this and I think (Based on my personal experiences) that it’s the direct result of having Fi as a dominant function. Which generally leads to the following things:
1. Because Fi is introverted, I have to express my feelings through actions that other people may not recognize as ways of caring by conventional standards (Fe standards). I don’t verbalize the feelings that I have, because it feels feels strange and manipulative i.e. “I am taking this grand magnanimous action because I care so deeply for you”. I unconsciously strive to serve peoples’ subjective needs, but it often feels like other people don’t return that, which leads to resentment, and in extreme cases, a Te bitch slap.
2. Because Fi is so bound to the subjective, I often have NO IDEA that someone is objectively not treating me right unless everyone around me says so. Maybe no idea is an exaggeration. But I tend to make excuses for them because I see people as whole human beings and I naturally just see their POV.
I have come to realize this year that I “receive” people’s subjective selves…as in, people share with me the thoughts, feelings, and experiences (often negative) that they probably don’t show to the rest of the world. The sides of them that are not always socially acceptable. I never criticize or judge them, I just listen and try to understand. Yet I have also come to realize that for the people who do this, I unconsciously have this expectation that they do the same. (My theory is that this is because Feeling functions – especially when dominant – demand reciprocity.)
And when they don’t reciprocate or accept me as I am, I feel a deep sense of resentment. And by not reciprocating, I mean they do not understand or try to understand when I do things that may seem “selfish” or hard to understand.
For most people who do not reciprocate, this just results in disconnection. For the people who are close to me, this has lead to the Te bitchslap. In which I unload all my emotions at once through very clearly and objectively cutting them out of my life. This can be anything from defriending them on Facebook without explanation, letting them know an explanation through email, etc… It’s not an ideal way of managing my relationships because I know people can’t read my mind. But the times that I have had to resort to this, it has given me peace, like a balance has been restored in the universe.
So my question is:
How can INFP’s express or deal with their feelings so that they can:
1.) Get the appreciation they need or build more realistic expectations
2.) More productively manage conflict
3.) And in general, interact with people that they do not naturally connect with through Fi (which I have had very mixed experiences with)
Hope that’s enough of an elaboration? I’d be happy to clarify things.
You initially said, “Honestly, it kind of irritates me to read this description of INFPs. How do we stop other people from taking us for granted?”
So I wrote a little article on it. Feel free to comment there.
“So my question is:
How can INFP’s express or deal with their feelings so that they can:
1.) Get the appreciation they need or build more realistic expectations
2.) More productively manage conflict
3.) And in general, interact with people that they do not naturally connect with through Fi (which I have had very mixed experiences with)
Hope that’s enough of an elaboration? I’d be happy to clarify things.”
I’ll have to think about that more. I was planning on coming up with some solutions for INFPs in a similar manner I did with INFJs with an appeal to the magic of activating the auxiliary function. So, stay tuned. And good questions and comment. Very thorough, concise, and articulate.
Blake, a question/observation for you.
I’ve noticed a lot of people will come to your comments and have fairly powerful upset feelings about the “mean things” (…) you’re writing about INFJ types. Like it seems extremely important to some people to hear that INFJs are gentle forest elves who are telepathic and loving and born to uplift the world through being special.
But I have also noticed that – this is true for me personally – others feel this intense sense of recognition and being understood at reading these very same “mean things”. Like the hard vs soft romantic thing, I recognize that very deeply, I am not at all sentimental and in fact find sentimentality revolting – I get very snobby feelings about it. But I do have that hard-edged romantic thing. Or the thing about violence, I absolutely, 100%, relate to that, I have always had a fascination with violence and the people who do it, even as a child. (Don’t worry people, I am personally very non-violent.) Or the thing about superficial niceness vs secret interior assholeness, that is also extremely recognizable to me.
So what do you think is going on here? Do you think there are lots of people who think they are INFJ types but are maybe actually INFP types, but relinquishing the preferred label is very upsetting, and so they will argue very hard that you are wrong in your assessments of INFJ ways of being? Or do you think there are groups of INFJs who are genuinely nice and angelic, the way they are described by many other MBTI writers, and then people like me, who are secret jerks?
I am also prepared to believe that I am not actually an INFJ, for that matter. It’s just confusing to me that so many people seem to prefer soft-focus “business astrology” takes on INFJ (or INFP or whatever) that put the emphasis on the wonderful-but-extremely-vague traits that are supposed to exist in that type, rather than the accepting the enormous gift of having your shadows seen and understood and reflected back to you so you can understand them yourself. And I’m curious where this split comes from.
“So what do you think is going on here? Do you think there are lots of people who think they are INFJ types but are maybe actually INFP types, but relinquishing the preferred label is very upsetting, and so they will argue very hard that you are wrong in your assessments of INFJ ways of being?”
Yes, there are definitely some people that think they are INFJs when they are INFPs. So, that is causing part of the disconnect. I think many people think INFJs are nicer because of their auxiliary Fe. However, orienting with dominant Ni has a much different tone than orienting with dominant Fi. For one thing, it creates a huge self-orientation. INFJs and INTJs are both very full of themselves. INFJs use Fe to conceal this. Often. Sometimes they don’t. Which brings me to my second point – the auxiliary function doesn’t have to operate. So, many INFJs are quite harsh because of the unadorned Ni ego-orienation. Ni doesn’t give a fuck about being nice or morality or the like.
Anyway, yes, I think many that are INFPs misidentifying as INFJs. And that is because a lack of understanding about how an INFJ’s functional preferences would operate. Actually, what I see is that INFJs have come to resemble INFPs more in the current descriptions and INFP descriptions are more watered-down versions of that. So, I say INFJs aren’t nice. They are self-centered. Because basically Ni is being misdescribed. Ni vies with Te as the harshest function of the lot.
“Or do you think there are groups of INFJs who are genuinely nice and angelic, the way they are described by many other MBTI writers, and then people like me, who are secret jerks?”
I’m sure there are some INFJs who are relatively nice and angelic. I mean, I have said that they present this way via their auxiliary Fe and I wouldn’t consider that false or ungenuine. And then there is the whole burning mission thing coming from Ni mostly. It depends how you mean angel. There is the new-age connotation of angels. And then there is some poet like Rilke’s conception of thus: “Every angel is terrible.” I think a lot of the misconception has a lot to do with language and culture of late. INFJs used to have somewhat of a harder edge in the prevailing descriptions.
I’ll put it this way. If an INFJ is happy and fulfilling themselves then I think they can be the most absolutely heavenly of all types. But, if they are not, and furthermore, if they are falling down in some way, then they can be the most tortured and fucked up of all types. The INFJ type has the highest heights and the lowest and most abysmal depths as potentials. In today’s day and age, I see few INFJs meeting the higher description. Most seem to be somewhere in the middle. And Ni dominant types don’t fare to well in the middle grounds. The most interesting INFJs are the ones that have been to the burning grounds or risen to incredible heights. Often, they are one and the same because the road to heaven is paved through hell. In order for an INFJ to reach the greatest heights they have to have sunk to the lowest depths.
On the other hand, this isn’t true for an INFP.
So, when an INFJ is at the depths or heights it is much easier for me to say, “Yes, that is definitely an INFJ type rather than an INFP type.” But, for a middling INFJ, it is a lot harder for me to tell. The middle is the middle, you know. A lot of stuff clusters there.
INFJs can have a huge dark side. Dark Side of the Moon was written by an INFJ about an INFJ. It was also one of the best-selling albums of all time, if not the best-selling album of all time. So, INFJs are popular too. They can make all their darkness palatable. I think the INFJ’s dark side is one of the most interesting things about them.
Fucking angels. Ugh. Do people even know what angels are?
Probably around 70% of what is written about INFPs in this article pertains to me. I’ve always thought about getting certified to do some unglamorous, ho-hum job that isn’t very stressful, but pays the bills well so I can focus on everything I like to do outside of work. I was never much of a career-climber, that sort of thing often strikes me as just sort of souless and uninteresting. I don’t live for that sort of thing. It doesn’t bother me to stay at a lower position on the work hierarchy even though it pays a bit less and doesn’t have as much social status/prestige associated with it. My real life is lived on my own time doing what truly interests me, and I don’t want to have to waste all of my energy and time doing highly stressful and demanding jobs that don’t leave me any room to do much of anything else. At some point I’m just going to die anyway and no one will care what job I had, so might as well focus on the things that are more personally meaningful instead. I also prefer more easy-going types of relationships. The INFJ love battles and attraction to violence as described in the article are definitely not for me.
I’ve known several infjs intimately. For whatever reason. And they are not as nice as they FIRST seem. At first, you will feel completely understood which is NICE. But over time, I find that another side emerges. A very independent side. I don’t equate this with them being arrogant or full of themselves, but it is very independent energy, which can rub the wrong way at times. If you are tough yourself and not in need of extreme interdependence, it won’t even bother you. I find they value independence in others as well so if you’re independent yourself it’s nice.
soft-focus “business astrology”
lol horrible. Love the description though. It’s like Charmin.
http://www.personalityhacker.com/infp-vs-infj/.
I found this article the other day and It really has helped me understand the differences between the two. After reading this and living my whole life with, first an infp mom and now isfp husband, I believe fi is soooo much more self centered than infj. They really can’t help but be. That’s how their brains function. Everything is based on their own internal feelings. Which is great if they’ve had positive emotional experiences but very bad if they have not. They can really see monsters where none exist. I’m not disagreeing that infj’ aren’t also self centered just in a different way.
“I believe fi is soooo much more self centered than infj. They really can’t help but be.”
Fi is like self as a reaction to other selves. Ni is the self. The one and only immutable everlasting self. Fi could be considered pretty selfless by that definition, especially in the INFP type. Ni seems to be the very definition of “self-centered”. Literally. It is a self that is absolute and uninfluenced by all other selves that it might meet. It does not accommodate other versions of self. It has a strong sense of identity that is taken from some absolute and uncompromising singularity.
Fi types may be self-absorbed (but so are INFJs due to their id Fi) and seem to be very self-involved with their precious reactions. All feeling is a reaction to something. As a matter of fact, all introversion is like this – reactive, but, Fi most of all. So, I don’t know, it seems to me that Fi would be the most selfless of all the introverted functions.
A lot of this discussion seems to revolve around how “self” is defined and understood as well as the concept of being “self-centered”. The latter term is often used pejoratively. I don’t use it that way. When I say “self-centered” I mean it more neutrally, which is simply to say someone who forms a pivot or a fulcrum reference point on this “self” that we are talking about.
Ti and Si seem to form a self more out of objective considerations. I consider both thinking and sensation to be inherently object-oriented, or having an extraverted focus, even if they are in the introverted attitude. So, this tends to mean that a Ti or Si dominant will tend to reference their sense of self to the object.
Fi and Ni are usually considered the two most subjective and inarticulate functions. Probaly the hardest to describe in conventional objective terms.
However, I see Fi as being doubly reactive because it is feeling and is further qualified by being feeling in introverted attitude, which, as I said, all introversion is inherently reactive. Reactive to what? The object.
I suppose Ni could be considered this way too, but, I see intuition as being causal and sensation being reactive to it, so it is a bit of a conundrum with intuition in the introverted attitude.
At any rate, I see Fi as more inherently reactive and thus potentially accommodating than Ni because it takes its sense of self and definition from other selves. It readily internalizes the values of others (its inherited clan) and I think experiences itself as a member of some group, which it experiences a primal imprinting from.
Ni? No, Ni is not readily influenced by anyone from the very get-go. It takes its imprinting and orders from some higher and absolute self, which it will be very selfish about maintaining. Because of this, Ni types can come off as “self-centered”, ie, not taking the needs and values of others into consideration, and by implicit extension, not allowing those values and needs to be imprinted on the self so as to groom that self for conformance to the group/herd values and behavior. Fi, on the other hand, has this grooming and conformance as its modus operandi. It’s really hard to see how that is “self-centered”.
Now, if Fi decides at some later date to rebel against its inherited values, clan etc. it can be particularly absolute and unable to be reasoned with in this regard. As I said, Fi is the most reactive of all functions. And when it swings to the other extreme it can be quite recalcitrant, stubborn, tricky, dangerous, and insistent on its way. It is at this point, where it reliquishes its bonds to the object and becomes completely rogue.
But, usually, starting out, Fi dominants are quite happy to be dependent on other stronger selves for its imprinting and sense of self. More to the point, it seems that Fi needs to have this imprinting in order to have a sense of self to start with. Fi is functionally setup to receive impressions and values in the dominant position. Also, in the id position, which has implications for INFJ and ISFJ types as well.
Read my article on introverted feeling for more elaboration of where I am coming from. If you want.
A lot of this discussion seems to revolve around how “self” is defined and understood as well as the concept of being “self-centered”. The latter term is often used pejoratively. I don’t use it that way. When I say “self-centered” I mean it more neutrally, which is simply to say someone who forms a pivot or a fulcrum reference point on this “self” that we are talking about.
You’re right, I get it. Living with an isfp who is very reactionary often feels very frustrating because he can’t see other peoples point of view. Which in a more traditional use of self centered is the way I was understanding fi. But I get if we are talking fi in the sense of identity then, yeah, they are selfless.
How is fi different in an infp vs infp? Or is it different? Is it just presented differently because of different auxiliary functions?
Now for my astrology question. I have Mars in Sagittarius, does that mean that all of my Mars aspects have a Sagittarius feel or flavor to them? I have a lot of Mars energy in my chart and I see a lot of Sagittarius in myself. I’m also a Pisces sun and I know that Jupiter is the traditional ruler of Pisces. Do you think Jupiter has an effect on Pisces. If so, how?
I know an INFP, and she’s into violence and is incredibly fake. She relishes in gossip and is very pretentious, very concerned with how everyone sees her. I’m an INFJ, and I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, and I abhor violence. On principle. I think it’s bad to dwell on the evil of the world, as that perpetrates more violence. It is desensitizing and makes it seem commonplace. And I am not fake nice. I am always polite to everyone and want everyone to be happy and feel good when they’re around me. I do genuinely care about people whether I know them or not. I want to help out everyone I meet. I want to radiate love and empathy toward everyone. Everyone describes me as being a big sweetheart or angel. Calling INFJs assholes seems horribly incorrect, as they are romantic save the world types. Any support of violence I may have comes from the idea of rebellions against corruption. I totally support that.
“I know an INFP, and she’s into violence and is incredibly fake. She relishes in gossip and is very pretentious, very concerned with how everyone sees her.”
I doubt she is an INFP. What you have described is pretty much the antithesis of INFP. In any event, even if she was an INFP somehow, she would certainly not be a typical instance of the type and so your comment would only prove that the exception confirms the rule. I think most people would agree that INFPs are not like you have described your friend.
“I’m an INFJ, and I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, and I abhor violence.”
I’m a little less certain about this, but, I doubt you are an INFJ. My first impression of your comment mixed with your blog picture, blog description, and the kind of photographs that you shoot scream ENFJ at me.
Now, ENFJs don’t abhor violence, but, they are less likely to see their capacity for violence than an INFJ who receives, rather than transmits along the axis of Ni-Se. ENFJs receive along Fe-Ti and transmit Ni-Se. In short, ENFJs are likely to perceive themselves as peaceful and mellow but other people see them as very overtly intense and physically threatening.
I see this in you. INFJs tend to be more retracted, less visceral. ENFJs are in your face and have a sort of physical threat to their demeanor. I think they aren’t often aware of their intensity and overbearingness.
Anyway, that is what I think for what it is worth.
As an INFJ with Libra Sun and Aries Moon, I can definitely relate to your description of an INFJ, though it may be a bit extreme in some parts. But thanks to you, I can finally confirm my MBTI type.
I like a lot of these observations, but I’m sensing a bit of an imbalance in how the two types are represented comparatively. You tend to portray INFJs as magical, INFPs as earthy. INFJs as philosopher-visionaries and INFPs as woolly-minded Bridget Joneses. INFJs as dark Miltonic heroes and INFPs as ethereal angels. Ultimately, you tend to emphasize the NF-complexity of the INFJ while
de-emphasizing that of the INFP; the INFJ is ambiguous and intuitive, the INFP more or less shelved as fluffy, vulnerable, precious, and harmless.
