Do you want to know the supreme irony?
INFJs could rule the world.
Yes, that’s right, they sure could. They have every capacity to do so. They could be the philosopher kings that the Greeks talked about. And they would be good and just rulers, while also being supremely knowledgeable of all things.
So, what stops INFJs from being the fittest rulers of the world?
Extraverted sensation. Supreme irony. And actually extraverted sensation is the least ironic thing around. Another irony. O, irony of ironies, all is irony.
The Now. This Moment. All is possible if we begin now. We can be on our way right now to the land of fulfilment of our unseemly and unwieldy dreams. All that is required for an INFJ is to act on what they know. Their knowledge is perfect. And they could ascend into their rightful place as the fittest rulers of this blue-green world of ours.
But, pause…
Wait a minute. What if…?
And the kingdom is lost.
It is that simple and it is that total, this total loss of power. And all for want of a little NOW in the proceedings.
You see, extraverted sensation is not at all difficult to understand, which is why it is so utterly perplexing to INFJ.
It is just this moment. What you see around you. Everything you know now. Everything you can do now. Not the future knowing. Not the future capabilities. NO. What you can do now. What you know now.
As it turns out INFJs pretty much know everything from the very get go. They start out with an ungodly knowledge of how it all works. Human nature, politics, religion, philosophy. I mean, they can go relearn those things in school, but they already know. The problem is that they don’t know that they know. And they are inexperienced.
Experience. Another extraverted sensation concept. But, INFJs don’t really need experience the way an extraverted sensation type person does. It ain’t their shtick.
To an INFJ or INTJ it is all accomplished. It has already been done. They have seen it all many times in their mind’s eye. And so what is left to do?
Doing. Hmm, very difficult. Does not compute. It will all come to pass thinks the Ni dominant mind. I have already lived through all these things. In the end it will all come to pass.
Yeah, how anticlimactic it all is. What is there to do? It will happen in the eternal.
Will it? Yes, maybe it will. Time will take care of everything. There is something you know about time and the end of time. Where it will all lead. Well, it always leads to the same place. The ascension of Heaven. The Golden Age. Where all becomes ideal and everything is in its proper place of nature’s accord.
Waiting around…
Because all actions disturb the infinite.
And all I want is to return to my heaven world anyway. So, what of these mortal miseries? I am here for a time and then someday I will be gone, back to where I came from. Why trouble myself with all this world and its doings and strivings and…well, its pains? The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. The whips and scorns of time. Who would bear them?
Tragedy. All is tragedy beneath the heavens. Hopeless. Futile. Lost. Of what use is it all?
Good question.
Here is what I think the use of it all is.
Firstly (and very simply and importantly), you are here. Whether you chose to be here. Whether it is some cosmic fuckup. Whether your parent’s were trying to institute some kind of karmic payback on you by bringing your lovely ass down into incarnation. The simple fact is that you are here. Now.
You are in a world that you didn’t create. This is not your world INFJs. Yes, we know. You world lies in the antithesis of this world and so you are stranded without any good way of returning to that shining world.
And maybe you were here because of a mission of some sorts. Hard to remember, but yes, you feel it in your bones and the marrow of your bones. And in your heart. A mission of some kind of cosmic mercy. Hard to say now what you agreed to. But, you are here. Alas. Alack.
Well, grow a fucking backbone! Isn’t that what all those sensors tell you?
But, no. That isn’t the problem. Yet it is. You are going to have to get used to the majority of the world not understanding your deepest self and motives. All your heavenly distinctions and refinements. No one cares.
Yet.
O, but they will once you are in your power and ascendancy. Just think what would happen if all those moping INFJs out there grew a back bone. If they said to themselves just once, “Fuck eternity. Eternity is for pussies. I will live today and do now.”
Every INFJ knows deep down that they could rule. They think they already do by virtue of their superior being. Again, knowledge isn’t the problem. INFJs were born knowing. Everything else is just a little cat and mouse game they play with themselves and the world. INFJs can get awfully stuck here.
IN THEIR TERTIARY Ti!
O yes, how they can be detained for a moment in time by that lovely function.
INFJs don’t want to rule. More than any other type, they have the least desire to rule in the world of men.
