ENFJs are god’s gift to women. If they are a woman, then they are god’s gift to themselves. These are the intense devil lovers that momma warned you about. They will seek you inexorably and make you howl for their love. Bad boys. Born on the wrong side of the track boys.
Don’t fuck with an ENFJ unless you want to be laying face down in a ditch in an anonymous grave outside of town. Due to their dominant extraverted feeling and inferior introverted thinking, they don’t know where the golden middle lies. You are either their family or their enemy. And they have what it takes to make their enemies pay.
If you are one of the ones they see as family then they basically own you and you better do what they say, or insinuate, or you’ll be lunch meat.
The men treat the women they make theirs like she belongs to his soul. You better not mess around, mess around. Remember Stanley from the movie, A Streetcar Named Desire? That is ENFJ man for you. Especially, if he has an Aries Sun and Moon as well. Cavemen.
There are two types of ENFJs. The one I’m describing herein would be what I call an enneagram type 8 ENFJ. The other type of ENFJ is an enneagram type 3. These two versions of ENFJ are considerably different from each so make sure you read up on the enneagram type 3 ENFJ as well.
Back to the beast. The ENFJ type falling at point 8 on the enneagram is crazy, dangerous, and id-like monster. And this is quite positive for them. They are supposed to be this way. They are in touch with the dark impulses of man and woman. They want gratification of their base impulses and they are good at seeking out the avenues for the attainment of these desires.
Don’t get me wrong. A good many of them are dedicated to world-evolutionary missions and all that but as people and personalities they tend to be hard to take for the common run of man, especially ISTJs, who hate them for being such pigs and amoralists. But, the thing is that ENFJs transcend conventional morality in a way, and often, by reveling in sensual and cathartic experience, save humanity from mediocrity.
Many ENFJs are astonishing for the absolute energy and dedication they put into their careers. ENFJs are artists essentially. They are best at acting and directing. Some are also painters and composers. Anything where they can invest their emotional and penetrating energy to reveal the darkness of human nature. The human condition is their battleground and they don’t fuck around here. If they do something, it is epic, grandiose, huge, overarching, floor-flushing, and heartaching. Suffering and catharsis. Apocalypse Now. That type of thing.
Men obviously have an easier time being ENFJs. For women it is generally less acceptable for them to go running around being naughty and base primal witches. I also don’t know of nearly as many women that are this type that are famous but that could be my ignorance. Many famous men in the entertainment industry are ENFJ types: Marlon Brando, Javier Bardem, Michael Madsen, Elvis. Dark and sexual, sometimes charming, sometimes murderous, but usually bad boys. Charisma is their keyword.
ENFJs often communicate nonverbally and enjoy putting people at disease by employing threatening body postures and insinuating and inferential language. They rule others by a kind of binding and scary silence. It is what they don’t say that is often terrifying just as in horror movies where the scariest monsters are often the ones you can’t see fully, but just in glimpses where your imagination fills in the rest of the picture. Watch actor/director Vincent Gallo in the movie, Buffalo ’66, for a little schooling in this side of the ENFJ. Marlon Brando, who is widely considered to be one of the greatest and most influential film actors of all time, demonstrates this side of ENFJ in many of his movies. He made a career out of what he didn’t say and the way he said things. Last Tango in Paris is a great movie to watch an ENFJ in ruins. It has all the ENFJ trademarks; sexual beast, tortured soul, a lot of nonverbal and interesting visual moments, most of which are sexual, and did I mention sex. Yes, ENFJs are sex. Pornographic beasts. Not so much the physical act of sex exclusively, but the pornographic and obscene aspects of existence as a feeling creature in an increasingly mechanized and regimented world.
Want to hear something awesome about ENFJs? They are great at sex. No, just kidding. Well, no I’m not. But, they will stand up for marginalized peoples and causes. They will put themselves and their livelihoods on the line to help those who have been pushed into the corners by the machine or the man or whatever. Brando actually did this when he boycotted the 45th Academy Awards ceremony in protest for the way Native Americans were treated by the film industry.
O, and ENFJs have seen shit, monsters of experience that they are. They have seen into the heart of darkness. Some of them are forever rendered cynical by that and live nihilistically as a result. Others, decide to bounce back with such positivity and optimism and become the self-help gurus to end all other self-help gurus. Tony Robbins comes to mind. These ENFJs are likely to be superhumanly positive and resilient. The point 8 ENFJs are likely to become cynical, despairing and hard-hearted as a result of their brushes with the human condition. But, the point is that ENFJs have a lot of experience with many different people. Direct experience. This is where they differ from INFJs, for example, who more commonly use introjection to know the human condition. INFJs, being introverts, are “devouring” in the sense that Jung uses the term in his book, Psychological Types. ENFJs, being extroverts, are “prolific”, meaning they get around and have a plethora of real relationships. They roll through the mud of life. INFJs are more ivory tower by comparison.
ENFJs are monsters. Basically, anything they do you can say they are monsters of “fill in the blank.” They are monsters of love, monsters of experience, monsters of art. Look into this whole monster archetype because it is what ENFJs reveal in a rather profound way. They are not nice. But, they are not evil either. They more reveal evil through their pursuits. They are not afraid to explore the limits of the human condition.
And they are good at sex.
OMG I LOVE YOUR BLOG! I am obsessed with astrology and mbti (more well versed in mbti and jungian functions) but I love connecting the two topics. ENFJ Leo with an Aries moon, so watch out I’m pretty much a monster
An ENFJ with an Aries Moon? That is like having two Aries Moons. She-beast!
I think of Oprah as the typical ENFJ woman (ok, Oprah and my mother … which is why I was like “hey watch your mouth!” during this read 🙂 but yeah, they’re charisma incarnated)
a question: what enneagram types do ENFJ fall into and how do these distinctions further configure them? I’d say type 2 seems the most often
btw, it would be great if you wrote sth about enneagram (I had no clue of its existence until a few days ago, when I come across it in your blog)
lol that mother thing was funny >_<.
Not only are they charismatic, but (particularly in Oprah's case) they are relatable, invested in other people, and aware of other people (they can connect with almost any other type pretty easily). I would even say they have 'people smarts'
what is it like to be raised by an enfj female?
