If an INFJ ever wanted to magically solve all their problems, which stem from the four areas of Se, Ti, Fi, and Te, their extraverted feeling auxiliary is the magical bullet that will miraculously cure all their ills. If they would simply turn it on.
But, INFJs often don’t because of the mysterious nature of the auxiliary function. Strangely enough, the auxiliary function is something a type is gifted at and experiences zero friction when this function is engaged, however, the auxiliary function also has about zero impetus to manifest itself. Like a gift that we don’t want to open.
No, usually the INFJ would rather go directly into the four functions that they have problems with. Why? Something to do with human nature perhaps. The love of what is difficult and challenging. The things that are easy are boring. Right?
Well, it doesn’t quite work like that. Because the auxiliary extraverted feeling of an INFJ is actually there to solve those problems of the more difficult functions, not as a thing in itself. In other words, if the four function of Se, Te, Fi, and Se were problems, then, Fe is the solution to them. And it is actually pure magic once it is set to work to engage those problems.
So, Why Isn’t It Set Into Motion?
You see, INFJs are difficult people. They are in love with what is difficult. They believe the answers lie in some sort of extreme complexity and massive exertion of the will (which they aren’t capable of). And INFJs generally have so many problems in Western society because of the emphasis on about three of the functions they have varying levels of difficulty with.
Many INFJs in the West are simply miseducated for who they are. And they often grow up to feel bad about themselves in a thousand different ways. They are actually taught methods that won’t work for them, that set them up for failure.
So, this is part of the reason that their Fe auxiliaries aren’t set in motion, because Te methods are generally favored over Fe ones in the Western world.
But, there is also this principle of the auxiliary function itself for any type being overlooked as a solution to many of the problems that beset the lovely INFJ people. It seems counterintuitive, beside the point, too shallow, and just generally too inadequate and frivolous a function to be of any help. And indeed, this is part of the beauty of the Fe auxiliary for INFJs – it is luxuriously shallow and easy. Which, is exactly what the average INFJ needs, an easy answer.
And the answer doesn’t seem to lie in the vicinity of what Fe entails – glib and light self-expression. But, trust me, INFJs couldn’t really be shallow and superficial people if they tried. But, the auxiliary has nothing to do with trying. It just does. Perfectly.
So, How Do You Set It In Motion?
I have told INFJs in various places throughout this website that it will seem strange to begin to activate Fe if they haven’t had much experience doing this before. It will seem counterintuitive, too easy, light, glib, superficial, and in general just the wrong tool for the rough jobs that they have set for themselves in the various spheres of relationships, taking action in the world, getting organized and efficient, and figuring out how it all works.
Well, think of Fe like a universal synthesizer that can magically and indirectly take all that rough and torturous work, which will go on for eons, and in this moment start to heal it by some indecipherable redirection into another unseen channel that was never suspected.
How does it work? That’s the beauty – you won’t know how it works. Which is the very reason you will be able to proceed and not block. I have told INFJs, “Flow, and be willing not to know.” This desire to know how it works and the result it will produce beforehand is the very thing that sabotages INFJs in their noble aim to do good work, which usually involves the actualization of an overarching vision they have.
So, release the need to know how it works. Learn to accept that it works by magic because that is the nearest corollary of what the extraverted feeling is in the INFJ temperament – sheer magic that seems to effect miracles that no one is capable of figuring out and breaking down into their constituent parts. Often, in today’s scientific and technical age, a subconscious distrust of these sorts of non-reductionist methods will be inculcated into the collective fabric of society. And INFJs will be taught to distrust themselves and their very own best methods. They will be steered down false paths that do not suit them and be made to feel bad when they fail in attempts to pursue fields that they aren’t in alignment with, or to pursue fields they are interested in, but, by a method they are not in alignment with.
We are often taught that there is a right way and a wrong way to do something. But, this often doesn’t apply to INFJs who will be successful in pursuing the supposed wrong way.
To be sure, to set the Fe auxiliary into full motion takes a trust and often a willingness to go against the grain of the collective wisdom on correct methods. But, it is fully worth it because an INFJ that has learned to ingrain the habit of leaning heavily on their auxiliary Fe to plow through life and its challenges will be something that is an extreme rarity in today’s day and age; they will be a happy and whole person.
The need for that heavenly and impossible perfection will fall by the wayside. The search for the perfect relationship, the perfect career, the perfect system will all be magically resolved into an unseen alembic of unknown etiology.
INFJs already know, but, they do not know that they know. The rest is simply taking action on what they do not know that they know. Their form of action is FLOW.
More on FLOW and its associated factions next time.
Meanwhile, I do offer personal consultation services that are designed to assist INFJs in mobilizing and maintaining extraverted feeling in their own lives. What I find is that people of this temperament need a strong advocate or coach in their corner to affirm, reaffirm them, and keep them on track. It is very easy for an INFJ to slip off course, to doubt themselves, and finally to give up in a moment of futility at the nature of it all.
So, if you are an INFJ that would like assistance with manifesting this Fe magic in your own life and in accord with your own situation email me at blake@stellarmaze.com to set up a time to consult. Currently I offer consultation by Skype Voice services at the rate of $60/hr. We can work on developing custom-made strategies that rely heavily on the gifts of your temperament so that you can achieve what you want in your life in the easiest manner. It doesn’t have to be as hard as you think.
I also appreciate donations for the value I offer for free on this website.
Featured Image Photo Credit: Roger McLassus
Can you give some practical examples of what we INFJs feel when the Extraverted Feeling function is in motion? Some activity to immerse myself in flow without noticing it?
I don’t have any problem in follow my intuition and go against the methods of the majority.
But I am in a journey of self-knowledge in the last 2 years. I’ve already made a enormous progress. But I still have the same problem since childhood: a ENORMOUS EMPTINESS! I feel empty all the time. I can’t enjoy the good life I have. Nothing seems enough for me.
I repressed my Extraverted Feeling my entire life. I think my low self-esteem exists because of that THING inside me that wants to be expressed and I regret having it.
But each time I read about the use of Extraverted Feeling by INFJs I feel something very strong. I just want to find a practical way to introduce Extraverted Feeling in my life. Maybe this is the only thing that will fill that hole inside my heart…
Hi Filipe. Yeah, I’ll be talking a lot more about practical ways for INFJs to get the Fe aflowing. So stay tuned.
Also, it may be useful to consult with me. I can help you a lot more if I am familiarized with the particulars of your situation and why you feel this emptiness. I’d have to find out more about that. So, consider it.
<3 Pretty! ^.^
Yeah, I’d like to consult too…
Now, on career choices… I’m about to start my Veterinary Medicine major. What can you say about this, since I’m a male INFJ, turbulent, Enneagram 5w4, vegan and a Libra?
I can say a lot about it if we consult. Email me at blake@stellarmaze.com so we can arrange a date and time to discuss via Skype voice.
Filipe, I’m an INFJ 5w4 wing Libra, too!! Virgo Rising, Aquarius Moon. Except I’m a woman, pre-med dropout, active musician, and total omnivore, haha. Our MBTI/Enneagram combo is a doozy, isn’t it?
Yeah, Alexandria. It’s hard to be like us. I don’t know about you, but I think we’re very prone to think that we’re INTJs (because Enneagram Type 5w4 is the prototypical research scientist), that we need to reject our feelings… just to end up discovering how much our emotions are important to us and we start to see that we’re BORN to express our feelings in a very natural way. If you’re a musician you’re already set up in terms of getting in flow. I’m still struggling to find a way to do this…
Do you all really think that you’re INFJs with enneatype 5w4? I’m not an expert, but from my experience I know that a lot of INFJs who are trapped in Ni-Ti loop consider themselves to be type 5, but in reality they are type 4 with blocked auxiliary function. It is difficult for me to imagine that INFJs can be something different than enneatype 4…
I’m sorry if there are any mistakes in my comment, but I’m not perfectly fluent in English.
Hi, S.
Yes, I know 5w4 is very odd for INFJ. If you check out more on Enneagram and the arrows, you will find that an integrated 5 reads as a healthy 8 type. 5w4 at their worst definitely can fall into Ni-Ti loop and fall prisoner to their imaginations and emotions, to the point where taking action within is feared almost, if not even more, than being among the world. One of my greatest concerns my whole life has always been not being seen as smart. I started reading VERY early, did well in school and am a glutton for information, but ultimately just am not given to structure all that much. Or rules. Or deadlines. Or long lines. Or large swaths of people and their expectations in general. Haha. Campuses make learning look so pretty though, and I wanted my mind to feel that pretty, so I tried, to no avail. 5w4 really have to find their own ways. I understand where you are coming from, though 🙂
Alexandria, like you, I started to read with 1 year and 8 months, I’ve always been a great student and I’m still an information addict. The problem is that so called “Intelligence”. Nowadays I despise that. It’s a bit of a paradox: inconsciously, I see my mind as my only precious possession, but I feel like it doesn’t have any value and, thanks to this, I don’t see any value in myself. And, like you, I’ve just figured out that education won’t fill up my life. I need to find my own way. I’m trying, follow my core values and trying to find a way to express my represses emotions…
Oh mg. I’m a 5w4 INFJ Libran too. Lol. Is there some kind of correlation with this? I must admit this 5w4 feels quite unnatural to me. I have been hurt in quite a number of ways and I took the enneagram quite recently. The days when i was happier and much more carefree and probably really huge on Fe I think I wouldn’t have identified so much with a 5. It’s quite possible us 5w4 INFJ are just stuck in the terrible Ni-Ti vortex. Spent many years trying to find the solution within myself and my Ti and spiralled all the way down and inwards to find there’s nothing there.. I really do see how Fe can be the solution in many ways. But I feel I just run into so many situations where my Fe is shut down by others it’s just so hard and I can’t remember how to use it anymore..
Amanda, I think being a 5w4 isn´t exactly a Ni-Ti loop. I think it has to do with something already mentioned in another post. We are self-centered because we just “know” some things. Given to the fact that we are conscious of the nature of the world and we know that not many things are worth of enthusiasm, we are seen as strange, downhearted people.
The thing is that we know that we still don’t have something meaningful, a reason to fully invest ourselves in something. We know that certain things are a waste of time. Intuitively, we know that we shouldn’t spent our energy in something like your last job.
And I think Extraverted Feeling, for INFJs, unique as we are, consists in being our original self. Being ourselves, we´ll create new things effortlessly. We have an enormous potential to create because we are unique. We are down because being creative and unique like ourselves is extremely easy. That is the manifestation of Extraverted Feeling.
It’s a paradox: we don’t want to be so different than everybody because we want people to understand us. But we are different and we create original things effortlessly. This is the key to solve our problems. But since this is so easy for us, we don’t have motivation to use our potential.
I hope you understand what I wanted to say.
People envy our Fe. The envy make us feel bad and we shut down our emotional intelligence and creativity because of this. Maybe you just need to love yourself more and be expressive, no matter what type of feedback comes from the world.
I think that, for us, life in this world is so easy that, in the search for adventure, something to make us feel alive, we complicate things. Maybe we are just more capable than the majority of people, and we need to recognise that…
Oh, Blake. I so wish to be whole.
I am more then fed up with trying to be somebody I’m not (currently I am a tax lawyer…). I know this is never going to work. But being myself seems so unattaignable. What is this mysterious Fe that is supposed to make us whole? I agree with Filipe, please write about practical ways to use Fe!
Btw, thank you for taking INFJs seriously, and not as some overly sensitive weirdos not adapted to the world and to feel sorry for.
p.s.: I think 60$/hr for coaching is not enough. If you can offer solutions to this Fe problem we all have, you should be able to charge more.
Let’s set up a date and a time to consult regarding your particular situation. I can help you find some solutions to be more whole and happier. Email me at blake@stellarmaze.com to discuss.
p.s.: If $60/hr isn’t enough for you, I’ll charge you more. Not a problem 🙂
“because Te methods are generally favored over Fe ones in the Western world”
Can I quibble with this statement? I’m defining Te as pie charts, data analysis, logic, proof by empiricism, compartmentalization etc., and Fe as flirting and when misused, manipulation and codependency.
With those as definitions, flirting is a critical behavior in the workplace. Not sleazy hitting on someone, but that sending energy out by being charming, open faced, smiling, hugging, remembering to ask about the kiddos before you get down to business way of getting on with people. So I disagree that Te is highly favored over Fe writ large. If anything Fe is the secret sauce to getting ahead in the work world because it makes people like you and therefore working with you (which often matters more than sheer performance). Te might only matter more in certain professions (e.g. financial engineering) where being aggressive, sharp/hard, and elbows out bullying is the way to get ahead.
But I do agree with you overall. When I force Fe, it feels like I’m deliberately manipulating someone and that goes against my “way” so I don’t OR it comes out in a codependent way that has me doing backflips to assuage someone to get along with them (which I stop once I realize I’m just setting myself up). However!!! When it comes out naturally (because I’m relaxed AND I feel like I belong/don’t feel harshly judged so my ego isn’t a factor) it does flow out of me in that Csikszentmihalyi-way AND it works miracles. Both in accomplishing something in the moment and how I feel. Really, it’s the best feeling ever. One of the rare times I’m not self-consicious. Being able to tap into that at will would be helpful indeed.