Which again, ironically, is why they should rule and are the most fittest to do so. And like I said, they already know they do rule deep inside.
It is just a matter of the world catching up really. And it will. It will just take a really long time, that’s all.
But ultimately, that doesn’t matter to an INFJ. When you live in the eternal, any given moment in time is insignificant. Even if those moments go on for eons. All will come right in the end they think.
And so the world in front of them languishes. And grows pale with nausea. It’s just the way of things, the way of human nature. Right?
Wrong.
Here is where INFJs have calculation difficulties arising from another function that they ain’t too swift with. Goes by the name of extraverted thinking. Yikes, another extraverted function. When will it end?
Well, it will end the moment you begin. Since eternity has no beginning or end, you can pretty much dispense with it while you are inhabiting the earth’s space-time locale. Yes, it is fucking important. Ni, I know. It is where you feel refuge and respite and heaven and angelic presence and god and …..and so on and so forth until the end of time. I know.
Basically, dear INFJs, you don’t have to worry about your introverted intuition dominant function because basically it will operate automatically until the day you die (and even beyond that). It is an automatic function akin to the beating of your heart. Don’t have to think about that do you? Well, similar thing with dominant functions. You can just stop referring to them because it is like a fish making constant reference to the water they live in. Yes, we know. You live in water. How obvious. And you will go on living in water until the day you die, because the day you stop living in water is the day you won’t be around to be a fish anymore.
So, fuck the water. You live in it. But, that is all. You just exist in it. Now what?
Well, meanwhile, you have this little appendage known as a human body that you live in…
O, you know all this shit.
The point is that the world is yours. Really and truly yours. You are superior in every way by birth rite to inherit and lead this world into a golden age.
But, you don’t want to and you think to yourself, “Yeah, but…” and then you go and get yourself all fucked up in ways that mere mortals couldn’t even imagine.
So, just do it.
But, you won’t. Because it is the one thing that you do not understand.
And because of this simple lack the whole world will remain as it is…
Like a kingdom without a king.
If you need help with any of the INFJ issues outlined in this article, consider consulting with me. I have been helping INFJ’s since 2015 find their way in a world not made for them.
beautiful!
All I could think of after reading this was “potential”. It’s like a curse word to me. The way it dangles possibility in front of you while simultaneously sucker punching you in the face with the present truth of your nature…
It’s frustrating. I’m frustrating. I should go out and do something spontaneous, huh?
Thanks for yet another astute article!
Thank you, for this.
I love you! This is amazing, thank you <3
does it work in a similar way for INTJs? certainly, I recognize some features, for example how everything seems to repeat for them – they seem to have a predilection for explaining the current situation with previous patterns, and reducing everything to an analogy of what they already know. Ni, right?
there’s a quote from Chesterton on Nietzsche (INTJ) :
“Nietzsche scales staggering mountains, but he turns up ultimately in Tibet. He sits down beside Tolstoy in the land of nothing and Nirvana. They are both helpless–one because he must not grasp anything, and the other because he must not let go of anything. The Tolstoyan’s will is frozen by a Buddhist instinct that all special actions are evil. But the Nietzscheite’s will is quite equally frozen by his view that all special actions are good; for if all special actions are good, none of them are special. They stand at the crossroads, and one hates all the roads and the other likes all the roads. The result is–well, some things are not hard to calculate. They stand at the cross-roads.”
Yes it works the same for INTJs, they have Ni dom too. I find INTJs are highly more productive though while INFJs are hesitant. Oh and when an INTJ is compassionate daaamn.. so good *LovesThem*.
Brilliant, thanks for getting the words out. 🙂
you really understand the dominant Ni function
oh, now I got it (slow mind): INFJ is the Fisher King!
that makes perfect sense: the Fisher King’s “wound” is actually castration (” il fut blessé entre les jambes”, writes Chrétien de Troyes), and the way you described Se as the inferior function is precisely the castration as defined by Lacan = “a symbolic lack of an imaginary object”
an imaginary object is, for Lacan, an object pertaining to the ego, while a symbolic lack is a lack in the meaningfully structured world, in the world as it is accessible through language and symbols. castration is thus a metaphor for the lack of an object in the world that could fill in the void in the subject, that would fulfill the subject, make it whole again. it’s the Holy Grail, as it were … the Lacanian name for this is objet petit a. it’s the indefinable object which the subject strives for in order to become a whole, to overcome castration (which is however it’s condition of existence, what constitutes the subject).
the way you described the inferior function in your previous post fits exactly the definition of the Lacanian objet petit a! what remains a mystery to us, what we strive for but can never reach, what is the main object of our drama.