Luka told me that he sold his mother for a bar of chocolate when he was 3. So, he was raised by a bar of chocolate. And you know how that goes…
Well, suffice to say, his childhood was short and sweet.
Yum ^_^ I’m jealous
Yeah, pretty much.
O, and as for Oprah, I don’t think she is an ENFJ, for the simple reason that there is no way in hell she has auxiliary introverted intuition.
Some women that are ENFJ in my opinion are Anjelica Huston, Helena Bonham Carter, and the woman who began the whole New Age movement, with the publishing of her book, The Secret Doctrine, Helena Blavatsky.
O, how could I forget, Patti Smith, the punk-rock legend, is an ENFJ.
If you really want to understand enneatype 8 ENFJ women, check her and Anjelica Huston on Youtube. They’re badasses. And they will rock you’re motherfucking world. They are the type of chicks that more fit in with the sexual and visceral nature of this article I wrote. ENFJ women are dangerous and sexual in some way.
Oprah is definitely using Si auxiliary with Ne tertiary. She is ESFJ at enneatype 9 with an 8 wing, which is why some people might confuse her with an ENFJ.
I know Oprah is a strong and charismatic woman to some people. I personally don’t care for her. But, nonetheless I recognize that many recognize her as charismatic. And she is, but she does not have that hard-edged insight and danger that Ni always has.
There is also always something sexy about the Ni/Se axis and Oprah does not fit the bill on this at all. What you are seeing in her is ESxJ body type at type 9.
And yes, body type and the physical features one has are absolutely leading indicators to what one’s type is. I know many people think this is bullshit, but, that is their ignorance.
As a matter of fact, check out Meghan Levota’s comment that is right underneath this comment thread. Look at her gravatar. She has the ENFJ look. I knew right away when I looked at her gravatar that she was an ENFJ as she claimed to be. That’s how quick this whole business can be.
Oh my gosh, Now I’m really curious as to what I am! ah you have to help me.
I dunno Meghan looks cool and pretty and full of life.
I’m going to look up the body typing thing.. that’s kinda weird, but it sounds interesting.
I will help you. Just relax.
Are you talking about Dr. William Sheldon’s work? it sounds kinda general but… I dunno. My brother fits the bill for the muscular and intense type or really fit ‘competitive type’ whose assertive. My brother is awesome ^_^ … I think he’s def mesomorphic somatonia..
I’m not frail nor too heavy… I think I’m endomorphic but I dunno if I’m the Viscerotonia type
I have my own methods, so you can’t really go look it up somewhere. Isn’t that nice?
Why are you going so crazy over this? What in particular is so frustrating about not knowing your type? What do you think you would gain by knowing your type with some measure of certainty?
nice for you I guess… ^_^
Probably the same reason you like knowing your type or other people’s types. People are interesting and complex creatures. I just wanna know if I’m crazy or just… me
You’re not crazy. You are you. Are you having a bad day?
and then from there I think it would just be helpful
More like a bad week, but I don’t really want to talk about it. I’ll contact you when I have my thoughts together more. I just feel a bit frazzled and stressed, but its nothing big really lol I just have a test coming up and some other stuff going on. I’m fine though! Have a good one ^_^ I’ll talk to you soon.
That’s cool. Hang in there Tiff. I believe in you.
You’re the sweetest =) thank you. In-between you and the other people who care about me, how can I possibly not smile? See, I can’t even have a proper bad day because of you guys ^_^ I’m surprised you even knew. I hope you have a goodnight.
you’re probably right about Oprah.
“And yes, body type and the physical features one has are absolutely leading indicators to what one’s type is. I know many people think this is bullshit, but, that is their ignorance.”
I profess my ignorance, since I also because think it’s bullshit 🙂 however, I think that some bullshit may be more interesting than proven/serious/verifiable stuff 😉 so, I’m very intrigued to learn more about it
the chocolate bar deal lasted for about half an hour … the other two parties involved came to the joint conclusion that the verbal contract with which I exchanged my consent over parental oversight for a bar of chocolate was invalid due to my young age 🙂
“what is it like to be raised by an enfj female?”
in short: good. for someone with a tertiary Fe it’s very good, as you’re being thought Fe skills from early on. and I guess, in a very different way as with an ESFJ mother. she was more didactic in that sense, always respectful of other people’s spaces of autonomy, careful not override the people close to her with her charisma.
I think it was the ideal family for an ENTP to grow up 🙂
Hey, despite their young age, three year olds know what they want ^_^ chocolate rules. That’s true though. I’m pretty sure my dad is ENFJ (or for sure I know he is E(something)FJ. He is also extremely respectful of people’s personal space.. Completely diligent and dependable. What are Fe skills?
The ability to comfort, allay, placate, bullshit, move, exhilarate, titillate, adumbrate, hyperbolize, tantalize, exorcise, emotionally support, harmonize, and most of all the ability to weave a web of words here, there, and everywhere. Those are the wonders of Fe.
Now, what you were describing Tiffy is more of an Si thing. Dependability, diligence, and respectfulness of space. When you combine Fe with Si you do get someone who is awfully supportive and nice. So, it depends if you combine Fe with the intuitive side of things, which = way out there use of language and expression, but it is certainly less responsible in this capacity.
When Fe is combined with Si you get a pretty grounded and sympathetic person. Someone who is nice and dependable. Like the archetypal Mom. Fe has those smoothing over powers of no mean order, such as when moms comfort their little babies when they have a boo-boo, or when she cooks a nice and savory meal, or when she draws you a perfectly soothing bath. All these behaviors are Fe with Si. They make great nurses and comforters of people in pain. Fe has the ability to calm and soothe people in pain. And, contrarily, it also has the ability to pep them up when they are down. Fe lends itself to an emotional flexibility that kicks out whatever emotional tone that the situation about it calls for.
Fe smoothes, harmonizes, uplifts, blends, soothes, calms but can also agitate, incite, amp up, drive to fever pitch, and so on and so forth. I would say that the more agitated side of Fe is usually seen in people that have it combined with intuition.