I approve of your examples of INFJ writers (Salinger, Dostoevsky, D.H Lawrence, Fitzgerald), but you do not provide an equal sampling of INFP writers despite their major contributions to literature (in the case of Anglo-American literature, people like Virginia Woolf, Henry James, E.M. Forster, Emily Bronte, William Faulkner, plus scores and scores of poets like Keats, Tennyson, Pound, Yeats, etc.). Analyzing the INFP perspective and technique of INFP writers would help to refine your representation of the type as a whole.
The reason for this is I do not have as much certainty about INFPs, so, I can hardly make declarations about them that I am unsure of. As for famous INFJs, such as some of the ones you mentioned, I am quite certain that this is the INFJ type and no other. And yes, to me, INFJs do seem to stand out in a much more definite manner than INFPs.
As for your declaration regarding INFP writers, I do not know that any of those people you listed are INFPs. Some of them are definitely INFJs in my book and so I could hardly make assumptions regarding INFPs from writings and biographies that I consider to be INFJ.
If you could explain to me why some of those writers are INFPs, perhaps, that would be more helpful. Why is Yeats an INFP for example? Seems like an INFJ to me. Ditto for Keats. And probaly Virginia Woolf as well. The other writers I am less familiar with.
As far as Salinger, Dostoevsky, Lawrence, and Fitzgerald are concerned, I am familiar with them and I feel pretty confident saying that they are instances of the INFJ type.
If you could acquaint me with some writers that you feel are INFPs and provide a case for why they must be INFP and not INFJ for example. It is clear to me that many of the greatest writers and poets were people of the INFJ type. They are not at all rare in that world. And the greater the writer, the more likely it seems they are INFJ. Why? Well, probaly for the similar reason that many of the worlds greatest athletes have been Se auxiliary types. A certain type tends to stand out in a particular field and dominate it almost exclusively in its highest echelons.
It may be true that INFPs are some of the greatest writers but I wouldn’t know, either because I am not attracted to INFP type writings or just because I am not well-read enough. I’ve never read Wuthering Heights, for example. Don’t know much about Emily Bronte. But, she could be an INFJ too. I just don’t know as of yet.
From my perspective, it seems that Ni dominant types rule the world of literature. Which is not to say that INFPs aren’t writers, but, I don’t think they tend to be the greatest writers. The only writer that comes to mind that I feel pretty sure is an INFP is J.K. Rowling, the woman who wrote the Harry Potter series of books. And I’m not very familiar with her work except via the adaptation of it via the movies that were made from her Harry Potter series.
So, give me an instance of an INFP writer and a case for why they must be an INFP and no other type.
I have nothing to back my assertions other than my gut feeling, but Virginia Woolf doesn’t come across to me at all as an INFP. I get a distinct INTJ vibe off of her. She was all about revolutionising literary technique, but yet remaining so very Victorian and prim in her manners. Look at her dismissal of Joyce as vulgar.
Henry James? No way he was an INFP– way too urbane and masterful. Just doesn’t fit with my experience of INFPs. Just not seeing it. Henry James has always reminded me of the contemporary philosopher Richard Rorty.
One writer, though, I have great difficulty getting purchase on is Proust. A case could be made that he was an INFP because the Fi was strong in that one.
I think Anais Nin is definitely an infj writer. I think she is a great example of what I love in infjs. I struggle with them one on one, as they tend to abandon me. But I just LOVE what they produce sometimes. Anais Nin’s diary is this huge expansive world.
Hey Blake,
Thank you for another insightful article. You explained a couple of times about why INFPs and INFJs aren’t good romantic partners, but why do you think there’s an attraction between the two types? Is it just the surface level similarity?
I ask this because I notice there’s a lot of articles about the two types on the internet (usually centers around compatibility or comparison) however I’m more interested in why these two types even attract.
Sorry, if this question has been answered before. I tried to do a quick a run through but I could have easily missed it. : )
I think they attract because they see in each other a home or refuge of sorts. A shelter from the storm. Like if a nun or a monk were to seek a cloister, these two would likely find it in each other. It is very much a secret relationship in many ways, not at all a worldly one. If you know anything about astrology (I don’t assume this) it has all the connotations of the 12th house.
The 12th house is related to one aspect of the id function I talk about throughout this site. It is the path of the disintegration of the ego (in a mostly negative sense). It is the undermining of one’s dominant orientation in a very subtle, yet absolute way. So, repeated contact between these two will bring up the id connotations via this 12th house thing I’m talking about. I can really only class this interaction as unpleasant, yet subtle. There is a negative temptation at work in the drawing of these two together quite in contrast to the positive temptation of the tertiary function.
So, they attract because they see something similar in each other at the outset. I don’t know that they are that attracted to each other. It is more that they could form a Mutual Commiseration Society or something of that order.
These two types will subtly exhaust and undermine each over time and it will be very unclear how this is occurring. Because it seems like it should work and it does in a way, kind of like an old and battered and rusty-bladed lawn mower can sort of mow the grass in a semi-believable manner. However, by extension of this analogy, the fact that the lawn mower is barely functional, will bring about other problems when it attempts to mow the grass, like doing a coarse job of it and maybe doing further injury to the lawn while in operation. Yet, it kinda does it and seems kind of satisfactory and hell, why pay the money or make the effort to go get a shiny new one, because, afterall, you are kind of attached to this rust monster and it has been such a part of your ground inhabitation for such a long time. In other words, it knows you and you know it. Yet, you don’t want to even make it better because there is a charm in things that are old and falling apart. And yet, you ignore it most of the time but it somehow is something that you like being around in it’s dilapidated capacity.
Notice the subtle stunning of the will. The desire to go to sleep and forget and dream. To leave ambition and the world behind in a kind of cozy menagerie of half-tended desires. To forget.
I don’t know. Something like that. The INFP will not help the INFJ at all in matters of their weak will and tend to encourage the very tendencies that make them sink and sacrifice and drift into oblivion.
The INFJ will tend to bring the INFP into a further state of disarray via their endless philosophizing and thinking. INFPs may be excited by this on some level, but, it is really not what they need. They want a quiet garden partner. A good provider for their children, someone to balance them out on the material plane. INFJs don’t tend to make good partners in this respect at all. What INFJs really want is to change the world with their visions. INFPs have a rather mild attitude towards this that is on the one hand, accepting and conciliatory, but at the same time, admonishing and subtly downgrading of these hot dreams. Gotta remember that INFPs are ultimately very receptive to Si types with extraverted judgment and Si and INFJ go together about as well as bats and blowtorches.
And neither of these two can really help each other achieve their ultimate aims and dreams. At best they can look sympathetically on each other and sort of understand it, but, when push comes to shove they will more likely get in each other’s way and do a bad job of mowing each others respective lawns. Since both have little will to start with, and both are pretty nice people, they are likely to put up with the relationship as it deepens, because it does sort of work. And they do sincerely wish each other the best. But, conscious intentions are one thing and actual operations are another.
There will be a lot of subtle annoyances in this relationship, combined with a tendency to not have the will, nor the know-how to fix them. They just sort of drift on without really sharp conflicts that cause ultimate rupture and severing of bonds. They will feel for each other. And both these types can feel quite a bit for others…
So, there that is.
I agree with all your articles about the INFP and INFJ relationship. Do you have any advice for a sad INFJ who has to punch in every day under an INFP boss? BTW, http://www.typealyzer.com says you’re an INFP. Ha.
I just did that with his site, and it actually says INTP. 😛
Now it is ISTP 😉
I think Blake is definitely an ISTP 😀
Did anyone solve the mystery of Blake’s type? I appreciate how kindly he writes about us INFPs.
There is good stuff and some clueless stuff in this article. INFJs are not assholes, and they do not secretly like violence. However, INFJs definitely ARE about keeping things real. And that touches on what I think is the primary difference between INFJs and INFPs, one that is hinted at in the article – INFJ people like things to be REAL, while INFP people like things to be NICE. Stated another way, INFJs agonize over hurting other people who don’t deserve to be hurt, but when push comes to shove they value being truthful over being tactful. They think putting all the cards out on the table allows people to find the best solution, even if the cards or even the solution are unpleasant. By contrast, INFPs also do not like hurting other people, but are much more likely to ignore or avoid inconvenient truths in order to keep good feelings intact. They are willing to compromise in order to find ways to sustain those good feelings, even if that comes at the expense of addressing the real problems at hand.
Right.
Nicely put, Chip
disagree. Fi is authenticity. with a close friend, partner, whathaveyou i will be bluntly honest and have been told so. with a more distant person i will tend to not say much until they push past a boundary, then i will say something (this is classic Fi dominant stuff.) but even then, i dislike confrontation with those people, but do not mind confrontation with people i know well. dominant Fe users might guilt people into acting “appropriate” but that’s totally based on objective consensus based feeling-rules (Fe.)
I’m an infj and all this shit was so wrong that it either made me mad or laugh
If all this shit is wrong then me doubts you are an INFJ.
Agreed
I am an INFJ and there were some things were I was like, OK sounds about right.
But…
there were other things that just made out that INFJs are nasty and are arseholes.
Out of interest, how many INFJs have you interacted with to make this judgement? Did you have a terrible experience with an INFJ to come to these conclusions, so you made these not nice statements about the behavioural type?
Thanks
“Out of interest, how many INFJs have you interacted with to make this judgement? ”
I don’t have an exact number. A lot.
“Did you have a terrible experience with an INFJ to come to these conclusions, so you made these not nice statements about the behavioural type? ”
No, I have never had a terrible experience with an INFJ that is motivating my statements in this article.
This is terribly written. This sounds more like enneagram 4 vs enneagram 9. All INFPs are not enneagram 9.
“All INFPs are not enneagram 9.”
Yes, they are.
OK, let me restate that. Who do you think is an INFP that is not an enneatype 9?
Excuse me, Mr. Blake, but I test out as INFP enneagram 4w5, every time.
Well, in my book, that tends to mean that you are either an enneatype 9 INFP or a enneatype 4w5 INFJ. I have never seen an INFP I would recognize as a type 4. But, that’s just me. If you want to believe the test, then go ahead. I don’t place a lot of stock in those tests. I always go by what my perception tells me. If it doesn’t match up with test results, then, I dispense with the test results.
Now, if you test as this everytime, that would probaly tell us something about your consistency or fixity of self-perception. It would probaly show some stability of mood or some self-knowledge that is not influenced by moods.
It is likely that you are an INFJ. That would be my interpretation of your test results.
I was sure that I’m an INFP, until some friends from MBTI group said that I’m actually an INFJ, and here I am, laughing & confused even more because I could relate to both (based on this article).
What made you sure that you were an INFP?
Hello blake,
Do you think every infj belongs to enneagram 4? Which wing exactly?, 4w3 or 4w5? What are the main differences beetwen those two wings?
Hope you respond and thank you for the lovely insight.
It is my understanding that every INFJ would be an enneagram 4w5 type. Perhaps, that is not always the case, but, as of this moment, I feel relatively firm about it. However, what is certainly true is that an enneatype 4w5 INFJ is the most classic type of INFJ.
A 4w3 INFJ? Who would be a famous example of this? I can’t think of one.
What is more likely is that if I saw what I recognize as a 4w3 or 3w4 enneatype person, the Myers-Briggs type would be ENFP, ENFJ, ENTJ, or something like that. In other words, extraverts. Type 3 is one of, if not the most, extraverted points on the enneagram. Type 7 would be the other one. Type 3 is not only extraverted, but outgoing, bubbly, and sanguine. All I can say is present me with some instance of a person that seems to be an INFJ at some other enneapoint than 4w5. I mean, maybe some of them are. What this would mean to me is a less pure INFJ. Type 4 basically is describing the INFJ type to a large extent. Going towards 5. It’s hard for me to tell INFJ and this enneatype apart.
So, that’s what I think about that. And if you have some examples of famous people that you think are INFJs not at this enneapoint, by all means, do tell. I’m open to the possibility.
I didn’t relationate the 4w3 with the infj either. Just did the enneagram test and got 4w3 and 4w5 as results, then Iwent to seek information about the ennagram thing and ended in a forum where some 4w3 people claimed to be infjs, and judging their images and writings, they were not. They seemed very extroverteds and aware of their own image. They looked like enfps to my judging. The pretending. Internet is full of those pretending to form part of the infj symbolism. I can see how the money can stream up. You are smart.
It was curiosity, pretty much. Thank you very much for the answer.
Hey Blake. I’ve posted quite a bit around here and I think you’ve probably got a good flavor of my personality. I’m saying this because after years of research I’ve settled on 4w3 as my enneatype. I have a strong drive for recognition, excellence, and acclaim, and at times I’m able to actually play the part. In fact, I’m usually completely miserable if I’m not shining in performance in some way. What I’ve found is that there’s a violent tension between the 4 drive for origin, identity, and the “true self”, and the three drive to be successful, acclaimed and perfectly adjusted. I have type 5w4 as the second type in my tritype, so there’s a lot of 5 energy as well, but the 3 energy is unmistakable. And I know for a fact that I’m an INFJ because of how spot on your descriptions and advice have fit with my cognitive structure. How did you come up with your theory that certain MBTI types fall exclusively at specific enneatypes? I know that there are strong correlations, but in my years scouring forums I’ve come across type 1, 2, 5, 8, and 9 INFJs. And the Ni-Fe is unmistakable… Why the exclusive 4w5 designation for INFJs?
“Why the exclusive 4w5 designation for INFJs?”
Because that is what I see in all INFJs I would recognize as INFJs. 4w5 enneatype is basically describing the INFJ type in every description I’ve read of it. So, they go together.
Yes, I’m sure some INFJs have all these varieties going on. Some INFJs are more bitter. Some are more accomplished. Some are more showy. Some are more happy. Etc. Etc. Etc.
The point is that there is a basic type called INFJ and relative to all other types, it has its own brand of identity and expression, that stems from its functional positions. Ni dom. Fe aux. Ti tertiary. Se inferior. Fi id. Te superego. Also, you have to understand that I have my own way of looking at this. I have added a few things such as the concept of an id function. I call the dominant function an ego-orientating function. I call the aux. function a personality-projection function.
I just don’t attribute that much importance to test results. Not to say that I don’t attribute some importance to the theory behind them or what they are purporting to be testing for. But, all these tests rely on self-reporting.
A lot of the variations in the basic type, either enneatype or MB type is caused by one’s astrology, numerology, culture and family of origin etc. But, especially the first two. I mean, yes, some INFJs are very ambitious and attention-seeking. Probaly a great deal of the famous examples of the type are of this ilk. How else do you think they got famous? But, they are still INFJs that have the 4w5 enneatype.
Also, if someone could present me with FAMOUS examples of an INFJ that doesn’t fall at this enneatype, I’d be much obliged. I am open to the possibility. For example, who is a famous example of type 8 INFJ?
What is the difference between a type 5 INFJ and a type 4 INFJ? How would we tell the difference? I have seen INFJs who say they are type 5, but, they seem like type 4 to me in their basic identity, which means a type that is seeking for their own identity, even if they go all scientific and philosophical in search of all the knowledge of the world. Their basic motive is always to link all that stuff back to their own identity, to give them further clarification about who they are. Type 5 does not have this core motivation.
Who is a FAMOUS example of a type 4w3 INFJ? For what its worth, based on your postings around here, you seem like a type 4w5 INFJ to me. So, give me a FAMOUS example, a well-known figure, that is a 4w3 INFJ. I’m open to the possibility. But, chances are, if someone is very 3-like in orientation, I wouldn’t type them as an INFJ. More likely ENFP, ENFJ, ENTJ, even as a strong wing type coming out of the type 4 core.