(I like your blog btw, and they way you talk about the types – especially mine INFJ – is refreshing and helpful to me. I’ll be emailing you about that Skype offer :).
I agree. Whilst men are revered for their strength, niceness tends to earn a woman her respect.
Is she welcoming? Kind? Docile? A good hostess? ( which are prime characteristics of Fe)
Is the man a breadwinner? Assertive? Even… Aggressive. Strong –( in appearance and personality)–
From what I’ve noticed, Te is considered to be more acceptable for men than women. (In most cultures) But a man who can utilize both Fe and Te is considered charming. (By me) 😉
These are general observations, but of coarse there are always exceptions.
I’m so happy that certain young women are breaking away from the gender roles. ( that say that we should just sit down, be quiet and look pretty). T-swift is no longer just a pretty face. She used her fame to make a difference by making a statement against Apple. Girls are speaking out and making changes. The world is changing.. It’s amazing.
Just my opinion –and as we all know opinions are like .. Noses. Everyone has one.
But I’m not really quite sure what Blake meant when he made that statement
BDG, could you elaborate about you using your Fe in a non-forced way? In which circumstances does it happen? What does it happen then? I’m curious.
Hey BDG. Check out my Culture of Like article for some of what I mean by that statement of “Te methods being favored over Fe ones in Western world.”
I’ll be looking out from that email from you. Looking forward to it.
I think some INFJs simply deny to spend energy with extraverted feeling and somehow are so used to feel incomplete that don’t think they deserve an easy answer. Maybe finding a way to fit in can be understood like a betrayal, because it seems like giving up that search for something greater…even knowing it probably doesnt even exist. INFJs issues are their fuel, unfortunately i guess 😮
I wasn’t suggesting that INFJs use Fe to fit in and give up a search for something greater. Fe is there to make it easier to continue that search in a way that unblocks INFJs who often get stuck in introversion and think they are getting somewhere when they aren’t. Fe has nothing to do with giving up a search or fitting in. It has to do with the INFJ getting what they want with a minimum of torture. This is not selling-out one’s ideals. It is smart.
The concept of utilizing Fe reminds me of art. In most traditional art, the principle is to observe the object and translate it onto paper. But for INFJs it might be more helpful to paint without thought. In other words to completely ignore the object and be immerse in the emotions of the movement. For example, instead of looking at different architecture and understanding how it works, they would simple create from the meaning of the building. Therefore, there is no object, no I, and just move like a fish in the water. Is this what it means by flow? Or am I completely off base?
You are very much on base. Actually, this method you recommend in art is akin to the practice of “gestural drawing”. I think it is a great method that suits INFJs in art to get Fe flowing. In this method, you don’t think at all, you don’t do anything but start moving your pencil on the paper and drawing not how the object realistically looks, but, what the object’s inner action is. Many pictures are started in this manner and it takes this method to be a true artist. It is inescapably subjective because of course everyone will have a different experience to the inner action of an object depending on who they are.
This is a great method for INFJs who want to unblock and get mobilized – start drawing in this manner the things and people around you. It’s like the Artist’s Way book’s Morning Pages exercise in pictorial elements instead of using words. Stream-of-consciousness expression basically.
Blake,
does it make sense when I say that Fe has accumulated bitterness towards others within me?
I had once commented on your “INFJ vs. INFP” post about resenting that aspect about myself. And my wish that I could resemble INFPs more, especially their genuine niceness and kind thoughts about others. Thank you for your response on that.
You mentioned that when we first get to know people, INFJs delve deep, engrossed in interest, and make it “all about you”. Yet after some time, we withdraw almost incomprehensibly without warning and leave in spirit.
It’s another thing that I despise about myself, incapableness of sustaining bonds that last. Precisely because I adore solitariness so much. Or maybe because I think I might hurt those I’m with if I get too close. I can hardly bring them happiness.
It’s seemingly as if I’m using others. When I’m craving interaction I foray into contact but once I’m drained, I leave. So is it best for me to shy away from establishing emotional attachment? The more beautiful a memory is, the more tragic and excruciating it can become. Both for the one leaving and especially the one being left behind.
However, back to my bitterness towards others, it’s true you know, what you said. Despite many people who accused you of being hurt by an INFJ in that post. Deep down, it’s true. Especially for INFJs who are high on introversion (me) and who have an element of turbulent self-sabotaging. A few INFJs seem to disagree, but perhaps they are healthier INFJs and it’s lesser of an issue for them.
I guess I’m not at that end of the health spectrum.
But anyway, what I realise is that when I begin to know someone, I give it all I’ve got, let’s be immersed in each other, I want to know them, listen to them, their thoughts are fascinating, what have they been through, who have they harmed, who has hurt them, what are they hiding, what makes them smile, do they enjoy tea? Do they like their popcorn sweet or salty? And if they like tea, do they want ice and milk with their tea? It’s sincere, I enjoy people.
However as far as INFJ descriptions go, we are not as selfless as we are portrayed to be. I enjoy giving and ensuring that people feel cherished. But all those times, reciprocation and some level of interest towards me are what I’m longing for. Will they want to understand me as much as I hope to unravel them? Or do they want it to be just all about their world? …am I just a dispensable spectator devoted to their story and passions?
That’s often the case. I seldom get asked about myself and often do the asking and listening. My mum (who is a breathtakingly terrific person and one of the best people I know) for example, talks over me all the time when I try to chip in. Hence the embitteredness tinged with desolation. Which I’m guilty of and endlessly loathe myself for. Why am I so self-centred. Why can’t I just concentrate on others.
Am I horrid for wanting a companionship where they are engaged in & curious about me? This constant self-debate is exhausting. I want what I want, but I hate myself for wanting it.
“does it make sense when I say that Fe has accumulated bitterness towards others within me?”
No, this doesn’t make sense. Fe has nothing to do with accumulation of any kind of emotion. It is much more likely to say that accumulated bitterness in INFJ is a result of having Fi in the id position. Introversion collects, amasses, accumulates. Extraversion disperses, discharges, and is done with the emotion after a short period of time.
I have written about Fi in INFJ in an article and various places. What you are talking about is mostly related to that position and the characteristic way that Fi manifests in this position.
Also, when you say you are not at the health end of the spectrum, I don’t know that this is true, or that I like that whole health/unhealth designation. Some people that are apparently unhealthy often have corresponding strengths that more than makes up for this. Such as being a genius or something like that. Often true in the case of “unhealthy” INFJs. Most of the great people of history would have been considered unhealthy if they were in some MBTI forum listening to the judgments of so-called healthy and well-adjusted people. Meanwhile, these well-adjusted people are all hanging out and congratulating each other for being so wonderful, when, in fact, they are boring and uninteresting.
Just thought I’d throw that in there.
Maybe you are so self-centered because you find yourself more interesting and worthwhile than other people. That’s not a crime and quite common despite all the protestations that indignantly attempt to claim the opposite. Most people are self-centered and most interested in their own prerogatives. INFJs are usually just more aware of this within themselves and more sensitive than most people, so they worry about whether it is OK for them to be like this. The truth is most people are like this but they don’t have the sensitivity and self-awareness to even know that they are like this, or even care that they are like this.
So, go ahead and be self-centered! It’s not a crime.
Why don’t you just call me out on my shit Blake??
I, too, wish someone would unravel me the way I unravel them. Yes, maybe what Blake says is true that deep down we think we are more interesting. I don’t know. There is something therapeutic about sharing the intricacies of the self with another. Or maybe it facilitates the urge to merge with another human being. Or maybe it could be that we learn more about ourselves through the perception of other people. Like if I share something about myself to another, they can then filter it through their perception and give me something back that is completely new.
I am currently dating an ENTP, and I find that a lot of the time we talk more about him and his ideas. I volunteer information about myself, but he doesn’t really respond to it. I have even shown him some of my writing and it’s like he doesn’t care or something. Or maybe that it’s too rich in emotion for him to be interested. One thing I do like is our ability to think endlessly of ideas. It’s actually really cool. He comes up with something, and then I just build on it, and we go back and forth.
Is development of the aux function similarly “magical” for other types, in terms of resolving problematic patterns, catalyzing forward motion in life, and finding personal happiness? I’m thinking in particular of extroverted intuition for INFPs. Interestingly, I conceive of Ne development as a “pause”, in contrast to the “flow” concept you’ve outlined here for Fe development.
Yes, the auxiliary function is magic for any type. It is the one function that magically cures many of the problems that a type will have by trying to use functions that are either inefficient or overpowering for them.
So, for Ne auxiliary, you are somewhat right when you say you conceive of it as a “pause” in contrast to the “flow” of Fe auxiliary. I have compared them as “expansion” vs. “expression”. Often, INFP and INTP need to “expand their horizons”, so to speak. They can get locked into a certain narrow-mindedness. Extraverted intuition as an auxiliary is learning to open up more to new possibilities in the world, to see things from a new perspective, to be open to change and events not going to a set plan. Every moment is an opportunity for something new and unexpected to come to them that may change their rather fixed perspective about the way things should be.
For example, an INFP has certain expectations about the proper scope of certain emotions, such as love. They can be narrow-minded about what they will accept as the proscribed limits for the expression of that emotion. It looks a certain way and that is the only way they will accept the look of love. They are called upon to expand the scope of what this emotion can encompass in the world, like learning to stay open to the possibility that they can learn to put more of outer experience such as people and situations into the sphere of this widening emotion. In a nutshell, both INTPs and INFPs learn about acceptance and tolerance of things that don’t fit into the proscribed limits of their introverted judgment. They expand their horizons, they get a new perspective, and venture out with new eyes, eyes of innocence and openness to outer experience in the many forms it comes in. One could say they become more like children in this way.
And like you said, there is something of a “pause” necessary in doing this. It is like a slight pause one makes before making a snap judgment, the same judgment that they have always made in response to x, y, or z thing. Instead of making the judgment and being done with it, the INFP/INTP is learning to forgo the judgment and keep their perception open for a little longer (or turn on their perception in the first place) and ask questions or to reflect on why this x, y, or z thing has cause for existence. To pause and open up to the possibilities in a moment of experience.
This is good stuff Blake. Even though this article was about Fe and INFJs I already find your comment on Ne to be insightful.
I would love more articles on developing auxiliary Ne. Although my instinct tells me the only way to do so is to get as much real life and varied experience as possible, while putting the pause on introverted judgement and somehow it will fall together.
Actually what I find more interesting because I have never seen this discussed anywhere else is the relationship between the auxiliary function and the shadow functions. You discuss how Fe helps INFJs with their problems with their inferior (Se), and Fi and Te. I have seen those last two functions classified as the “critical parent” and “deceiving” functions.
I want to know why you have singled out these two shadow functions in relation to the auxiliary function. Is this just an INFJ thing? Somehow I don’t think though, there has to be some general relationships between these functions that apply to all types. In particular it seems the critical parent function has some significance to it, as I recall in a previous article you discussing Fi in INFJs.
would gladly donate to support. Especially if you plan on exploring Ne aux development for INPs in the future.
Yes, if you are finding this information useful, please donate. I will be talking more about Ne auxiliary cultivation and development in the future. Meanwhile, I do rely on the monetary support of the readers of this blog to keep Stellar Maze going. If you appreciate the highly original content that cannot be found anywhere else on the internet (or offline either), then I would suggest showing that appreciation via your pocketbook. I love to get positive comments and feedback from people but, unfortunately, I can’t pay the bills with it.
I will be getting to a lot of stuff in the future. Stellar Maze is just in its beginnings.
I’m intrigued (I’m INFJ). This article parallels some issues I’ve been working on for the past few months. I’m a bit confused though. Are you describing what many youtubers refer to as Ni-Ti loop? I’m also confused on your definition of Fe… am I correct in guessing that you are avoiding defining it because definitions are very Te?
The difficult part for me to grasp is that I THINK I know what that Fe flow feels like, but I’m not sure. Being an Evernote insight hoarder, I am undergoing a conscious process of release, that is, an acknowledging that there is really nothing to be concretely known in my particular brain, but rather that I should just live life for the experience and trust my intuition to develop along the way.
What Fe is should become clearer from the series of articles I am writing on it for INFJs.
Yes, I am describing the infamous Ni-Ti loop, which is quite accurate. Many INFJs bypass auxiliary Fe for its opposite of tertiary Ti.
However, there are also the three other functions of Se, Fi, and Te, which INFJs also have varying degrees of trouble with and what I’m trying to emphasize is that turning on their auxiliary Fe is the magical solution to all of them. It is their perfect and magically resolving function. I hope to illustrate more of how this is so through the series of articles that I am writing now and in the near future to address this. Fe is the key to happiness and productivity for an INFJ. It’s very important for them to grasp and actualize this function. So, that’s what I’m doing with these Fe series articles for INFJs. Stay tuned for more.
This is good stuff Blake. Even though this article was about Fe and INFJs I already find your comment on Ne to be insightful.
I would love more articles on developing auxiliary Ne. Although my instinct tells me the only way to do so is to get as much real life and varied experience as possible, while putting the pause on introverted judgement and somehow it will fall together.
Actually what I find more interesting because I have never seen this discussed anywhere else is the relationship between the auxiliary function and the shadow functions. You discuss how Fe helps INFJs with their problems with their inferior (Se), and Fi and Te. I have seen those last two functions classified as the “critical parent” and “deceiving” functions.