Fe is very flexible and sometimes like an odorless gas that cannot be detected. This ability comes most to the fore when it is in the auxiliary position such that ISFJ and INFJ have the widest and most flexible range of what they can do with Fe. They more use it than inhabit it. And so more than putting out anything in particular, can use it to conceal themselves so they go undetected. Fe in this position is the reason that many ISFJs and INFJs are hard to type. Check out Obama for this phenomenon. You will see a wide-range of typings for him, none of which are correct in my opinion. Master Fe usage he has to make people see in him whatever they want to see. Obama is an ISFJ, just for the record. No one seems to think so except for me. I have an article on Obama. So check it out if you like.
Fe doms will generally orient to Fe such that they inhabit a world of Fe rather than use it as such.
ENTPs also make extremely good use of Fe when they get in their silly mode. Which is really awesome to behold.
O, and how could I forget ESTPs. Fe in the tertiary is what makes them really good salesmen and women. Same with ENTP. Also, makes them great lawyers. Both these types can talk their way into or out of anything. Well, maybe not anything, but, you get the picture. Fe in the tertiary can be very slick and savvy.
I really like those motherly, dependable type of women. I get along best with them and they tend to like me a lot ^_^
that or confident, tomboyish women are really cool too. The ones who are articulate but not overly emotional– although able to express emotion very well. I dunno if that’s a type, but I’ve known a few women pretty intimately who are like that. Their personality tends to gravitate and cling unto me for some reason lol. My best friend in highschool was like that and she said she’s never had a relationship with another girl like she’s had with me (she mostly has guy friends, who she says can ‘tolerate’ her personality better) I love her though, she’s super cool. Seriously, she was supposed to be a dude and if she was one <3 love, but she's really pretty though.
What type of women do you like a lot?
k I will check out your article about Obama when I get a chance ^_^ I trust your opinion more than those big shots anyway
Obama article is in ISFJ section.
oh thank you for your reply btw, it was very interesting!
This site has famous ENFJ women..
http://www.celebritytypes.com/enfj.php
To name a few cool celebs, it would be Dakota Fanning, Emma Stone, and Jennifer Lawrence. Charming women who I find to also be very intelligent, confident and emotionally aware people. (especially judging from their acting skills, which I would rate as very good)
Request to write about INFJ + Enneagram! I am a 3w4 which apparently makes me a purple unicorn among purple unicorns.
Jesus, that sounds mighty appealing.
I think Don Draper of Mad Men is an ENFJ, especially with the spin you’ve put on the type here. Those I have known in real life had upbringings that oriented them towards accomplishment a d being good–so tamed more or less.
This is just so wrong. ENFJs men and women are usually nice. It looks like you are describing ESTPs.
How do you know it is wrong? How do you know that ENFJ people are nice? Based on what? Your statement in and of itself is insufficient as any kind of testimony to the opposite effect. If you want to be more effective, prove to me that ENFJs are nice people. If you do, I will believe you. Otherwise, your comment is just baseless hearsay. Back it up with something.
@voz: The nicer someone is outwardly, the darker and more sinister their insides tend to be . . . and vice versa.
Every time you see a person who is highly “put together” the first question you ought to be asking yourself is what, precisely, is going on behind the scenes that they feel the need to invest so much energy into their image.
ENFJ’s are like this. They put out so much light because they’re trying to distract everyone (including themselves) from the sucking black hole of darkness they experience inside.
I mean, that’s a little dramatic. But you get the picture I’m painting.
Maybe you meant this whole post to be a joke. But I’m going to assume you didn’t.
Your post is describing an unhealthy ENFJ. Most ENFJ’s manipulation is kept in check by their altruism and desire for social harmony. They are not subjective they are objective… aka they aren’t inwardly motivated, as your “You are either their family or their enemy” suggest, but instead seek the balance of feelings EXTERNALLY (they seek it in the objects – other people). The reason this is important to your theory, is this objective functioning seeks harmony of the GROUP not harmony of the self (that would be Fi, a subjective function). Here is why your premise is false, you don’t get group harmony from being an asshole or a bitch. Therefore an appropriately developed Fe is NOT going to find pleasure or purpose in hurting or controlling others. And honestly, even unhealthy ENFJs would have more tact than that. You are positing that Fe comes with a malicious intent behind it or a sadistic enjoyment in the pain and discomfort of others – which has nothing to do with MBTI. There isn’t a single MBTI or function or ANYTHING that comes pre-set with a disordered mental state like that. It’s not like all ENTJs are genocide driven and all ENFJs are sadistic psychopaths. There isn’t a bad or evil type. That’s a stupid thing to suggest.
Healthy ENFJs are a warm flame not a burning fire. You obviously either have a bone to pick and are out for blood with ENFJs or you were burned and now you’re bitter. It’s interesting though, you usually only see this kind of ignorant witch-hunt with ENTJs and INTJs because of their blunt nature. You see people rip into them as assholes and pricks. It’s strange to see someone channel that kind of bias towards and ENFJ, usually considered overly gentle, loving, happy, and pleasant, but it’s still just as wrong and inappropriate. ENFJs have their faults, but they’re hardly all ‘monsters’.
Wrong? Inappropriate? Sorry I must have missed the meeting on what is correct form for discussing Myers-Briggs types. As far as I’m concerned I can say whatever I want on the matter.
Now, onto this bullshit about ENFJs always being harmonious, warm flames. They aren’t. Do you agree with the typing of Brando as an ENFJ? If you do, then, it is hard to see how that “harmony of the group” thing fits. If you don’t think Brando is an ENFJ, name me off some people who you think are. We might be talking about apples and oranges. I have little way of determining if you are more or less on point, if you don’t tell me who you think are some exemplars of this type.
One reason that I have written about ENFJs in this way is because of the implications of having Ni in the auxiliary, two misunderstood things in my opinion. Ni is not soft or nice and the auxiliary position is the personality projection (not the dominant, which is an in-going, ego-orienting function). For example, I don’t think Oprah is an ENFJ as I see her commonly listed as.
All that being said, your tone is very rude and ignorant. Just because you think something different than me, doesn’t mean I am inappropriate and you are some righteous angel from heaven. Nothing you said here has PROVEN anything. You are just stating common beliefs in the MB community.