INFJ therefore, is the prototypical human: the psychological type where the human drama becomes manifested in its purest way. Ni as the dominant function, never coming to the ground of the self (cause the ground of the self is the lack thereof), while the subject’s constitutive lack is reality itself, Se, the bare, concrete, unsymbolized hard stuff out there … which is what, according to Lacan, man lost when he became a symbolical (ie, speaking) being
brilliant 🙂 it explains why Jesus must be an INFJ 🙂
I never thought mbti would be such a great playground for archetypical thinking, I love it 🙂
Your very smart Luka. I love your observations.
Luka, your fisher king post is SO cool. That I felt the need to say it.
A rallying cry, and a challenge. I accept.
Thanks.
Great article! Though I have been captivated throughout your actually impressive grandiloquence in order to witness an offered solution of INFJs ultimate dilemma. Alas, even though you have touched upon the misery-causing, thwarting, and inept function, viz., Extraverted Thinking, which is responsible for INFJs otherworldliness (and probably their idleness), I still am eager to read the way to triumph INFJs defect and forlorn hope of materializing their phantom-like, impalpable, looming ideas into reality.
Well, if INFJs want to materialize their ideas into reality, then, I would suggest that they become artists of one sort or another.
But, that is not what I was talking about in this article. Here, I was asserting the truth that INFJs could rule the world if only they had possession of the one function that is forever lost to them — extraverted sensation.
So, the way for them to accomplish this is by ceasing to be INFJs.
Thus, the supreme irony.
Who does, then, rule the world?
Purple unicorns 🙂
F the deep infinite! Fe your way into doing. Seriously.
I love this website so, so much.
Good way of teaching, you are funny!
Everyone who feel offended are not infj. It’s clear that you encourage infj.
btw why do you act like an INTP?
Hello, Blake!
I thought it would be cool to share here the dream I had today! It was scary, but mysterious and exciting at the same time. And it made me come here and reread this article! 🙂
I dreamt that aliens were invading the planet. We, humans, didn’t know how they would behave, if they were hostile or peaceful. Then, somehow I understood they were indeed hostile, and they were planning to get rid of the human race, with the exception of… INFJs! 😀
They were interested on us, we were the only ones worth sparing! Right after this realization, an alien, assuming the form of a little girl, asked me with her big, shining eyes: “Are you an INFJ”? This image was very impressive, and I think I woke up then…
Yeah, well, the aliens were probaly INTJs who were just practicing their Fe (or Fi) skills. In short, they were telling you exactly what you (and every INFJ) wants to hear – that you are special, so special. But, c’mon, do you really think they’re going to kill off ENFPs and spare INFJs. As a matter of fact, that little girl with the big shining eyes was probaly an ENFP holographic projection to be used as a pretty mask for the INTJs so that they can give off “peace, love, and hippy” vibes to ease the transition.
Dream?
Sounds very Christian. And sounds exactly like the kind of limbo that I live in. Unfortunately sometimes people can be treacherous. Doesn’t help that it feels impossible to communicate ourselves without feeling ununderstood or misunderstood. The real world of dirty water can be very damaging to the INFJ. I do think about death a lot as the faster way.
Yeah, it feels like the world is killing off all the dreamers and believe me it is going to pay hard for that.
Don’t die fire-child. We may live to see a Golden Age. It is always darkest before the dawn. Etc.
*reading quietly*
*and in support*
Well-written article that gives great insight into some of the issues an INFJ can have in life. I am on the line between T and F, so I draw from both and experience many of the weaknesses as well. It is frustrating and damning and wonderful and bliss all at once.
I know I can rule/dominate/lead, but I fear power-tripping and failure. So I take the Randall Flagg jobs (Stephen King reference) and remain forever in the shadows. Besides, second in command can have a lot of power.