I want to know why you have singled out these two shadow functions in relation to the auxiliary function. Is this just an INFJ thing? Somehow I don’t think though, there has to be some general relationships between these functions that apply to all types. In particular it seems the critical parent function has some significance to it, as I recall in a previous article you discussing Fi in INFJs.
would gladly donate to support. Especially if you plan on exploring Ne aux development for INPs in the future.
Thank you Blake! You’ve handed me some critical puzzle pieces, and the comments that come after have been very helpful too. What a sense of relief to know for instance that my sometimes insatiable appetite is common, and that my fantasies don’t make me a freak, or at least, not the only one. I don’t watch porn. I’ve seen it. I’ve even gone looking for pictures a couple times but I use it very rarely. My interest also always seems to double as research. My imagination is better equipped to give me what I need though, and I write my own erotica.
But that is not what I came to comment about.
I am well aware of Fe in terms of how I naturally use it with people. I have over years become sure that I need to create, as well. I’ve done so off and on, and feel either alive or dismal, depending on wether I am writing or just going through the motions of everyday, neglecting myself. And that is where your fantastic writing came along to help. I’ve been researching Meyers Briggs for some time now, and somehow I was not getting that Fe also applies to art expression, not just my way when with people. It is and has to be both. Because offering our Fe, like holding out our inner elbows for all and sundry to suck dry of our lifeblood is only half of the circle. We have something to give, but it is not bottomless and it is harmful unless we realize that the other half of what we have to give is critical, nourishing and filling. To give only half of our Fe will drain us. We have to give it all, whether they want it or not.
Blake and more are right. We are replenished with creation and it is easy, it seems because I love it. I cannot hope to get back what I give in the same way I offer it. There lies the bitterness. There lies the exhaustion with people and the hiding away and feeling months are not long enough to go without people, and dragging my feet and dreading the phone calls.
I verily see and understand now that Fe is a give and take, a little loop of it’s own, and I intend to take my time creating, the key being not to let it peter out when life gets overwhelming, or more accurately, especially don’t stop when it is overwhelming, cause that is when you are getting the ding ding ding, you are depleting, warning. Could likely be using our Fe creatively will turn out to be another offering [and probably one we can be proud of], but it will only happen if I also allow my Fe to me.
It is a relief to find you in my harrowing times. Your talk about Fi has explained why I show so much and yet understand it so little. Much I haven’t said, maybe later. I’ll definitely be back and donate and read on and comment. Just so broke this month what with unexpected major repairs at home.
Yeah, Fe is pretty poorly understood in the Myers-Briggs community at large. It has a pretty shallow and uninspiring interpretation, which is far away from the magic I suggest that is has for INFJs. It is probaly also difficult to define Fe because it is the exact opposite of Ti, the latter of which equates to precise definition of what something is. As soon as you are asking what something is, Fe is lost. Anyway, this article and others that are coming (or that already exist) will attempt to delineate further what Fe is. It is very important for INFJs to use Fe to get out of their seemingly intractable quandaries. When they grasp its expression, it is really like magic. And so simple as an answer.
Dear Blake,
I cannot thank you enough for the time and effort you put into this website. Indeed, magic was at work when I stumbled upon it. I was looking for a particularly difficult crochet pattern! Go figure. It’s only very recently that I took any tests to ascertain my ‘type’ and then, cynically. Afterall, I’ve gone a lifetime without being categorized. To be sure, I was convinced and had made my peace with being an Alien left here by accident. The classic square peg. It was very much the knowing without knowing what I know that kept me away from therapy couches and psychiatric medications. But it’s been an exceptionally difficult journey. I am the definitive frustrated artist, constantly second guessing myself, terrified I will get lost in the creative flow and never ever find my way back to ‘real life’ Of course you’d know exactly why. I have come within an nth of taking my own life. I found out that this is common among INFJ’s but that they don’t ever go through with it? I digress. Your insights are worth gold, and so much more. If I wasn’t living in South Africa where our currency is rubbish against the dollar I’d be Skyping you for a consultation right now! But, in the meantime, with these INFJ articles, you have helped underscore what I’ve always known but really could never find support ( or permission ) to do, wholeheartedly, and that is to creatively flow. To be sure it’s the only time, when I am drawing painting, writing, making music, baking ( I have a small vegan catering business ), sewing/crocheting, along with other pertinent post-apocalyptic life skills, that I am not panic stricken, anxious and/or depressed. I feel as if I have exhaled, for the first time in many years. I want to say god bless you but I’m an atheist so it’ll just have to be a mighty fist bump!
Warm regards,
Jen
Well, hey now, that’s what I like to hear. Makes me feel I might actually be useful to someone somewhere. Thanks very much for commenting Jen. It makes me feel good to hear that this site provides a unique value to others.
And stay tuned. There will be much more to come.
Thank you, Blake, for your eloquent writing. Your descriptions of my type (INFJ) are ‘real.’ Interestingly, my brother is INFJ and my life-partner is INFJ too. That has made life fascinating, to say the least.
Blake,
Love your site and the way you write. Normally you hit pretty close to the mark, but this post unfortunately fell flat for me. Most INFJs I talk with, and indeed this is true for myself, report that using Fe becomes increasingly difficult as we develop. We are introverts, after all, and this push-pull with introversion and extraverting ourselves through Fe necessarily drains our energy which, as biology dictates, becomes a more precious commodity in our maturity.
Further, you and others refer to Fe as an incredibly shallow function. Of course, it can be (ask anyone with SFJ contacts as to how shallow Fe-Si really can be), but shallowness it NOT something an INFJ will pursue. Blame Ni for that. We want interactions that push the boundaries of what we believe humans are capable. We desire authenticity and truth, even the subjective truth in others. Sure, we *can* engage in shallow small talk simply to placate others, but doing so for extended periods of time will frustrate an INFJ just about as quickly as incompetence will make an INTJ drop some dumb ass.
Of course, I’m speaking in generally. But essentially, INFJs learn to be extremely judicious with how they choose to “spend” their Fe. And they should; doling out their limited emotional energy and caring will run them ragged if it is given to people who don’t refill their stores with return Fe.
I don’t agree with you. Quite to the contrary, using Fe will increase an INFJ’s energy and sense of aliveness.
I don’t refer to Fe as an “incredibly shallow” function, but, as a relatively shallow function when compared to introverted functions that an INFJ will normally use: Ni, Fi, and Ti. And I don’t agree with you that INFJs won’t pursue this relatively shallow function. They don’t orient by Fe but with Ni. So, they are not in danger of being superficial by using Fe in auxiliary fashion. You are right. Their stronghold in Ni (and their Fi id) totally prevents this. Which is exactly the reason they need Fe and can easily use it once they get in the habit of it. When we speak of the concept “to use”, INFJs have the easiest time of “using” Fe. More so than any other function in this regard. Ni is not used as such, it more just is. Similar to how a fish doesn’t really use water as such, they just need it to exist. No water = no fish.
Also, this whole definition about Fe being strictly used to make “small talk” and to create harmony amongst other people is a shallow definition of Fe, which is not to say there isn’t some truth in it, but, the way an INFJ will use Fe is often to encase the raw perceptions of Ni in the values of some formal medium such as language, music, visual art and so on. I think much of the Myers-Briggs community is superficial in their insight. Talk about stupid and misleading stereotypes.
Finally, I disagree that INFJs should “learn to be extremely judicious with how they choose to ‘spend’ their Fe”. There is no need for them to do that because they are in little danger of overusing this function. Most INFJs should learn to use this function more, and in some cases, a lot more.
You say, “doling out their limited emotional energy and caring will run them ragged if it is given to people who don’t refill their stores with return Fe.”
INFJs do not have a very limited emotional energy as you suggest. Again, quite the contrary, their emotional energy threatens to overfill them unless they use Fe to bleed it off at regular intervals. This overfilling is happening via their Fi id, which, to be fair, I am using as a construct without probaly explaining it thoroughly enough throughout the site. Basically, INFJs have strong Fi – very strong, but it is not in the nature of a dominant function like INFPs and ISFPs have it, that is, as an ego-orientation. INFJs have it as an id function. And if you read Freud, you will know how powerful the id is.
Also, INFJs don’t need people to refill their stores with return Fe. This is the beauty of the auxiliary function. Whatever lies there can be given out in rich measure and it will hardly ever be in danger of depletion or in need of return in the same form. INFJs give out Fe and want return Ti. And that is the way it should be.
What you are saying would absolutely apply to INFPs however. They would be drained by having to use Fe the way an INFJ can.
I’ve been trying to get my head around all of this. I think I agree with Blake. I clearly see my younger self in some of his portrayal of unhealthy INFJs. Later on, I embraced Fe (not really having the terms for it at the time, I just called it an attitude change).
I am surrounded by SFJs and married an ISFJ (more than 8 years with its challenges but I think we bond through our Fe). Yeah, 15 years ago I would’ve called their Fe shallow, too. But if you let go of that attitude (which should be easy if you’re not an INTJ ;-))…you’ll see the depth in it, too. Yeah, “we want interactions that push the boundaries of what we believe humans are capable”, but that’s what the internet is for. Damn INFJs…we all think we’re so special, don’t we?
And yeah, embracing Fe really turned things around for me. Small talk with people I like, doing things for family and friends. And then yeah, art as an expression…I take photographs (always of the people I love or the places we go to and share), write a lot, etc., and am still finding ways to express myself. Blake says, “INFJs do not have a very limited emotional energy as you suggest. Again, quite the contrary, their emotional energy threatens to overfill them unless they use Fe to bleed it off at regular intervals.” My experience definitely supports this.
Being introverts, of course, being around people IS draining, but that’s an entirely different thing (and probably contributes to the conflict INFJs experience in their daily lives).
blake,
your selling fancy gelato amongst a high street of vanilla ice cream. it tastes fucking delicious.
what’s your type?
& keep writing you sage.
I’ll keep eating.
Sorry, I don’t discuss my type, but, you have already identified me as a fancy gelato compared to vanilla offerings. Well, that tells you something right there.
Hey you infjs out there! Am kinda petrified writing this. All you fuckers that write on this site intimidate me. Am like where the fuck was I when they were learning this sh*t…probably day dreaming in class. Ya!
So the reason I am writing this stuff, is because I just had the best day of my life A la Fe mode. Like I kid you not, it frightened me. I took my ass to the beach and introverted all by my lonesome. I stared at the birds and watched the waves until I thought I would die at the excitement of it all. I would never have found the courage to do this if I was still operating via Ti mode. I would have over thought everything…you look weird walking around staring at birds all by yourself besides everyone is paired up over here you are short a person go back home and besides…blah blah blah. When I am in Ti mode everything is double run in the mind. I think of it…then repeat the thought, then run by it in slow motion, then fast motion…then repeat it just for good measure. No Fe has no time for that sh*t. It’s you do quick and fast. […“Flow, and be willing not to know.”~ those words sound familiar?] Then analyze later…if there is time for that Sh*t. It’s like Fe, knows exactly what it wants, this that and that, finished. Next? It’s like them cooking show competitions on tv where the contestants are told…you have x, y and z and 25 mins to make a feast. Now move it! Haul ass whatever, just get your hinny moving and be smart about it. They have no time to think and plan before hand they think as they do and as they move…and somehow the ideas pour out as they go…they know [already know] they just need to express what they already know! Scary is what it is but just express it and move fast as you do it. But you must do/that’s exactly Fe/do…don’t think just do. If you do and analyze later you made a mistake. Be easy on yourself/forgive yourself- and keep shit moving/flowing on.
There I did it…I was afraid I would talk myself out of writing this. Who wants to be a know it all you know? But the thing is, I wonder what would have happened if I didn’t keep coming back to stellar maze and keep rereading this stuff until some how I got it. Because it was all foreign when I started reading Blake’s articles. I was like I don’t get it but after numerous repetitions and the consulting with him…it happened. I got it and acted it seamlessly, and now for the first time I am doing sh*t that astounds me…like if you asked my mum or someone who knew me well if I would have found the audacity or courage to do some of this stuff they would be like…ummm no, not her! Ya.
So this is for those infjs afraid to take the leap into Fe mode. Do it…pay for a consultation/the best $60 bucks you will ever spend…then do what he says without asking qns. You know that comedian, “…this sh*t right here…this sh*t right here…this sh*t is death!” Well, this dude is onto something potent, this sh*t right here…this sh*t right here…is the real deal!
Blake, if a windfall of hurricane measures hasn’t hit you and those you love dearly, yet! It’s coming…it’s on its way, it’s round the corner. I will forever be eternally grateful for this! Thank you, may you always find your way home, wherever you are! Many Thanks.
*Rachel
Thank you very much for sharing!
Your analogy of the cooking show analogy is very apt.
And I appreciate your testimonial to my services as well.
Thanks for your comment Rachel,
I wanted to ask you many questions, like, what did you do exactly? How did you know you were in Fe mode?
But I am realizing this is just me wanting more and more information. So let me just say thanks again for being brave enough to share your experience here.
Hey Julie,
This is my idea of replying promptly! Weeks later. That’s me. I apologize. I had meant to do it earlier but the website went on break-Don’t you just love having a good excuse…best sh*t ever!
Alright seriously, I know where u are at. I still go there. You know that place where we are full of qns/data collecting mode.