As for your claims that I am pathologizing this type (ENFJ), that is because you are an American who can’t handle the true awesomeness of the monster that ENFJ is. Get a clue. I meant it as a compliment and a perfectly healthy manifestation of the type. Your density indicates too much bubble-dwelling. The whole NF designation has become distorted. NF doesn’t mean harmony, idealism, higher feelings, the Apollonian lack of shadows, etc. It can. But, have you ever seen a someone of this type who has been frustrated in their idealisms of love and harmony, which many of them are? Put an E and a J in the type code. Put it at type 8 on the enneagram. It has all the makings of a fucking monster. How do you think monsters get to be that way?
Besides, monsters have all the requisite qualities for greatness. They have just been wounded and seen a lot of pain. Remember Brando as General Kurtz in the movie Apocalypse Now. As he lays dying he softly utters the phrase, “the horror, the horror”. Horror, atrocity, apocalypse. All things of type 8 ENFJs. In my interpretation and understanding of things like dominant and auxiliary functions and Fe and Ni. For example, where in the hell is Oprah showing any signs of Ni auxiliary? I see tertiary Ne, but not the intense projective aspect of Ni in the auxiliary.
So, that’s what I think and some of the why of it.
Stop telling me what is appropriate and correct. Because, in case you haven’t noticed I’m not Mrs. Manners. You sound like an idiot when you come to this site and start attempting to correct my tone.
Well, he got the sex part right, unless he’s talking about a severely pissed off ENFJ male. Of course I’m an enneagram 2. I don’t think I know any 8’s! Interesting, entertaining read, though.
If sugarcoated crap is what I wanted, I would have froot-loops for breakfast.
I don’t get why you feel offended or think you have stick up for enfjs or tell him he’s wrong, but your wrong.
You didn’t get it, the whole article, the point, the things he said but actually ment.
Obviously it wasn’t ment for you.
This article right here warmed my heart.
I relate to everything that is written here and I’m still a nice person. My friends trust me with their lives. I am the person they go to for advice, help or to ask if someone is lying. They tell me the things they can’t tell anyone else. Their darkest secrets. But I still get called the badbitch and intimidating.
It’s a vibe. Just like the sexual vibes, the dark and mysterious vibes are always there.
And it actually took me a long time to figure out how I came across. So don’t try to undermine something so beautiful. It’s raw and honest. Because honestly this is the best compliment I’ve had so far. You are so beautiful or talented doesn’t cut it 😉
Oh and you know what I don’t get, enfjs are so rare, yet everyone on the internet fucking knows one.
I think Blake has the ability to see very subtle nuisances most people miss. He lives in the fuzz most people don’t.
Perhaps. Perhaps not.
But …. I’ve always thought ENFJs were the ENTJ esque Taurus!
I love em. Close friends, had a relationship with one, sister is one (if I post her nick name here I’d get shit for it), students were ENFJs.
I now just motion a bow to them when they tell me to do something. Not ask, no. Tell.
I think it’s important to separate ourselves from our selves and be okay with what we see when we pick it all apart.
No comment on the ENFJ sex because I’m grumpy it wasn’t ENFJ sex with Marlon Brando circa On The Waterfront.
Mmm.
Now my ass has to stop reading your wonderful stuff. Alice fell down a rabbit hole while he aunt or whoever keeps shouting “you’ve got mounds of paperwork dummy!!”
I love this article. ENFJs are some of the most interesting people to me. One of my bosses was an ENFJ woman, maybe a type 3-ish. She started her own organization for the underprivileged and was the most charismatic person I’ve ever seen. “Powerhouse” was how I always thought of it but I like how you use “monster” here as well, in a positive way. Had a very bright and warm presentation, so then when she buckled down on anyone not doing what they were supposed to – all hell would break loose. You did not screw around with this woman. She would tear you a new one – then seek out your broken body and give you the most healing and invigorating pep talk. Everyone loved her to death.
I’m an INFJ and I get along with her really well, but I often wonder if I would have if I’d been around her a lot earlier in my life. I feel like ENFJs tend to have this sort of high-calibre, larger-than-life quality that can be sort of intimidating for constantly self-questioning INFJs. As if these looming and awesome people will SEEEEE all the dark and dirty nooks and crannies of your soul.
I also like what you said about “rolling through the mud of life”. It’s funny because ENFJs will do that naturally, and INFJs don’t, but it’s so good for them when they do, even if they can’t or won’t do it to an extent that ENFJs will. It really is the only way to get to know yourself very well. Throwing the goop of one’s hot watery personality against the various-textured walls of life experience (preferably for some “good cause”)and seeing what happens.
Decent article. I happen to know a bunch of ENFJ’s who seemed a lot more ‘edgy’ than what was said about the type online. Think you were spot on about this being type 8 than the usually described type 3.
However from my observations they are not as ‘perfect’ as you seem to have described them. The guy ENFJ i know while wildly popular with ladies is very ‘moody’ and IMO overdoes the ‘vices’. Not the most stable person around. Though he makes it up by being very very good with people.
The Women ENFJ i know is the bomb. Post her recent divorce, she seems to be coming into her ‘groove’ slowly and i am definately keeping an eye on evolution. Once she unleashes her concealed charisma she is definately gonna be hot property.
And yes combining with another ENFj, i know all seem to have a compulsive need to be ‘in’ a relationship.
Wow! I loved every bit of this raw, juicy read. Thank you. You should submit to Playboy, they’re going back to good writing and covering up good tits. I’m sure they’d dig your style, well at least little ole me does.
Anyway, I am an ENFJ apparently and most of it resonates with me. My fiancé is an ESTP. I didn’t see any articles on his type. I’d say from what I’ve read he is absolutely an ESTP! I love telling him about his type and he loves telling me to shut the F up already!!!! Lol. We are both Leo’s too…me 07/26 and he 08/10…so lots of passion and fun…oh and opinions. Could you write something on ESTP?
I noticed your intsrest in INFJ…my fiancés sister is that type. I sent her the link for your website today in case she wants to take a look.
We were both raised by ESTJ mothers…found this out the other night when I had them take the test, vino involved here. Both of our mothers are alpha women and it makes for good times. Lots of strong personalities in one room.
Thanks again for the great read on ENFJ. Off to feed the homeless then have sex. Peace.