After thinking about it, I suppose you’re right… All of them have this inward focus, this consideredness about who they are modified by an intellectual bent. I don’t see the vibrance or Venusian grace of type 3 in them at all. There is the sense that they are grasping for words to describe their inner endlessness and the teeming, subversive darkness that writhes about deep down, but are never satisfied with what they end up with. In myself, the great need for affirmation is likely my disintegration into type 2, perhaps with a three wing. Plus Cancer Rising. When balanced, I’m very generous of spirit but without the need for applause… This is actually very enlightening to me… Thanks for your response.
“After thinking about it, I suppose you’re right…”
O, don’t give in so easily. Do you have some examples of famous INFJs at some enneapoint besides 4w5? I’d like to know who you think they are. C’mon, let’s have some fun 🙂
The thing is, I have a hard time recognizing famous INFJs. I don’t think I’ve typed one definitively of my own volition; maybe in passing as a tentative description, but not with enduring certainty. That Piscean Fe is so smoky and ever-morphing, and in entertainment roles it’s especially easy to hide behind your roles, your brand, your whatever. St. Vincent is perhaps one of the only ones I feel like I’ve seen for myself as an INFJ, and… I don’t know. She’s very pretentious, but makes up for it with sharp wit and being totally self-aware about it. I’ve always been pretentious but also highly aware that I’m pretentious, and making fun of it. I always associated pretension more heavily with type 3, though with 4s as well, but to a lesser degree. But pretense is probably just a 4 thing in general; we have to have some sort of mask to cover the void that is our identity.
I gave in pretty easily because I agree with your point on self-reporting tests and their notorious inaccuracy, and, more importantly, the oozing, obscurant effect of identity politics. INFJ wants to be seen as “tougher” than the rest?Identifies as type 8 and plays the part. Pull to inferior Se. And a lot of these people whose typings I accepted, I drew those conclusions before I really knew how type manifests in real-time. Which even now I haven’t mastered. So, they could’ve been full of it. Additionally, it’s clear from my experience that even people who are very knowledgeable about Jungian theory can be mistyped (Jung himself, anyone?) And so many INFJs are mistyped… It’s hard to see what one actually looks like.
And, while I’m here, Imma need you to go ahead and cop to being INFJ because it’s so freakin’ obvious. Either that or you’re an ENTP with an actual Scorpio Moon (either way I bet you have a Scorpio moon). These stylistic knowledge bombs are undoubtedly the result of the Ti-Fe axis; you put little to no stock in empiricism and you’re very comfortable flouting accepted “facts” that contradict your perceptions. You’re certainly N-Dom. You claim intuition is the prime function. Only someone with intuition as an ego orientation would know that😉. You’re style of writing is aesthetic, stylish, poetic and full of personality. The incisiveness, the clarity of thought is sort of mixed in like canola oil in brownie batter; it’s essential but not obviously the prime thing here: leading Fe, tertiary Ti.
Also, all your articles on the different types follow the pattern of intertype relations as articulated by socionics. ISFPs: the most dicksuckable, hints of admiration, especially of their ability to embody both the masculine and the feminine with perfect balance. Clear sign of Beneficiary Relations. ESTJs: brick walls (exactly how I see them), dense, annoying arbitrary inhibitors of all progress. No redeeming value. That’s Conflictor Relations, boys and girls! ENTJs: respect, fear, and disdain: report to your Supervisor! I’m curious… Have you ever been involved with one? With INTPs, you experience that same exasperation with them that I do, that they are excessively focused on the wrong thing, that they need your help: in this case, the Benefactor. And ENTPs, no they don’t exis.They are space itself. They are the planetarium.
Speaking of the most dicksuckable, (and this is a pet theory of mine that I think you’ll agree with) you’ve mentioned in passing past dalliances with homosexuality. It’s my belief that all INFJ men, or at least a disproportionate number of them, are, latently or not, bisexual due to implications of the implied Scorpio moon, and probably inferior sensing, too. Depends on whether they’re more identified with their moon’s path or their Sun’s, which way they’ll swing.
Tadah! What do I get for getting it right? A free consultation sounds fitting… I promise to give you great reviews! Anonymously of course.
Great job! Really cool and intelligent analysis!
Hey, you know, I wish I could give you something for that. But, people need to start giving me things too. Think about it. I’m a lone wolf out here in the wilderness. In order for me to survive, I need the people that are digging what I do to throw me some love chips. I give out these articles and associated commentary for free. It’s a lot of work. And time.
But, don’t take it the wrong way. I really did enjoy your analysis. I can’t tell you if it is right or wrong, but, it is interesting. And yes, it does make sense. I mean, you made me believe you. But, I will not cop to anything. What, did I commit a crime or something 🙂
John Fudjack, and Patricia Dinkelaker formed a great theory with an amazing accuracy rate – 72% originally, and 91% after an addendum in 1998. It’s available for viewing at: http://tap3x.net/EMBTI/mainpage.html
They created a correlation chart from the survey results (which were published in 1996 by Andrea Isaacs and John Fudjack) here: http://tap3x.net/EMBTI/charts.html#CHART3A
And the INFJ breakdown established was this:
Type 4 — 35.9%
Type 1 — 22.6%
Type 6 — 7.5%
Type 9 — 7.5%
Type 2 — 5.7%
Type 5 — 5.1%
Type 3 — 3.8%
Type 7 — 1.9%
Type 8 — 0.0%
Their prediction model is basically:
Type 1 — Mixture of mostly J preferences
Type 2 — ESFJ, ENFJ
Type 3 — ESTP, ESFP
Type 4 — INFJ, INTJ
Type 5 — INTP, ISTP
Type 6 — ISTJ, ISFJ
Type 7 — ENTP, ENFP
Type 8 — ESTJ, ENTJ
Type 9 — INFP, ISFP
The enneagram really has a ton of variations within it: the base nine types, each of their three subtypes (social, self-preservation, and sexual), and then your “tri-fix” (that is, one type from each of the body, heart, and head triads). This probably makes the enneagram one of the most extensive (yet not well-covered, in my opinion) personality typing systems out there.
For the enneagram to be as extensive as it is, it draws from many fundamental aspects we have come to realize about ourselves and others over time. As far as I have read, the enneagram pre-dates Jung and Freud—which is fine, humanity has long since had a very unrefined, yet inherent sense of personality type and ego affiliation. The difference now is that the processes and their dynamics are much more clearly defined and their needfulness explained. Introversion is no longer generally categorized as “just being shy”, etc.
Then there is the influence of nurture as we grow up, the lives we live shape our views, depths of knowledge, and values (to some extent). As a general concept, we all know this, but struggle to take it into consideration in our interactions—some more than others. I’m not knowledgeable in astrology, so I have no idea what role that may also play in things (I’d actually love to hear about how this influences Jungian type and the enneagram). However, the enneagram attempts to incorporate all of these things, which is why it is a very “fuzzy” system. All of those aspects—in their swirling complexities—will never sit side-by-side in a clean, and orderly way. They blur and fuse together as they come into contact with one another.
For these reasons, correlating the ennagram directly to the Jungian types will only ever be partially correct. Even the model above (with it’s high accuracy rate) has to use a couple of fuzzy catch-all exceptions to account for this. That is not to say that we shouldn’t try to make connections, just that I believe it isn’t quite as cut and dry as we might expect.
Anyhow, I think that the descriptions of the Jungian types are mostly a collection of stereotypes gathered by researchers meeting people of those type. And that is not to say that they aren’t valuable; stereotypes tend to based around truths and with them it is possible to quickly assess something with relatively high accuracy. If you had to analyze the details of a person to assess them every. single. time. when there is a known, and safe correlation which you could default to and most likely be right.. everything would take much longer. Since there are high concentrations of one type in each ennea-type, those of that type are more highly represented by said descriptions, and they define the stereotypes.
The enneagram is a high-level system which makes use of Jungian and Freudian concepts as components (among many other components). Tracing upwards from the component-level is always going to be tricky, since their appearance at the top level is influenced by all of the other components in the system.
“A lot of the variations in the basic type, either enneatype or MB type is caused by one’s astrology, numerology, culture and family of origin etc. But, especially the first two.” Hi Blake, could you give an example of how numerology can influence someone’s basic type?
Hi Blake, I’ve been in several infj infp interactions. One thing I have noticed is that infjs will succeed in making it my business to care that they do well in realizing their vision. Before knowing it, I’m in some kind of cheerleader role. So I conclude a) I must send out some kind of benign vibe b) they make their vision move forward by sharing with others c) they use it as a tool to gain status (am I crazy on the last point?)
I think interacting with others as an Infj for me naturally means cheerleading for eachother, supportive roles. I’ve noticed this is not neccessarily naturally the case for others, I always assumed it was. *slaps head*
I don’t feel much reciprocation of the cheerleading with infjs.
Would be interesting to see how other Infj’s view this, would also perhaps depend on what kind of interaction/relationship there is, aswell as if they see you needing the cheerleading or not, but generally for myself I always saw it as a natural thing and in a joyful manner, definitely where both are involved in a sort of celebratory way.
Have to say I’m very sleepy so not wording everything correctly, I’d have to rethink my “aswell as if they see you needing the cheerleading or not” when more awake. Do they want cheerleading in a narcissistic manner ? In my experience, at best, it is about supporting eachother, celebrating, having fun, being inspired and inspiring eachother, and growing. I think it sounds a little off to me that there is no reciprocation but maybe it is also a thing about different maturity levels, I don’t think a one way street would appeal to an Infj, but looking forward to peoples experiences, ways, thoughts, opinions on this.
Would like to know if you could give examples here: “c) they use it as a tool to gain status (am I crazy on the last point?)”, not quite sure if I understand the comment in the way you mean it, and of course interested in aspects of beahviour.
Hi femme, the two infjs i am thinking of in particular are a bit of enigmas to me. I have been explaining to myself that they are frustrated with money worries and i sense a jeoulsy towards me. In their strain, i think they dont end up caring much about my dreams because i got lucky or something. Sometimes i feel that people get divided just by being in different circumstances. I feel evaluated based on my privilege. But from my own point of view i have had lots of struggles of my own that i would never dare share with these two infjs. It is an undercurrent of disdain for my good luck or something. Even if my job is good, it is not perfect and i work very hard. I feel i earn my keep. I dont do this to people. I had years of moeny problems and didnt do this i feel a little sized up as undeserving and dont know why. But at every opportunity these infjs present themselves as overqualified, talented, intelligent, etc. and mention money so much it sometimes seems meant to make it clear that if i ever have to spare it should be earmarked for them. Anyhow these two infjs whom i am fond of are frustrated so that is part of the equation. They remind me of each other too. It could be a shadow thing?
The status thing might be more aptly described like a power/network seeking. I feel like there is a very savvy massaging of people’s dispositions to ensure favorable opportunities. I dont know that there is anything wrong with that, but i always seem to take note and don’t always enjoy.
To me this “But at every opportunity these infjs present themselves as overqualified, talented, intelligent, etc. and mention money so much it” reads like they feel inferior and perhaps isn’t type-specific but a general thing in todays society, especially in times where a lot of focus is on “success”, comparisons, (supposed) growing narcissism, an explosion in narcissism ?, the individual vs the community etc, which puts them (or they “unwillingly” put themselves), people, under strain. Inferiority seems to shout loudly there, which seems to be a main issue. Would like to see how others interpret it. 🙂
I personally never really have issues with other peoples money, I think the more someone can get and live an easier life (not saying money always makes life easier), then the more power to them (unless they are cunts, but even then it’s not much of a thought on my mind). I do think there’s a shirt off my and shirt off your back mentality in Infj friendships etc or atleast how I perceive it to be and how I am. So imo it sounds like a mix of those two things.
” The status thing might be more aptly described like a power/network seeking. I feel like there is a very savvy massaging of people’s dispositions to ensure favorable opportunities. I dont know that there is anything wrong with that, but i always seem to take note and don’t always enjoy. ”
I can’t relate to this much at all, I actually despise people who kiss ass to get somewhere, well, not despise, anymore, I just think there are far better things to focus on and think those people just don’t have the neccesary skills to do it any other way. I’m also unsure if that is typically Infj, I would think it is quite the opposite. Not something that is prevalent because a need for meaning is important and connecting.
Bravo, Blake. Your INFJ vs. INFP conceptualization of romance was equal parts perplexing and satisfying! So what happens when relate to both types? Because I do that.
I seek stability. I need stability. Or at least believe that I do, and have. I married early in life. I settled into a dramatic relationship where my needs were mostly guaranteed to never be met. So now I’ve come to understand that I am quite polyamorous in orientation. I want to love more and love more. Yes, I prioritize intensity in love, but also I want us to be there for each other tommorow and forever, if possible. In my public life I cape unapologetically for a future world of non-violence, but I’ve long felt a strange pull towards the darkest and most violent of non-consensual sexual themes. Can we be prim and proper in public and draw blood from the softest points of our necks and thighs at home? I’ve often wondered if it’s typical for Ni-dom or aux to privately romanticize the sexual taboo. I think so. On the other hand, the INFPs I know of are considerably hard on themselves when they perceive their fantasies, or a sexual experience, to have gotten out of hand. Perhaps I’m just a pervert. But! I do deeply desire for romance in the way you seem to describe the INFP love affair. And I do want a soft place to land. And if you can’t submit to playing in my shadowy world of eroticism, can you at least pen a heartwarming poem that expresses the unyielding nature of your adoration for our combination? But why must the darkness be seperated from the light at all? Just meet me at the intersection. I *promise* to be low maintenance.
Thank you for your article. However, I now feel even more confused as to whether I’m an INFJ or INFP (I’ve always identified as an INFJ until reading your article). I really wish I understood more. I feel I identify with both so well, depending on the mood I am in. Is this possible?
Not only is it possible, it is quite common. The INFP/INFJ mixup is the most common one I see on a regular basis.
However, don’t despair if you identify with both. They have a lot of commonalities between them. Be an INFJ/P for awhile. It’s OK 🙂
Mr. Blake I find your article very interesting and I thank you for it, you made several excellent points about the difference between INFJ and INFP. However, as healthy INFJ myself and having INFJ mother and INFJ brother i do feel that some of your points are describing an unhealthy INFJ. The overall article give me a feeling that you are comparing an unhealthy INFJ with a very healthy INFP. I personally know many INFPs, even the best of them are not as good as the ones you describe in this article and the worst, well they are some of the most self serving people i know. one even told me that as he grew up, he begin to feel more and more self-centered. He told me that he only care about things that “disadvantages” him. for example, he told me about how he feel it is unfair that some people can learn something in 30 min when it would take him over 4 hours. I like your article, because it showed the INFJ in a different light, we are not all angels. I endured a lot of pain and suffering to become the person I am today. it is true, because of our functions, we are more likely to become “angels” but it still take hard work and dedication to achieve that. Overall, i dont think you made a good comparison between INFP and INFJ because the INFJ you are describing is clearly unhealthy. to me, it feel like you are comparing a old and broken BMW with a bran new Toyota.
Thank you for this article. Now I finally can settle on the fact that I am INFJ. I always tested INFP on standard MBTI tests because I answer those pesky J/P questions with a heck no, I hate organization biased. But I always felt “too harsh” for the INFP forums. A chick fascinated with serial killers is a little out there for INFP land. The cognitive functions clearly place me squarely in INFJ land and I feel that descriptor gives me more direction on a path to lead to being the best me I can. Thank you again for your insight and your engaging writing style. You clear up misconceptions with such style that even though you won’t devulge your type, I would love to claim you as INFJ but I lean more to ENTP, the classification which the only person who ever captured my interest and called me on my crap falls into.
being fascinated with serial killer doesnt not make you INFJ, it actually make you INFPs. a lot of my INFP “friends” are into weird music and dark things. Fi tend to make people have dark thoughts. the main difference between INFJ and INFP is that INFJ are leaders whereas INFP tend to follow.