The only thing I can think to say…Take the leap and express what you are feeling now. Like stop collecting/analyzing and start expressing. I know they tell us not to/the real world, obey our feelings on what’s the right thing to do. But they don’t know sh*t, at least when it comes to what makes us infj happy and alive.
Words and structure/this-is-the-method-you-should-use…now do it… kills us and isolates us…stagnates us it feels like to me now.
It’s like we were meant to follow and act/express our instincts right now. When I do that I even surprise myself…I don’t know what I will express but I take the leap and do it. And then surprise, it was exactly the answer that the situation called for.
Life takes on a new wonder…who knows what I will produce next. All I know is that I trust it will be the exact thing I needed to do then. It’s scary but a blast.
Fe feels like an inner child, set free and allowed to make serious real world decisions and wonder of wonders who knew that that inner child knows exactly what is needed at this time.
Gosh, I hope that makes sense or helps. It’s what am learning right now as i meet the world/and all it’s obligations, via Fe most of the time vs Ti/analytical mode a significant amount of the time. And I can’t begin to tell you how the qlty of my life has changed…it’s richer, deeper, funnier-like I could get arrested for having this much fun kind of thing!
Ps: don’t worry about not having discipline/structure…Fe knows that sh*t already. It’s like it just hates it being stuffed down it’s throat! I know the right thing to do and I will do it…just stop reminding me! I have more discipline now than I have ever had in my life. I know/feel what is the right thing to do, I just don’t do it for the sake of doing it instead it feels like I express that right thing and have fun doing it vs doing stuff because it’s a duty/ the mature/grown up thing to do!
Also morning pages everyday helps me a lot in keeping stuff more expressive than analytical.
Okay that’s it…am just so passionate about this stuff Blake’s teaching…it’s so spot on when I put it into practice. Am like, ummm Sh*t this stuff really works!
***Thanks again Blake.
I like this article, I came to the same kind of conclusion without the Mbti jargon.
When I got involved in sales and business, I was kinda forced by the team to sometime act “out of character” to just do it, stop thinking, ect…
And it seemed imperfect, not noble enough at first… But quickly I discovered this kind of superpower you are talking about. I actually knew much more than I think consciously at the time.
So I practiced, and then Ti acted like a subordinate, after I did the right thing, planning and stuff came after to improve the “magic”
Even my planning is usually a structured system, but inside the system there is just very simple hint, like vague idea about what needs to happen, a bit like putting a specific theme in your subconscious mind and then whatever it works.
I realized how “useless” the overthinking was, how “meaningless” the desire for complexification is.
And the reason why it happen in the first place is because we are unclear and afraid of this invisible wall between knowing and doing.
It also show up in conversation when I usually know how to do, or solve problem when I am asked to, but for some reason I am not sure I know before I do.
I got Almost a sort of resentment to my old way of thinking, because it was so hum… Empty?
Another thing is that if you don’t practice “Fe” this way, you automatically slip into the Ti pattern, and it’s so damn comfy! But it leads no-fucking-where.
Reading the comment also give a better light on what is this Fe thing, instead of the description that makes no sense on the internet.
The greatest discovery I made as an Infj is simplicity and iteration.
The only way to reach this infinite, super perfect world/relation/concept, is to realize that some part of you already know how to do it, but not your whole self, so you must practice the simple stuff now to unveil the “Michael Angelo ” that you are.
Even writing this made me realize that I already knew this, so what the hell I am doing here?
Nice. Thanks for commenting.
Making lights go on in others.
As an INFJ, I have always had a weird thing with my intuition and my feeling. I knew my intuition was amazingly accurate but I always have a hard time relying on it because I can’t explain it. If I just let it go and let myself feel and intuite based on no sound scientific means whatsoever, it’s amazing. It is magic, if magic exists at all. It is “to be still, and know” in the most extreme sense of that quote. It just happens. I’ve decided to let it and things in my life are going much more peachily now that I have just accepted it.
Sounds more like Ne for an INFP than Fe for an INFJ. Elaborate more on what you are talking about. I’m interested.
Fe, for an INFJ, is not about “letting” and “to be still, and know”. It is more active and dynamic.
Expression. Here goes.
I feel this extremely painful lack. A lack of understanding, of affinity with another. I just want so much for sincere and deep connection with but one or two other people. And I want it to feel effortless, godfuckingdammit. I’ve listened intently to people all my life, and I’ve gotten to the point where I need some reciprocation. My life experience has recently become reduced to whether I will get this need met. Perhaps it’s misguided to feel that this would provide me some center.
Is it misguided to feel like I just need to have some foundation, some security so that I can then venture out into the world and pour out this Fe socially, artistically, humanistically? I despise the word “network”. Oh god how it makes me cringe and writhe in disgust sometimes. Maybe it’s because I keep on blaming things on the environment in which I work. I work as an academic advisor at a university, and I very much enjoy working with students. But I just don’t feel like I fit in socially with colleagues. So few people feel sincere to me. Or even those who are genuinely nice, it’s just so surface level, I don’t feel the substance in our interactions. That substance feels like nourishment I need, I need to feel stimulated. Again, I just don’t feel like I belong, and that’s really all I want.
Fe you say? My fear is this. I know that I know how to get in good with people, and not in an intentionally manipulative way either. But at this point, it just feels so effortful to put on that charm for people I don’t care for, and to attract more droves of people who talk your ear off, but are horrid listeners when their turn is up. I’ve been disappointed many a time.
I don’t know how this is coming across. This all feels so ugly to say. It feels to me like this bottled-up Fi shit has definitely turned poisonous within me.
“Fe you say? My fear is this. I know that I know how to get in good with people, and not in an intentionally manipulative way either. But at this point, it just feels so effortful to put on that charm for people I don’t care for, and to attract more droves of people who talk your ear off, but are horrid listeners when their turn is up. I’ve been disappointed many a time.”
So, don’t use Fe to ingratiate yourself to people. Use it to talk their ear off and then leave them hanging. Fe is not about being nice necessarily. It is about expressing what you is brewing in your poisonous Fi id. For INFJs it is.
A lot of INFJs aren’t what you would term “nice” people. I think when they are trying to be nice and ingratiating, that is a further dynamic of their Fi id, in the form of astrological 12th house Pisces. Christ love.
But, no, that is not Fe. Fe in INFJ is not about being nice. It can be used for the exact opposite – being a cruel heartbreaker. This is flexible feeling that is dictated to be the other dominating functions – Fi Scorpio (which isn’t nice) and Ni Sagittarius (which doesn’t enter into the sphere of moral feeling at all). So, INFJs can be quite the nasty little cookies in their necessary expression. And they feel great doing it.
Find a way to express yourself that is not nice. In my eyes, you haven’t even begun to be ugly. Let it fucking rip!
Ohhhh. So maybe that’s why my Fe hasn’t been working (aka feeling like release). It’s still maintaining the stance that it needs to be validated by others. What I write or express still looks to the approval of others for survival…hmm…
Yes, get rid of the whole “like” button mentality. Facebook, for example.
Instead focus on what you like and forget about what others like, or whether they like what you are doing. INFJs get trapped in the “like” trap. Other’s likes and preferences. This is where they are being INFPish. And INFP (ala Fi Pisces) is their downfall point. It is where many INFJs (especially women because of conditioning) feel they need permission and to accommodate others in their manners and expression.
Fe is “do I like it?” When I do it, does it feel good? Does it feel good to be trapped in your expression by the fear that you are not going to get enough “likes” or upvotes? That is why I don’t like a lot of the social media mentality, especially Facebook. Facebook creates a community where everyone is expected to conform to their “friends” goings-ons, no matter how insipid or trite. As a matter of fact, insipidness and triteness is the very mentality that prevails on Facebook. And we are all supposed to be happy about it because we are altogether sharing our lives with each other. Let’s all get together and be nice to each other.
But, it isn’t really nice. Because as soon as someone has something serious to say, or ugly, or untoward, or controversial etc. where are all your Facebook friends now?
Fuck Facebook. Fuck “like” buttons. And fuck…
everyone…
who gets in the way
of what you HAVE TO say.
Those are not your friends.
I just tried to “like” this comment. Sigh…
Re: Facebook
> That is why I don’t like a lot of the social media mentality, especially Facebook. Facebook creates a community where everyone is expected to conform to their “friends” goings-ons, no matter how insipid or trite. As a matter of fact, insipidness and triteness is the very mentality that prevails on Facebook. And we are all supposed to be happy about it because we are altogether sharing our lives with each other. Let’s all get together and be nice to each other.
I finally (after years of being pestered about it by nearly everyone) signed up for an account and that is exactly what I was confronted with after two weeks. I have my super religious and vindictive friends, my super _anti-religious_ and similarly vindictive friends. The ones who support one idea of psychology, and myself (who is starting to drift from that). Between it all, I feel as though I can do absolutely nothing on there. I feel if I do, I am bound to alienate someone.. I can’t “like” things, I can only leave meaningless comments on most things.
I’ve already given up on it. Lampoon me (not directed at anyone here, but the Facebook friends), but I just can’t do that.
Luckily my closest friends feel the same, but sometimes keeping up with them is difficult.
Flow
For
Lack
Of
Wisdom
I like it, will give it a go
This makes me think of the song that I want played at my funeral some day; words that I believe but struggle to live by: (yes, I am INFJ)
“Don’t Be Shy” Cat Stevens
Don’t be shy just let your feelings roll on by
Don’t wear fear or nobody will know you’re there
Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead
And don’t be shy, just let your feeling roll on by
On by
You know love is better than a song
Love is where all of us belong
So don’t be shy just let your feelings roll on by
Don’t wear fear or nobody will know you’re there
You’re there
Don’t be shy just let your feelings roll on by
Don’t wear fear or nobody will know you’re there
Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead
And don’t be shy, just let your feeling roll on by
On by, on by, etc.
I remember discovering my fe a few years back. In school, in chemistry. Most of the other students usually had a hard time understanding it. But I always got it, so I usually took away the teachers role and explained everything. Stupid teachers, they had no idea how to teach. They quickly made a nice list of facts, and that’s it. It was so easy to see how wrong it was. From their point of view, that was their job, more not. But I knew how to do it way better. Often the students became confused, because the teacher wasn’t painting an overall picture. He babbled down information after information, but never with an overall goal. Imagine it like a line getting from a to b. But not a straight line. A curved one:here it goes down because you dive deeper into the details, here it goes up because someone needs a repetition etc. You understand? For me explaining how a chemical reactions works is telling a tale. Butt oh my, the teachers. They didn’t even got a grasp of it. This feeling that tells you how to tell the tale and paint the picture. It was never their intention to do such a thing. I bet they would laugh at me for saying this. And when I explained, it was great. I could tell things I never thought of before and didn’t consciously knew. In the short brake between sentences I could reflect back on what I just said and wow it smart. It was never my intention to say this. Just to give a good explanation. And that was the way I learned in school. Teaching helped me getting an understanding of “it all”.
It was great. Light, easy, superficial, just like you said. But I told myself that I should stop doing this. How should I justify this gutt feeling that teaches me everything? I thought it would be egoistic. The other “normal” people need to learn for hours and hammer knowledge into their head. And I? I say things that a gut feeling tells me to. Because somehow I already know everything were teached. that can’t be right. That’s egocentric. I need to be able to objectively justify everything I say. And here my road to ruin startet.
Whenever I try to express myself via writing it ends up being a documentation of my thoughts. And I really don’t want to think about my thoughts anymore. I don’t want to think about what kinds of thoughts are good and which are bad or whatever. I don’t even know if I’m an INFJ enneagram 4 or whatsoever and honestly I don’t care. Anastastica said it very well :”I’m sick and tired of always being sick and tired”. I don’t know why I’m sick and tired. It’s like I woke up, have no idea how I came here and why I feel bad. Do you know league of Legends? Read the story of the character amumu. It’s like I’m in this cycle:try to find a solution for “it” (how to be happy) >think the Solution fixes everything>collapse in Sadness. repeat. You never answered any of my comments. I don’t know if you will this time. I just wanted to say that I hate you because you made me think about the thoughts that are about my thoughts. This search for happiness. I don’t know how I got here what I’m even trying or what to do now. I’m lost. Is this the “bad time” you go through as a teenager? I hope so. I hope it all turns out ok and that I will be able to live a normal live. Like all these teens in the American movies about high schools. Just do me the favour and answer me this time. and no, I don’t know why you should.
Yes, being a teenager sucks. Being an INFJ teenager, doubly so.
Ha, sorry I made you hate me. But, that’s OK. Hey, your young and confused. At least, that’s the rationale I’m going to use herein. I mean, yeah, I mean it, being a teenager sucks. If I had to be a teenager again for some strange reason, I would probaly kill myself on the spot.
Well, probaly not actually because I do have this pernicious self-love that won’t quit even in the most direst of conditions. But, please momma, no, not high school again. Anything but that.
So, hold on.
And make the best of it as your mommy says. Cause someday you gonna have to face the reaper. And he’s gonna ask you about high school.
And it’s gonna be on.
Feel better?
No, I’m not familiar with League of Legends or Amumumunan. Or whatever.
Because, I’m just not up on shit like that. Too much Jung to catch up on. I’m kind of an older nerd who just gave up on the pretense of being cool or hip. Or whatever they call it these days.