Wow, great post! I think this captures exactly what it’s like, even in the weird, disjointed way we swing back and forth, from absolute assurance to absolute doubt, pure understanding to utter confusion. All in continuum. Sometimes I wish SO FERVENTLY that I could just take the reigns and fix things. But every time it falls apart; I let the doubt rule and let those who are wrong write the ending. It is incredible to read someone else articulate what I cannot.
INFJCacofony linked to this post and I’m eternally grateful. Nearly as insightful as your post are the amazing comments here. Looking forward to reading more!
INFJs need a juicy pussy but are not getting any.
INFJ’s get enough of all that.
Second story of yours I’ve read tonight. You came at the right time for me…feeling so alone on this journey and know that either something beyond my wildest dreams will happen or my body will just drop. It’s hard work trying to change a paradigm and I’m exhausted trying to hold this vibration up alone.
Who are you? I want to meet the nut wise sage who gets this!
lol yep
Blake you mentioned once that Wilde’s Critic as Artist is a book you like.
What philosophical reads have you read and enjoyed?
[It’s worth a shot asking this next bit though I doubt you’d answer it…are you an INTJ? 😉 ]
I like any of Nietzsche’s works, in particular, Beyond Good and Evil, The Geneaology of Morals, and The Gay Science. I like Kierkegaard’s, Fear and Trembling. I like Schopenhauer’s, Essays and Aphorisms. I like Dostoevsky’s, Notes From the Underground. I like Machiavelli’s, The Prince.
That’s some of the stuff I like. Mostly, the Existentialists in philosophy.
do you also think that Daenerys Targaryen (Game of Thrones) is INFJ?
Probaly.
Hi! Blake
Sometimes before I read your article INFJ vs INFP, according to that INFPs are more selfless than INFJs and probably the nicest people of all the 16 types. Don’t you think they should be the one to rule the world?
I wasn’t saying that INFJs could rule the world because they are selfless or nice.
” If they said to themselves just once, “Fuck eternity. Eternity is for pussies. I will live today and do now.” ”
Maybe this will help, as a mantra on the door or a T-shirt.
But not telling you, of course (hiding tracks I read is common ?)
” Because it is the one thing that you do not understand. ”
But …. Why ?
Could you nail that one
Figure it out.
I am overwhelmed. Could you give a few pointers where to look, keywords.
Yeah, go look outside your front door. The bonobos are waiting.
Gotta heal up first from hospital. But have found some answers.
I don’t know who you are, or what you are, or maybe I do, et cetera, but I’ve been hanging out in your oneiric glyph mazes for a couple of days, and I wanna say – you made my heart swing, and the rosiness come back into my cheeks (I’d been dissolving for months and just grew paler and paler). Thanks man. See you in the all and none.
Yes, I will see you there. Thanks.
wow dude, haven’t even finished reading the article but i feel compelled to comment. bruh, ur inspiring article has me approaching “over 9000” in the resolved-to-talk-to-that-enfp-chick department. mad props, yo.
Well, I’d be contento of having a job for a start.
“Well, grow a f_____g backbone! Isn’t that what all those sensors tell you?
But, no. That isn’t the problem. Yet it is. You are going to have to get used to the majority of the world not understanding your deepest self and motives. All your heavenly distinctions and refinements. No one cares.”
I’m seriously am gonna grow that freaking backbone!
(pause)
*crick crick crik*
#sigh
So on the dot(s). Thank you for this (conversation I keep having in my head and you being able to put them out into words).
This is exactly how I feel when people say, “I don’t care what you say but you’re gonna be the leader of this (fill in here),” and I break into cold heartless sweat that breaks in the back of my body, as it attempts to grown in the backbone to do it.
What is “crick crick crik” ? The sound of cracking bone ?
Also, do you feel this ” that breaks in the back of my body, as it attempts to grown in the backbone to do it ” in your body ?
I used to have problems that would seem to manifest as extreme sensitivity, but more on a psychological level, in my lower back, as if there was something so fragile that touching that area would scare me. It is gone now. I wonder what that is.
I suppose this connects to feeling psychological processes in ones body and being very aware of them. I wonder if it is a very Infj thing to take a lot of things into the body.