Uh. No, George, you are wrong. I know you read the article; your comment is right below this one.
if you read my comment, then you will know that I have a lot of disagreement with this article. I feel that the author got some INFJ and INFP traits mixed up. I know A LOT of INFP (I don’t know why there are so many of them in my life) and there are 3 INFJs in my family. I am going to point of some wrong points, “They also find them rather pointless. INFPs are more concerned with what the application of a given idea might be. How is it useful to them? What will it effect in their life? INFJs don’t care one hoot about that. They very much enjoy ideas for their own sake.” this line is definitely wrong. INFP people are the one who think of ideas for the sake of ideas. ( a lot of the INFP i know think about things like zombie apocalypses whereas us INFJs think about things such as how to help others become better). “An INFP seeks to keep a low-profile for the most part and has the least amount of taste for power of all the 16 types”. this is also not true, all the INFP i talked to want more self-esteem, they just don’t know how to get it. all in all, they LOVE power but they don’t know to obtain it. they only seek low profile because they don’t know how (or too lazy to work ) to achieve greatness. I am not saying that you are not INFJ, but liking DARK stuff is INFP’s domain because of their Fi.
Also I want to point out, I do not believe that one personality is better than another. I just want people to know the truth.
INFPs who develop their Ne properly are quite capable of being interested in ideas for ideas’ sake, yes. I don’t disagree with what Blake says, though, because that Te in their functional stack is the kicker. I believe that that is what he was getting at. Intuition as a dominant function, whether Ni or Ne, is *all about* “ideas for ideas’ sake”. It’s an INTJ’s Te-Fi, IMO, that so often pushes them to SUCCESSFULLY Do Something Productive with it. Fe is not so practical. INFPs are more akin to INTJs than INFJs are, in that sense.
I *do* agree with you wrt INFPs’ supposed lack of desire for power. If sufficiently driven to do so, they are absolutely capable of manipulating and establishing dominance over an enemy. What makes it particularly dangerous is that it is not *obvious*. This seems to happen if you really fuck them or, most especially, someone they treasure, over. They too can be quite cold and “evil”, perhaps more subjectively than an INFJ can!
As I said in the comment I posted to the article proper, I don’t necessarily think an interest in the occult, or, in this case, serial killers, has a damn thing to do with type, or is at least not type-specific. What was written here about an INFJ’s interest in and capacity to handle human darkness really resonated with me. I think perhaps it was worded clumsily — it’s not that all INFJs will be and all INFPs won’t be. To me, it is just that Ni-Fe vs. Fi-Ne endows one with a different method of comprehension.
The way that that played out *for me*, as an Ni-Fe user, was an almost inherent understanding of how and why someone might be driven to kill… I grew up with animals; actually, I grew up with animal *hoarders*, and saw some real ugly shit that solidified my grasp on the brutality, and the beauty, of nature — which humans are not apart from. Whereas for an INFP, well, Fi is a moral function, in a different way from Fe. Not to mention it is their dominant function, rather than auxiliary. I don’t think you’re liable to find an INFP who is as automatically understanding of killers without the aid of their Ne, unless they developed their primary function (and thus their primary morals) in a REALLY fucked up environment. Perhaps, also, we must establish the difference between “understanding” and “fascination” here.
Haha, sorry if I came down on you too harshly. I just think it’s Ni that is more innately morally gray than Fi, by its very nature.
No you dont have to worry about “being too harsh on me”, just like you I am interested in the truth. if i realize what i believe in is false, i would gladly lose it. now that you explained why you are interested in serial killers, then it is clear to me now. i just wanted to you to clarify something, because as i said, a lot of INFP are into “dark” things. But they dont care about why the things are dark. As for your comment on Fe, it depends on how you use it. if you can turn that Fe into compassion, then it is a really powerful force. with Fe, we are gifted with all three types of empathies, cognitive empathy , feeling empathy, and compassion (empathetical concern). you just have to turn cognitive and feeling empathy in to compassion then Fe would be a powerful force. Fi on the other hand is very very situational, most of the Fi users end up being quite selfish.
INFP here and I fall asleep to murder shows. We are fascinated by dark and disturbing things especially because it’s so different from our mentality which is the stereotypical INFP Bubbles and cuddles.
INFP here and I fall asleep to murder shows.
Now that sounds like Ni id if I ever heard it.
Thank you for this article, Blake. It (and many of your other pieces) has been very useful to me, as someone who is expanding their understanding of type.
I must say, I understand completely why INFJs and INFPs might normally run into conflict with each other. I know two male INFPs with whom I have a decent rapport, one of whom is my INTJ friend’s partner, and another who I met online. The thing is, we, or I in the latter case, keep our distance, and it’s comfortable. INFP 1 is very skilled at companionable silence, and INFP 2, while we have been friends for many years, finds it difficult to follow when I go heavily into abstract theory (which is hard not to do — it’s “on” ALL THE TIME). Plus, I feel a little embarrassed when I talk to him about how I’m feeling — not that he is judgmental, not at all, but I come on strong when I emote; I feel as though I might overwhelm him. None of the INFPs I know are big “sharers” — Fi, not Fe. That’s not to say that they never talk about their emotions, because of course they do, they just tend to be much more capable of handling them independently. I will say it again: Fi, not Fe.
However… my best friend of nearly ten years is a female INFP. Now, let me tell you, we *have* fought before. There have been a few times where I have thought that maybe cutting off the relationship would be the noble thing to do. But, each time, we’ve managed to pull our heads out of our asses and reconcile, because we are just that special to each other. Bonds can transcend type! Especially if you have other, more specifically personal things going for you:
1. We met on Livejournal, through a community for pansexual people, and she was drawn to me automatically. She wanted the pretty, romantic (or at least self-romanticized; I was 16) trans boy for her harem. I was also attracted to her, as we started to talk one-on-one — we had shared interests, in fandom and in both being “old school” goth kids. Plus, I’ve always found poet types to be really appealing. Just relatable enough, but a little distant and dreamy, as if they could pull you into a purple sky and sit with you on a big crescent moon. At the time, I *really* needed that escapism.
2. She is an Aries sun, Pisces moon, Gemini rising. I am Cancer sun and moon and Virgo rising. I also got *blasted* with Ti as I started developing it, around age 18, and tested as INTP pretty consistently for many years. (Actually, I didn’t grok that I was an INFJ until recently, as I began to accept that something wasn’t lining up right. I really *wanted to be* an INTP, since it was a great defense mechanism for all the shit that was going on in my life, and a lot of descriptions of INFJs are too soft and self-congratulatory, and/or based on misunderstanding. I, for one, am REALLY grateful for this blog and your lack of fear of addressing the dark side.) Point being, she is not quite as squishy as many INFPs; actually, she’s very capable of and interested in theory and abstraction, and I learned to function “like a P” to survive my home life.
3. I reminded her of someone she cared for very much (same birthday and everything), and she poured herself into learning to understand and communicate with “that type” of person. He was like an older brother to her, and I, a little brother. This, I think, is really crucial. If you are an INFP’s “type”, they will be much more patient and forgiving of your shortcomings. And if you yourself developed the patience of a saint and a high tolerance for people and their varied and sundry bullshit, well, all the better 😉
P.S. Between her and I, I am the one who is and has always been more into “New Agey” stuff, BUT… I am focused on the “reality” of it. Things like tarot readings and channeling energy through crystals? Tools for perception and understanding. It is no more magic than intuition itself. What I think is more defining in this context than an interest in the occult, which really occurs across the spectrum of type, is that she attaches the sentimentality of people to objects. I’m more aware of, er, the territoriality of them — I can feel a person’s energy while holding their smartphone, something they focus on and hold dear, for example.
Hi Undertow,
“P.S. Between her and I, I am the one who is and has always been more into “New Agey” stuff, BUT… I am focused on the “reality” of it. Things like tarot readings and channeling energy through crystals? Tools for perception and understanding. It is no more magic than intuition itself. What I think is more defining in this context than an interest in the occult, which really occurs across the spectrum of type, is that she attaches the sentimentality of people to objects. I’m more aware of, er, the territoriality of them — I can feel a person’s energy while holding their smartphone, something they focus on and hold dear, for example.”
This is also a great description of how I experience and understand “New Agey” stuff.
As an INFJ, my dominant Ni leads me to believe that there is a great deal more to “reality” than can be currently be proven by scientific testing.
However, as a scientist, I also believe that science will eventually catch up and be able to explain some of the phenomena currently dismissed as “occult”.
In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy exploring all the weird and wonderful stuff that my Ni flags up as possibly having some validity (and because I love all that s**t!)
Yes… spot on!
“INFJs, on the other hand, can be some of the biggest and most selfish assholes that you will ever meet”.
-Yes! Haha.
People don’t believe me when I tell them I’m incredibly selfish and vindictive.
I’m pretty honest with people but I still get told I’m hard to get to know even though I’m pretty much as straightforward as I can be!
They only see what they want to see, the sweet or shy type. Yes, this is part of me but I’m a complexity of things.
I don’t think anyone really knows me and when I want them to, they don’t follow along.
I seem to relate just a tad bit more to your INFP description as I felt the INFJ description was a bit too stretched though I do agree we do tend to have a darker side, like to keep it real, and often feel uncertain about things (maybe because there’s just so many causes or possibilities) .
Inauthenticity is a biggie for me, as even though I may not agree with a person, I will respect that person if they are authentic and honest with themselves and others.
The INFJ description was somewhat hyperbolized to establish a viable continuum for them that I don’t see extant. I’m the sextant of what is not extant.
INFJ = the vampiric, gothic cathedrals, secret pleasures of the deathly and so on. INFJ is essentially amoral and will consider things that would be out of the mien of INFP. Not to say that INFJ doesn’t feel deeply, but, at the end of the day, they will become vampires for truth over protection of the little ones.
INFJ will be an active participant in the carnage, whereas INFP is usually a passive spectator. INFJ yearns to know what it feels like to ride roughshod over the weak. They also want to have the courage to stand up to the abusers: the masters of the world, death, and in short, any great force or power. INFJs want to see what they are made of in the world of action.
INFPs are receptive to this horror show, but, they are much less morally ambiguous at the end of the day. INFP is a person who does right, whatever that may be. They can see all this stuff but they don’t feel obliged to become a participant in it.
INFJ does and must. Action is their existential crisis.
“People don’t believe me when I tell them I’m incredibly selfish and vindictive.”
I relate to this and am infp. Maybe I am really messed up kind of infp. I can replay what someone did that hurt me and really just fantasize about leveling the playing field, because things feel stacked against me…. I just can’t actually make things right when I am hurt. I have to just suck it up and feel sorry for myself.
And it’s like I am selfish and hang out with people as or even more selfish than me and it is abundantly clear that they care less how I feel. They don’t understand me and then just don’t care.
I’m not even that nice. But the few times I do stuff for others, I don’t toot my horn as I do these things. I have no idea how to toot my horn. I have a family member who each time she does something, often quite minor not that this is a problem, she makes reference to it out loud to get a stroke for it. Auxiliary Fe. She gets acknowledgment and a benefit. I see a lot of self-centeredness when she does this, but it looks good on the surface. I see through it that she often cannot give something without self reference unless it’s her own kids. When I do the same things but don’t scream HEY give me credit look how lovely what I just did for you, people don’t even NOTICE what I did…. Literally. I don’t get it. How blind can one be.
So yeah…. I end up feeling selfish in the end. Because from lack of being appreciated, I become aware that I do need appreciation. So infps are selfish too.
Your not being selfish, you simply want normal human recognition. And you seem to be particularly cued into this dynamic because you notice all the ways in which other people are getting it and you are not.
Your behavior/reaction to what is going on around you could be termed “selfless” or “doormattish”.
This article was funny to read. I found the inaccuracies scattered throughout it amusing. Read up and try again. I recommend using outside sources to back up your claims. Every “point” you made had no support.
–INFP
What outside sources do you have to backup your claim that there are numerous inaccuracies scattered throughout this article?
For starters, if you really care, which statements specifically are inaccurate?
Secondly, what outside source(s) do you have to PROVE that each of those statements is inaccurate?
Thirdly, even if you were able to cite outside sources that disagree with those statements, does that mean anything?
Aren’t you just telling me to write an article about INFP and INFJ that simply rehashes what has already been said on the subject?
Don’t you find that rather boring?
Well, glad you were amused and had a good laugh. I find people’s seriousness toward this subject highly laughable.
As a matter of fact, human psychology should equal laughter.
Because we secretly all want to laugh at such things.
Especially, INFPs.
I’m glad I read this article.
I will say that in relationships being secretly turned on by having someone threaten to leave me seems a bit more individual than making that into a general statement about INFJs. Even where it was said here that INFJs surround themselves with violent people seems a bit over the top as a blanket statement. I don’t seek out drama, but I will say that I’m very wary of the potential for violence in people (any person) and may be more likely to forgive an outburst than my INFP friend, but I’ve read and agree from other sources (Personality Hacker and Dr Drenth) that INFJs have a sensitivity to the point of paranoia about the potential physical harm a person can inflict on another which is probably why they can withstand to watch it and understand it as it is something that plays out in their mind’s eye rather vividly, but also for the sake of self preservation stay away from it because it is so amplified in the INFJ’s mind that the violence isn’t benign, but ultimately escalating into a life threatening situation. This would be the difference between Ni visions leading before Se. Se leading before Ni would be down in it more and surprised by the outcome of receiving violence because they got too close without forethought.
So, I do see where you are coming from and can follow quite a bit in agreement to much of what was written… but not entirely. All the same it provided a good bit of food for thought.
Thanks.
~From a selfish asshole. 🙂
i am an INFJ. And we feel peoples sorrow and happiness genuinely. if a person has anger, we feel it. we are like an emotional sponge. So we are genuinely nice if the people around us are nice. if the people are bad, we become bad. we adapt to every situations. we dont have hidden agenda.
an INFJ is a dominant Perceiving type, even though they have J (indicating Judging) in their type code, and an INFP is a dominant Judging type, even though they have P (indicating Perception) in their type code. Can you explain what does it mean?
For dominant introverts, the auxiliary function is used to assess whether they are a Judging or Perceiving type. What’s the reasoning behind this? Auxiliary functions are extraverted for dominant introverts, therefore, what everyone will see in an introvert is their auxiliary function and the auxiliary function is also in the opposite J/P class as the dominant function. If the dominant function is a judging function, then the auxiliary will be a perceiving function. If the dominant function is a perceiving function, then the auxiliary function will be a judging function.
So, for INFP, they have dominant Fi (judging function) and auxiliary Ne (perceiving function). You would think that if an INFP has a dominant judging function they would be an INFJ – a judger (J in type code). But, since they are an introvert, the auxiliary function is looked at to assign the J/P preference.
I don’t completely agree with this way of doing things, but, I see the reasoning behind it. Yes, INFPs often present as more open than INFJs, but, deep inside they’re not.
So, I suppose a difference should be made between the way a type often presents (auxiliary) and the way they really are (dominant).
Let me know if you understood what I just said or if you need more clarification.
Wow. I’m usually a lurker but simply couldn’t help myself when I came across your article. Thank you X 100 for sticking your head into this hornet’s nest. VERY brave of you. And, thank you for clearing up a few of the tings that I could never explain about my personality. I have always wondered how I, a definite INFP, could have stuck it out to finish a PhD ‘(please don’t think that I’m boasting – it’s simply that so many sources say that INFP’s rarely finish their degrees/anything the start) and then go on to work in a job that is utterly mundane and thankless while still being so thankful for having a job. As you so rightly pointed out, INFP’s have less (presumably) insight than INFJ’s and since it seems that you are most insightful about this, I have 2 (ok, rather make that a few) questions that I would dearly like to have answered:
1. Why is there such an undercurrent of mutual, well, dislike between the two types under discussion? (When did this comeuppance game start and how does it relate to the two different function stacks?)
2. Why is it more difficult for INFJ’s to see and acknowledge the dark or negative side of their personality? Is it because of the fact that INFJ’s are so often portrayed as the unicorns of the MBTI?
I’m very sorry if my Q’s are construed as additional fuel to the fire or negative towards INFJ’s but I would really just like to know, since this is the first time that I have actually seen the INFJ described as anything except angelic.