Um, just don’t kill yourself OK? It’ll get better. The golden age is coming.
Meanwhile, you can suffer and then one day you can tell everyone about what a rich inner life you have. Trust me, it’ll be fun.
And yes, to repeat, being a teenager sucks. I don’t think that can be emphasized enough 🙂
Thanks a lot. I don’t exacly know what happened there, but from one hour to next I was in a really bad sadness that lastet for about three days. I know life gets better, and I’m trying my best to contribute to it. Actually doing things instead of just hanging on the pc and searching for nothing in particular. Like playin guitar, reading or hanging out with friends or whatever. To me it seems that when you get older you don’t nescassry fix all your problems but get some sort of “stability”. And don’t worry I don’t want to kill myself or anything like that, I just wanted to get all bad thoughts of me. I write a lot myself, but I liked the idea of people being able to read without knowing who I am.
And this league of legends thing: I don’t want you to know the whole game. Basicly, it has a lot of characters and everyone of them has a short story. The story of the character Amumu is that he someday woke up as mummy in a pyramid, having no idea who he is or what his life was like. And he feeled a sadness from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. I think it just represents the ID Fi pretty well.
Oh, and about the sudden outbursts: I’m Sun Leo with Aquarius Ascendant. I guess that explains it ? I somehow always come along as rational, without feelings and really intelligent, even when I don’t listen to the teachers and play with my pens or whatever. I have no idea how I do that.
Days get longer, days get better. It just the beginning on february but spring is already coming. I just instandly had a great day when it wasn’t really cold, the sky was blue and I could hear the birds sing. I may feel bad from time to time, but it’s all a lesson.
But I’m already beginning to get to philosophical, so let’s stop here. Time to enjoy the simpler things.
But just thank you 🙂 I now know that somebody out there listened to me. That’s all what I wanted.
” It’s like I’m in this cycle:try to find a solution for “it” (how to be happy) >think the Solution fixes everything>collapse in Sadness. repeat. ”
To me at some point one finds answers. Bit by bit. Maybe focus on bits, bit answers. That you can collect and then have an arsenal of self-help things that boost energy and shoot light sparks into your head. Aiding processes.
Every small thing that helps you ( be it a thought, a physical thing, a scent, an awareness of a good feeling, little things that give boosts, collecting things you know help you gain a little energy, I think the more one gathers, the more one taps into the field of creating energy, that also becomes bigger – as a first or first steps to get something helpful going ). Like a tool kit.
I haven’t properly figured out Fe yet but I think the bit thing should help kickstart stuff.
Allowing oneself to also feel happiness ? But also allowing the negative feelings. Maybe you feel you are not “allowed” to feel certain ways and get into an obsessive mindframe. Taking time to feel those emotions and in a secure and comfortable space. The allowing sometimes alleviates the pressure and one feels more lighthearted.
Hah. I’m so good at letting things look positive. But still I always end up in the same place.
You are right, I’m a catcher in the Rye.
I don’t know when I last looked at a person without analysing them and judging them as egoistic scum. It’s so easy to see how wrong everyone is.
When have I gotten so cynical ? “In every cynic is a disappointed idealist.”
I don’t want to end as a reborn Arthur Schopenhauer.
But today I had a thought that turned out to be davastating: Everyone I know is maybe egocentric, selfish and everything that I mark as a bad person, but in the end they still did better than I did. I wanted (want?) to be beter than anyone else, free from selfishness. I wanted (want?) to embody everything this world would need, and I let everyone know that.
Isolating myself and trying to become the angel on earth, while also searching for the angel on earth. In the beginning I maybe did this because I wanted to better things, but later on it was more and more a way to compensate the hopelessness.
But in the end I am a selfish Idiot harmed by envy.
I was obsessed with the wrongness of everyone, but let’s stop here.
I’m a Catcher in the Rye.
I don’t really know where to go now, but this realization made things better. I hope this golden time of happiness is coming. Or even better better, a normal life.
Because in the end, I’m just a normal person that tried his best. Just as everyone else.
@blake
“Seasons don’t fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain
Come on baby…”
(you better believe I’m playing that cow bell too!!!)
I understood every single word you wrote, heck I was you till last year 🙂
I don’t know if you will relate to what I have to say since am a capricorn rising scorpio sun virgo moon, but for what is worth I will tell my story, because it might prove to be helpful.
I too felt misunderstood and alienated, I reached out to someone online who I perceived had similar mindset and unlike the insensitive ass wholes surrounding me (she turned out to be a catfish lol), one thing she kept mentioning was how I always talked about trivial stuff and never about personal stuff or how I felt about things.. with time I allowed myself to be vulnerable around her, and I think that was the key, that you can’t (express) happiness if you don’t (express) sadness, around a year later I found out about this blog and came to recognize it as Fe.
So you are experimenting any way right? why not give this a chance? look around you and see who has similar temperament to you or water, and start expressing your self, don’t crop the feelings out of your stories, mention why that event depressed you or why a certain action disappointed you. Granted you will feel awkward and vulnerable at first but just notice how you will start to laugh more and louder 🙂
Oh! and something very important that blake also has mentioned (or at least how I understood it :p) , it’s okay to be superficial, vain, not deep. As a scorpio I always get caught up in the oh the depth of my feelings and the agony (and secretly loving it) but that is self destructive as shit! keep things light, don’t take yourself or others seriously, and laugh a lot . Also read, read about astrology to understand how and why others behave, how different their expression is from yours, I mention this because the concept of friendship agonized me soo much, I eventually understood that true friendship is accepting people for who they are and not expecting them to follow the script you wrote for them.
I too experimented with different personas, always metamorphosing to what I thought would crystallize to happiness, looking in hindsight I have nothing against it, because if anything it will convince you that the only way you can be satisfied is with your original likes and dislikes.
Hmm I hope what I said was relevant, hang on it is bound to get better eventually 🙂
Hearing that someone has similar experiences is great. And that you now are happy is even better.
And what you said about friendship is genious. If I had hold a cup in my hand while reading it, I would have dropped it.
I was trying to find out everyones myers briggs and enneagram type so I can help them become perfect.
I better stop doing it.
It just feels great to know that I’m not the only one. The only one to feel this way. Thanks for letting me know.
Thank you, honestly.
Fe is living unpredictably. Fe is being alive. Live every day like it’s your last day. Carpe Diem. But I’m stuck. The same day everyday. Not doing anything. Just being lost in thoughts and sadness.
I want so much but nothing in particular. Just to feel alive. But I’m stuck. The same grey sky every day, the same thoughts every day, the same life everyday. I’m waiting but I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Just for something that will make me happy. I’m not enjoying my life at all. My head feels like a heavy bowling ball. The gravity is pulling it onto my desk. One part of me just wishes to let it fall on the desk and cry. Why cry ? I don’t know. And no I don’t want to kill myself. I don’t want to because I still have the hope that if I just wait it will be better in the future.
“When all ist lost, you will find life” – Envoi
“In the darkest times you find out what you’re made of” – For all those sleeping
Yeah, sounds great.
The past two days were the probably badest I’ve ever had. I’ve read about Enneagram 4. About INFJ. About self acceptance. All what I’ve been doing was trying to figure out how to think correctly. How to get the right mindset. So I can be free. And be alive. No matter what I do I just can’t enjoy it. And I don’t know why I’m telling this. Shame on me, I look like a complete idiot. But at least this one time I don’t want to be unobtrusively. I’m probably the most unobstrustive person at school. Even those people that I could call friends know nothing about me. When interacting with people I’m always thinking about what I say and what I do, how I look at people, how I move etc.. I try to be the most of my “true self” as I can all the time. Because I’m always afraid of not being true to myself, of thinking the wrong way or whatever. High School. I can see al those people with their “blockades” in thinking. For example this one guy who always tries to be the most funniest and intresting person because he is afraid that people would oversee him. The class clown. And I’m worried that I also have some sort of blocade in my thinking. That’s why I’m so self conscious.
I’m writing all of this shit because I just want something unpredictable to happen. It was a crazy and sudden outbreak. Now all readers will probably look at like I did something reallys strange. Well, that’s what I did. That’s how it always goes. This unobstrustive person suddenly has an outbreak. Now everyone looks at me in this “one way” and I sink in shame. I’m ashamed of myself. Patterns, repeative patterns everywhere.
And I’m writing this because I have no one to tell this.
And I just wanted to finally leave my thoughts somewhere.
Well, you’re not alone. I can see that you’re very self-conscious, but, I assure you that my readers will not look at you as if you have done something really strange.
And if they do I will disavow them. Muhaha!
Anyway, you’re very young and it is difficult to be at the age you’re at. There are all these things jumping around in the inside and crazy-weird shit going on on the outside and it’s hard to make sense of it all, to tell where you fit into all of it, whether you want to, and if you do, with what groups, and so on.
Yet, it is all so boring.
It’s kind of like Kurt Cobain said in toto. I think he expressed best the concept of being a teenage INFJ. At least in modern times. The rage, the alienation, the horniness, the hormoaning, desperate and suicidal urges, hating oneself and the way one looks and is, searching, questioning, hating everyone else. Basically, yeah, just one big negative clusterfuck and you just want some way out. Want to get laid. Feeling awkward, guilty, contemptuous about oneself and then alternately feeling that way about everyone else, how false they are, how phony they are as Mr. Catcher in The Rye would say.
O, and it seems like it will never end and life takes so long.
My advice is just to hang on. As you get older you will start to find your place more and your identity. You will find your thing. Stay away from drugs. Stay away from negative influences. Stay away from all the shit that you know is false. At least that way, you will start to winnow down at what you don’t want.
Write about it. Get the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and start the exercises in it – particularly the Morning Pages. Fe is about expression. Not changing anything necessarily, but, in its most fundamental sense (for an INFJ), just getting some lines out onto the page.
You don’t share it with anyone. Don’t share it with discouragers and judgmental people. But, what INFJs need most of all is discipline in a course of action that they take to like ducks to water. Often, an INFJ will be stuck in modes of learning and expression that don’t work for them. They are a minority type and particularly in American life, they are going to naturally have a difficult time.
So, Fe the hell out of all the rage and alienation. You can start with the simple act of writing. Not school writing, but, free-form and stream-of-consciousness writing. So, get that book. It’ll talk about it. It works if you work it.
I started to get into the Fi swamps again this night.
I couldn’t really sleep and was more in a doze with weird thoughts. I spend the last evening watching videos about Song of Ice and Fire theories and thoughts about them appeared in my doze. I dreamed about characters looking like people that I know and that the story would take place in the modern world and I somehow was inside of it.I just couldn’t stop thinking. All I wanted was to finally sleep deeply. And I had nightmares. In the one I can remember my crush died and I woke up feeling guilty because I didn’t spend time with her in her last minutes of life.
The day didn’t really got better. It started with me googling about sleep disorders, forced thoughts and nightmares and ended up having something that was close to a panic attack. In that moment I was really sure that I need professional help and that I have some sort of disorder. Even as a child I already had some hypochondric traits, I guess the thoughts of being ill moved from diseases to mental health. I’m scared that there is something wrong with me.
Later on I listened to Still Searching by Senses Fail and wrote a lot. And it only dragged me deeper into the swamps. First it was an analysis of my thoughts, then a text about how terrible everything is. After that I tried to write without knowing what I will write about, but it was just some bullshit that makes no sense at all.
The last time I felt like this was when I wrote the whole evening long.
Maybe writing could help me, but in the way I do it, it only drags me deeper into madness.
Writing this however makes me feel good. When I know that others will be able to read my writings I do it “right.” Yeah, sometimes writing is great. When it is, I am able to picture myself in a humerous but also honest way.
But most of the time it isn’t. I focus way to much on how my handwriting looks because I want to find more about me via graphology.
Also it usually is an analysis or something that is close to being a log about my life. “Today I did x and felt y. While writing that I feel like I’m completly missing what I want to express, but just do so, so I write at least this.
Is the book about this ?
Anyways, I’m writing this because it feels good to talk about my problems and to see someone responding to it. Letting others help me instead of trying to “cure” myself takes away a lot stress.
And sorry for those long puzzeling sentences. I know they are terrible, but I think they are able to showcase what my thoughts are like.
@whatever *Disclaimer: I am not a Dr., but I play one on TV.*
Talking about it publicly can help. Or semi-publicly. May I offer some suggestions, as I have been in similar situations?
You mention your crush. Maybe tell her? Or, does she know? Your dream about her is giving you a “missed opportunity” theme. Or, perhaps, a “guilty” theme….
By the choice of song and the decision to post here, you are looking for empathy. Someone who understands, and tells you you are not alone. Well, you’re not as obvious by this entire site. Not to mention all the people who frequent the site, but never comment. (My spidey senses tell me it’s a lot.)
It seems like you’ve suddenly gotten over-analytical with yourself. Instead of walking with your head faced forward, you are walking maybe in a not so straight line because your checking to see if you made a miss-step or if you are actually walking heel to toe, or “how many steps exactly did I travel in 1 min.?”
I think what you’re doing with the writing is good. Keep doing it. Even if it gets ugly. Even if you’re not sure you should be writing those thoughts on paper.