WOW! It has some passionate quality. You are really awesome writer, it is both amusing, witty and exploring unseen depths and heights.
Also, I have request of some sort for you. There is that character of Commodus in Gladiator movie played by Joaquin Phoenix. Let’s say that he was impressive. I searched webs of internet for ways to find out what MBTI type Commodus was and some people saw him is ENFP other as ENFJ and all around he was considered difficult to type because, he was so very messed up. He could be something entirely different. What is your opinion on his personality?
I think Commodus (and Joaquin Phoenix) is ISFP. ISFPs are often in a position similar to Judas in the Bible. Betrayers of those close to them.
Also, note, that I don’t give a fuck what most things on the internet say regarding typology. Because, in my opinion, they are mostly wrong. Read my article on ISFP to get a flavor for how I see ISFP type. They are bullies and the bullied. As in Gladiator, ISFPs often lie in the shadow of some elder brother or someone. They are treated dismissively and so an underground resentment burns in them. Like, Commodus, they are the exact opposite of a type that is fit to rule (ENTJ). They are too personal and often resentful to rule objectively and without letting personal rancor come into the equation. They are not just rulers.
ISFPs from your article are… beautiful. Like really admirable and … I do not have right word for them. They are not saint and perfect and that is what makes them, yes, perfect. They are not lovely flowers like INFPs, they have thorns and can be poisonous and there is something, something… Something like wild animal, utterly theirs and special and there is nothing you can do about it, nowhere to meddle, just watch them in awe with perplexed amazed expression. I am trying to say that I liked it a lot and learnt unexpected things.
And now back to poor emperor’s son. Many times I compared your article and what I remember about him and said to myself “checked”, but that happens to me quite a lot, so… But there were moments when I was like “What?”. Commodus seemed rather extraverted to me, he loved to be in spotlight, for example when crowd appreciated him (before sympathies shifted to wronged Maximus). Also whining, there were moments that just came out as whiny. And caring about being understood, I remember scene, somewhen after meeting Maximus in Colloseum when he was sort of trying to explain to his sister, that his actions in Germania were justified. He seeks Lucilla’s understanding all the time.
Also I would like to ask how is it about ISFPs and selfdestructivity. I found deleted scene of execution where he casually walked in front of aimed arrows and then stood between those two unfortunate soldiers as they got shot. He was tempting fate so much… Do you know the scene or are you willing to watch it? Here is link… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_6oSjrpxBM
I can feel what you write viscerally when I imagine someone of my generation: Shia LaBeouf.
I am an ENFJ female who identifies as (Shakes)queer and who moonlights as the mythical Medusa. I’m also a Libra, for whatever that’s worth. I read this mostly for entertainment, but gained so much in doing so. I had a blast reading this. I am a writer and I appreciate entertaining (brilliant) writing, and you have a great thing going here. In terms of style and content. Great creative writing and awesome work. Memorable and hilarious and still educational. Charming monster. Seductive witch. Finally someone summed up the ENFJ personality in a way that I RELATE TO… So much fun. Do you ever write stories about when INTJ vulcans and ENFJ gorgons fall –madly– in love? Because if you ever do, I want to be the first to read it. 🙂 All best.
Um, that’s going to be a long line. I can tell.
@Hexmistress Jess: “Do you ever write stories about when INTJ vulcans and ENFJ gorgons fall –madly– in love? Because if you ever do, I want to be the first to read it.”
Oohhhhh, I think you just explained my marriage.
I mean, thank you, but . . . I have things to think about now. Gotta go.
How does this correlate with the fact that majority of enfj’s are 2’s?
http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2016/01/mbti-and-the-enneagram-2/15/
Same for infp’s which you insist are 9’s but are actually majority 4’s:
http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2016/01/mbti-and-the-enneagram-2/16/
??
How does this correlate with the fact that majority of enfj’s are 2’s?
Extraverted feeling is often inadequately defined to mean something along the lines of “group harmony”. I don’t think enneatype 2 is an adequately defined type. Same with enneatype 6.
Bottom-line is that statistics don’t mean much if the underlying definitions of what they are measuring are inadequately defined. For example, if you assign many of the traits of introverted feeling to extraverted feeling (that is part of what I see) and you assign many of the traits of extraverted feeling to enneatype 2, then, it won’t be any surprise if many Fe type people test as type 2 on the enneagram. You have only discovered your own definition and call it some big finding.
Same for infp’s which you insist are 9’s but are actually majority 4’s:
Many INFPs mistest as INFJs and vice-versa. Also, there is more glamour in the type 4 description and so knowing human nature and self-reporting, I wouldn’t be surprised if INFPs test in that area. I have talked to many INFPs that identify as INFJ. Except, they are wrong. How do I know this? By my definitions of the functions, the function positions, and by extension, the full-scale types. Heidi Priebe herself mentions this in the INFJ section for enneagram correlation – that many IxFPs misidentify as INFJs. I agree. That has been my experience as well.
@blake: “Extraverted feeling is often inadequately defined to mean something along the lines of “group harmony”. ”
Agreed. People often miss the shadow sides of the functions. I mean, yes, Fe is totally about harmony, and they do tend to be explicitly about unity, but people forget that there’s more than one way to skin the cat.
You know who Fe types NEVER have to argue with? Corpses, and mirrors, and other things which offer no resistance to their will to power. The Fe motto ought to be “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way, but either way I am making YOU into ME.”
I’m an ENFJ Sagittarius Woman with a Leo rising and Leo moon. This is a super ambitious combination when it comes to motivating others.
Blake, this article is really spot on. I recently met and spent quite a bit of time with two ENFJs, bringing my tally of those I’ve gotten to know pretty well up to 4, and it brought me back to re-read this.
One had been physically abused by her father at a young age. Until one day, she turned around started abusing him.
One thing that has intrigued me about them is that while they are highly extroverted (in the way that you say “ENFJs have a lot of experience with many different people. Direct experience…. ENFJs, being extroverts, are “prolific”, meaning they get around and have a plethora of real relationships. They roll through the mud of life,”) they also seem to be loners, not desiring? or not feeling comfortable with? the intimacy of a stable partner, family, etc. I would say this is quite different than INFJs also, as they will often really want such things.