It is only an expression – Crick crick crick is actually the sounds of a cricket.
And all psychological brain thing that freezes whenever someone hands me over to be a leader. So I get into this internal panic sweat to find the courage to complete the job – hence the need to grow the backbone to do the job.
I’m sorry if I confused you. It’s just a whole lot of drama, colours and fiction going on in my brain. Fantastic.
Hi, newbie here (though I have been lurking in the Stellar Maze with intense fascination for a few weeks now).
My personal experience as an INFJ male is that I am extremely prone to somatization (storing psychological processes in my body). My physical sensitivity typically manifests as tension headaches, upset stomach, stiff neck and muscle cramps. More recently I have developed a range of pesky allergies, including itchy skin, allergic rhinitis and gluten intolerance.
In true dom-Ni fashion I used to regard these as little more than irritating minor nuisances, (possibly linked to my inferior Se function), and dealt with them by self-medicating with painkillers/antihistamines/whatever. I am hopefully a little wiser now that I am in my 50’s and recognize that physical symptoms may be the body’s way of conveying useful information to highly sensitive INFJs. Suppressing or ignoring these signals means the message is also being suppressed, so I have been working on paying more attention to my bodily signals.
This really only seems to be possible when I remember to activate my auxiliary Fe function. Even better is the realization that entering an Fe-flow state allows the stored bodily energy to gradually dissipate through taking positive action in the physical world. For this alone, I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to Blake’s insights and advice on the site!
Blake, if you are listening, I will be donating in the near future to express my thanks (once I figure out how to use PayPal or whatever….)
Hello Gentlemen,
I’m sorry for the being blur in approaching one sense only.
Physically it does take a toll on me. I do have indigestion, stomach bloatness and wind that induces acid reflux whenever I worry too much. On daily basis, I am on medication for hypertension and high cholesterol.
I have done tests before to check on my thyroid level – and I’m thankful not having thyroid. Although the excess of hormones that are slowing down my body system are all from the pituitary. So it’s all in the brain’s process.
But however, ever since I discovered that I am INFJ (just at the end of 2015), it has helped me a lot that I don’t over worry that I’m crazy, wrong, not accepted, further withdrawal, abrupt confessions and sudden deaths fact statements and offend people in the process. So this is a learning process. And I’m more able to let go of things and emotionally flexible with more logical opinion.
Although, whenever I bottle myself up with things it will trigger all of the above. And if I get into this mode of not wanting to do anything (feeling stuck means being stuck in doing anything for myself), I’ll get my surrounding dusty, will have respiratory symptoms will trigger the eczema.
And yes, I do have the occasional back pain too.
Hi Momsthetruth,
I can strongly relate to your description of the physical consequences of bottling up your emotions and stress. If it’s any help, I also used to suffer from stress-induced hypertension. The medication I was prescribed by my doctor to treat it had some nasty side-effects (such as triggering agonizing muscle cramps), but this was a great motivator for me to see if I could reduce my blood pressure without pills.
By using a combination of self-hypnosis for relaxation and deep breathing exercises when I felt my stress levels rising, I was able to reduce my hypertension so much that my doctor agreed that I no longer needed the medication.
It’s easy for us INFJs to learn (or teach ourselves) simple and effective self-healing techniques. The trick is not to overdo it as it can easily turn into another form of INFJ avoidance and self-indulgence! 🙂
Hope this helps….
I consider myself to be
I have actually tried getting off the medication but I had my 3rd TIA in April 15. It was rather stressful period for me. So I am on them and to comply with medication as good as I can. I am also taking apple cider vinegar for better health values.
Thank you for your advice.
Oops, hit “post” before checking my reply!
I’ve found my people! Thank you all for sharing and discussing. You guys rock and have given me a renewed boner for life.