In addition to the writing, may I suggest you get out of your head? Do something that focuses your muscles. Do some yoga. Meditate and try to just focus on your breathing. When you’re meditating, learn to see your thoughts come and go. Don’t wonder “why am I thinking that”; don’t wonder “what will happen if…”. See it fly in, see it fly out. Imagine yourself outside of yourself as a purely objective point of view. Disconnect, then later connect, and you mind find something in between.
These are just some things that help me. I can tell you that writing for a night or two (depending on my mental state) then re-reading it retrospectively a week later helps. Usually the “mental event” has passed and I look at my thoughts (uncomfortably) and figure out what the heck! 🙂
Hope some of this helps? 🙂 And, the most important part of all of this: Do this for yourself. WANT to do this. WANT to be open. If you don’t, your body will catch you in a lie immediately.
That someone replied so quickly made me really happy. Thank you ! 🙂
I read the comment yesterday evening and I wasn’t as happy in a long time. It also has been the first time since a few weeks that I slept really well.
Today I’m in a really good mood and it seems like everyting is going to be good after all. Compared to yesterday…
So that’s the magic of being young ?
And thanks for the advice. I seriously need to do more activities instead of only thinking.
“And, the most important part of all of this: Do this for yourself. WANT to do this. WANT to be open.”
This ! Thank you ! Most of the time in public I was thinking about my appeareance, what I say etc. generally how I come across. And what the others want so I can fit into that. But now it was the opposite. I told how I feel and someone responded to it. It feels like this has never happened but it feels great.
Thank you so much !
@e says By the way, would you recommend anything specific regarding yoga ? I googled around a bit and fund so much that I have no idea where to start.
@whatever
Search ‘Fightmaster Yoga’ on Youtube. I like to use her. She has a wide variety to choose from. And if you’ve never done yoga before or you’re out of practice, she has a beginner series. All for free! Yay! Hope this helps good luck!
Do I talk to much ? Or better, is the comment section the right place to do this ? Please tell me when I should open a blog or go to a counselor instead of filling this comment section.
Anyways I wanna tell something. Tonight I couldn’t fall asleep before 5 am. While lying there, my whole body was tense. Can you say it this way ? English is not my main language. Anyways, my pulse was really high and I was extremly cramped. But I remained like this for a few hours because I was already to close to being asleep to consciously notice it.
Later on I started to meditate and after some time of feeling a lot of pressure and agression I could feel my body relaxing. I felt how my blood circulation got better. After that I could finally fall asleep.
My tongue always has wounds on it that look like it was burned. But now I think that I probably bite my tongue while I “sleep.”
I also can’t sit still without doing things with my fingers or bob with my feet. What’s so weird about it is that I first noticed it a few days ago. I can’t sit still, but never noticed.
But when I was so happy about your response as I alwrite wrote earlier I could sleep really well and deep. Whatever is causing this extreme amount of stress was “fixed” for one evening.
I just feel weird and I can’t describe what it is like. From the outside it looks like stupidy within. An uncertany. About what ? I don’t know. Thanks to this whole myers briggs thing and what internet has done with me I’m often questioning myself if my thinking is correct right now. Am I now in Ni – Ti loop ? Is this the right way to go ? So often I’ve gone a new way. So often I ended in a terrible hole of hopelessnes. I’m not fully into it yet, but I’m getting closer. It used to happen sometimes, but it’s almost my normal state nowadays. I have so much to get rid of. And I have no idea what’s wrong. I just feel terrible. And I spend so much time thinking. I believe I can’t handle myself alone anymore.
Everything feels “weird.” And it’s so hard to put into words. Today was a really bad day. At one point I was in a mood that was pretty bad but not terrible. I decided to stay this way but I couldn’t. I have this strange optimism that causes me to always run into the next solution and then fall down terribly. I don’t know what solution I’m searching or what it is used for. I startet it a long time ago, but I forgot where I came from and what I wanted to do. Is this what I actually feel ? Or am I just putting the Ni – Ti loop into words so I can… I don’t know what to write there. Honestly.
There is something that I can’t put into words and that makes no sense at all. I just want to be happy. I don’t know where to go anymore and I don’t want to know any new ways. Like: You need to use Fe, do that, or whatever. I believe that I can’t get anywhere anymore. Somebody else needs to tell me. I need help, and I don’t want to hear any solution of what kind of mindset I should have. The idea that there is a right mindset and a wrong mindset caused all of this. I’m questioning myself all of the times.
I got lost in a labyrinth. I lost who I am. And I don’t want to take any further steps, because they all take me closer and closer to hell.
“Then I asked have you ever felt abandoned?
Felt so lost that you were stranded,
Just like all the walls are closing in
And you were left inside
Have you ever felt like your days were numbered?
Stuck under a tree in thunder
Seems to be no way out!
But there is One when in doubt” – Thousand Foot Krutch
This is pretty much everything that still gives me a bit of hope.
I should probably go and see a counselor shouldn’t I ?
If the internet is true about symptoms I can guarantee that I’m depressed and probably have an anxiety disorder.
My biggest fear right now is that there is noone that could help and that I’ve gone insane to such a point that there is no way out. That I’m doomed to live like this forever. And that nobody will answer me because this looks so fucked up.
If I knew that live will be like this forever I would waste no time and kill myself. But it isn’t. Please tell me it isn’t. Cause I spend so much time trying to find a way out but never succeded.
I’m writing this here because I have noone that listens execpt hopefully someone here. My parents wouldn’t have the patience to listen to all of this, wouldn’t take it seriously and view it as “just a bad mood.” My ESTJ father would tell me that I shouldn’t waste so much time pitying myself and would tell me how his life was. Yeah, I definitly wanna be like you, an insurance employee with with so much stress that I can’t sleep anymore. I generally dislike his personality.
But he’s convinced that I like him and want to be like him.
And I feel really guilty now because I blame my parents. And like I’m an idiot because I make it loook like I’m so innocent and don’t even dare to blame someone else. But honestly, that’s just the truth. This all is not my fault. I’m praying that it will be impossible to trace back this post to me but,…
I feel terrible and I don’t want to play it down anymore. And act like everythings allright. I’ve always played everything down my whole life long because I’m scared of being a drama queen that’s to egoistic.
Phew. This got really long. Sorry. This is clearly not the right place. You wrote something great about myers briggs and I’m spamming the comment section about my life. I just don’t know another way out. And this has actually been the first time that someone really did listen to me, so I continued writing. But now I’m really sure that I need help from a therapist.
Sorry
If you don’t mind, tell me what your day looks like from the time you get up until the close of that day. You say you have trouble falling asleep. Tell me about your day. What occurred during it? Are you in school right now? If so, talk about what happens at school. Do you have a job? If so, tell me about that. You said you want someone to tell you what to do. I will. But, I need more information.
Ok, but before I start I want to say something.
Yesterday I felt like everything was terrible.
Today I feel pretty good, a bit bored but ok. And reading through what I wrote yesterday is so embarrasing. I’m not sure anymore if I’m a drama queen or if my situation is actually this bad. My moods can change so quickly. In one moment it feels like I’m finally telling how bad everythings is instead of playing it down, in the next I’m embarrased and think that I just overreacted.
I’m not sure if you specificly want to know about yesterday or what most days look like.
3 times a week I have school until 4 pm, 2 times until 1.30 pm.
Once a week I have a guitar lesson. On the afternoons I read, write, watch TV, play guitar and videogames.
Yeah, by that I mean being bored a lot of times.
Sometimes I go to partys on weekends. I never really like it though. Everyone gets drunk really fast and noone likes talking. People mostly do it for the alcohol, not to meet and exchange with others.
I used to go jogging once a week to, but didn’t for about 3 months because I have a cold.
To be honest, it’s pretty bad to remember what I did yesterday, because I did so few things.
I had no school because of a national holiday. And I have no job.
Woke up around 10.30 and wrote the morning pages.
Had breakfast and then listened to music for about 1 hour.
(Especially when writing this a day later if seems like I just overreacted and that I like it to feel bad. But in these moments, it really does feel this bad.)
I played a bit of guitar, wrote some more and continued crying.
I then wanted to get The Artists way and went Downton just to get reminded that it was a natinal holiday, so most shops were closed.
Back home again (around 5pm) I turned on my pc and went on teamspeak to play some games with my friends. But they were already in the middle of a game so I waited a bit.
As I was sitting there and not doing anything at all, I got really tired because I slept to bad in the previous night.
Said goodbye to my friends and went to take a nap(5.30 pm). Woke up at 7.30 pm.
In that moment I wrote the previous post and listened to music afterwards.
Had lunch (when we have no school my parents usually make the warm meals on the evening).
After that, I was in the mood to see a stereotypical high school movie. Googled for it and watched “The Breakfast Club.”
Was suprised how much I liked it and felt really good again. I then started to feel embarassed for my posts. Continued reading the book for about 45 minutes and went to sleep (about 0.45 am).
And I could sleep pretty good this night.
It sounds to me that you have some form of rapid mood shifting. Check out this webpage for explanations and links to resources.
Rapid mood swings can be caused by all sorts of things. Depending on the cause, there follows from that typical ways to treat the mood shifts. A lot of this does come down to rather common, yet, often overlooked (especially for intuitives) imbalances in one’s daily/weekly habits.
In my opinion, it is imperative to get good sleep, and not only in amount of sleep, but quality of sleep. Basically, you need to get enough sleep that occurs in the REM state. If you aren’t getting adequate amounts of this type of sleep on a regular basis, it will exacerbate whatever mood imbalances are there to start with and contribute further to this tendency.
It also sounds like you are rather lonely and isolated. Do you have any friends? Besides online gaming ones? You mentioned crying over a dream you had about your girlfriend. Is that relationship going well?
Typically, with rapid mood swings it is necessary to have some external forms of regulation that one does to reduce susceptibility to this emotional instability. Exercise is great. You had mentioned jogging but that you got a cold and stopped. I find exercise to be absolutely imperative to emotional well-being. I recommend an aerobic exercise that gets your heart rate up for a period of 30 minutes 3x per week. It could be jogging. It could be swimming laps. It could be some sport such as tennis that you play with another person. If you like jogging, I find that to be the purest form of immediate stress relief. Jogging for 30 minutes immediately brings you out of a bad emotional state. Or a bad thought state that is getting obsessive. I would suggest making it a habit that you do whether you feel like it or not. Don’t over-commit to it such that you set yourself up to not follow through. You could even make it 2x times a week if that seems more realistic for you.
This vigorous exercise will contribute to you being able to fall asleep easier, if you do it regularly.
It is also likely that you like to stay up late because you feel most happy at that time, most excited about life. I think this is common for INFJ types. As are being very susceptible to mood instabilities. It sounds like for you this mood instability changes very rapidly, in an hour by hour sense. But, there will be some pattern to it. For example, tending to be more up at night and down in the afternoon or morning. For others it may be the opposite. They wake up feeling good, but, by day’s end they are rather down and depressed.
Basically, you need to identify your mood patterns in this daily sense. You need to identify what the underlying causes of your mood shifts are. I think in your case you feel very isolated and unheard. You want someone to listen to you, to hear you, to validate you. It is likely you are not getting that validation from anywhere and you have been cycling through your own thoughts and feelings ad infinitum trying to find the cause, but, that is part of the problem – the INFJ trying to find out what’s wrong with them. Too much introspection and attention paid to self, and in a negative sense of what is wrong with you. It becomes a habit and an obsession. You train yourself into a habit of viewing yourself as having a problem that is nebulous and obscure. It is amplified by feeling reactions.
So, you need to start backing your way out of this very habit that has caused you to reach such a dire and untenable state.
One of the things I highly recommend is The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and the daily habit of Morning Pages from that book. I recommend for the INFJ in emotional Fi hell, to start DOING things that don’t involve self-analysis and introspection in the sense of figuring out who they are, particularly, the problem of what is wrong with them.
I recommend scheduling in bare minimum essential activities for the unwinding and maintenance of this condition. It is very refreshing for an INFJ in this emotional hell, to suddenly come out of it and DO something that does not involve this activity of focus on self. Like I said, vigorous jogging is excellent for this. But, you can’t just do it once a month and then conclude it doesn’t work. It will work if you do it regularly.
Meditation is excellent for developing a habit of deeply relaxing. So is yoga.
These are often the very things that won’t occur to an INFJ locked in the intense and indescribable throes of a negative mood state. It will seem to trite, too simple, not badass enough etc.
But, they work if practiced regularly. They don’t even have to be practiced that much to be honest. If you meditate for 15 minutes a day, you may be surprised in a week’s time the difference you feel.
I think the problem many INFJs have is that it doesn’t have that intense instant gratification of taking a powerful mind-and-mood-altering drug.
It does involve some degree of commitment and discipline. But, if you’re moods get bad enough, you will be willing to try anything.
Meditation is great for developing good sleep patterns. So, is vigorous exercise. So, is self-disclosure and self-expression on a regular basis.
The problem the INFJ often has is sticking with it. Or starting it. They are waiting for something. Waiting for new information. The perfect answer.
I do have friends and we used to meet a lot, but then partys and alcohol became cool.
Their opinion (and I say their, because I believe it’s not their own personal one, but what’s generally seen as cool) is that we only meet at partys on weekends and play videogames together. No idea why. It suddenly just was this way.