Thanks in advance!
1. Why is there such an undercurrent of mutual, well, dislike between the two types under discussion? (When did this comeuppance game start and how does it relate to the two different function stacks?)
I would describe the natural relationship between INFP and INFJ as one of “lukewarm” relations. They kind of like each other, but, not too much. They also kind of annoy each other, but, not too much. It seems these relations never reach a high pitch of love or hate.
Reason for this is they are both NF types, so they share the same general background of idealism and relating. It would probaly be fair to say that INFJ sees INFP as lukewarm in their sentiments and INFP sees INFJ as needlessly tortured.
The reason their is a “comeuppance game” is because these are the two types that are most involved in online temperament communities and because these two types are deceptively similar to each other. For example, because they are both introverts and NF types, they are the most interested in their own potentials and identity. I don’t know when it started but it has certainly taken off in the last 10 or 15 years with the advent of the internet and the ability to interact via it and the quick dissemination of information and increasing participation of people in online forums. Basically, everyone and his/her mother can have a say in the discussion.
The main disparity between the two types is in hard and soft romanticism. That’s what I said in this article and I still maintain that position.
2. Why is it more difficult for INFJ’s to see and acknowledge the dark or negative side of their personality? Is it because of the fact that INFJ’s are so often portrayed as the unicorns of the MBTI?
It is not more difficult for INFJs to see and acknowledge the dark or negative side of their personality. Arguably, INFJ has the most ability to do this of all 16 types. It’s more that what they do with that knowledge may not be to everyone’s liking.
INFPs, in general, do not enjoy looking at the dark side. This is a great difference between these two types. INFPs are innately positive people…
Ya know, I think I will just use a massively popular analogy from cinema…
STAR WARS! Heard of those movies?
OK, well, Luke Skywalker is an INFP. His character is an excellent example of an INFP. He is never even seriously tempted by the dark side of the force. He knows that the dark side is something to fight.
Now, fast forward to current Starwars movie, The Force Awakens. The character of Kylo Ren is an INFJ character. He is trapped in the dark side, but, he is struggling to get out. But, he isn’t struggling that hard because he isn’t that sure that the dark side doesn’t hold some keys and benefits to it.
These two character’s show very well the difference between INFP and INFJ. Kylo Ren is very aware of his own nature. He is sensitive and tortured. He has the moral crisis between the light and the dark in his own nature.
INFPs are essentially on the side of the light as an automatic assumption. For example, I do not know what kind of power it would take to drag Luke Skywalker to the dark side of the force.
Also, Luke would not fight his father (Darth Vader). He would not lash out in anger. Because anger is what makes the dark side of the force stronger (supposedly). I think INFPs have a similar ethic. INFP = least likely of all types to lash out in anger. They more believe in the positive power of attrition or pacifism. Non-action. This is due to Ne backed by Fi. Do not increase the sum total of negativity and rancor by lashing out in anger. Or by reacting with anger.
INFJ, on the other hand will often do exactly that. They will react in extreme anger at some perceived injustice.
INFJ tends to be caught in the middle between good and evil. They struggle with it. They aren’t sure.
INFJ characters in literature that struggle with taking quote on quote “evil” actions: Hamlet, Raskolnikov – main protagonist from Dostoevsky’s novel, Crime and Punishment.
INFP does not have a moral crisis, they have a moral program. This program must operate in order for the INFP to operate – kind of like an operating system in a computer. No operating system = no computer. INFPs do not question their moral assumptions and stances nearly as much as an INFJ. They tend to use these moral guide posts as a reference to their ego – they orient their ego on these assumptions.
These Fi assumptions are taking place on a base of Ni (INFP id function), which is inherently positive in orientation.
An astrological analogy: INFP has an implied Leo Moon (light and inspirational), whereas, INFJ has an implied Scorpio Moon (dark and psychological).
INFPs are sort of born in the light, as it were. INFJs are more born in the darkness. INFJs inherit the darkness from a young age. INFPs are more psychologically protected from a young age, more immune to the crazy vicissitudes of the dark side of human nature.
INFP is more soft and light in spirit. INFJ is more hard and dark. However, they are both kind of passive and reactive. INFJs could probaly be characterized as negatively reactive. INFJ can be driven very far by their negativity and dislike of things as they are. That sort of inspires them. INFP is not at all motivated by negativity and cynicism. Another difference – INFJ tends to be cynical, while INFP tends to be Pollyanna.
And so on and so forth.
Thank you for the prompt response, Blake.
Yes, I have heard of Star Wars and I do wish I could understand your Star Wars analogy better but two things count against me (a) female (b) from Africa (obviously not as entrenched into our psyche as it seems to be on other continents.) I did ‘get’ the broad inferences, though – thanks. Didn’t follow your references to Russian literature so well, either although they did seem very impressive. (As you said before – INFP personality does not an intellectual make.)
Had to smile at the Pollyanna-quip, though. I have been called that before, although I don’t think that she was an introvert or an INFP, for that matter.
All the best and thanks for an interesting blog!
@Blake – that’s a very fine piece of writing. I urge you to at some point gather up the longform comments you’ve left here, group them by type, and publish them as blog posts. So many gems!
Haha wow, can I first of all thank you from the bottom of my black bottomless pit of an infj heart? Definitely share the sentiments of several other infj commenters of feeling pretty much undressed now! Hehe. I’m in the process of binge reading all of your writings on infj’s after reading the “Least likely to be who you think they are article”. Please bear with me, this is the first time I have gathered enough motivation and resolve to get out of the usual ‘lurker’ mode even though I have been casually obsessed with MBTI ever since discovering it a few years ago and needless to say, have been casually lurking on several MBTI communities online ever since.
There is just such a brilliant, skimming past the ‘edges’ of what is appropriate and whatnot to be found in your writings, you spare nothing as you attempt to pin down reality, -as harshly bright or dark as it could be-, with your discerning eyes. I simply find such writings irresistible, and to me it speaks volumes over how right you are over infj’s endless, though oft hidden fascination with ‘the dark side of the moon’. I also urgently agree with how the popular ‘demi god’ image of the infj can be highly detrimental to infj’s seeking understanding and self acceptance. I myself have struggled with these darker, shadowy, self centered sides of me for most of my youth and teenage years, always holding onto ideals of ‘purity’ and attainable ‘perfection’ and projecting this image to the outside world, while intensely aware of how irreconcilable my ideal was with reality. Born in a ‘liberal’ European country, you know that one where smoking pot has been legal forever, I would for example party and go through rebellious phases with my ‘outsider’ peers but always abstain from substances myself. Needless to say, when I first discovered MBTI the ‘popular’ view of the infj being some kind of selfless, visionary Ghandi figure only exacerbated matters and made me feel like I had to purge myself of my more shadowy sides.
That is, until I discovered the writings of the man where it all started, of course you are familiar with him; Carl Jung. I remember picking up his autobiography in one of my bouts of existential crisis, expecting to find some godly angelic sermon-like account of his life. After all, I thought, he IS the ‘epitome’ of the infj. What I encountered instead was so radically different from my initial expectations, yet so radiantly, unforgivingly brilliant that it simply turned my world upside down and helped me grow in self love and self acceptance in ways I held unimaginable. He wrote, -I will do my best to paraphrase-, for example that he also felt intensely conflicted as a child, on the one hand doing all he could to be a pure child of God, on the other hand endlessly fascinated with the dark; for example he recalled running off to see the body of a drowned man as a young boy. He was able to resolve the seemingly unsolvable dichotomy of the ‘sacred and the profane’ through a dream; he dreamt he was in a church and that a huge pile of dung fell from the sky, scattered the windows of the church, BAM right in the middle of it. Suppose further explanation is unnecessary. And not to forget, in later years, after his break with Freud, he famously ‘slipped’ into years of ‘voluntary’ insanity, stepping into the ‘Dante’s inferno’ of his unconscious with a sheer determination to find truth. Ultimately, he re-emerged rather victorious ofcourse, with a wealth of genius knowledge we still reap the fruits from in this day and age, but I honestly believe this is something so extreme, so radical, only an infj could do: sacrificing sanity in the search for truth. I’m simply saying all of this to state again how acute your article(s) have been, and how helpful they can be for any infj or person seeking to understand the infj better to look past the horizon of idealized stereotypes. Jung himself after all named the most importance process to become ‘whole’ and ‘happy’ as human beings ‘Individuation’; the long and arduous, painfully confronted process of integrating the unconscious into the conscious, the Shadow into to the Self, the light into the dark.
P.S.: In case you have actually made it this far down into my ramblings (apologies, can’t help but reply on intense insightful writing with intensity level over 9000 haha!!), there is one rather selfish request; please tell me WHY you think infj’s would make great psychologists, in this day and age. And maybe even more importantly, do you think the human psyche could incite enough passion in an infj to dedicate a life to it?
I would very much appreciate it if you could answer these questions for me. I don’t feel comfortable disclosing much in personal details in the comments section of a public website but it has something to do with choosing career paths, being 23 years old and the old but true stereotype of ‘nf’ idealists being obsessed with finding a ‘calling’ ;—).
Well I’m still confused as ever. Somedays I fantasize about being in some alternate world and being left alone in my own thoughts whereas other days I’m obsessed with being the best in my respective field and won’t allow others to even be appraised. That sounds dark, and like I’m INFJ, but then the next day I don’t understand why I was thinking such things and just wish the best for people in the most nonjudgemental way. I feel like I swing both ways in everything except in regards to the love/romanticism aspect which I’m definitely INFP. I may have bipolar ii but I’m not sure.
Also to further clarify I feel like I relate more to the function description of Fi but then when you describe behaviors I relate more to INFJ. Could this just be because the values and ideals I’ve come to through Fi are similar to that of an INFJ?
INFJ has very strong and undifferentiated Fi. On a strength basis, probaly stronger than INFP, but, not as central or developed. I call this position where INFJ has Fi, the id function. The dominant function is more akin to an ego function.
This is simply the best writing on INFJ I have ever encountered, and like most INFJs, I read a lot about my type. In my experience, an INFJ has some essential “I will burn this playhouse down” streak that keeps us from being as tamed as other types, or as other people would like us to be. My guess is that other types care a lot more about keeping things safe or comfortable, and because we are so good at mirroring, we sometimes project that we care about that, too. The disconnect comes when people mistake our innate fearlessness for coldness. I don’t think we’re cold — but I think seeing “the bigger picture” and “the greater good” all the time means we don’t always relate to the smaller kindnesses and comforts that other people relish.
(BTW, I am Enneagram 4w5, Sun in Taurus, Moon in Leo and Pisces Rising.)
Yayyy another Taurus INFJ HIII
Wow, thanks for this article. It’s cleared up some confusion and helped me to be certain that I’m INFJ. I always type INFJ when I test, and I can relate with almost everything that I read about being INFJ, but was still unsure because I don’t live up to the angelic INFJ stereotype. I have struggled with anger my entire life, so I’m far from the zen Buddhist monk image that a lot of people seem to have for INFJs. I have to say, though, your article makes me wish that I was INFP.
Hey Blake,
Just wanted to comment and say congrats on a great article, I appreciate a writer who feels no need to sheath their fangs. I know you may be getting some heat from other INFJs on the comment board, but as one who values what is hopefully self-awareness, I think you have one of the most accurate and honest portrayals of my personality type out there. Too often on these sorts of profiles do I see INFJs depicted as saintly, when the reality is quite the opposite. I think we may rank among some of the worst people out there, and we achieve this covertly, which makes it that much worse. I speak as an INFJ who longs with no small amount of passion to be an INFP, to know purity and love unconditionally, and do right as a matter of nature as opposed to a set of carefully rationed principles. I wish I could know goodness, but alas, instead, I find myself surrounded by darkness and a near unquenchable desire to enact change, even if it means the use of…less than moral methods.
I do have one small criticism, though, and it has to do with the description of INFPs. While they may be among the nicest, kindest, and purest of individuals in the index, I think a disservice is done in negating the presence of their own darkness. They are messy individuals, too. I know a wonderful INFP, one who is a dear friend to me and who I formally had a relationship with (although I hardly need to confirm that in my blustering incompetance, I managed to balls that up quite royally), and she certainly has her flaws. (not to imply you don’t think so, of course) For all of her kindness and morality, she also suffers from (and this may be the egotistic asshole in my personality type talking) a staggering amount of complacency, and, dare I say bluntly, a disgusting level of spinelessness.
I have to provide the example to accompany this claim, personal and agonizing though it is for me… Recently, at a gathering of both of our families, it came out that I am a filthy bisexual who is currently in a relationship with a woman. Now, my dear INFP is very liberal in this respect (hell, she spent more than her share of time in my bed, even) but, when it came to certain members of both our families confronting me with ugly, bigoted remarks and in one case an actual outright threat against my personal safety, she only responded with silence. Silence which I would never have offered if our situations are reversed. That being said, she spent the better part of the evening when we were alone assuring me that there was no truth to the ugly things that had been hurled at me, but I had never felt lower in my life, and there was no way that her kind, soft words could bandage my gaping insecurities in that moment. I’ve since come to terms with the evening, but only after a good deal of agonizing on my part.
I’m sorry for the pointless anectdote, I guess my only point was that purity and softness isn’t always a good thing. But that may be me attempting to rationalize all of the depths of anger and sorrow that I inflict on myself by making them seem necessary somehow. It’s not an attractive trait, but I hardly think we’re an attractive personality, are we? Too intense, too stormy to ever actually be a positive influence on anyone really.
At any rate, good work. Well thought out and wonderfully reasoned. Keep it up.
I do have one small criticism, though, and it has to do with the description of INFPs. While they may be among the nicest, kindest, and purest of individuals in the index, I think a disservice is done in negating the presence of their own darkness.
Um, how do you negate darkness? Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Just kidding. Thanks for the (mostly) praise of my writing on INFJs. I appreciate that. Makes me feel all cuddly inside. I daresay it makes me feel somewhat INFPish.
I think INFPs can be criticized more for sins of omission than commission.
Only an INFJ can commit a sin of omission and commission simultaneously.
It’s like their absence is a form of presence.
Also, keep in mind that I never said that purity and softness were always a good thing. I just said that INFPs were pure and soft. Whether that is good or bad is open to interpretation. I didn’t make an interpretation on that. Just pointed out their relative qualities.
Also, when I say INFJs are hard and dark and selfish, I’m not saying that’s bad. I’m just naming off relative qualities of the two types.
Ayn Rand thinks selfishness is a virtue. I know she ain’t the only one.
Anyway, thanks for writing. I love you. Peace. I love you not. I love you. O, I got a string of roses. Ain’t that a bitch 🙂
“INFJs, on the other hand, can be some of the biggest and most selfish assholes that you will ever meet.”
Absolutely agree. I think it’s because INFJs KNOW they’re “special” people. It’s that all-powerful Ni. INFJs have an inferiority complex due to their lack of Se, so they cling to their Ni as a crutch. After all, who else can rival us in this. Not even INTJs can know the truth of life as an INFJ does. Until INFJs get their heads out of their own asses and step on equal ground with other human beings, they will not find the happiness they crave. This is especially true in romantic relationships. I say it as an INFJ on the path of getting over my own bullshit.
Well said, Elizabeth!
“Until INFJs get their heads out of their own asses and step on equal ground with other human beings, they will not find the happiness they crave.”
That’s been what I’ve been trying to do myself for the last few years. It ain’t been easy, that’s for sure and it’s all too easy to slide backwards when the going gets tough.
I guess it’s a bit like trying to beat an addiction: using our dominant function takes so little effort and feels so damn good that it can become almost like a drug. And like all drugs, we can become hooked on the high and begin to abuse and overdo it. Every so often, we wake up with a nasty hangover and swear never to it again, but sooner or later the withdrawals kick in and we fall off the wagon. Or we abstain for ages until life throws us a curveball and the cravings return: “I just need a little Ni to get me through this tough patch….”.