Damn… Every time I come back to reading your articles it’s like waking the fuck up. I am at a loss for what to say, other than that you are eloquent in precisely the way that shakes me out of my comfort zone & doesn’t coddle me to the point of allowing me to languish in sorrow… However, your words still resonate with me profoundly. In short, it is both appealing & eye opening. Thanks 🙂
You’re welcome 🙂
Your right I should do more but it’s not easy in order to help you have to first be ok with mans animal side , be ok with his ego maniac competitions you have to be ok with being kicked in the teeth a lot under valued and that takes time , yes yes let us be beyond this you know forgive them for they know not what they do , let us be beyond wanting there pat on the back lets just get the job done , I am learning this but it’s taken a long time ,I feel I’m ready for the next stage of pure action without any need of recognition or appreciation , and it also takes a lot of skill to help the world how do you make someone see who is completely blind to themselves I’m learning that the way is softly softly if people fall to hard to fast you can hurt them bad , my problem was always how can people be so thick but there not thick they are blind by choice if you don’t look outside the fish bowl then the fish bowl is all there is you will see nothing else , so yes I want to act to help be free of my ego I’m getting there , and I will make steps I now know that anyone I have ever held up the harsh truth mirror to just crawled deeper inside there own ignorance , a softly approach is best you know when you say look my friend I don’t look at things that way I believe it’s better this way , rather than how can you say that your vile and spiteful and so wrong , the harsh way doesn’t work , people want to kick you the second you don’t let them then it’s your fault no it’s not!, it’s your fault for letting it begin I have been people’s punching bag because I wanted respect love and when I didn’t get it I would give the the harsh truth mirror and lose them forever not helping them or me in the long run , so I guess lets not be givers not takers but a steady guide not imposing comforting , I do not need to hold anyone s hand I need to show them how to walk right by themselves by walking right by myself , sorry if this is all over the place still in need of an editor for my thoughts ha god bless ????
I think it’s pretty clear that an INFJ’s worst enemy is their own self. We can be pretty damn merciless to ourselves and fuck ourselves up so bad. Do you think that if we can outsmart ourselves, that then we can begin on the path to self actualization? Something I’ve only recently noticed is that the people in my life who I am closest to do not see me the way I see myself. The way I see myself is as someone who is never good enough, who is failing, and who cannot measure up to who I want to be. I fill my own heart with shame. It’s not how I want it to be but it’s the reality right now (btw, is there a way to quiet the white noise that is perpetually playing in the back of my mind, telling me to be better and filling me with anxiety?). But then when the people who love me talk about me, they speak of someone who is intelligent and talented, inspiring…. CAPABLE. They seem to have no inkling of an idea of the self doubt that I am plagued by. I always doubt my own competence. Do they have any idea about how unkindly I talk to myself sometimes? It’s the second guessing that paralyzes me. I know that. But deep down I know I am different in a special way, and that I CAN. What must we do? Outsmart it? Outsmart ourselves?
And yet, I want to delete every word, lol. I have guts, I know that’s a start.
Hi Jessica,
Thank you for opening up and sharing a piece of you.
Tell us more about “outsmarting” oneself. And, you seem to categorize your exact feelings or struggles with a very large group of people. Do you think this is accurate?
I am hitting myself right now (not really…) because I read about this in an article in May’s ‘Psychology Today’ magazine. And I do not have this source handy to offer it to you right now, but when I get home, I will try to remember to send it your way.
These people are seeing something that you are not. Just because you saw a flash of lightening and the person next to you was looking in the opposite direction and didn’t see it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.
Hey e,
Thanks for your reply.
No, my feelings can’t apply to everyone. This is my experience. But I do think it’s true that INFJs doubt themselves.
When I say outsmart, I mean be mindful of that fact that your own self doubt is your own self doubt. It’s your perceived incompetence that you project onto yourself. I believe that you are what you think, and this is why it is so important to believe in yourself. Right now, I think the way to conquer self doubt is by identifying what it is, and simply not listening to it.
But my point is, as far as I believe, that self doubt is a prominent and recurring theme in the minds of INFJs, and working to overcome it is huge to manifest our potential.
This may sound childish but perhaps that’s attributable to the fact that I’m 19. But it’s nonetheless very real to me
I think it’s best to not focus on your own feelings as extremely important if all you do is doubt yourself. Maybe your own feelings about yourself are just stupid leftovers from the Ni drive of perfectionism and long-term sightseeing.
Blake often tells INFJs to focus on Fe as their path to self-actualization, and it makes sense. That path is about just expressing yourself (sublimating your feelings into something creative, constructive) and engaging with others.