Calling her my girlfirend was a really mean but funny joke. But i laughed about it. I would be suprised if she knew my name. I’m this shy observer that never initiased anything, because I thought that I would need to know more about her before I could start talking to her. I was/am afraid that I was just a 16year old that suddenly fell in love, although I have no idea who this person is. And I was afraid that I wouldn’t like her when I find out more about her, while she still likes me.
As you said, INFJs can look like the ideal match, just to suddenly lose all interest.
And I can see these traits in me.
Regarding mood patterns: I already know them.
Morning is good, noon okay, afternoon bad and evening is great again.
So often, I organized all these fancy things, like doing sports and having a schedule in the late evening. And I often fell into the trap of planning so much that it became impossible to implement it in my life.
Yeah, in the evening I’m always highly motivated.
So let’s do sport in the afternoon !
Also, the weather plays a big role I think. Every post that was so negative was when it was rainy.
And over here we have no winter, just grey sky, wind and rain at 5°C/40 Fahrenheit.
From october to march.
“The problem the INFJ often has is sticking with it. Or starting it. They are waiting for something. Waiting for new information. The perfect answer.”
I have an aries moon. Extremly close to pisces, but still aries. You’re right, I really need more discipline. Even if the planned schedule is to simply go joggin twice a week, it’s still better to do that instead doing nothing while still having a great plan.
And I really look forward to get “The Artists way.”
It all sounds so simple. I probably needed someone to tell me something simple. Like a slap in the face. Suddenly, I stop crying and am determined again. And finally start. Start something. Nothing big, but something. Thanks.
And that it wasn’t my idea makes it even better. I can’t question it in the way i always do with my own ideas.
Thanks. Thanks a lot. You will hear from me soon. And I will probably be a lot happier.
Hi,
I want you to know that I feel your pain.
As an INFJ, you have a calling. You are quite fortunate to know your type at this early age, as this information can help put you on the right track from the get-go.
From what you’ve written, I can see that you are quite insightful when it comes to people and easily figure them out. This should be your focus, what you’re built for–but take a step further and work on not only figuring people out, but also connecting with them in a meaningful way.
I know, I know, people..suck. Trust me, I also pushed Fe away and have had a hard time engaging Se.
I like to describe the pushing away of our extroverted functions in terms of a toddler.
So what does a toddler do all day? Play, right? Now, playing is fun. It’s THE BEST. However, there will come a time when our toddler will need to take a nap. Think about the consequences of NOT taking that much needed nap. Oh, the toddler will continue playing, but for some reason it’s not as FUN anymore. The more the toddler refuses to nap, the more the nap is calling for the toddler. The need simply won’t go away. Eventually, this mismanagement of needs will lead to a meltdown. Of course, the toddler will at some point get the required sleep time in and wake up refreshed and happy and ready to play once again.
The trick in avoiding the meltdown is simple: nap at a reasonable time.
To avoid the negative aspects of our personality type, we MUST take occasional breaks from our preferred (fun) introverted functions, Ni and Ti.
You going to dark places and dwelling on the negative is a sign that you are no longer having “fun” solely being in your head. It’s time to give it a rest. The best way to do this is to lock into Fe and Se for a bit.
It’s as if you subconsciously know this. You said you keep waiting for something to happen. Whatever that something is, it will be in the world OUTSIDE of your head. You’re not crazy, you’re just a toddler that refuses to settle down for a nap.
We spend so much time in our heads, that we develop this belief that we don’t NEED people and all the baggage that comes with them. The fact is, we have this weird need to make an impact on the world (for the benefit of hmm humankind). Think about it, don’t you actually enjoy observing people, even if doing it covertly? Those insights you naturally pick up can be used in a meaningful way to help people. Specifically to guide people and help them become better. You will also want to go on a journey of self-improvement.
Express via Fe:
Through art
Through writing
Through music
Through speaking your feelings out loud
It is said that those types with Fe MUST occasionally speak out their feelings to someone for the sake of their health, even if they get no real feedback or outside solutions. Just being heard is enough and takes a load off.
I’d like to ask you, if you had a child with extroverted feeling, and you know they NEED this kind of outlet, would it hurt you to know that they’re keeping their feelings in because they feel ashamed, or stupid, or weak, or oh, what must people think of me, did I just expose too much of myself, they must see me differently now?
Our own thoughts about ourselves are pretty brutal. We need to set the negativity aside and be kind to ourselves.
Engaging Se (moderation is key here)
Take a nature walk
Organize your bedroom
Dance
Play instrument
Cook something
Play a sport
I wish you the best!
Hey people – I wanted to let everyone know about an app I’ve been using and have found really helpful:
http://www.hailoverman.com/flowstate
Basically you set a timer for how long you want to write, and then the full-screen, no-distractions app forces you to keep going. If you stop typing for longer than 5 seconds, everything you’ve written auto-deletes.
I’m not using this for writing anything in particular, but it’s helping me get real about freewriting/whatever you call it. I have had a hard, hard time letting go of a block involving intense perfectionism with my writing (every single word choice becomes a potential disaster where I imagine how other people will feel about it) and this is really helpful. You CAN’T agonize over word choice. You just have to keep running. At first I found it pretty stressful, but now I’m finding it a really good assist for “Fe is magic”.
I’m not affiliated with this app, but thought other weirdo INFJ types might find it helpful.
I found an amazing outlet for Fe. Art therapy!
I have not even officially researched it (sorry, Ti), just got myself some cheap watercolors, a palette and some paper and got down to business, which is letting out all that mess deep within that has been keeping me in the depth of depression, OCD and complete feeling of being torn apart within my own body (hello, Si).
Somehow the words “art therapy” just clicked and I decided to give it a try, and already find it amazing, because…
My preferred and desired form of output is music, which means I get obsessed over how good a song is, which does not help when you need immediate Fi drainage. Writing is same – still get bothered by sentence construction and the like, as well as start questioning myself about what I am writing. Writing is great most of the time, actually, but when it comes to emotions you are afraid to admit to yourself yet, or struggle to understand, it has its limits.
Since I am not strong at visual art by default, it
a) does not appeal to my perfectionism
b) can be done immediately and impulsively without much thought, which COMPLETELY turns Ti off and linking straight to the unconscious, while
c) engaging Se along with Fe. Otherwise it would be engaged through bulimia and what not, but random splurges of color seem to satisfy the inferior sensual gluttony!
I might be onto something.
Being in recovery from all the psycho-physical mess I had gotten myself into over the years (oh, finding out my type was a turning point to recovery), I decided to deal with the remaining darkness within me through this medium first, perhaps a painting for every state of mind, painful memory, nagging question…. Got a hunch that it will enable me to use words and melodies so much better as a result and becoming real good friends with Fe as a result.
For artist INFJs, perhaps art will not let you switch your perfectionism off and just let it out, so you might want to try something that you are not striving to be good at as an outlet, which will help with creative blockages in your main sphere.
All the rest lovely INFJs, I highly suggest you give art therapy a try!
Fe is so great ! It doesen’t matter if it’s good. You can just do it happily.
It’s also great to hear that you become happier and happier.
I have no idea who you are and probably will never know anything further than that.
Hearing that other people feel just as bad as you do is a consolation.
But hearing that they can get rid of their problems and become happy is a lot more.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you! It is indeed. Let’s Fe the **** out of our unhappiness and shine 🙂
I love the idea of art therapy, but my Ti gets in the way any time I try to create anything in any medium besides writing. Also, with writing and sometimes music, I can see/hear the end product (or at least snippets) before I start and I end up creating to fulfill my urges. When I do do other types of art, it ends up pretty cool though.
I know this very well, but I think I found a good way to deal with it.
So, everytime I want to draw something I already have in mind what it should be like. And it feels pretty bad when I can’t reach that goal. And it doesn’t feel like an outlet anymore. It’s like I have a photography in mind and try to copy it into the real world.
My advice would be to simply continue.
I always end up with something completely different, but it’s a lot better than what I first had in mind.
I was able to surprise myself a lot of times this way.
And I want to tell a story. You will later see why, although it first will seem completely out of place.
Last Sunday it suddenly snowed, although the days before looked like spring is finally coming.
So i went outside to take a walk and enjoy the white beauty.
It started to get really windy and snow started to get in my eyes as soon as I looked up. I turned around, but it still was this way. I continued doing this for about 5minutes until I realized that I haven’t moved at all.
Next came the realization how symbolic this is.
I won’t find the perfect way by turning around or trying to walk in a different direction. And if I keep turning around I will always come back to the same place.
There will always be snow, no matter which way I chose.
So I simply continued walking, although my mind kept telling me that I could possibly walk a way more beautiful/better/perfect way.
And in the end I had a great day.
I hope you know what I mean and that it helps.
Beautifully said, Whatever. I also found that I conceive of something in my head and get scared of being bound by it in the process, but I just keep moving the hand and focusing on what I am FEELING, and it comes out different from what I thought.
Also, I paint while listening to music.
Something about the combination of sound, color and movement that brings a resonance of the whole being and a tremendous relief.
I suggest anyone struggling to turn their head off try it. Melt into your favorite music (something that enhances your mood, preferably. Various metal genres are my favourite, so they get me going) and let it out. Music will block out the left-brained orientation at least partly.
All my art to music if I can help it. I even write to music.
Loved the snow insight, Whatever.
Blake ! I want to thank you so fucking much for recommending that book ! It’s magic.
I’m just in the first week but so much has changed already. I got rid of so many negative thinking approaches. I’m a lot more happy and relaxed. I’m not the hypocrit I used to be anymore. Other people make me happy a lot of times now. I used to see everything negative but now…
Everyone is good, honestly. Not perfect of course. But it’s good this way. And this is the firt time that I can actually say it and mean it ! It used to sound like a phrase that I kept repeating in the hope that I will believe it one day. And now I do !
And becoming this way is so simple. You just do.
Of couse some old habits remain.
The temptation to research things on the internet that I’m not interested still takes over me sometimes.
But I learned that I can get back to happy Ni – Fe just as quickly as I can get into Ni – Ti. And honestly, it’s a lot easier.
And I’ve learned a lot via astrology (I have capricorn in the 12th house).
Watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JGee9r8944
It seems to me like you can learn a lot from it. In regards of using Fe over Ti.
Maybe you can only see Ni – Ti this way when you have capricorn in the 12th house though.
So, if you’re an unhappy INFJ get the goddamn book.
And watch this video : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1pAo2z6spM
To me it has a magic effect. I get happy. Release all the thoughts. And I start to look forward to my life.
You’re fucking welcome about the book recommendation. The book he is referring to is The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.
Hey INFJs, it might very well save your life.
Get the book and do the Morning Pages. Do it whether you want to or not. And call me in about a month and tell me how good you feel.
I must be missing something then. I’ve been doing the Morning Pages for several months now and I’m still struggling with the same debilitating questions and situations I had when I started. Not feeling the magic of this method yet.
Have you ever dated an INFJ Blake?
You understand us so well, an INFj would be lucky to date you. What’s your favorite mbti type to date?
Possibly the best advice I have ever received.
Thanks
I have a perspective on Fe which I think is controversial, though it shouldn’t be.
Extroverted feeling stores social impressions and over time we INFJs build huge models of other people in our own unconsciousness. We act considerately toward those people because hurting them is actually hurting our own personal unconsciousness. We feel it.
But this is where MOST INFJs get hung up, because it is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone. Actually, it is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE to fully please even one person. .. . . . (so you’ll never be fully happy if that’s your unconscious desire). . .except. . . who?. . . which person DO we have the power to please?? Ding ding, that’s right, ourselves!
If anyone is reading this, do yourself a favor and use the social perspectives given to you by your Fe to your own advantage. Be egotistical. To any other personality type this might be dangerous advice, but all the INFJs I know, myself included, usually suffer from a severe overabundance of empathy, not a deficiency, sometimes to the point of paralysis and complete social withdrawal. That’s not doing anybody any good.
The good thing is that since you are an INFJ, when you ruthlessly pursue your deepest future desires (which are often altruistic anyways) and step on people’s toes in the present to do so, the end product MIGHT actually have a chance at coming true.
You must USE extroverted feeling and never let it USE you, as some of these guides suggest. Be STRONG. INFLUENCE the Fe vibes floating in the room, don’t just be influenced BY them. You don’t have to make phony small talk to do this, you don’t have to talk at all. Just be honest with how you feel. If you don’t like a certain place, or certain people, be honest with yourself. Don’t think “Oh there must be something wrong with my control of Fe, I’m not able to relate to these specific people, I must be flawed.” All of that is phony nonsense created by religion and these silly internet portraits of the INFJ, encouraging us to be the “nicest” type just because we feel others feelings. Sometimes people deserve to have their feelings hurt. So be authentic toward them. Nobody is judging you but yourself. It’s nothing but your false expectation of what you THINK Fe is supposed to do. Create a new expectation. Fe is a tool and can be used for many many many more things that just “being nice.”
When an INFJ wins, everybody wins. You already have good intentions, innate your function set. You don’t need to prove it to anyone, least of all yourself.
Thanks for sharing this. I really needed to hear it.
Thank you for your words. I really relate to your style and explanation especially with regard to the “highest good” effect of focusing on deepest future desires. Now that I think of it, I FEEL like you’re mirroring what Blake has said many many times before…but for some reason, I can really just hear you. So, thank you. boom
Really super advice in quite an amazing website and contributions. Seen nothing like it anywhere else for insight. My two penny worth is to constantly assert through positive engagement with others not for peoples response but to ‘selve’ oneself. The comment above this takes this one step further and I like it!