And it’s not like we can go to rehab to get away from the temptation for a while, or join a support group for recovering addicts! Can you imagine what a “Ni-users Anonymous” meeting would be like?
“My name is Stewart E, and yesterday I got bored at work and started daydreaming about fighting ninjas with my psychic force-blade. It’s my first slipup for three months and I feel so sorry……”
Blake, I’ve often seen Jimmy Carter typed as INFJ, which somehow didn’t quite resonate with me. After getting a better sense of the differences between INFPvJ in your articles, I’m wondering if he’s actually INFP, as he feels softer, etc. Would you agree?
I would agree 100%. Just looking at pictures of Jimmy Carter alone leads to INFP way over INFJ. I see a similarity in face and demeanor between him and Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) and Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers show). There is a certain beaming whiteness of utter candor, innocence, and sincerity.
Totally Mr Rogers! I am always wowed by how soft and almost jello-like my INFP friends feel when I hug them. You can really see that quality in pictures of Carter, then and now.
Pretty good example of what you brought up about INFPs not really being seen / respected in America. And maybe that’s only increased with time–I can’t even imagine someone like him even considering running for president in 2016.
What?!
Jimmy Carter infp?
Oh no not a new typing. This stuff is the end of me.
I’m sure I’m INFJ at this point and to be honest, I have a hate-love relationship with your articles.
I love how you’re brutally honest in your opinions and views because most other descriptions are kind of ‘shallow’, not to mention way too sugarcoated.
I hate that what you say about INFJs hurts me as much as it does…because despite one’s type not dictating who you are as a whole person, I still take things way too much to heart. And, I think, the reason what you say hurts so much to hear and makes me want to rebel with ‘that’s not true!’ as first reaction, I know some of it is. Or at least, I’m afraid of it being true. One of my deepest fears is that I’m evil. And I can ask anyone and they’ll deny I have a bad bone in my body, that fear is there. Maybe it comes from the subconscious knowledge that I do have some kind of darkness inside me – but I fight tooth and nail for it nor to show in my behaviour because I don’t WANT to be bad. And maybe if I deny it enough it’ll go away. But maybe the key to true peace with oneself is to accept those aspects too.
Some of what you say I don’t know if it’s true because it’s a stark comparison to INFP. I don’t know any confirmed INFPs. I often hear I’m nice but I know I’m not. I have hideous thoughts at times and will openly bitch about people I don’t like to family, for example. I don’t have the balls to tell someone to leave me alone straight up, and that I realise isn’t always a good thing. It makes people believe we’re friends even if I don’t see them as friend at all, and something I have to work on. I hold honesty in high esteem and so lie at little as possible, but I realise I may have lied by omission much more than I meant to. I really have problems with being assertiveness.
And well. I’m not an asshole. Or a bitch. I may feel like one at times because I’m once again beating myself up for feeling anything negative or instead of sacrificing my own health for someone else, but I can rely on a few people in my life to straight up tell me what’s true. And often enough, I’m told when I’m wrong even if I don’t like it. Maybe it’s unhealthy/immature INFJs who tend to be assholes (not to say I’m mature or healthy, but I’m nowhere near that level of immaturity). I’m not nice, but I’m pretty sure I’m kind. Even if it comes off as asshole or mean behaviour. I’m often motivated to act in a way that I know will be better for someone in the future, at the risk of sounding bigheaded. I don’t believe I’m as all-knowing as the stereotypical INFJ may, idk.
But, um, yes. Your articles are good to look at oneself critically and see what rings true and what to improve. I guess I just wish I had discovered them when my self esteem wasn’t quite as low as it is at this point. I’ve taken quite a blow ^^’
Thanks again for offering your own view. Sorry for the rambling.
I’m curious about the development of an INFJ from childhood through adulthood. How do you see INFJ’s at different phases of life?
I’ve been fascinated with typology of various kinds since about age 13. I remember resonating with parts of both INFJ and INFP descriptions. Your articles have clarified some things for me as I do see that alot of the writing floating about is so watered down that it’s hard to identify differences.
In myself, I notice that I appeared more INFP as a child and even teenager, at least at first glance: Very nice, followed the work-a-day rules, unobtrusive, very concerned with knowing what was right and wrong. On the inside I was completely tortured and conflicted and I knew it but very few around me did. It wasn’t until I met a mentor in my twenties who shed light on the more shadowy parts of myself that I broke out of that Pollyanna facade. He gave me the assignment to be bitchy for three months and that changed quite alot for me 🙂
I’ve spent the years since in a state of constant questioning, seeking and shedding of old layers. I have sacrificed MUCH in the name of finding what is true and what this life is all about. I left my family and home at age 20 and moved across the country. I left the church I grew up in. I’ve lost lovers and friends. I’ve lost jobs. I’ve made it my “rule” in life that wherever I feel the pull of desire, of soulfulness, I’ll go to the ends of the earth to find out what it’s all about.
I doubt that anybody from my high school class would have typed me as the rebellious sort… yet I notice that many of the supposedly rebellious ones are now settled in the same towns they grew up in, chained in by familial and cultural norms. They have a job to pay the bills and then party on the weekends to make it all bearable.
So, all that to say, I’m curious about how you see INFJ children, adolescents and adults.
I would just like to comment on your use of the term meek to describe INFPs. There are various descriptions in your article and the comments of INFPs being “meek”, fluffy, rainbow-loving people. I have to say that description has such negative connotations (and is mistaken) I am surprised to see it in an “article” that intends to be taken seriously, and that deals with personality and psychology.
INFPs core is much stronger than the INFJs, who in terms of identity can be a little more lost, as any informed comparison of these two types states, since INFJs use Fe to relate to people, which is a compliant process that seeks the harmony of the group above the truth of the individual; it is also known that although insightful about other people’s feelings, an Fe user can be lost when it comes to their own. INFPs use Fi, which is oriented inwards and will seek self-expression and have strong individual views, above any societal norm or group harmony. Fi as a dominant function is one of the toughest, most personal, less “meek” processes. It seeks truth and authenticity, sees through lies, and values IDENTITY above all else. INFPs are individualistic, they have strong reactions, values, and a very personal view on the world, the good and the bad. The meekness aspect is a misconception, due to superficial “psychology” and analyses like this one.
I feel your article has a penchant to attach negative/positive qualities to the descriptions of the types, and the same is true in the comments. I’m very interested in psychology and Myers-Briggs, and there is a lot of fascinating information on these subjects online, but this is not a site I’d read again, or recommend. Thank you
INFPs core is much stronger than the INFJs, who in terms of identity can be a little more lost, as any informed comparison of these two types states…
I find it interesting that you object to me using the word “meek”, but you don’t object to using the word “stronger” to describe INFPs over INFJs. So, you’re not objecting to me using words that may denote “negative/positive qualities” but just that it’s applied to INFP.
Also, the word “meek” is not assigning a positive or negative quality. To call something or someone “meek” isn’t like calling them an asshole or something.
Also, you use the phrase “informed comparison”. How would you know what an “informed comparison” of these two types is?
…since INFJs use Fe to relate to people, which is a compliant process that seeks the harmony of the group above the truth of the individual; it is also known that although insightful about other people’s feelings, an Fe user can be lost when it comes to their own.
OK, right here is where we’re having a disagreement. It is a semantic disagreement. I have written elsewhere that INFJs have very strong Fi, which I assign to something I call an id position. In sheer strength, INFJ is liable to have stronger Fi than INFP, though it is often primitive, undifferentiated, and out-of-control by the ego function (dominant function).
So, this whole “INFJs use Fe to relate to people but are out of touch with their own feelings” is very untrue. And quite a superficial analysis. INFJs use both Fe and Fi in a characteristic way. They don’t simply use Fe (also, Fe is pretty shallowly interpreted to mean group harmony – another simplification) and not use Fi at all. In fact, an INFJ has no control over whether they use Fi (id functions are involuntary), but, can choose NOT to use Fe (auxiliary functions are elective).
There is no way in hell an INFP is more “insightful” into themselves than an INFJ (at least on average and all things being equal).
INFPs use Fi, which is oriented inwards and will seek self-expression and have strong individual views, above any societal norm or group harmony.
Actually, the form of Fi that INFPs normally uses (Fi Pisces) is the very thing that inclines them to be so soft and meek. Fi is not “strong” and is the most yielding (meek) of the 8 cognitive functions (especially the INFP version of Fi, which is Pisces as I said before).
You say that Fi “seeks self-expression”. Not really. It is actually not very inclined to seek “self-expression”. However, yes, I think it does harbor “strong values” and comes to strong judgments regarding people that it uses to guide the INFP ego.
Fi as a dominant function is one of the toughest, most personal, less “meek” processes.
Fi as a dominant function is the most yielding and “meekest” dominant function on the Myers-Briggs block.
It (Fi) seeks truth and authenticity, sees through lies, and values IDENTITY above all else.
OK, you just basically defined Ni. INFP has an Ni id function. That’s where that’s coming from. Not from Fi. Fi does not value IDENTITY above all else, often can not see through lies, and moreover, often has a penchant for lying to oneself or others, and does not seek truth. It seeks harmony over truth.
INFPs are individualistic, they have strong reactions, values, and a very personal view on the world, the good and the bad. The meekness aspect is a misconception, due to superficial “psychology” and analyses like this one.
The meekness is not a misconception and if other analyses have failed to pick up on this aspect of INFP, it is due to their superficiality, not mine.
I’m very interested in psychology and Myers-Briggs, and there is a lot of fascinating information on these subjects online
No there isn’t, hence the existence of this site.
…but this is not a site I’d read again, or recommend. Thank you
That’s your own ignorance. But, yeah, you’re free to do that.
This is the truest piece of text I have ever read so far. Those MBTI descriptions always seem to make the INFJ personality type look like the most altruistic and angelic and what not.
By the way, from your perspective, which personality type do you think is the most compatible for the INFJ personality type? I’ve read an ENTP or ENFP are the ideal matches for an INFJ.
Yep, I know, I know, any pair can work it out but which personality type do you think is the most patient to go through the bajillion layers of an INFJ?
(sorry, English is not my first language!)
ENTP is most compatible because they won’t go through the bajillion layers and yet be interesting enough to the INFJ for them to come out of their layers into the planetarium of laughter.
After 24 years of living with my ENTP partner I can confirm that Blake is spot-on with his analysis of the INFJ/ENTP dynamic. And after all that time a strange thing has happened, as I’ve become more like an ENTP in some ways, while he has picked up some of my INFJ qualities.
Maybe after another few years we’ll have swapped types completely?
Reading this article, it’s definitely biased. And its bias(subjectiveness?) increases as you read along. You negate your really good points with obvious bias. Not cool.
Maybe the bias is the coolest part!
What parts did you think were untrue due to bias?
What are your thinkings!!
I wanna see a fight!
Blake wrote on June 7 2016:
Only an INFJ can commit a sin of omission and commission simultaneously.
It’s like their absence is a form of presence.
Also, keep in mind that I never said that purity and softness were always a good thing. I just said that INFPs were pure and soft.
Also, when I say INFJs are hard and dark and selfish, I’m not saying that’s bad. I’m just naming off relative qualities of the two types.
If I had to describe infj’s in one word it would be irony. I’m inclined to believe there is much irony in the infj hard, dark, and selfishness. We are giving a very unselfish, pure part of ourselves [pisces inner id] disguised in a sin of “omission and commission” and in the” absence is a form of presence”, type of interactions. It’s very hidden to other people and sometimes to ourselves but it is ever present, at least in me, but it is not obvious. Its a reflective quality and an invisible pressure that creates an uneasy feeling in interactions that leave people somewhat leery of me. As others have said, its not nice but it is kind in the fact we are revealing a persons true self, in a honest mirror. I have learned to own my silence and understand that in that moment, I feel I’m giving the purest love I have in my heart. It’s not a vengeful, hateful silence. It’s me giving a person the space they need to reflect. Of course this kind of honesty can bring forth many projections from people and I have had to learn to not to accept those projections. If I accept them, then my darkness really does start to destroy the purity of the silence.
I think I have witnessed this loving silence you speak of. Well something that lies nearby at least. I saw an infj who was so happy because everyone at her house (not just family but also friends) was having a good time. It was like she was on the outside watching and I think she was truly happy. She almost didn’t need to participate as if to not mess with it.
Thanks Lunar. I appreciate your positive take on my comment. I agree that I’m more of an observer than a participant. I can be completely connected to people and hardly speak a word. I love babies and preschoolers because their energy is filled with wonderment and curiosity and it’s simple and easy and sweet. It always such a nice break from the pain and struggle that I usually collect when I go out.
I wanted to also add, it may appear as though I am not participating on the outside but on the inside I am very connected. I’m not sure that I feel like I would be messing anything up but I do feel like I m not needed to accommodate or enhance ……or influence what is going on either. That is such a great feeling to be free to just be. I think Fe gets a rep for being shallow and sometimes it is but I think there can be more depth to it than I recognize in some of the darker interactions. After all, Fe is a Pisces function and there’s a lot of of depth in Pisces. Certainly not like Fi but an Fi pisces expression of love translated through Fe? Maybe?
I very much enjoyed reading your interpretations of the two very similar yet vastly different types. I’ve been in a self debate for ages trying to figure the heart of if I’m INFP or INFJ. I’m leaning towards the former, since I have engaged with a few INFJs one on one, however online though so perhaps my encounters are limited, so please don’t take my ideas as being entirely true for every INFP or INFJ.
Subsequently, I have found them (INFJs) very fascinating, intelligent people with a slight ‘edge’ to them, that you’ve described perfectly well. They can seem either blase or overly intense, crude sometimes even though they’re still presenting a soft eloquent gentle facade. Steel inside a velvet glove comes to mind. I believe they have a lot of inner fire, and aren’t afraid of controversy or sometimes skating around conflicts of interests.
Whereas I’ve noticed myself and another INFP we tend to shy away from opposition and brood for longer on our everyday mistakes aka at work, driving our cars, in the kitchen. I personally think I take myself and others too seriously; aggressively playful banter I can see as being amusing to others, though I take the jokes to heart and assume the joker is really p***ed off at me. Gosh apparently my startled reactions at the ‘joke’ aka “Jen you aren’t allowed to go to the toilet. Sit down and shut up! Hahaaa,aw look at your face!! I’m kidding!” are funnier than the ‘joke’. Whereas I’ve observed that INFJs I know would not take the comment seriously and have some sort of shockingly sweet yet harsh comeback. Other than my timid “oh..aha, well bye!” *runs to loo and overthinks why I am acting so skittish over normal banter*. Sorry! Long waffling example.
Another thing I’ve noticed is I am definitely more into softly magical stuff, fairies, unicorns, healing crystals, astrology, mermaid scale jewlerry. And idealised romances where we spend the days exploring together, either to new towns or via the arts. Slowly but steadily coming together. Easily solved disagreements, working together, feeling safe. I really loved the part where you mention something along the lines of “INFPs want a womb of cosines” when it comes to love.
Whereas one INFJ online pen pal is more into woodland pixies and selkies, wiccanism, darker macabre tales like Edgar Allan Poe’s works. She tends to not be upset by conflicts with her husband, finding them amusing or boring. I sense she’d rather be stimulated and ride through ups and downs. I’m sure I mentioned once about my inclination for ‘hibernating’ and she found it funny but sweet. With this friend in particular, I get the sense that she finds me and other INP types as being adorkable sappy naive goofballs, like softened pink lemonade, while herself is cloudy lemonade; gently fizzy at first but over time drinking the glass you notice the sharp taste and pop of bubbles.
AnywAys…sorry for going on a long tangent! I just really resonated with the article (from my own experience) and I found it extremely helpful in finally figuring reasons why I am INFP.
Though I honestly admire INFJs and see them as my more worldly and striking soulful siblings 🙂
Love it, thanks for commenting. I’d say you were an INFP from your way of presenting yourself. You can also check out INFJ vs. INFP Revisited Parts 1 and 2 if you sign up for a Starling subscription. Hope you’ll become a Starling 🙂
who do you think would tend toward addictions or self destructive behaviour more?