I don’t think you necessarily have to trick yourself, but to co-opt and use your self-doubt as always a reason, a drive, to keep going and improving. You may never feel fully “satisfied”, but I think that is the nature of being INFJ itself, and that the striving and suffering in itself becomes meaningful instead of the end-goal of “self-actualization”.
Hi Jessica,
No prob!
It’s actually quite hard to respond to someone who is going through the same things you went through. Thought it would be easier. Cheers to Blake for making it look so damn good.
The article I was referencing is Captives of the Mind by David R. Kessler M.D.
Some things are age specific yes, and some things are sex specific….and as this site represents quite well, some things are type specific. You’ve got a combo. Combo meal. It’s hard to swallow sometimes, huh? Especially when you get it supersized and you didn’t want it supersized. Does this make sense?
Outsmarting the mind seems like an oxymoron to me. Out-thinking the think, outsmarting the smart. Not going to happen. So what to do? You’re right. Recognize it. Where is it coming from? You say, “The way I see myself is as someone who is never good enough, who is failing, and who cannot measure up to who I want to be. I fill my own heart with shame.” I am sure this was hard to type. It was hard to read the last bit. Thank you for doing it. Thank you for sharing. You also said, “It’s not how I want it to be but it’s the reality right now”.
Okay, so, you don’t want it to be. You hear negative thoughts, but you don’t want them. My suggestion is to figure out where it’s coming from? Who told you to tell yourself these things? Believe me, it came from somewhere. Once you figure out where these things originate from, they can be easily disposed of. Right now, you’re thinking they come from YOU, and you can’t be a liar, right? Think on it.
Next suggestion, find the thing that fulfills you. You know, the thing. Find it. Search for it. It’s fun for INFJs anyways right? Searching for something, trying it out, dropping it, then moving to the next thing. Find it. Don’t stop searching. Because one day, it will happen. You and the thing will dance and make pretty music. I hope this makes sense, but hey, it should, right?
Thanks E and Prax. I wasn’t in the best state of mind when I posted my first comment. In fact I think I sounded psychotic and narcissistic, but I think my main issue easily got across.
I usually swim in and out of this kind of funk. When I’m out of it its heaven, life is good and I’m a cool gal. But when I’m in it it’s hell. It’s usually set off by a negative event, or an event that I perceive as extremely negative that I dwell and fixate on. It shuts off my Fe and deteriorates my self esteem, sending me spiralling into depression. Lol
Prax, I think you’re right about not focussing on the negative thoughts and judgements. They’re probably not very reliable, but regardless, they’ll affect me if I dwell on them. E, outsmarting yourself is incredibly oxymoronic, you’re right, lol. Like you said, it’s about being mindful of where these negative thoughts are coming from, and then continuously challenging them.
In the meantime I’ll try to be objective about my thoughts and feelings of myself, and engage in things that are cathartic. Sublimate my feelings into artistic expression. Thank you guys again so much for your concern and advice, I can’t tell you how kind you are and how much I appreciate it.
Fashizzle.
Basically I’m capable of doing anything I set my mind to….I have great potential…but I don’t feel like setting my mind on that..I just have no interest in that. ????
What do you have an interest in?
Nicole,
Kurt Vonnegut shared somewhere that his sister said something to the effect of “just because you have potential and talent does not mean you have to do anything with it.” Of course it is a choice what you do with your gifts and talents. You no doubt have more than a few and your most developed ones may not be your favorites for use.
Another potential question is what are your drivers? For my part, my drivers are often between a worthy goal and shame and guilt and a smidge of anxiety to fuel me towards accomplishment. Too much time in the comfort zone breeds boredom and discomfort eventually, so there is a ping that wakes me to stop being risk avoidant and even to dare failure. Also uncomfortable, but it is discomfort that leads to movement towards something that was previously conceived in comfort but seemed too hard. Now, not moving is no longer a possibility because the comfort is uncomfortable.
I see a ping pong between comfort and rest becoming boring and uncomfortable so you push aside anxiety to move away from the familiar into the unfamiliar to reach a goal that will never be as neat and perfect as you envision it when and if you get there, but the alternative is stagnation and death of dreams and self. It might produce something entirely unexpected. Even failure has its upside if you allow yourself to notice what’s right in the wreckage.