Hi Blake,
Even after reading through all of your Fe related articles, which I have enjoyed very much, I still feel that Fe is elusive and something I cannot quite wrap my mind around. After reading, I feel hopeful, but the feeling doesn’t stick and then just goes away.
One question that has been bugging me for the past few weeks :
– Does small talk count as using Fe?
I don’t like small talk, although I try to do more of it. No matter how hard I try not to I tend to keep steering the conversation into more serious subjects that interest me more and find the other person backing off..
One thing I suspect about Fe though, is that trying to use it more consciously will actually work against me. If I am an INFJ Fe should come to me quite naturally, so my job may be more to clear the path for Fe to just come out and do its work. Whatever feels wrong or unnatural, I should just stop doing and then what is left will be Fe.
Small talk could be Fe, but, certainly not the most ennobling example of it. It’s like a low-level use of Fe, which, however, an INFJ might benefit from when they get way too serious about things.
But, if you don’t like making small talk, then, find a way to make big talk somewhere. The basic prerequisite of Fe is feeling expression. It doesn’t have to be heavy feelings, though it could in the case of INFJ due to Fe being used to bleed off the intense emotional accretions of the Fi id.
Small talk would also be an Si thing. In combination with Fe. And maybe a bit of Ti Gemini.
Blake, I keep coming back to this (even if only in mind!). Your series of articles encouraging INFJs to really use Fe and your recommendation about Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages have helped me so much. I was vaguely figuring this out before I knew anything about MBTI and had just made a solid decision to do what it took to be more comfortable in my skin, but your articles have solidified it by giving me a frame of understanding–a sort of “permission slip,” if you will–that I relish. Thank you.
Interesting point I’d love your take on–I’ve noticed that when I’m in that flow and really activating Fe, I fairly consistently test as ENFJ on the online MBTI tests. I’m curious if those tests are set up to determine a type based on the dominant function and are then scoring my auxiliary Fe as my dominant function? (Similarly, a friend who is clearly INFP and has had a shift in recent years to be what you would describe as proud of her own quirkiness has started to test as ENFP.)
Interesting point I’d love your take on–I’ve noticed that when I’m in that flow and really activating Fe, I fairly consistently test as ENFJ on the online MBTI tests. I’m curious if those tests are set up to determine a type based on the dominant function and are then scoring my auxiliary Fe as my dominant function?
I’m not sure how those tests score things or are even consistent from test to test. Don’t know. I’d say if an INFJ is showing strong Fe expression, it would be no surprise that they would be more liable to test as an ENFJ. Those tests are not savvy enough to detect whether a function is dominant or auxiliary. I don’t think they work like that. I think they basically test for how strong a cognitive function or a component of the the cognitive function is and tally up for likely type that would fit those various strengths and deficits. Depends on the test too.
Like if you took a cognitive functions test and tested really high for Ni and Ti and relatively low for Se and Te, chances are that you are an INFJ. But, that is just based on a strength measurement (and also based on self-reporting).
How would a test determine if you had dominant Fe vs. auxiliary Fe? No test that I’m aware of is capable of that.
It would rely on rigorous definition of what the dominant and auxiliary positions are and how a cognitive function changes whether it is placed at the auxiliary or the dominant (or anywhere else for that matter). I think it would be harder to develop a test like that.
But, yes, it would be more accurate I’m sure. Basically, INFJs can test as ENFJs, INTJs, INFPs, INTPs, and ENFPs. Those are some of the commoner types I’ve seen INFJs test as, probaly roughly in order of occurrence. Like, it is more common for an INFJ to test as an INTJ or ENFJ than an ENFP… I think.
Does that answer your question?
Yeah–definitely. It helps me see how people get mis-typed and take the view that MBTI changes throughout life. I’m sure in my more science-y days, I could have typed as INTJ, and on my highly optimistic days as ENFP. But there is a core quality I can see in myself and others since reading your articles, and it’s easier to type people intuitively (which, I suppose, is what I’ve been doing all my life without putting letters, etc. to them anyway…).
Thanks again for the higher level discussion here. It’s nice to have a place to be honest about both the dark and the light aspects and to find helpful ideas for self-actualization.
Hi I am Nadine, I am an Astrologer as well as an INFJ as well as master number 33 born on All saints day with a twin brother and my moon is exalted in Taurus ..my chart is very heavenly influenced by mercury.
I just stumbled into this site or purposely was looking for exactly this, yet told myself stumbled.
Overall, magic has permeated my whole life and my mother was astoundingly wise and had immense foreknowledge of my destiny long before I would ever fathom a destiny for myself. She just died this year, yet her secrets are found out everyday through a life more lived out in pure magic. Faith practices daily grant me so I may survive through it . Utterly survive though it though faith alone. I’d love to be more involved in this site or blog.. I will look more into it
I’d love to be more involved in this site or blog..
Go to top menu of Stellar Maze and click Subscribe. This will take you to a page where you can become more involved in Stellar Maze.
Hope to see ya on the inside!
Sorry about your mum’s passing on. Hope it gets better! ⭐️⭐️⭐️
“The search for the perfect relationship, the perfect career, the perfect system will all be magically resolved into an unseen alembic of unknown etiology.”
I know I’m very late to this party, but could anyone expand on this? It’s really not clear to me how this will work. Does this mean not to focus on these issues at all? I have tried doing the morning pages for a good chunk of this year and don’t feel that much closer to resolving anything (especially career) or knowing how else to ‘use Fe.’
Hi Ali,
I saw your comment above as well. I don’t have too much time these days to write at length, but I sympathise with your complaints. First of all, it’s important to check whether you are indeed an INFJ or not, because that’s a common problem that occurs on Stellar Maze. But I will assume that you are indeed an INFJ.
If I have to be completely honest with everyone here, I personally don’t resonate with Blake’s over-focus on pleasure principles (I am an INFJ, btw). I also do not think tapping into the auxiliary function will magically make a person’s problems go away. I don’t even think Blake necessarily thinks that’d be the case, but it may come across like that to others. Perhaps a more accurate way to look at it is that the auxiliary function is the path towards “wholeness” or integration of the inferior, neither of which equates to all problems disappearing or finding the right career.
I’d say first of all, the impression I get from you is that you are worried about your career or something, and that you are trying to tap into your Fe auxiliary to solve your career issues. However, Fe is all about “flowing and willing not to know.” So one of the first things to let go of is to stop worrying about the end goal – career. So to answer your question, yes, the quote above is suggesting not to focus on the “perfect relationship/career/system” and to just flow.
In general, Fe is a nonlinear way to express yourself, unlike Te – whichever form it takes. In fact, Fe might manifest itself as a long-term, meandering process, smelling the roses here and there, networking with various people not just out of duty but just by chance or sheer enjoyment for the sake of it – this sort of shit. And actually, this sort of long-term Fe meandering is probably a good way to eventually find that right career. “It will come to you by ATTRACTION rather than you actively pursuing it,” is the sense I’m getting from Blake.
(BTW, I am not saying this would be the exact approach I’d personally take to every single scenario. In fact, I have mixed feeling about it, which I’ll expand on in the following comment. What I’ve written above is only my answer based on my understanding of Blake’s articles.)
Second, Morning Pages may simply just not work for you and that’s OK. Perhaps writing is not the right mode for your Fe auxiliary, or maybe you’d need to write things of a different nature or format. Furthermore, there are other outlets too besides writing. Maybe you need to talk to people in person or you need to perform and use your body. Maybe it’s music.
All in all, every INFJ is different, due to parental/cultural conditioning, subtypes, and astrological influences. Thus, INFJs will differ in what would be their most preferred Fe outlet, and it’s up to you to find it.
(continuing in next comment…)
Thanks Schlopadoo for responding to my comments. As for whether I’m an INFJ or not, I still have some nagging doubts about the validity of the MBTI classifications, but have spent an exhausting amount of time trying to figure out my type and I’m as close to sure as I can be (assuming this typing system has any validity) to “my type” being INFJ. I embarked on this exhaustive search because even taking the official MBTI test was inconclusive – my official result was two types, followed closely by a third! One of the two types happened to be INFJ.
I think I may be starting to get the hang of this Fe thing and how the morning pages fit in, but it’s just a guess on my part. At least for me, based on what I’ve read in some of the articles on this site, the morning pages may be helping “drain off” some pent-up Fi more than anything else, for the moment. I can see Fe being liberating in not hiding and staying in the shadows so much with potentially unpopular opinions, self-expression, etc., and caring less about judgment from others.
I do think that Blake has repeatedly and explicitly framed Fe as being the key to solving all of an INFJ’s problems in several articles, so that is how his opinion on this point presents to readers like me, which is all the more reason why I was really eager to understand how to engage Fe and test it out for myself to see if it holds true.
Oh no, don’t get me started on the “validity” of MBTI classification or any given MBTI typing system. MBTI types and cognitive functions are simply a set of constructs defined by a given subject. They do not pinpoint to material entities and thus cannot be “validated” or “defended” from an objectivist point of view. So when I brought up the point of you checking whether you are “indeed an INFJ,” what I really meant was whether you were INFJ by the Stellar Maze typing system rather than via online tests. This doesn’t mean that the SM way is “more valid,” it’s just that INFJ in SM could mean something different from “INFJ” in the tests you took. I guess if you find resonance with Blake’s INFJ articles, then you are likely to be some sort of INFJ.
And yes, I’ve realised that Blake tends to use phrases like “Fe solves ALL of an INFJ’s problems,” but it’s probably best not to take it literally. I think he’s overemphasising to make a point. Furthermore, only recently has Blake introduced subtypes which add some layers of complexity to one’s quest towards individual fulfilment. There is the sun type (the main type) and then the moon and rising type. The main/sun type is most important, but there has been quite a few INFJ moon subtypes resonating with the INFJ articles despite not being an INFJ as their main type.
I did bear in mind to elaborate on my response further, but I’ve been busy! Anyways, here is what I was planning to say: I would encourage you to keep trying to use Fe and see how it holds, as you’ve said. It’s a good attitude to take, but I wouldn’t put all my chips in it. Fe might be the path to actualisation of one’s “essence,” but every person on this earth is a Homo sapien that has Homo sapien needs. Shit like basic self care is kind of fucking important, too. And I’d say an INFJ who hasn’t got his/her shit together in that respect is not going to get too far no matter how much he/she “channels Fe.
I also happen to think discipline is pretty fucking important, too. And this is where I disagree substantially with Blake’s advice for INFJs in this website. He encourages Te minimums, but I find them too minimal for my taste. His insistence on doing what comes “natural” and acting on instinct doesn’t really work for me or mesh with my overall nature. I find this advice too general and lacking in structure to be helpful in a concrete sense – at least to me. And yes, I am an INFJ but with an INTJ moon subtype and strong Saturnian influence in my chart. So I have stronger Te needs and feel satisfaction when I achieve mastery. Attention to form and technique whilst incorporating the Fe function feels cleansing to me. Same with being focused. Overall, I need some sort of pressurising force behind Fe, which is why Morning Pages does not work for me. There is also an issue of one trying to “Morning Page” one’s Fi – this certainly makes things worse for me and leads to blockage, again likely due to an INTJ subtype influence.
When you find the right Fe outlet it should feel GOOD and you will just know it when it does. Morning Pages might be a suboptimal solution for the time being, as right now I’m getting the feeling that you feel a bit “ehh” about it. It might take time to find the right modes of expression.
(…continued in next post)
I just think it’s important to stress the fact that one will never feel awesome/great every single day. It’s normal to feel stuck or blocked. It’s normal to experience crises, too. And it may take years until one finally gains understanding and fulfilment after a long while of what seems like endless torture. And sometimes you might get into something that you don’t feel too much of an attraction to, only to discover passion for it as you become familiar with the trade. Or maybe it leads you onto other divergent paths that you enjoy. Perhaps it is the meeting of a specific person that becomes a turning point in your life. Sometimes we really want to control life, especially via typology or how-to-mange-life systems, but can we really? Only up to a certain point. And life is too complicated to be solved by a simple solution: “Just Fe!” ….No.
As if Fe auxiliary is going to stop fights about who cleans the toilet, workplace snakes trying to shortcut you, sudden financial crises, or other sources of unhappiness that could/needs to be directly addressed via other functions/actions. Psychic blockages/illnesses, too, are not guaranteed to be fixed via Fe either – maybe only minorly alleviated. What, so like all these great INFJ artists were happy? Shit, many of them were miserable and messed up like hell, but they turned suffering into beauty and made something of it at least. Art might have alleviated their suffering only a little.
So overall, I’d suggest to take that Fe advice with a pinch of salt. I do think INFJs should find the right Fe outlet for them and use it to their advantage in the world when appropriate, but to think of their Fe auxiliary as the solution to ALL problems is rubbish. Furthermore, doing what comes more “natural” to oneself is important but can be very misleading. I think it’s good to keep the “Pleasure Principle” in mind and refer back to at times, but I don’t think it’s helpful or practical to strictly follow it at all times. Sometimes, a pressurising force is required for true actualisation, a force greater than the Te minimums suggested by Blake. This is just what I think based on my personal experience – maybe you’d resonate with me, too.