The Pisces Personality

There is something fishy going on here. Well, it’s the Pisces personality, the two fishes tied at the tail. What can one say about Pisces, they are so elusive and illusive and hard to pin down.

MAGIC, that is the Pisces keyword. They need magic in their life and if you can give it to them they are hooked (get it, hooked). How do you hook the slippery fish? Not with a worm, that’s for sure.

You could try being everything and nothing at the same time. This will get their erogenous zones of mystery flowing. Try contorting and dissolving in quick succession. Then calmly take their heart from their frail chest and place it in your secret locket. They have melted meanwhile and now you have to gather them up and put them on bed rest for the next few aeons at which point they might emerge and actually be useful in some measurable way.

Pisces is the most useless sign but they have everything to give. They can’t actually do anything practical like turn on a light but they make up for this deficit in odd and numinous ways.

Like being great in bed for example. Pisces is so sexy and seductive and they put all of themselves into the lurid act. Don’t call it sex in their presence but making love.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say Pisces is the best sign in the zodiac.

Why, I hear you Leos ask?

Because, they are pure yet experienced and they don’t lord it over anyone. They have humility, grace, wisdom, and sweet and clumsy vernaculars. They will predict the future for you. They will do whatever you want them to. The Fish wants you to be happy and fulfilled. They want the best for you. The Pisces personality understands LOVE, the highest thing we humans are capable of here on this planet. They put all the other signs to shame with their compassion and empathy. While an Aquarius is preaching love and brotherhood, Pisces will be in the trenches performing random acts of kindness.

The Pisces personality is the martyr, they will die for what they believe in. Sure, they are weak-willed and probably need to be hopped up on some premium dope to function in the world but this is the world’s fault I assure you. The world is too sordid and malevolent a place for the Pisces spirit.

One of their weaknesses is their bouts of self-pity where they complain and whine and tell anyone in earshot about their long lists of aches and pains. Then they expect you to sympathize with them and make it all better. This is where they can fall into the victim role. “Poor me” and trust me it is every little thing. They love to expound on their maladies.

The Pisces personality is the most easily influenced of the signs. They absorb their environments like a sponge. The fish is not very neat and their living areas are bound to be cluttered with trinkets and knick-knacks. They can be messy and disorganized, the opposite of the neat freak Virgo. However, it might be a creative messiness.

Pisces can thrive in chaotic environments. They know where to find stuff in their personal messes. If you want to come in and clean for them, they won’t stop you. All they have to do is marry a Virgo and problem solved. It’s not a problem to them though. Life is essentially messy and confusing and Pisces is only trying to blend in with its environment.

As companions, the Pisces personality is an entertaining mate. If there is alcohol involved, all the better. That is when they become really entertaining. They don’t take well to sobriety. You will never find Pisces volunteering to be designated driver. Pisces will take debauchery to the bitter end and there will usually be crying and dramatic ultimatums, that they have no intention of following through on, involved. Let them go listen to The Cure and sleep it off. They’ll be back to their normal abnormal selves in the morning.

Resolve is not a Pisces strong point. They are like 10 people in the same body with little cohesion, a kind of gentle schizophrenia. If they say they are going to do something don’t take it too seriously.

The Pisces personality loves music and poetry. They are romantic and sentimental in a bland way but they don’t like too much intensity unlike their watery cousins Scorpio. They enjoy music that is like running water, a shimmering cascade of undifferentiated babbling, nothing standing out too rudely.

Pisces likes to take it easy. Exertion is not their forte. If you want to exert yourself on their behalf, by all means.

The gelatinous, indistinct blob that the Pisces personality can become shouldn’t offend anyone. They are thoroughly inoffensive and good at cuddling. So besot up to them one fine evening and take them home and light a candle. Put on some Gyoto Monks, pour them a glass of wine, and philosophize with them about everything and nothing. Pisces will put out, don’t worry. Sex to them is like passing out gum. They are easy, and like I said, good at carnal acts, and carnival acts too. They like to be dominated and are waiting for you to make the first move.

If something doesn’t happen Pisces will write it off as Fate. They believe either something is in the cards or it’s not. If it is, it will happen of its own accord, if not, it wasn’t meant to be. Who is Pisces to go against Fate? They won’t. Pisces will also lie to you to save your feelings.

I suppose their worst trait is not wanting to see people and situations how they are. They can refuse to look at reality and prefer to retreat into their fantasy world where all is peaceful and benign. Pisces doesn’t like hard reality, hard sciences, not even hard candy. They like it soft and bittersweet.

Indecision is characteristic of Pisces at the crossroads of life such as what to have for dinner, what kind of popcorn to get, where to go out to eat. This indecision comes about mostly in relation to food. Pisces is particular about food and can be a pain in the ass in restaurants during the ordering and consumption parts of the dining experience. Man, they are slow eaters! They want their food prepared in a special, highly idiosyncratic way that is impossible for any mortal man to carry out.

The Pisces personality can be forgiven for this annoying idiosyncrasy. It is just their way of looking for something certain in an uncertain world.