That’s too general a question. Either could be prone to such.
This article was an interesting read, but not the unbiased information someone who is interested in typology, socionics, or even discovering themselves needs. There are some valid points, but there also seems to be some heavy biases against INFJ’s and extroverted feelers in general.
To set a few things straight, there are MANY statements that have not been fact-checked in this article. For example, Ghandi is widely accepted as INFJ by not just the mbti community but socionics as well. His humanitarian perspective and his willingness to enact change reflect Ni-Fe dom, not Fi-Ne. INFP’s are not as likely to act on what they believe in despite strong convictions because they have inferior Te, the ability to shape their environment.
INFP’s do act on their own moral compass above all else; however, this does not make them objectively “genuinely nice” more so than INFJ’s. INFJ’s tend to be more altruistic rather than serving their own agenda because their Fe seeks interpersonal harmony rather than just intrapersonal agreement of Fi.
INFJ’s dominant Ni allows them to be much to receptive to different perspectives and they have much more mental flexibility to change their own point of view. This does NOT equate being morally ambiguous.
INFP’s are also not “wooly minded”. Their auxilliary Ne makes them very flexible thinkers, with Fi bending Ne to the topics they value. INFP’s are not any less intellectually inclined than INFJ’s, though their focuses may be different.
What was described in the Styles of Love section is an ESTP, or a very very very unhealthy INFJ. INFJ’s value harmony highly and they can forecast the effects of their actions on others more clearly than almost any other type. They’re more likely to suffer through a relationship if the other person is happy, while an INFP is more likely to keep true to who they are and end such a relationship because they know what’s best of them.
to set a few things straight, there are MANY statements that have not been fact-checked in this article.
Fact-check this: There are no facts in Myers-Briggs, only interpretations. For example, it is not a fact that Ghandi was an INFJ. I do hope you know this and see why.
Please think about it and get back to me when you figure it out.
INFJs may withhold themselves, but the thing is, that for all the emphatical pain, it is exciting experience for them. I believe this kind of tendency was described in article, not that they give in all the time. If incorrect assumption, feel free to point out.
I am rather sure that INFP is very unlikely to leave such relationship because of idealization and Si. They will cling to it for the better or worse.
Well, I find people that are intense, edgy, daring, tempting fate and death, having a bit of love-hate and self destructor behavior, those harder types, I find them immenselly arousing. Them and dangerous lethal/powerful people. I wish a little bit to get closer. But I fear I would not be able to withstand it, lacking resolve and depth of desire, betraying it. How could I live with myself if I would be revealed to be so hypocritical in my longing, so weak… It makes me feel I would deserve and should be crushed by the very thing I tapped in if it turned out this way.
It sounds to me like being on crossroads of Se and Te with some crazy Fi, which could be Id or Dominant, kicking in. I heard doubts are product of Ne while Ni is more certain in its visions. That probably clears the case. I am INFP and trust me that being fluffy sweet something sounds very unappealing.
The first thing that popped into my head is that song by Jack White- Love Interruption…All about that INFJ love </3
Hi!
I’ve done a lot of Personality and it always ends up of being an INFP, but I wanted to make sure of that.
I feel like sometimes I wanted to be other people who is brave enough conquer conflict. I my self doesn’t want to be sensitive, but it ends up of being a cry baby. I don’t like conversation with a green jokes, it feels like it’s not appropriate to talk. I like to talk about humanity, I am so inspired to the people who are a sinner then turned out to be a good person. But why other people doesn’t understand us? why other people are judgmental? that does not seen the good on other people?
I love forest it is so beautiful to see greenest world.
I always ask my self why I always doing this, I hate repetitive work.
I always want to listen to other people when they started talking. Especially if it make sense.
But I am not artistic, and I hate abstract, but I love reading articles.
I love food, different food.
This was exactly what I needed after years of ENFJ, INFJ, INFP, and ENFP results and examination of my INFP friends…. This is so much my INFP friends and so much me reading INFJ.
*writes a novella about life & this but YIKES public*
My INFP friend of 8+ years said I’m hard to get to know. She said that THIS year 2018. I thought sure I was an open book and said too much. But maybe I say #tmi and the rest is to be expressed in my Art.
Don’t tell me who I am keep it real and theorized…. somehow you did that.
I’m infj and you’re description is wrong.
I can’t watch game of thrones cause of the torture scenes. I can’t stand family guy humor cause I find it offensive.
Im not moldable in my values. My first dog cost more than my car. When she died I had a hard time filling that hole for years. I had her in the freezer for months before I could let her go enough to bury her. Even after I was still putting food out for her.
I love fantasy.
I was devastated when my mom cooked a lobster and fish when I was younger.
I love soft romance. I’m not into crazy up and down.
I broke up with my infp bf, and we’re still not over each other after three years.
I want world peace and not so I can attain glory. I want us to be more responsible with our animals that are becoming extinct. I want us to worry about conservation. I want us to not be racist assholes.
I was devastated over Trumps election. I just stopped watching the news for a while so that I could heal.
I’m genuinely nice and hate fakeness. Would never wish anyone harm even my abusers.
Go out of my way to help people before myself a lot of the time.
I love my INFP people. JRR Tolkien, Stephen Colbert, and Fred Rogers. Those are type I fall in love with.
The 2 people that understands me most in this world are INFPs
My ex INFP bf beats up animal because of his rage. He’s complicated. But otherwise he’s not judgemental. Loves deeply and show me to love myself but yea he’s not an angel. He lies a lot and is sometimes selfish. He killed 2 of my dogs in a fit of rage.
I didn’t even want to write that last paragraph but yea you’re wrong.
“I’m not moldable in my values.”
You sure ain’t, if even after reading this article you still haven’t realized you’re not an INFJ.
And let’s be genuine. The fact that you name Stephen Colbert as INFP, shows that you paid no attention to what this site has to offer.
Your comment is so hoity-toity, it just begs for trolling. Which every second INFJ finds mighty appealing. (-:
Sorry but I absolutely cannot stand INFPs…They spend their entire lives living in a fantasy world of their own making, and everyone around them suffers for it…
Childlike? Innocent? Guileless? More like they have a terminal case of Peter Pan syndrome…
Their refusal to grow up and join the real world, is pure immaturity, and selfishness…I’ve seen INFPS sympathize with serial killers! And psychopaths, people who have used and exploited others for their own twisted purposes, because “that person was misunderstood”
Where is their sympathy for the families of the victims of these predators? No, an INFP cannot accept the fact evil people exist because they might have to leave their fantasy world to do so…They would rather live in a world where people are incapable of such evil than accept the fact that some people are beyond redemption…
But they have no problem throwing the book at superficial people, Misanthropes and those who follow a set routine…
INFPs are indeed childlike….And just like children they are immature, selfish and callous to boot…If their loved ones don’t meet up to their impossible standards they cannot even meet themselves, they will abandon them without a second glance.
Rather hang around an “immoral” INFJ than the immature, selfish hypocrite known as the INFP…Who lacks the common sense to be able to see the difference between something truly evil and something questionable but not depraved…
I feel like you got deeply hurt by one of them
this is just a deflection by the way, because I was fucking angry you said these things about my personality type. so… fuck you! (do you see how split we are internally, that makes me hate my type even further) yeah well, I notice that the less I talk the better.
I am a an INFP through and through however I Found your interpretation of us flawed in a few ways. Most everything I think about and contemplate are philosophies and theories. I find thinking about the big questions in life (why are we here, where is our future going, what is beyond the edge of space) the MOST intellectually stimulating. Yes we tend to mind wonder into some fantasy realms but more often then Not it is grounded in deeply philosophical ideals.
We are also not into new age things at all. I get what you were trying to illustrate but you missed the point. If anything we do not identify with trendiness or trinkets that represent a belief system we do not prescribe to. We find meaning in something if it ties back to our past and things like crystals or dream catchers will more likely than not have only a shallow meaning to us. We do however like collecting things, especially things that activate our imagination, whether that’s a key collection, a collection of missing children’s posters, old marbles or the band aids that fall off our knees. These things we usually keep as prized possessions and may hide them in a treasure box and never let anyone else see.
I love when people come into a comment section and tell me my interpretation is flawed, then proceed to smugly correct me, as if they knew better.
Also,
We are also not into new age things at all.
is so patently wrong as to be…I don’t know…stupid.
After ENFP, INFP is the type most likely to be into new age things. This includes crystals, dream catchers and magical trinkets of all sorts. I might even place INFP first in that regard.
I live in a new age community, trust me, I know. INFPs all over da place.
That doesn’t mean all INFPs, but there are more INFPs than just you.
Most everything I think about and contemplate are philosophies and theories. I find thinking about the big questions in life (why are we here, where is our future going, what is beyond the edge of space) the MOST intellectually stimulating. Yes we tend to mind wonder into some fantasy realms but more often then Not it is grounded in deeply philosophical ideals.
I agree with that. Ne with Ni id. However, in actual practice, when compared to INFJ, INFPs do come off as more fluffy and unicornish.
I get what you were trying to illustrate but you missed the point. If anything we do not identify with trendiness or trinkets that represent a belief system we do not prescribe to.
I didn’t say trendiness. INFPs are anything but trendy. Which sets them apart from ENFPs in a big way!
No, INFPs mean it.
We find meaning in something if it ties back to our past and things like crystals or dream catchers will more likely than not have only a shallow meaning to us.
Right, the past is very important to INFP. I’ve come to associate the sign of Cancer to INFP’s natural orientation.
We do however like collecting things, especially things that activate our imagination, whether that’s a key collection, a collection of missing children’s posters, old marbles or the band aids that fall off our knees. These things we usually keep as prized possessions and may hide them in a treasure box and never let anyone else see.
Yes, all Cancer stuff.
I suppose you’re going to tell me astrology is bullshit and INFPs are not at all into that. However, the way I see it, if they aren’t, that’s anti-natural for them.
And taking an overly scientific post-modern atheistic worldview is poison to INFP.
I was actually going to complain about the fact that Infjs are painted on a darker light than the infp.. but i also noticed most of it is true considering how intense i can be when it comes to relationships! The part where there is wildness inside of us. That is so true
I actually think this describes me more perfectly than other posts I’ve read about infjs
Hi.
I took multiple tests and each time I have either INFJ or INFP. After looking through tons of articles and videos trying to explain the differences I still don’t get it because I really feel like I could fit both depending on who’s explaining it, even in your article. And I really would like to know because my self-development and my spiritual purpose are equally important for me.
I know astrology a bit and I studied my birth chart intensely, but even so it doesn’t help me understand my type (cancer rising, moon in gemini in 12th with mars in 12th in cancer, sun in virgo in 2nd and mercury in virgo in 3rd, saturn in pisces in 8th, nn in scorpio in 5th). I also did numerology but since I’m born before sunrise I can’t be sure about my numbers.
I like intense things, though I do not like to experience it myself – like I usually write or appreciate violent stories with lots of suffering, losses, destructive relationships and behaviors, etc. but what I actually want for myself is just calm and peace, in my relationships and everyday life. And ultimately, I do not like suffering just for the sake of it, but for its transformative and empowering potential. And even though I like this kind of stories does not mean I like actual violence, I really don’t and don’t want to witness it, but I still can’t help but feel strong urges of violence inside of me sometimes. Actually, I like combat sports, but it’s kind of a hate/love feeling, like it fascinates me but the pure violence of it is still disgusting and vain to me.
Yet I literaly don’t know or understand how I feel most of the time, like if you ask me ”do you like this and why ?” I honestly might not be able to tell you, and even if I like it, since I always wonder if what I like and don’t like is right or wrong, even if I like it I will try not to like it if I think it’s wrong, so I will tell you I don’t like it even though deep down I do. I don’t know if I’m making any sense ! (sorry, english’s not my first language).
I also love to think about deep things and abstract concepts but in the end I also think these things should find their place in the practical world. Because if it’s of no use for others and does not help us improve, it’s pointless.
However I dream a lot about my own condition and dream sometimes about become a great artist that people could be inspired by to become better versions of themselves and not do the same stupid things and mistakes I’ve done, or not suffer the way I have because of my depression, phobias and personality disorders that I ”managed” alone because I did not want to talk about it and thought ”no one could understand because I’m so special aha”. Because of my own stupidity and self-centeredness as well. But I don’t actually do anything concrete for that and just keep procrastinating. I am terribly indecisive because I wish I could only take the best decisions but I just can’t, so I let things go until it’s too late or choose things on a rush to avoid thinking too much about it.
I’m also highly forgiving and accepting, but only of others, not at all of myself. I am constantly ridden with guilt and shame. Despite that, I can’t help but see and get upset by other people’s faults and mistakes. I forgive, but I still see it and feel wronged by it. And feel bad for it.
I’m also deep in spiritual stuff, new-age, law of attraction, all these kinds of things, and while I’m highly skeptical of everything, it still highly intrigates me, more than conventional religion or atheism. I do believe in God, I always have because it has always been an evidence for me.
But from what you wrote bascially, INFJ are actually really bad person, selfish and self-centered inside while appearing nice, real villain, while INFP are actually really good person inside. So I guess I’m INFJ because I always try to look nice and polite and mostly normal but in the end I guess I mostly care about myself and my own exentricities.
Anyway, thanks for this article. It is still very insightful. Have a good day.
From what you wrote and general tonality, you sound INFJ. If you want to know with more certainty, consult with me.
Oh, thank you very much for your answer : ). So I suppose I really am an INFJ, hm… I read another comment below that talked about the fact INFPs are even able to sympathize with psychopaths and such because they don’t really see the true evil. I totally relate as well because I think we are not born mentally sick and that evil is not a ”fixed” thing, that every disorder is just the result of some form of imbalance/trauma that caused the brain to work differently than its ideal way (more or less severe, even to the point of become a psychopath or such). I like to think that redemption and healing are available for everyone who truly want to change. But not everyone might be able to get healed 100% over the course of their life, obviously, because any imbalance leaves some form of permanent damage, just like I believe severe depression changes your mind forever, every trauma or severe disorder cannot be totally erased. But I still think we can work around that. Is that an INFJ thing as well?
Althought I might think that way because I hope to get personal redemption and healing as well.
A consultation would be great. I’ll have to wait for now but I’ll definitely think about it. I long for the day I won’t be so lost as to who I am and what I’m supposed to be and do!
Thank you again for taking time to read my comment. Have a nice day.
I absolutely agree with Blake. You seem like the quintessential (!!) infj. A fantastic and deep personality type to have, if a bit prone to self doubting and over-analyses.[no, I’m not an infj, so this isn’t a case of self agrandisation (spelling??)]
Hi!
Oh, really? I’m not sure if it’s really fantastic but I’m glad you think so ;). What’s your type?
It’s really confusing, especially since I don’t know a lot about the subject yet. Because when I look deeper and when I see some random anecdotes people tell about INFPs I relate so much – like there’s this channel on Youtube made by an INFJ guy and in one of his vids he plays out how every type would react to a sick day, and the INFP was so me (getting even more sick from anxiety by having to call your work to let them know you won’t be coming, even to the point where you’d rather go to work sick than having to call, aha). But I have social anxiety, so I guess that’s why I relate. I also relate to ISFJ, althought I’m pretty sure there’s no way I am one. I’m 4w5 in the enneagram, it might change things as well. It’s such a complex and fascinating subject.
Thank you for reading my ranting ; ). Have a nice day.
Hi, Julie. I think that, whatever you are, just own it. With the good comes the sour. It’s the same for all personality types. I happen to be an infp (ennagram type 9.) You feel that aspects of the description don’t resonate with you. That, is I think a universal tendency. Writing from experience, I’m not always a fluffy infp unicorn. I live in Africa: I think that external circumstances shape the way that we have have to deal and what we have to deal with. So, you see, sometimes instead of a fluffy unicorn, I’m a fluffy African zebra 🦄😏🦓. Different facets of your personality will come to the fore, depending on circumstances and where you are on your life journey. Enjoy the ride, Julie. Best of luck!