I noticed also (at least in these 4) a tendency to repress their emotions, but with a different flavor than INFJ-style repression. It seems like the being out there with lots of people and the sex and the other sensual pleasures are a regular distraction from feeling their pain.
Do you feel ENFJs are more likely to heavily use substances and develop addictions than other personality types? I recognize any personality experiencing pain can have tendencies to this, but in the ENFJs I’ve met, there’s been a… “monster” quality to the substance use and resulting addictions.
@C-Otter
I don’t know if it is part of a pattern for enfjs but I know one who gives the impression for a split second of feeling darkly aware of being ? hungry and smooth ? then just diverts to strong performance, deflecting where the conversation can go. It gives the impression like she grew up either never truly being listened to or was rewarded for having personality. Or something. It also looks anxious.
Um…. I’m an ENFJ and I don’t feel that way at all. That was a LITTLE extreme there…
Which parts? Let’s exchange ideas. 🙂
RE:
“Don’t fuck with an ENFJ unless you want to be laying face down in a ditch in an anonymous grave outside of town. Due to their dominant extraverted feeling and inferior introverted thinking, they don’t know where the golden middle lies. You are either their family or their enemy. And they have what it takes to make their enemies pay.
If you are one of the ones they see as family then they basically own you and you better do what they say, or insinuate, or you’ll be lunch meat.”
Wow, this articulates so much of my fear of my dad. How does an adult child of an ENFJ distance their own family and live their own life without ending up in a ditch?
~ INFP(J) Daughter
This is just a thought:
I have the strangest feeling that you wrote this in the heat of a moment while you were upset at somebody. This is false. Want proof? First, there are actually more women than men ENFJs. That is a FACT. Do you expect us to believe this blog if you got that basic and true fact WRONG? I am an ENFJ. But guess what??? NONE OF THAT FITS ME! You say something good about us, but then pervert it and make us look terrible! None of the ENFJs I know take on ANYTHING “where they can invest their emotional and penetrating energy to reveal the darkness of human nature.” IN FACT THAT IS QUITE THE OPPOSITE!!!! We want to show the world how GOOD it is! People are amazing, they have a light! And we believe it is our responsibility to help bring that light forth and let it shine from others! Other websites, blogs, and articles say that we like to see ourselves as heroes. And it is for that reason. Do you know why we are so good at directing and acting at the same time?! We KNOW the spirit of how things are supposed to look, how they should be; the true heart of any activity. We see good, and want to bring it out. I will not stand by and let false evidence ruin a portrait of a fellow ENFJ. What was it you said? How it is black and white, you are our family or enemy? Well guess what–that is false. I will never see you as an enemy. It is what you say and what you do upsets me, and I won’t fight it necessarily–I will defend THE HONOR AND INTEGRITY OF MY FELLOW MEN AND WOMEN. Yes, you could take this personally, because you said these things. This is really offensive! How dare you call somebody else a monster! Oh yes, we can appear this way, but ONLY IF WE SEE ONE PERSON BULLYING ANOTHER!! I certainly feel like a monster right now, and I dearly hope this does not ruin anybody’s thoughts about their fellow brethren. Watch your back, we ENFJs LOVE people so much that if one hurts another we will NOT hold back. Oh yes, you probably wrote this because in the heat of the moment, you bullied another person and an oh so “EVIL” ENFJ took the other person’s side and helped defend them against the real monster.
So yes, of course something like this will make an ENFJ “mad, bad, and dangerous to know”.
Wow, I can really feel that love you were talking about.
Oh yes, you probably wrote this because in the heat of the moment, you bullied another person and an oh so “EVIL” ENFJ took the other person’s side and helped defend them against the real monster.
Get a grip, dude.
After reading this as well as Blake’s comments in forums, it’s obvious that he’s an INFJ who is secretly jealous of ENFJs. He has intuition and feeling, but is too scared to connect and is now envious of successful ENFJs. Most INFJs and ENFJs really get along with each other, but there are a handful of INFJ males who are so bitter about the attention ENFJs receive while they sit in the dark, fantasizing about ways to get revenge on ENFJs who don’t know who these INFJs are and, if they had known them, would want to help them overcome their social anxiety and fears. Adolf Hitler and Ted Bundy are famous INFJs who had enough charm to lure victim to their sides, but were clear introverts who knew how to plot in the dark.
After reading this as well as Blake’s comments in forums, it’s obvious that he’s an INFJ who is secretly jealous of ENFJs.
Dude, c’mon, you’re not that stupid, are you??
He has intuition and feeling, but is too scared to connect and is now envious of successful ENFJs.
Where do you see this fear and envy that I supposedly have? I mean, towards ENFJs?
Most INFJs and ENFJs really get along with each other, but there are a handful of INFJ males who are so bitter about the attention ENFJs receive while they sit in the dark, fantasizing about ways to get revenge on ENFJs who don’t know who these INFJs are
Wow, really??
OK, first off, I’ve heard that about INFJs too, that I’m bitter at some INFJ woman that I had a personal relationship with, which is why I wrote all those nasty INFJ articles.
Now I’m bitter at ENFJs?
My first impulse is to trash comments such as yours on the grounds of idiocy (actually my first impulse is to react in anger at being misunderstood).
Anyway, here I am responding to another idiotic interpretation of my motives for writing these articles.
Which makes me feel idiotic because I know that arguing with fools is futile and a waste of energy.
In general, I admire ENFJ as a type. Saying that I’m envious, bitter, and especially, plotting in the dark against them is such twisted, distorted logic that I don’t even know how to respond.
Inferior Ti? I dunno.
Look Dave, that was a way off-base comment you just made. Do you feel any responsibility on your end for making such erroneous statements?
Most people that make such comments never respond back to me after I respond to them. How’s that for cowardice?
The reason I don’t trash these comments that seem to add nothing but a skewed interpretation of my motives is because I hope that the pussy that posted it will have the courage of their convictions and enter into a dialogue with me. That way, maybe something productive will come of their comment, a chance to learn something, perhaps, for both parties.
I may plot in the dark because I like plotting and I like the dark. But against ENFJ, not at all.
Also, I’m not at all as disconnected as you seem to think I am. You sound like that though.