Does anyone feel like they are meant to be doing something important, like really important, but it is taking a lifetime to know what it is? Or has anyone got there already and is able to share how they realised? However, in the last few years I feel like getting to that place in your life (doing what you are meant to do, for the good of something really important) is actually not a single destination, it is something that is never going to end lol x
Yeah, all the time! A few times in my life I’ve actually felt like I was getting close to knowing whatever it is I’m meant to be doing, but these turned out to be illusions. 🙂
And it feels like it’s taken me far more than a single lifetime to reach this state of not-knowing!
Yes, but hold on… right now I am all tied up and discombobulated and tripping over myself, and also mired in flotsam and jetsam and trying to stay afloat. Was there something I was supposed to be remembering? Moving toward? Oh yeah. Shit. No, it is there in whispers and causing discontent when I get constantly caught up in maintaining mother and wife life, even maintaining it at a crippled, barely hanging in there level. It is sorely disappointed in my slower than slow, staggering path. Impatient and humiliated with my multitude of oaths and good intentions I am both striving and struggling to keep and or trashing with benevolent neglect. And the horror that those might in fact have been what I was supposed to be doing right? But, no. Or not all.
I think I am supposed to write… but my confidence is in absolute tatters, not just for writing, for every single fecking thing.
@ Stewart, Yes, lifetimes to be brought so completely to my knees.
Stewart,
Lifetimes…. yep
TinyYellowTree,
“Impatient and humiliated with my multitude of oaths and good intentions I am both striving and struggling to keep and or trashing with benevolent neglect.”
Hey brilliant peeps, I’m with you. Not as sparkly, but it is understood from here. Perhaps that is why we can be cynical and hard on others. We are tired frustrated souls who set the bar beyond our sight, so we berate ourselves and easily turn our blame on others by naming them (maybe not aloud) stupid and short sighted. Especially when they don’t seem to see how much of an imperfect mess it and we all are. Maybe?
Anyway, good food for thought in your words.
Current deadly sin for me: Envy, which is easily turned to admiration, for the Se and Ne dominants. One for doing without too much deliberation and one for the belief in all the possibilities in the outward world.
Thank you Stewart for your reply, that is good to know (although maybe it is not…) ????
I came across this series of articles sort of by accident. I have read them with great interest….and yet….
There are certainly some insights within these articles (not just this thread) that I feel connected to and they will serve me well. However, I do not relate well at all to these ideas of feeling insecure and likely to beat up on myself. I often say I forgive myself easily and often. It’s true. I do my best in work, relationships, engaging with causes that contribute to larger causes….. and self care. I am not perfect, but I do pretty well. I am confident.
Yes, I continue to have a good sense of self even though the author of these articles seems to think I should feel otherwise.
I truly am confused. A good dose of reality can be cathartic, but I have no intention of overdosing. If I believed even half of what is said here about INFJs I might feel more than a bit hopeless. Lucky me – I don’t.
Nietzsche on inferior Se:
Beyond Good and Evil, aphorism 274
“The problem for those who wait .- For a higher man in whom the solution to a problem lies asleep, strokes of luck and all sorts of unpredictable things are necessary for him to swing into action at just the right time -“for an eruption,” as we could say. Ordinarily it does not happen, and in all the corners of the earth sit people waiting, who hardly know to what extent they are waiting, but even less that they are waiting in vain. From time to time the call to wake up, that chance which provides the “permission” for action comes too late – at a time when the best youth and power for action have already been used up in sitting still. And many a man, in the very moment he “sprang up,” has found to his horror that his limbs have gone to sleep and his spirit is already too heavy! “It is too late,” he says to himself, having lost faith in himself, and is now forever useless. – In the realm of the genius, could “Raphael without hands,” taking that phrase in the widest sense, perhaps not be the exception but the rule? – Genius is perhaps not really so rare, but the five hundred hands needed to tyrannize the kairos, “the right time,” to seize chance by the forelock!”
(source: http://nietzsche.holtof.com/reader/friedrich-nietzsche/beyond-good-and-evil/aphorism-274-quote_6adfc4140.html)