Fluffy INFP aha ; ). For sure, nothing is all positive or all negative, but I guess some things have a tendency to be more easily positive and other more easily negative, and circumstances help bring out the best or the worse.
Thank you for your kindness, I really appreciate it. I wish you the best of luck as well : ).
Wow, I am an INFP and my SO is an INFJ and I found this article scarily accurate O_o
It may read to be a bit biased since the flaws of INFPs havent been highlighted as clearly but you’ve really outlined the essence of these two personality types well (IMO).
hate what you’ve said about INFJ’s.. but can’t deny the truth. fuck me.
I personally think the differences between the intuitive feelers is rather stark- they literally share no cognitive functions in their main 4 stack.
However, I don’t think the contrast here in your article is accurate at all. Both can carry both sides quite easily… The differences are stark internally/cognitively but more nuanced in reality, like overlapping waves of different color.
Also, its far more complex then just Jung theory, enneagram..and yes astrology will make a huge difference. A water dominant or type 2/4/9 infj will be less pronounced in the way you described…they may even be so soft, that they seem like melancholic (and yet simultaneoualy fluffy) infp.
Lastly I personally am surrounded by infp and enfp types…the one thing they have in common is their inability to tap into Fe use, they are constantly stuck in Fi, which to me…comes off as quite selfish and detached from the external world. And when they do get the chance to use Fe, it comes off as robotic..
Even sterile, that is, unless it is in regards to something they ‘personally’ resonate with… While the 2 “real” infjs I know, at first are aloof from afar but up close..are the most charismatic and loving people..they know how to make you feel like the center of the world even if you come from completely different backgrounds and beliefs.
The infjs that come off as cold, egoic or ‘realists’ are generally mistyped intjs or isfps. …
Infjs are generally all encompassing humanists
Infps are generally hyper focused romantics.
Moral: the types are indeed different, but equally complex and emotion bathing…as all types really are. The core of humanity is to be loved and accepted. …NF types are just more eloquent and dramatic about the pursuits of connection, to oneself, others and the world.
Love and light
*a somewhat “feelings got hurt over this article” genuine infj.
However, I don’t think the contrast here in your article is accurate at all. Both can carry both sides quite easily… The differences are stark internally/cognitively but more nuanced in reality, like overlapping waves of different color.
I don’t understand the absolute distinction that you are making between the so-called internal operation of these functions and their manifestation in reality, though I have seen MB enthusiasts do this quite frequently.
My take on this has been that this phenomenon is a function of introverted feeling. Fi doesn’t believe people can be categorized, or moreover, there is a moral objection to it.
Moral: the types are indeed different, but equally complex and emotion bathing…as all types really are.
You are using introverted feeling to very cleverly shift the grounds to a moral one, after you have already given your own definitions (Ti) and to say that the whole enterprise is hard to say anything definitive about (I do agree that you’re an INFJ, but you’re using a lot of Fi).
The core of humanity is to be loved and accepted.
This feels like the true conclusion of your argument – a moral injunction to love humanity.
Now that’s the way an INFJ uses Fi!
You probaly have an xNFP subtype. You’ll have to read around my site to understand my context.
Thanks for your reply Blake, I’ll definitely use this time of “Covid Apocalypse” to look through your articles…is the subtyping along the same context that Erik Thor uses?
Do you use Socionics as well?
is the subtyping along the same context that Erik Thor uses?
I don’t know who that is. Read Prelude to Black Moon 1 and 2 to get a sense of how I subtype.
Do you use Socionics as well?
Yes, some of my ideas were influenced by Socionics concepts.
I’ll definitely use this time of “Covid Apocalypse” to look through your articles
Good idea!
Finally found a post that delivers what I’ve been searching for for ages!
I’m glad I stumbled upon your article. Until now, I still find myself confused and unable to type myself definitively as an INFJ or INFP. You article brings forth a point of view that I wouldn’t read in any mainstream websites about MBTI. Well, I’m still undecisive but it somehow made me more eager to study about these personalities more in depth.
All the tests I took online gave me the INFJ result. Reading through the cognitive functions, Ni and Fe resonate with me a lot. The description of Ni particularly (abstractions, patterns, metaphors, paradoxes, hidden meanings, connections) perfectly describes my inner world. Fe also explains my tendency to always adjust my personality, behavior and language to that of the person(s) I speak to. It somehow gives me a sense of belongingness as I see myself too weird if I reveal myself too much. Although I sometimes find this too draining and would always retreat and isolate myself to recharge.
However, upon reading Fi, I think I can relate to it too and this is when I started doubting if I was really an INFJ.
I desire to be authentic, genuine and unique, which is the exact description of the Enneagram Type 4 which a lot say is basically Fi-dom. I celebrate my uniqueness although silently. I have a creative side in me, melancholic, poetic, artistic and mystical. Although I’m not sure if my creative side is because of Ni or Fi.
People would describe me as very soft-spoken, polite, fragile, quiet, intelligent, a woman of few words, formal and mysterious – just the same way I would like to project myself to others. And that image is somehow in contrast with the somehow dark, two-faced, somewhat violent INFJ descriptions in your article. I think I don’t give off those vibes.
Another reason why I doubted my being INFJ is that no one would mistake me for being an extrovert. I’ve read that INFJs are often mistaken for extroverts. (Or it could also be because of my social anxiety?) On the other hand, I enjoy observing and connecting with people and I want them to reveal their naked souls to me – which is described as very INFJ by most websites (but still no one would mistake me for an extrovert. I usually only do this connection on one-on-one interactions or I can tolerate speaking to at most 3 people at the same time. More than that is too draining.)
On the other hand, I also see myself as very intellectual. I always find myself pondering about existential matters and
philosophical questions. I enjoy studying about philosophy, psychology, international relations and sociology. I want to understand humanity and the world at a larger scale. I even sometimes feel like I’m just a disembodied consciousness floating in the air observing people like an outsider. I think this is something about me that will never change as it comes naturally to me. My thoughts and ideas are more metaphysical. I believe that everything is interconnected and many different experiences we see in the world in the course of history are just part of one Ultimate Reality.
I can be very logical too. I excel in Mathematics (especially Geometry is particularly easy to me) and Science back in school.
You mentioned that INFPs dream of having a simple life in a faraway town. I dream of that too but it’s not enough. I always need to be doing something else that has a purpose and impact on other people. For example, I dislike working in the corporate world. I want to be an educator to inspire especially young people to love learning about themselves and about the world.
About romantic relationships, I’m also somehow drawn to more dramatic especially tragic love stories, like couples being separated from the one they love due to unfortunate circumstances. I often dream of myself being involved in stories like that.
Voilà. I find a lot of contradictions within myself and I’m still unsure if I’m an INFJ or INFP. I honestly distrust online tests and there’s a possibility too that I may not have the correct understanding of the cognitive functions.
I test as a perceiver yet out of all the distinctions you make between INFJs and INFPs, I seem to fit the INFJ traits much more. Why is this? What is the fundamental difference between a Judger and Perciever? I am often disorginzed, I am very flexible, I often have a casual approach to things, I dislike rigid structures, routines, and schedules, i should be a Perciever, yet the INFJ description fits me almost perfectly whereas the INFP description does not. Why is this?
First of all, INFJs are dominant perceiving types. Ni is a perceiving function. The J/P preference for introverts is assigned based on the auxiliary function, which is based on the logic that of the two functions in the function stack that an INFJ (in this case) has facility with, Fe is the extraverted function of the two (Ni being the other one). I don’t agree with this logic and actually think the auxiliary function for ANY TYPE is the most “extraverted” ie easily externalized function of all, even if it is an introverted function, as it is for all dominant extraverts. Gosh, that was a mouthful.
Secondly, I use subtypes and as such there could be all kinds of other sources from whence an INFJ (or another J type) would test as A PERCEIVER, besides the first one I just mentioned (that INFJs are actually dominant perceivers in spite of the way the J/P preference is assigned for introvert dominant types).
Thirdly, the way I determine type is based on whole-typing, which involves seeing the archetype of the MB type, which first involves correctly assessing (and describing) what that archetype is. Once I see what that archetype is I largely dispense with functional analysis unless it is to go back and justify my judgement of the type itself, or the assignment of that type to a particular person.
Subtypes aside, I see no reason why an INFJ wouldn’t test high on perception as how this is generally measured and assessed by MB tests.
Fourthly, I put little stock in test results of any sort. I didn’t create the tests and I don’t necessarily agree with the ground definitions that the makers of those tests are using for any of the basic terminology/nomenclature of Myers-Briggs system. In addition, I don’t put much stock in self-reporting tests as it is my observation and judgement that many (most?) people don’t know enough about their true qualities to assess themselves in such a manner, that is to be either insightful or honest enough with themselves to report accurately enough to yield what I would consider a correct result.
For example, even on the one dimension of difference that I eventually got down to with the difference between INFJ and INFP (Particular Melancholic vs. Particular Phlegmatic in INFJ vs. INFP Revisited: Part 2, I noticed that many people seem to be loathe to consider themselves phlegmatic…even if they are. In this case, this is an issue of glamor, wanting to see oneself as more glamorous than they really are.
Care to elaborate on this a little, specifically in the case of extraverts? How about the dominant-tertiary “automatic path”? (I don’t want to say loop, because I think the word is overused and it implies a degree of unhealthy that may not necessarily be there.)
Do you mean the auxiliary function is the most easily externalized in the sense of a tool function, implying that when there is a clear intention to achieve a goal, even just to communicate, that would be the go-to function? Is that it? — on second thought, I said “tool” thinking of judging functions (Ti/Fi auxiliary in the case of ExxPs), but I can’t really see it for auxiliary perceiving functions (Ni/Si for ExxJ types)… [on third thought, I think the only “tools” are Te and Fe, organizing things or people externally…haha I’ll stop here] — What do you mean?
Moreover, what are the implications of that for the J/P dichotomy?
Speaking of the J/P divide, do you think the current dichotomy holds any meaning (ie the qualities that can be extrapolated from this classification in which all P types are Se/Ne users vs all J types are Si/Ni users)?
Do you think it would be more accurate (useful? meaningful?) to classify all perceiving dominant types as Ps and all judging dominant types as Js, regardless of introversion/extraversion? How would you describe those categories (perceiver/judger) in more detail?
“Secondly, I use subtypes and as such there could be all kinds of other sources from whence an INFJ (or another J type) would test as A PERCEIVER.”
That makes sense. In my more jovial and care-free moments, I can come off as very ENTPish in public.
Late to the party but this article is incredibly biased. Although it has some accurate points sprinkled here and there, it creates way too many generalizations in the process. It is clear that the author is using experiential double logic in order to preserve his own bias. It is also clear that the author is an INFJ or is in close proximity with INFJs and so they write in a manner that makes INFJ appear more interesting and idealistic whereas INFPs are two-dimensional and milquetoast. Personality-based articles should never use words like “meek”, “bland”, or “assholes” to generalize entire personality types. This is antithetical to unbiased logic.
I would be interested in discussing the finer details of INFP vs. INFJ perception, however, because there are again good points but it is difficult to separate it from the bias.
Dear Ken,
But wouldn’t each individual personality type have their own subjective perception or impression of all the other personality types (and their own) which is necessary to the whole picture of the personality types in all their facets and intricate dimensions?
For what is a person but a subject? And what is the point of making it objective? What’s so great about undoing the bias which defines the perspective of each unique variation of the individual personality types?
‘Cause you’re saying “should never” which is your own bias, and to be sure, I share this bias with you, but I am aware that it is my bias, so I can see the subjective within the objective and this gives me a perspective which is closer to the wholeness of the truth, and gets me closer to the objectivity that I hold so near and dear.
The end,
Steph
Before reading: I am no expert in this such as yourself, so I do hope you can give me pointers.
The INFP and INFJ are both ‘yin’ personalities. I have read an article of yours discussing the four temperament in regards to MBTI types. I would say INFP is flowing and INFJ is set in stone; this is still half-baked, but I will discuss more on this much later. When it comes to romance, INFP wants love just as much INFJ wants it, but between love and success, I would say INFJ will choose the latter over the former much more quickly than the INFP. It is misunderstood that INFPs are ‘protecting’ the peace, but I am a INFP and yet I’m ruthless. INFPs value what they feel is true and right over stable peace. However, some INFPs keep quiet because talking is a struggle. I love to talk and want someone who is interested in talking to me, but I am a slow thinker, so I do feel insecure keeping up the conversation. I do agree with you when you said that INFJ are fascinated by violence. While INFP are fascinated by dark themes (murders, fights, gores) as well, the INFJ indulges it while the INFP is intrigued to it. It’s just that the INFP likes fantasy over the reality of it.
I don’t agree with your comment on how we think theoretical discussion is useless. I think you have forgotten or are unaware that INFP sees things in every angle and think of every possibilities. “Dehumanizing” is a pretty hyperbolic word to use there. I will create a fantasy world where magic is practical, but theoretical magic can lead to new findings. Philosophers comes up with theories in hopes to better understand the world so that they one day become reality. The INFPs, of course, are not excluded from that.
I agree that we take love seriously, so I tend to not want to fall in love so easily. It is as you said, “They put down roots and slowly unfold themselves in the presence of their partner.” In my experience, I should not give my everything to someone who will not look my way. There is just no growth in that. Show me, and I will slowly come to you. When I open up, I hope it’s still me you want. I am quick to fall in love, but I seal those thoughts. I learn to test the water before drowning. I think I can agree with the meek INFP’s style of love, but I can’t say that for the others. I like to rest my head on his left shoulder as he plays his video games (or play video games with him, too, but that’s going to be an upright position), walk and be with him, drive around and listen to music with him, watch movies and tv shows with him, lay my head on his chest, and eat food with him near me. That is the meekness style of love I find value in and show affection.
INFJ are publicly self-aware while the INFP are privately self-aware. This is why the INFJs care so much about what the people think while the INFPs care only for doing what is right for themselves. This differs their ideals because the INFJs will use people to accomplish their goals while the INFPs will accomplish their goals behind the scenes and not a care in the world! Don’t get me wrong, INFP–I would say to myself that INFPs are private leaders or ones with integrity. When it comes to working and functioning in society, the INFP is not far off from the INFJ’s view of the real world. The INFP struggles with acting upon practicalities. I would have a plan up my sleeve for a job interview but not use it because I was too slow or unable to use it with other thoughts or a continuous conversation taking place (listening, thinking what to say next, finding the right words, etc). An example was when I researched a company and learned it’s business targeted children more, but sadly I was too slow and worried to take action. Even though I am a INFP, I can understand the real world; although, we are slower than other types to learn from the physical world because it was from learning that I understood. I just don’t enjoy it, so I dream my own world where people got what they wanted. Honestly, I hate manipulating people, so it is only in fiction that I don’t worry about what I do. I am sure INFJs think differently from this.
I agree with your last passage. INFPs are genuine, but that can also make them rude. The INFJ are tactful, but that can also make them fake.
I am almost done. Now that I am here, I can discuss the following: ‘flowing’ and ‘set in stone.’ Flowing has to do with water as it is relaxed and smooth (calm) while set in stone has to do with earth as it is serious and rigid (anxious), but this information is not enough to make up INFP. I believe INFP represents an entirely different element. This is sound since INFP shares water and earth! According to your next article, NF = general melancholic. INFP = general melancholic, particular phlegmatic and INFJ = general melancholic, particular melancholic. INFP’s element is not water but ice. Ice is form when there is no heat present, so water molecules stick together and become ice. Molecules are constantly moving quickly or bouncing off each other in water, but in solid form, the molecules move slower and stick together. This is why Neptune is the coldest planet because it is far away from the sun. This makes the INFP frigid and rigid on the surface, but inside the INFP is emotional.
Earth and water or autumn and winter are both yin elements or seasons. ISFJ is general phlegmatic, particular phlegmatic.
Great articles. I learned more on astrology from them which helped me understand how the planets in our solar system correlate to the 4 Humours and Kiersian categories.