I connect with people all the motherfucking time, my little friend.
Anyway, let’s hear your elucidating insights into why I’m fearful, envious, and bitter of ENFJs. I really hope you will fill me in on this.
If you’re not a total pussy, maybe you’ll respond.
Oh my it must be weird to get so many triggered comments. Lol. I can see why it keeps happening but sometimes it seems just so weird and funny. Infjs and infps are usually the ones but I guess enfjs can join the club. Lol.
First off, I’m sorry for the longest post ever. But here goes.
I am an INFJ female who has been with an ENFJ male for about a decade. He is an ENFJ type 9 with an 8 wing and a 1 wing. I am an INFJ type 8 with a 7 wing and a 9 wing.
No matter what I do, the ENFJ I have tried so hard to be with will attack me (in the form of extreme gaslighting and covert passive aggressive narcissistic abuse) if I tell him that something he did or said hurt my feelings. If I say that something he did or said hurt my feelings, he will go above and beyond to deny that he ever said anything wrong at all. He gaslights me for hours and hours and hours on end. When he’s done, he’ll say anything he needs to say to get back to me, only to do it all over again, and he has no remorse. He is fully convinced that he is the victim and every time I freak out and lash out at him as a response, he uses it as all the more reason to justify his infinite and consistent abuse campaign on me (at least once about every 6 weeks).
In addition to stripping me of my right to have negative feelings about anything that he says or does, he pulls the rug out from underneath me and blindsights me with an unwarranted covert attack anytime he is having a bad day or anytime that he feels envious of my success, and my success doesn’t even have to be financial success – one time I wrote 24 songs in a 2-3 hour period with the lyrics, melody, arrangement, and all, and it triggered nothing but misery inside of him (and literally no one but him even so much as heard the damn music). I also happen to be extremely creative as an entrepreneur, and even when I create ideas that help both of us, he is always out to get me. He’s like a bully who wants to make me feel small, even when what I am doing helps him too.
I am also a huge fan of Blake because in my opinion, the articles about INFJ women are the only way to get through to INFJ women (with exceptions of course) – we are very good at detecting the worse case scenario, and personally, I believe that if you don’t face the worse case scenario of any given situation, then it’s really hard to motivate anyone to change, so I also feel that way about myself too.
That is not to say that I can just flat out accept that I am doomed to never love or that I am not good for anything more than a 3-4 month fling – that part hurts me a lot but I get it – I do get it. 🙁 I also have taken full responsibility for the part I played in my broken romance, but the thing is that I have been trying to make this ENFJ love me for almost a decade, and his narcissism makes it impossible. I have blamed myself countless times for it and I have downplayed what he has been doing to me. many times over But now that it’s been so long, and now that I’ve literally explored all of the infinite possibilities and more, I just can’t deny it anymore.
To illustrate what I mean, here is an example: recently in an attempt to save my broken relationship, I told my ENFJ that all of my avant guarde dark river trip musical ideas (the 24 songs that I wrote quickly) are a tar swamp that I will sink to the bottom of if I don’t turn my big musical picture into a reality (like Blake said, and he’s right). I have a hard time creating the structure that I already built though because I am too logical and I am too driven to make it commercial (which destroys the project because it is designed to have a ton of different tempos and be avant guarde – otherwise, I can’t exactly claim that I actually made it). Months later, I still have a problem with making everything commercial and I still have not succumbed to actually creating what I designed in the way that it was supposed to be created. Instead, I have been transforming each one into a pop commercial “smash” and while it’s coming out pretty awesome, it’s really messing with my head. I am technically creating It on one level, but the real essence of it is completely getting lost within the commercialization that I am inflicting upon it.
So recently I told my ENFJ that I’m having trouble actually doing it. I also already begged him multiple times to please please help me do it because I have a hard time finding a reason to actually do it and I’m still not doing it, and our relationship has been on the rocks from day one so he was supposed to show me that he really did care this time by helping me out with simple things like this (he was insulting me from day one and we’ve had a boomerang relationship ever since, and we’re on our last ditch attempt here). Instead of helping me though (like he passionately promised he would), he nonchalantly kept pushing the commercial stuff like it wasn’t a big deal. So I told him it felt like a bullet in my chest to hear him devalue my request for his support. After all we have been through, he was supposed to undertand that he was already made highly aware that the only reason I felt like it was important was because I blamed myself for our horrible relationship, and I thought that getting out of my own tar swamp would fix us because it would fix my brain and I blamed myself for everything.
When I told him about the bullet in my chest feeling that I was feeling, he very sheepishly and half heartedly gave me a tiny droplet of support, but it was nowhere near the level of support he knew that I needed. So the next day I told him that it hurt my feelings and instead of validating me and reaffirming that he was still committed to supporting me in this way, he told me it never happened. He makes me out to be some kind of liar when I never lie to him, ever. For hours and hours he gaslighted me and denied me even the right to have a sad feeling about something he did or said, even though it wasn’t even that big of a deal at first. He just claimed that he never said any such thing and even when he finally “remembered it (he claims he “forgot”), he still continued to say that I’m making it up and it has destroyed me.
So as much as INFJs and ENFJs get along – my god has this experience with him hurt me. He has no ability to be rational and he has abused me in this way for almost a decade (by denying the existence of any wrong doing on his part in any capacity via excessive gaslighting – he calls me the liar when I don’t lie to him and he is the only one that lies).
And he is not even an 8 predominantly.
I admit that I retaliated back at him many times like a scorpion, just like Blake said. But I have worked so hard to overcome my own problems and I have gone above and beyond to try and compromise with him, and he still does it.
So while I’m sure there are healthy ENFJs out there who know how to be good to the ones they love, unfortunately I can confirm as an INFJ female that no matter what I do, when push comes to shove, my ENFJ will tell me that I am a liar who made it up, that it never happened, and he will strip me of my right to have a single negative feeling about anything he says or does. He will then turn around and say that he would do anything for me and that he loves me more than he could love anything. But when a moment comes along where he could show me that he loves me, he always chooses to do the opposite, every time, like clockwork. Then, to add insult to injury, he claims that I’m lying and that it never even happened to begin with, and he acts like a victim. He has succeeded in guilt tripping me back to him many times over too, but it’s become impossible to deny it anymore. 🙁
He has broken my heart so many times, I don’t even know if it’s possible for my heart to break anymore. And I know that it’s finally time for me to be strong and stop trying to fix a person that never truly cared to actually love me for real (and not just conditionally, intermittently, and under the terms that I must not say a single negative word about anything that he ever say for does). For that reason, maybe Blake is right. Maybe I am doomed to never be loved. And it freaking sucks. 🙁 And yes, this is a sob story, but as an INFJ I have to express it somewhere, and I wanted to stand up for Blake too. Blake is one of the most spot on intuitives out there and his insight is changing the world for the better.
Is Milo Yiannopoulos E3 or E8 in your view?
I can see how he’s got the pretty beauty but he definitely plays contrarian bad boy and goes down the lone road so is that close to E8 or not even? (is he enfj in your view)
and hi Blake:)
Is Milo Yiannopoulos E3 or E8 in your view?
Neither, he’s INFJ with likely E8 ENTJ rising. Same as Rum Dawg (I’ll let you break that on the forum).
Other people that have this mix are Nietzsche, Jordan Peterson, and Alan Rickman (played Hans Gruber in Die Hard, the best and most classiest villain ever). Loki from Thor movie, and likely the actor who plays him, too.
E3 ENFJs that have E8 ENTJ rising, for comparison, would be Chef Gordon Ramsay of Hell’s Kitchen fame and Katie Hopkins.
I’d say ENTJ is the most willing to offend people of all the types, especially if it’s in an out-front position as it is when rising subtype.
INFJ with ENTJ gives a kind of devastating and sophisticated air. Withering comments. Like, bam.
RumDawg is definitely all BAM. I can’t see RumDawg so nothing can truly seem right wrong there for me. But Milo? I’m shocked! Haha
Also, infj is going to go down as the most fascinating personality type period if Milo is infj. Just because the range is wack!
i am a enfj sagittarius with pisces moon and capricorn ascendant… what does it mean?? what kind of monster am i?
One that had a difficult childhood.
Blake what’s ur mbti type?
IMFU
What about male Enfj with 9w1 Infp female? Would they end up in flames?
It seems sorta like little red riding hood and the big bad wolf.
Or a Disney princess with the Devil.
Perhaps I’ll defer to Nur…
As much as I’d like to protest against the Disney comparison, I must admit it is indeed a “Beauty and the Beast” type of story.
“In flames” is exactly how they’ll end up. In hell. But before that, there could be heaven.
I’ll be back with more. What exactly do you want to know, Shala? I’m a 9w1 INFP woman who recently got out of a long-term relationship with an E8 ENFJ man.
Hi thank you for replying. I’ve recently met an Enfj man and he’s interested. I don’t know his enneagram type but he said he’s super extroverted. I’m not sure if I should continue even though he seems persistent. I like to give others a chance before writing them off. Online everyone seems to think Infp and Enfj are an ideal match. However, this is the first time I’ve read something negative about Enfj and I’m confused. What are the bad things that can happen and can an Enfj really fall in love with an Infp or find us boring.
Ideal match? Huh.
@Shala
Ideal match or not, it all depends on what you’re looking for. If you want intense, passionate love, ENFJ is the man. If stability is what you’re after, you may want to walk away. If he’s an E3, the worst thing that can happen is probably cheating. But then again, that could happen with many other types.
If he’s an E8, now that’s a different story… you may not want to stick around long enough to find out what they’re capable of. There’s also the risk of wanting to save him when in fact it’s you who will need saving.
However, I’m not sure an E8 ENFJ would describe themselves as “super extroverted”, though I guess it’s not impossible. But my gut tells me that if your guy were an E8 you wouldn’t be here asking questions… 😉
Will he find you boring? Will you find him crazy? Is their love real? Only one way to find out and, if you ask me, resistance is futile.
I want stability, the kind that gets deeper with time but is gentle and nurturing in nature. I’m not into roller coaster rides or high excitement experiences. I prefer something that will be sustainable.
Intense passionate love is also kind of scary.
How do I find out if he’s E3 or E8 without directly asking him? Are E3 too narcissistic and is that why they cheat and do they just want validation all day?
What exactly are E8 capable of? If Enfjs are always looking for the ”One” then in what sense are they poor lovers since they seem quite romantic.
Lastly, if not an Enfj then which type will best suit a 9w1 Infp? Thanks!
**How do I find out if he’s E3 or E8 without directly asking him?**
I’m not sure you’d find out by asking him. The best way is probably to study the differences between the two based on the articles and examples provided on this site and forum. Or ask Blake.
** Are E3 too narcissistic and is that why they cheat (…) If Enfjs are always looking for the ”One” then in what sense are they poor lovers since they seem quite romantic.**
Poor lovers they most definitely are not. But, they are not stable lovers, that’s for sure. Fe wants to spread the love, while Fi wants to contain it. ENFJs will want to break free and keep searching for that “one”, even when no one can ever be enough.
**What exactly are E8 capable of? **
Think crime of passion. The consequences of having tertiary Se with auxiliary Ni. Violence, drugs, sex, excesses, impulsiveness, power games. An E8 ENFJ out of control is like a raging bull destroying everything in its path.
**If not an Enfj then which type will best suit a 9w1 Infp?**
As I said before, it depends on what you’re looking for. I’m a 9w1 INFP, but I can’t say that I relate to what you described above. Type isn’t everything. Or at least not just the main type, and you might also want to take into account subtypes, astrology, upbringing, personal values etc. I don’t think there’s a single answer to your question. Or maybe that’s not the right question. In any case, you can hang out around here for a little longer and you might find your answers. 😊
Thanks! I have a lot to think about. Maybe I should choose an introvert as a partner.
What is your take on an ENFJ woman with enneagram 8 and a Scorpio sun sign?
1. double-take
2. take her out
Thoughts on a female ENFJ E8 Wing 7 Sagittarius sun, Leo moon, Capricorn rising?
You write that ENFJ are dangerous? You should rather get healthy distance from even the more dangerous: Toxic ENTJs. They‘re free of Empathy, full of psychopathic hate and hungry for power and dominance. A ENFJ would be crushed by a toxic ENTJ.